Reverencing Our Husbands

Reverencing Our Husbands

Most women today do NOT reverence their husbands. Most Christian women don’t even know what it means. I need to learn what it means. I do these words studies not only to teach those who want to learn but for me too. I have seen a few wives who reverence their husbands but it doesn’t come easy for most of us.

I made a YouTube about reverencing our husbands but I know some didn’t like it because they know that their husbands aren’t Christ. In the video, I said to treat your husbands as if they were Christ and then you will know what reverence looks like! I am not sure why I would even have to remind these women that their husbands aren’t Christ. Of course they are not but we are still commanded to reverence our husbands so I am going to try to explain what this means by using by trusty 1828 Webster’s Dictionary.

“Fear mingled with respect and esteem; veneration.” Veneration means “the highest degree of respect and reverence; respect mingled with some degree of awe; a feeling or sentiment excited by the dignity and superiority of a person, or by the sacredness of his character, and with regard to place, by its consecration to sacred services.”

Look at Sarah and how she reverenced her husband. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (1 Peter 3:5, 6).

The holy women trusted in God. This is foundational to our obedience to Him. “And hereby we do know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments” (1 John 2:3). What are those “commandments” we are to keep. The footnote to the word “commandments” in my Bible tells us: “John uses ‘commandments’ in the general sense of the divine will, however, revealed, ‘his word’ (v. 5) and especially of the law of Christ.” It’s NOT talking about the Old Testament Law, thankfully!

If we trust in Him, we will have no problem reverencing our husbands since He has commanded for us to do this. If our husbands make bad decisions, we will trust in God to make it right. If we are fearful over our husband’s job or income, we trust in God to be our Provider for when we are reverencing our husbands, bottom line – we are trusting in God.

From Barnes Notes on the Bible concerning these verses: “It was probably inferred from this instance, by the apostle, and not without reason, that Sarah habitually used this respectful appellation, acknowledging by it that he was her superior, and that he had a right to rule in his own house. The word lord has the elementary idea of ruling, and this is the sense here – that she acknowledged that he had a right to direct the affairs of his household, and that it was her duty to be in subjection to him as the head of the family.”

The easiest way for me to understand what reverence looks like in my relation to my husband is to treat him as if he were Christ and how I would treat Christ if He were living in my home. I haven’t found any other example or illustration that helps me to better understand this concept than this that was given by Denny Kenaston in The Hidden Woman, especially since I was never modeled it and having a servant’s heart doesn’t come naturally to me although I am a lot better than I used to be.

Our culture doesn’t reverence anything. They don’t even know what it means, therefore, most of us don’t either, but wives are commanded to reverence their husbands in Ephesians 5:33. If you love the Lord and want to obey Him in everything, then learn to reverence your husband. Reverence from a wife is a powerful thing in a husband’s life.

The wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:33

20 thoughts on “Reverencing Our Husbands

  1. I watched Pastor Denny’s videos on The Hidden Woman. He hit the nail squarely on the head regarding the effect of a wife reverencing her husband. He talked about how so many of God’s ways are a paradox. It’s true, when you are dealing with God’s principles, things do not work out as our human brains think they will. When it comes to God, things tend to work just the opposite of the way we think.
    You must humble yourself to be honored (James 4:10)
    You must surrender your life to save it (Matthew 10:39, Galatians 2:20)
    Trials in life are a reason for joy (James 1:2)
    The servant of all is the greatest of all (Matthew 20:26-27, Matthew 23:11)

    The attitude of most Christian women these days is that there is no way that they are going to respect, much less reverence their husbands. Compliment him? Forget about it! Acknowledge his achievements? Not a chance! Show him some appreciation? Are you kidding me?!? That will just blow up his ego and it’s WAY too big already!

    From a woman’s point of view, the last thing that they are going to participate in, is helping a man feel good about himself. In this day and age, many (so called) Christian women think that it’s their God given duty to keep their husbands in line by beating him down as far as possible. Yet the Bible says just the opposite. God’s tells wives that they are to “submit to their husbands in everything, just as they would to the Lord”, and that “they must reverence their husbands”. Why would God give such outrageous commands?

    I can’t say that I have experienced being reverenced by my wife. In fact, in my 50+ years on this earth, I can honestly say that I have never seen any man being reverenced by a woman. I suspect that this is the experience of the vast majority of the husbands today, and probably throughout history. Courtesy of Eve in the Garden, women are compelled to rule over men; to contend with them, to disrespect them, to beat them down, to keep them in line. It is buried deep in their sin nature. In many marriages, probably in the majority of them (given the high divorce rate and the dysfunction observed in the ones remaining), instead of being his greatest help, a wife ends up being her husbands greatest hindrance. What is the result? The destruction of the family and misery to everyone involved. Ladies, you hold the keys. (Proverbs 14:1)

    Many of you women out there reading this right now might be thinking (or even shouting it out loud) that if you treat your husband this way he will be impossible to live with! Even if that were so, God still commands you to do it. In actuality, it will have just the opposite effect from what you think. This is another paradox of God.

    How will it effect a man if his wive reverences him? I have occasionally (just a time or two recently) allowed myself to ponder this very thought. How would it effect me if my wife were to reverence me? When I allow myself to consider this, I am immediately overwhelmed by a feeling of humility. It brings tears to my eyes because I know that it’s something, that I so much need as a man (because God created me this way). At the same time, I also know that it’s something, that I so much do not deserve. I can also imagine how it would make me feel about my wife. “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

    Ladies, do you want to be valued, loved, cherished, praised and called blessed by your husband? God gave you the keys to open that door. All you have to do is obey Him. You open that door when you submit to your husband in everything and reverence him. It’s a paradox, no doubt about it. Why does it work that way? Because God, the almighty, all powerful, all knowing, perfectly loving, creator of the universe… made it to work that way. If we could all just understand that God’s ways are always best.

  2. Great post today Lori!
    I watched the video you made, shortly after you posted it and I saw a few of the comments. Some of those ladies were acting like you said your husband is Christ. I got the feeling that it was the same women that hate the verses that talk about a woman submitting to her husband. I in no way understood you to say that my husband is Christ, you plainly said that I am to treat my husband as if he were Christ, in other words, if Jesus himself were standing there, how would I treat him. It was only the ones that hate God’s role for a helpmeet that had a problem.

    Yes, I too sometimes have problems with honoring and reverencing my husband. But, it is something I pray about daily. Ladies, if you don’t honor and reverence your husband, give it a try and observe his response to you. I have found through out the years, that when I am living my role, as God has called me to do (obeying, submitting, honoring, and reverencing my husband in ALL things and not just the things I want to) that my husband is so much more protective and loving towards me. You see, when I am following my role, I am not arguing with him and nagging him and fighting him on everything. I am submitting to him and when I submit to him, he knows he can trust me. Yes, he asks my opinion about things, but he knows the decision is his to make. It is truly an amazing thing and I am so thankful God spelled out in His word what my role is! Trust me, you cannot improve God’s roles for husband and wife.

  3. I clearly remember wanting to put Ken in his place. We believe that their egos are too large as it is so it’s our job to beat it down. We listen to our own foolish understanding instead of obeying the Word of God. I know that the more respect and reverence I give my husband, the happier he is with me and the better our marriage. It’s not an easy thing for us to grasp (reverence) and this is why I have to continually remind myself how I would treat Christ as it concerns my husband.

  4. We can never improve upon our Creator’s commands to us. Our own natural instinct in how we should behave is NOT from him but from our dead flesh. This is why we must know the Word of God and obey it. Jesus came to set us free and give us an abundant life, not put us into bondage. Like Trey said, His ways our not our ways and they are a paradox but they are very, very good!

  5. I have been reading your blog for quite sometime but have never commented… I love this. Would solve a lot of problems if we(us wives) would try and do our best to reverence our husbands. Ur blog has blessed me in so many ways and is such an encouragement to be the best wife, mother and home keeper I can be. Thank you

  6. You’re welcome, Melissa! Marriages would be a lot stronger if all women were reverencing their husband as the Lord has called us to do since His ways are perfect.

  7. Hello, Lori…I am new to your site, and I am so thankful that I found it! I have been reading many of your previous posts, and I have learned so much already! This post was very thought-provoking…even though I have been married for 25 years (and a Christian all my life), I have never thought about how crucial it is to reverence my husband. Thank you so much for writing about this important topic…I can’t wait to see how my husband responds when I start treating him with much more obvious respect!

  8. Humble Servant,
    If you start treating your husband radically differently after 25 years (especially if you do not fill him in on what your doing and why you are doing it) there is no telling how he will react. He might get suspicious, he might get uncomfortable, or insecure, maybe even angry, or he might not have any strong reaction at all and just happily go with the flow. It is very hard to tell how something like that might effect a man in the beginning. You need to be prepared for any number of reactions while he tries to figure out what the heck has happened to his wife and what is she up to.

    If you are very secure in yourself and the relationship is rock solid, and you want to (potentially) go on a little roller coaster ride, then just be silent and make your changes, but be prepared to give him an honest answer if he asks.

    If you want to play it safe, then go to him before hand, explain that he is about to see a change in you and explain why. Either way, once the dust settles, I bet you both will be very happy with the results.

  9. In 1 Peter 3:2 the Word also mentions a wife’s behavior and includes the word fear: “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” I am coming out with a post on this hopefully next week!

    Search out what the commentaries of old had to say about it but here is one: “such a fear or reverence of your husbands, whereby out of the fear of God, and conscience of his command, you give them all due respect, and do not willingly displease them.”

    It’s from here and there are more!

  10. I love the Biblehub commentaries! I have used them a lot to help me understand various scriptures. I’m looking forward to your upcoming post on chaste conversation coupled with fear! Thank you, Lori!

  11. Lori, I felt your example was very, very helpful. It should be quite clear that we know our husbands aren’t Christ!

  12. Great article, which raises a related question I’ve often wondered about.

    In his writings on marriage, why do you think Paul doesn’t expressly tell wives to love their husbands, as he tells the husbands to do with their wives?

    I’ve yet to see much in depth opinion on this. Some just say the commands were specific to some dynamic common to Ephesus; others that Paul assumed wives would love husbands without needing told. I find neither particularly satisfactory so I throw it out here for all to address. Thanks much in advance.

  13. He commands that the older women teach the younger women to love their husbands. It’s the first thing he tells them to teach so it must be the most important thing!

  14. How do I reverence my husband I’m having a hard time to know because My husband sometimes discouraged me that’s why but I need to get the understanding I need help to know how to reverence him in miss of him discouragement.

  15. Thank you for this! I am newly married, yet we have been together for 10 years and we have five children. I have to confess that I have not reverenced my husband at any period of our relationship or our marriage. We’ve been married for almost 2 months now and I have been searching for the right and correct ways to submit myself to my husband the way God has intended.

    I am grateful and very blessed to have found this. It gives me more insight on how I should be according to God’s word and His plan for our lives. Both of our parents have not been married nor have they had any great relationships. I was not taught how to reverence my husband, or even guided in the right manner to be in a marriage, or have a family as God intended.
    I do not know how to properly love. I have lived in my flesh for so long, that this journey to righteousness is very very hard. I pray to God that I follow his commandments.
    I have honestly treated my husband very disrespectfully at times. I know that he loves me but i have not shown him the same many times by my harsh words and unforgiving nature.

    I want to do the will of the Lord and not my own, so I have been getting counsel and fellowship. I have been seeking the Lord on all of my life needs and questions. I have to do this so I can be the wife that my husband deserves because God had willed it so. I have to be the mother that God has intended me to be for the sake of our children’s souls. This is of the utmost importance. You have poured something into me because you have shown what God has said and I thank you and all glory and honor goes to God for putting you in this position to serve Him.

    Thank you for being a blessing in my life today.

  16. I know this was posted a while ago, but I had to comment. This post and the videos you shared have been totally mind and spirit changing for me. Other ‘advice’ which admittedly isn’t always Bible-centered leaves me wondering and conflicted. THIS way, God’s way- has brought me so much peace of mind and peace within my marriage already. It’s also revealed how quarrelsome I had become. Which was taking both of us outside of our God-ordained roles. I love honoring my husband in this way and trusting God in the process. As I continue to live this out, I’ll be looking forward to sharing this with other married women I know. Thank you.

  17. I came across this to learn what reverence means in a marriage. An getting a blessing and having my eyes opened. So many times I have prayed for my marriage and my husbands well being. How to be a better help mate and friend to my husband. And not always being fruitful in this. Wanting a more closeness in a profound way. In this awaking I see reverence as that selfless love of putting someone else before myself. As Christ is selfless with his love to us. Putting aside my feelings, that fleshly desire to have it my way. Putting my husbands feelings and desire before my own is what I struggle with. I hope and pray I can reverence my husband everyday God gives me. That Great gift God gives us daily.

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