Popular Female Christian Influencers Divorcing
Throughout my years of writing and mentoring women, I have seen a number of hugely popular Christian women getting divorced. They then often congratulate other popular female influencers on their divorce. They give reasons for the divorce and state they had “biblical reasons.” This seems all so wrong to me, and I will try to explain to you why.
We should never be celebrating or trying to justify divorce to anyone. The reason God gave for divorce was due to hardened hearts (Matthew 19:8). No Christian should have a hardened heart. We are to forgive others continually as Christ has forgiven us. (***Yes, the Bible does give some exceptions for divorce, but marriage should always be fought for and sought for restoration. Refer to Michael Pearl’s book below.)
The one thing we never hear from these women, mostly female preachers, is that we are promised tribulation on this earth. We are promised suffering. They never seem to preach on Hosea or on 1 Peter 2 and 3. They haven’t read Connie Hultquist’s story of trying to win her very disobedient husband for many, many years. She finally won him, and he is now with Jesus Christ for eternity. Did Connie suffer? YES! She suffered tremendously, but her suffering was not in vain. Her husband will spend eternity on the new earth because of Connie’s steadfastness to her marriage vows. She was a covenant keeper through good times and bad.
Many of these women have huge followings and they travel and give conferences. God has never asked them to do this. He commands that they be keepers at home. Their ministries are to their husbands, children, and homes. How can it be good for a family if the mother is often gone and busy with her ministry apart from what God has commanded of her? They may be winning the world but losing their own families. How can female preachers have good marriages when they are completely out of God’s ordained authority structure? Do these popular female Christian influencers ever teach young women to be keepers at home? Do they teach them that their ministries are to their husbands and children? God commands older women to be teaching the young women these things!
I have seen too many women who divorced their husbands, then project their experience onto others to help them justify their divorce. This should not be! We need to be always pointing women to Scripture instead. Do they not believe God when He says that godly wives sanctify their husbands? That wives may win their disobedient husbands without a word and with godly behavior? Do they not trust that God is mighty to convict and transform as they obey Him? What about all of this? Instead, they use their own experience to justify divorce and the divorce of others. They will even blame the elders (the men, of course) and the Church on their terrible marriages, thus they are tearing down the Church and marriages. This ought not to be so!
We must always be pointing women to the Word regardless of our own experience. His Word is FAR superior to our experience or what we think is right. Yes, if a woman is being physically abused, she needs to seek protection. Then an older, wise godly woman needs to pour her wisdom and knowledge of God’s Word into her life. The young women need to grow up in the Lord and know that they were promised suffering on this earth. They need to pray daily for their husbands and model Christ-like behavior to them whenever they are with them. God is a God of miracles! We can never discount what God will do in a marriage when a wife decides to obey Him.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9
***Michael Pearl has an excellent and biblically sound book on Divorce and Remarriage.
12 thoughts on “Popular Female Christian Influencers Divorcing”
This is very sad. The one Christian woman influencer that I know who is divorced, her husband left her and her two kids. She had a lot of good to say about women always being available to their husbands and keeping a neat home etc. But seeing her situation and learning more about the women influencers happy about their divorces underscores God’s command that it be the OLDER women teaching the younger. I think a lot of the problems (divorced or not) is that women are spending their younger years when their kids still need them and their husbands are still physically attracted to them and interested, busy doing other “good” things. I have to remind myself constantly that my one ministry is to my husband and children. I’m so glad to be able to read your writings. Thanks again for your constant reminders and exhortations. They help set me straight anytime I start getting ahead of myself.
This was very good. The point about suffering struck me. I know we’re promised it, but I hadn’t thought of a horrible marriage as a suffering to endure for the glory of God, and hopefully, the winning of the husband. Yes there are biblical reasons for divorce, but enduring can reap so many eternal rewards. So insightful. Thank you.
I love what Connie Hultquist said about her husband and herself: “Jim and I were just two good forgivers. We all have feet of clay.” What a beautiful truth. That is how to create a lasting marriage. Never mind Hollywood! Be a good forgiver.
I totally agree that the woman’s main ministry is her family. There is more than enough work there.
We had a slightly different trial in my marriage, that my husband has been Eastern Orthodox, whereas my views became protestant/reformed over the years. Your blog and similar books helped so much.
For years we went to his church on Sunday. I tried hard to never be outwardly begrudging, but on the inside I often cringed during the service when it wasn’t biblical. I always prepared a nice brunch afterwards which we all enjoyed. Other than that, I cooked for him special meals when he was fasting for 40 days. I joined him in fasting when I could, but added some eggs and milk when I needed to. We also prepared our Slava together (in our case a day dedicated to St. George, household patron saint) for many guests. He likes celebrations. I also do, but it took him a longer to realize that a smaller circle is better. I also looked at the traditional half-pagan rituals he performed with sympathy and understanding, praying to God to forgive him, since he did not know better and it was passed through generations.
The last two years he realized the hypocrisy of the church, as well as some free-masonic messaging of the priest and bishops. Instead of running into atheism, the theological books, devotionals, commentaries about the reformation and Bible interpretations, which I bought for myself, are now also helping him navigate the reconstruction of faith. Such a change from calling the books “sectarian”.
Patience and prayers are much more important and effective than preaching. Although I wish more and more people could hear and understand the truth.
God bless and all the best to you and your readers.
Lysa Turkeurst’s daughter is getting divorced now.
Thankyou Lori,
The number of female ‘christian’ influencers has exploded. With many young ones considering themselves to be mentors to other women. But they are far from being biblically qualified. I also notice middle aged or older women who seem to encourage biblical womanhood, but they spend so much time on their blog and social media, in reality, they struggle with maintaining their marriage and caring for their kids. And the husband is left to constantly pick up the slack behind closed doors. While the wife maintains a certain image online. As a general rule, women should not be online unless they hold their marriage above their blogs and social media. And unless kids are out of the home. Your husband and children should always come before any online presence.
Where can I read about Connie? I think I would find her story inspiring and encouraging.
Here it is, KAK!
Jim and I met in 1966. He was 25 I was 18. He was wild and so was I. When we met he had already been in and out of prison for about seven years, and was going back again for two years. We married in the prison six months later. Soon after I had our son. A few months later I miraculously came to Christ. Because of the prison term I didn’t live with my husband for another two and a half years. After being home a year he began a crime spree.
He deserted us over and over again. I had nowhere to turn except to God. No one knew where my mate was. Some of the time my heart would rage like a forest fire out of control on the dry and windy land. I would run and scream like a woman out of her mind searching for her mate in the raging fire. I’d scream curses at God only to faint from exhaustion and weep bitter tears of repentance. I’d get back up, begin running again and fall again and again until finally I’d surrender my will to Christ’s will. And then I’d wait, maybe for another six months, knowing God was in control.
In the beginning I thought about divorce. Well, wasn’t that what a woman does if her husband leaves her repeatedly? And yet Jim kept coming back and repenting. He would mysteriously end up at my back door after being missing for four or five months, looking like a mad man. But beneath the dirt and sun-parched face he was still mine.
I’d bring him in the house, give him dinner, and speak peace and rest to him. I’d run the bath water for him to wash and feel like a man again. Compassion would rise up in my heart. I had the Lord, and my Jim didn’t. I would reverence and praise him.
I would shut the door on the world and be alone with my mate. No matter what he had done to me, we were still one flesh. He was my first and only husband–a terrible, ungodly, unfaithful husband, but he was still my husband. His healing came again and again as I forgave him and opened my love to him. I held nothing back.
There would be times when putting dinner on the table, I’d notice he was awfully late. I’d listen for the car and begin running again and again to the window. The old familiar fear would rage, knowing that he had deserted me again. This scene happened about 30 times in the first twelve years of marriage. He would suddenly disappear without warning. The children would run in from play crying, “Where is daddy, where is my daddy?” I’d tell my little baby, Jimmy, “Daddy is sick, but Jesus is going to heal him.” I taught my little ones to pray, “Thank you, Jesus, for bringing my daddy home.”
His mother died and no one could find him. My prayers went out to God day and night, seemingly to no avail. The years went on and the crimes continued as if I had no God. I felt like a motherless and fatherless child. I was completely exhausted and my mate committed still another crime and went to prison for almost four years.
I loved him. I felt he was demon possessed and yet he was my husband. At times I hated him. Your arms and legs belong to you even when they hurt, you can’t cut them off. I was like this about my husband. He was mine. I hated it when he deserted me, but I was married to him no matter what. Adultery to me was the worst of all sins. At night before I entered my marriage bed alone I’d cry out to God to keep me pure, even in my dreams, and that I would never dream of another man.
Many mornings I’d wake up and think, “Lord, why did you give me another day to live?” Often the world seemed so black to me, but sweet Jesus would come to me and speak life and joy into my tired and depressed soul. One time God supernaturally took all my burdens away. I forgot he had left me. It was so hilarious. I even wrote myself a note to remember to pray for him.
The day-to-day message from the Lord was, “Now Connie, you just get up out of that bed. You straighten your shoulders and you believe God. This problem isn’t bigger than God. Don’t you prepare your day as though Jim won’t be home. You get up and prepare your home for a miracle.” Each evening when my husband was gone I’d fix supper for him and put his plate at the head of the table. No one was allowed to sit in his chair and no one was allowed to bad mouth him. I ran the house as if he were home.
I survived and lived on the Word of God. I whispered His name all day long. He walked with me in the valley of death and guided me to a straight path.
All our phone conversations at the prison were censored. I’d speak faith into the phone and say, “I’ll see you in a few days, honey. The guards thought we were planning an escape because Jim had been given a 10-year sentence!
People laughed at me and said that he would always leave me and be in and out of prison. The prison guards told me that Jim was institutionalized and was hopeless. Hopeless or not, he was my husband. I knew I could never forsake the Lord by not forgiving my own husband. Also, as a young wife I wanted to be a teacher of women when I got older and I knew I couldn’t be divorced. I’d sing, “Keep me Jesus as the apple of thine eye.”
The Lord would tell me to speak to the mountains in my life and not doubt in my heart. I would speak to the mountain, which was Jim. I would woo him and call him home with my prayers. Every muscle in my body cried out to God to save him. I fasted and prayed continuously.
Jim was healed in 1979. After he had been in prison for the last four years and home for about three months, he asked me to have another baby, our fourth. I was so fearful and yet was praying for Jim to be healed. I said No. I was not going to have another baby. I walked away from him and the Lord spoke to me. “Connie, He said, “You have come this far by faith. Don’t give up now.” After much heartache I obeyed the Lord my God.
“Yes,” I told Jim, I’ll have another baby for you.” I placed my future in his hands. When Jim saw that I still believed in his life as a human being something released within him. The fear left his eyes and He was delivered. He lifted his hands up to His Father and received the anointing of a sound and unfettered mind. He began to slowly give more and more of his life to Christ. He took over the bills and began to work steadily.
The Lord did exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask or think. He gave me joy unspeakable. He showed me He was there all the time. Satan had come in like a flood but the Lord raised such a standard against him. All Satan did was build me a grand testimony.
God gave me a new batch of fruit. I had David in 1980, Dan in 1982 and Mary in 1985. We now have six children. I was queen in my palace. I raised the children for Christ and to honor their daddy. I taught them to jump when daddy walked into the room. I taught them to get Daddy a cup of coffee or honor him in some way.
The guys at work say to my husband, “You don’t go out and drink and party.” Jim says, “I have a wife to go home to. I spend my time with my family.”
One guy said, “Boy, when work is over you run home.” The guy thought something was wrong with him!
I sit here thinking of Jim and the man he is now. He has been home sitting at the head of our table for 20 years! Who is this Jesus we serve? Surely He is the Son of the living God, a God who saw me crying and feeling so forsaken, a God who knew the very moment Jim would be healed. Jim is my walking miracle to always remind me that nothing is impossible with God. He showed me that if we don’t give up we will see the glory of God.
Proverbs 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” A woman must gain the trust of a man such as this. His healing comes as he feels safe enough to give Christ his heart and his wife his heart. When Jim was healed he went from not seeing me to taking care of me. He turned from Satan and took dominion over his Eve. He came into his responsibilities as a man. I come under my husband and I don’t desire to do anything else. I don’t always agree with him and I tell him I don’t. But in the end his word is final. I want to be as Esther and not as Queen Vashti.
Dear wives and mothers, don’t give up give up on your husband. He sees your heartache. He won’t leave you or forsake you if you trust in Him. I know for I’ve been to the other side.
CONNIE HULTQUIST
rubysfriend@yahoo.com
UPDATE TO BRING HIM HOME–Updated December 2012
In April 2006 my dear husband, Jim, died of a heart attack. As my six children and I gathered around Jim’s hospital bed the Hospital Chaplain told me, “I have never seen a family so full of love.” As the nurse told us Jim had passed, I whispered to each of the children to comfort and love each other. As we left the hospital room I left a chapter in my life.
I wish I could say that all went well after that, but grief is hard to understand, and unpredictable. Jim and I were married for almost 40 years, my first and only husband. I still live in our family home, garden, bake bread, cook from scratch, and try to practice what I preach.
Jim would often say, “Connie and the children are what I live for, but I try to put God first. My family is my life.” When we would give our testimony to a church group Jim would look up from the pulpit and say, “If it wasn’t for that little girl right over there I wouldn’t be alive today. She was my guardian angel.”
I now have nine grandchildren and they are a wonderful blessing. Had I given up on my husband I would have never felt the joy of having all of these grandchildren. Praise the Lord.
Jim and I lived from one miracle to the next. To me, Jim and I were just two good forgivers as we all have feet of clay. Our love and life together was the most gut wrenching experience I ever had, but it was a one of a kind marriage. Would I do it all again? Yes, I would. Oh yes, it was worth it all. My marriage was tried in the fires many times but I came out with a testimony of love and truth. My marriage has a message, “If you don’t give up you will see the glory of God.”
CONNIE HULTQUIST
rubysfriend@yahoo.com
Lori, did Connie recently pass away? I wish I had known more about her. And thank you for your post. Your words needed to be said.
Yes, Regina, she recently passed away. I was reading her writings a long time ago when she was still waiting for her husband to come home.
Thank you for sharing Connie’s story, Lori. It truly is a very powerful testimony!