Something to Ponder Before You Divorce

Something to Ponder Before You Divorce

Written By Michael Davis

One question I would ask a woman who’s thinking about divorcing a man simply because they’ve “grown apart” is, “In what way is your life going to be improved by divorce? This is presumably the man who knows you better than any other person on the planet, has accepted you as you are, has raised children with you, has provided for you, has been faithful to you, and has given you a home. So what situation do you think you’re going into that will be better than what you have now?”

Let’s do away with the pretense and the divorce porn peddled by the feminists. Women who seek divorce because they’ve “grown apart” are presumably over 40.

Well, I hope you have some job skills, because when you’ve taken that faithful man to the cleaners, you’re going to be trying to finance two households on the income that used to comfortably finance only one. Get ready to take a serious downgrade to your standard of living.

Also, your youth, fertility, and looks have diminished. The men your age who are single have probably been burned already by divorce and don’t have money, and if they’ve never married and DO have money, they’ve probably been playing the field this whole time and are only interested in dating much younger women.

Let’s face the real issue. Your kids are out of the house and you’re bored. Or worse, you probably buried yourself in the role of “mother” so hard for so long that you can’t relate to your husband any more. You treated that man like an ATM in order to buy the right house and the right car so that you could impress the other women in the right neighborhood. He probably stayed with you for the sake of the children, and then he resigned himself that his prime was past and he was willing to “make it work.” But you’re motivated by some dream of greener pastures now that you’ve drained his wallet.

Good luck. You’re probably going to wind up cashiering at Walmart and in a crappy apartment collecting cats until you get too old for that. Hopefully at that point, one of your kids will take you in. Your husband, on the other hand, will keep working and continue to put up with his situation just like he’s been doing for a few of decades now. Maybe, he’ll actually get some fishing or chess or poker in with some buddies. At least, it’ll be quiet after you’ve left.

For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth.
Romans 7:2

63 thoughts on “Something to Ponder Before You Divorce

  1. So sad and so true. I know a woman in exactly that situation, except that she is a veterinarian, so she is ok financially. She kicked her husband out (her boys were 5 and 7) because he went through her phone!! He also wanted to know where she was going when she went out. I thought the whole thing was insane. My husband’s thumb print opens my phone, he knows all my passwords (and I his) and he is perfectly free to go through anything on my computer or phone. We open each other’s mail. It is simply courtesy to tell your spouse where you’re going when you leave the house. Heck, I’ll tell my 10 yo where I’m going. It’s just polite.

    Now, she’s been divorced for 6 years. Her kids are in therapy and her older son is rude, surly and violent. She is dating this revolting man about 15 years older than she is (she’s 45) who wants an open relationship. She is miserable but touts that “divorce is freedom” and keeps trying to talk other women into following her example. I stopped talking to her because she thought my marriage was oppressive and I also needed to be “free.” She couldn’t accept that I am ridiculously happy in my marriage and that I love my husband more than I did when we got married 26 years ago.

    I understand there are valid reasons for divorce, e.g. severe physical abuse, chronic adultery, etc. But “we’ve grown apart” or “he went through my phone”, just aren’t. She has effectively destroyed 4 lives and who knows how many more, because her sons will not grow into men capable of sustaining a true marriage.

    BTW, she is a self-professed Christian.

    1. Right, I think what women think they will get when they get divorced is “freedom”.
      I can’t imagine kicking my husband out because he went through my phone. We’re just as you said, we have each other’s passwords and can access each other’s email, texts, accounts, etc whenever we like. I guess she has never heard of accountability.

    2. Agree with the passwords. My parents have two phones between them, but technically there is no Mom’s phone Dad’s phone, there’s the family phone and Dad’s work phone. Dad’s always going on “Mom’s” phone to call people and whatnot. I plan on sharing my phone and location completely with my husband when I get married. I ain’t got nothing to hide! Chances are if one does not want their spouse to go through their phone, it means that they’re hiding something, whether as serious as an affair or or dating app or as silly as an embarrassing contact or picture. Either way, full trust in your spouse does not allow for hiding ANYTHING from them except birthday/anniversary/holiday gifts.

      1. While my husband doesn’t know my passwords (I don’t hide them from him, he just doesn’t bother remembering) his fingerprint is recorded in my phone. I know most of his passwords and my fingerprint is also recorded on his phone. But obviously your ‘friend’ was just looking for an excuse and that seemed like it was good enough.

        While my husband and I have our moments, it’s nice having him around and I’m glad he enables me to stay home. I have never been able to earn as much as he (when I was working, I haven’t done so in almost 20 years!) And im so grateful to have someone share the parenting load with me.

    3. I don’t support divorce. But I’m married to someone who has extreme trust issues (stemming from his childhood) and it can be really hurtful, demoralising, insulting, and just generally tough to live with.
      While he doesn’t go through my phone (although I don’t care if he does because I have nothing to hide) he demands to know who I am texting, or who is texting me (either our oldest son, my sister, my mother or my father – nobody else!). If my phone rings, he demands to know who it is and will stand beside me and listen to the conversation.
      He reads all my instant messages on Facebook (which again, are to my sister or one of 2 female friends – and I have nothing to hide, our conversations are not exciting!).

      He demands to know my every movement.
      If he is at our shop, he will randomly ring our home phone just to make sure I’m at home and haven’t gone out. He asks, over and over, who has been here today, if I went out etc. He doesn’t just ask once, but he asks repeatedly. If I take an extra 2 minutes to do the morning school run he will demand to know what took me so long, and accuses me of stopping off at my boyfriends house (I don’t have a boyfriend, which he knows in his heart to be true – he’s told me so – but even if I did, what on earth are we going to do in 2 minutes?!?!?)

      I offered to put a GPS tracker on my phone so he can trace my movements but he doesn’t seem to want to do that. Apparently it’s more fun to accuse me, rather than being able to know exactly where I am at any given time.

      It gets old. Really, really old. It’s exhausting. I’m wrung out emotionally. If I dare to question his accusations, I get called nasty names.

      So, living like this, I can absolutely understand why a woman would leave a husband who refuses to trust her (assuming she has always been faithful in the past). I’d be fairly certain there was a bit more to it than her husband just going through her phone, though.

        1. Thank you Kevin, I will watch it. He’s not controlling per se, just suspicious. Constant suspicion. He’s been let down and hurt by women his entire life – starting at birth. So it’s understandable. But it can be tough to live with sometimes!

        2. Okay I watched that video. It’s not relevant to my situation, but maybe it may be helpful to other women, I don’t know.

          The general gist of it is: “How do I deal with my controlling husband?” Answer: “You obey him.”

          That’s not my issue.
          My husband doesn’t issue orders that I don’t want to obey. He doesn’t tell me how to dress or where to go or who to see or what to do or anything like that (and if he did, I would honour his request). He KNOWS where I am, but he interrogates me anyway. He KNOWS what I’m doing, but he checks up on me anyway. He KNOWS who I’m seeing or who I’m talking to. But he questions me anyway.

          I’m not talking about a “what are your plans today?” or a “where are you?” text if I get held up. I’m talking about 20+ texts every single day, checking on my every movement, random phone calls to the home phone to check I haven’t gone anywhere, he will call my cellphone if I’m outside and don’t hear the phone. He will even come home to check I don’t have any “visitors” (meaning men.)

          And the crazy thing is, he KNOWS I’m not cheating on him. In his heart, he believes me. He’s told me this. But it doesn’t stop him.
          “Obey him” just doesn’t work in this situation. I wish I knew what did!

          1. Oh ok, I would advise you to continue to pray and trust God. Only God can change him. Not sure why he doesn’t trust you but continue to lean unto the Lord and watch Him work in your marriage. Longsuffering is a fruit of the spirit.

      1. KAK, I’m so sorry for your situation and I respect and admire how you’re handling it more than I can say.

        You’re absolutely right, I cannot know what else was going on in that marriage. I do know there was no abuse or adultery (because she told me), but that’s all. FWIW, my husband suspected she was having an affair, hence the phone issue. I rather doubt it, but I tend to be naive.

        Praying for you and your family.

        1. Thank you for your kind words.
          When my mother was having an affair, she was very protective of her cellphone and wouldn’t let my father near it. He wasn’t allowed in her car without her, either. Or her handbag.

      2. Wow KAK! While my husband does some similar things to yours, he’s not as bad about it. And here I was thinking I was the only one and how hard it was. Knowing the right way to respond is so hard. And to my shame I’ve snapped back at my husband more than once. Is you’re husband getting biblical counseling? You have really encouraged me with your comment.😊🤗

        1. Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement.
          I have snapped back at my husband too, Meg. I try not to, but sometimes I just can’t take it any longer. It doesn’t usually help, though.
          No, he’s not getting any form of counseling.
          I’m glad my comment helped you. I find heaps of encouragement in the comments of this blog, too. So many women enduring difficult situations, with the Lord’s help. We can do anything with Him!

          1. I would personally not discuss this any longer and simply not answer. I say this not out of any spite but he simply has a habit that isn’t worth feeding. Put a paper up on the fridge and put a tally mark each time one of these inquiries comes through. At some point he will be curious about what the marks represent and he can visually see the frequency. It takes the energy out of the conflict. Sometimes people truly don’t realize how much they are doing something.

          2. Jamie,
            He may not like finding out these issues are being discussed online. And that his wife shared it. It may exacerbate the situation. Not fix it. I would go with your other suggestion though and just drop it.

          3. That’s actually a really good idea Jamie – thank you!
            I’ve tried everything else I can think of and nothing works, so I have nothing to lose by trying this.

      3. Hi KAK,
        I too am in a marriage where childhood trauma has affected the relationship. My husband has been in therapy for 3 years.

        Would your husband be willing to have a daily check in with you? Instead of you being accused of things could you ask him if say while making dinner if you could give him a run down of the day so far and account for what you have been up to? He can have the info. he wants, but maybe without you feeling like your being accused of something.

        I am learning that there are times when my husband is triggered by things that happen today, but he responds to them like he would of when he was a child. My husband in currently doing what is called “inner child” work so he can learn appropriate ways to respond to situations that cause fear or anxiety.

        I will be praying for you.

        1. Thank you! I will mention this to him and see what he thinks. He knows how much his accusations hurt me, so he may be willing to do something like this. Unfortunately, I’m at the point where I just can’t take it anymore, so I’m beyond thinking clearly about it at this stage, it all just feels so hard.

  2. “I understand there are valid reasons for divorce, e.g. severe physical abuse, chronic adultery, etc.”

    And these reasons have always been ground for divorce. It is the blessing (sic) of no-fault divorce that has created today’s disaster. Valid reasons? Who needs valid reasons any more?

    My ex-wife (of 20+ years) had the valid (sic sic sic) reason of “I need to get away from your control!”. Ummm – what exactly do I control? I tried to get an answer to that question for months.

    Finally I got it. All was explained to me. “When I let the kids eat in the basement and they make a mess, I worry that you will yell at me like my mother did”.

    And then I knew. What a controlling bastard I was.

    Might as well destroy the family, steal the silver, alienate the kids, etc. What could go wrong?

    1. “I understand there are valid reasons for divorce, e.g. severe physical abuse, chronic adultery, etc.”

      This is actually fairly recent too, it didn’t used to be this way. As far as I’m concerned, divorce should be illegal in all circumstances, no exceptions.

  3. Quote – “Let’s do away with the pretense and the divorce porn peddled by the feminists.”

    But, but, but Hallmark movies say, feminist blogs say…… That there are many young and rich men out there searching for that 40-50 year old woman that has dumped her faithful husband. And even if she doesn’t find a rich young man or when it doesn’t work out with the other guy; Hallmark movies show that her husband will eagerly take her back. Welcoming her back with arms spread wide to hug her.

    Quote – “Also, your youth, fertility, and looks have diminished”

    That is the truth. Many women have not maintained the temple of God that the Holy Spirit dwells in. Shortly after marrying her ex husband, she whacked her hair short and started eating candy by the 100 pound bags. But that rich young man with the trim body is going to overlook her looks and weight because she is so great. Some of the worst offenders are “christian” women. 5 feet tall, 300 pounds, butch cut hair, has no domestic skills – BUT – since she is a daughter of the King, God has a perfect man for her that is fit and is a millionaire.

    Quote – “You’re probably going to wind up cashiering at Walmart and in a crappy apartment”

    I SEE THIS MANY TIMES.
    She lives in a rundown trailer or apartment, drives a clunker of a car, works part time at a cashier job but she DEMANDS a man earn $100,000 a year, have a big house and drive expensive cars. Otherwise she will not even consider him for a serious relationship.
    Questions I am asked right away:
    Do I make $100,000? No
    Do I have a big pension coming? No
    Do I own a big fancy home? No
    She says she doesn’t think we are compatible hahaha I say she is a gold digger.

    Quote – “collecting cats”

    I see this a lot.
    Think with me.
    What are cats associated with?
    Witches and witchcraft. The feminist spirit is of the devil, so why not lots of cats. The devil likes to show the world his power over them.
    Before someone tries to sidetrack this post about having a cat is not satanic, I agree. I have had several cats in my lifetime.
    What I am saying is a lonely old feminist with an apartment full of cats is acknowledging her master, the devil.

    I have asked this question several times before but no one has given an answer.
    So I will ask it again.
    Where are the women:
    Like Sarah who followed her husband Abraham into a distant land?
    Like Noah’s wife who stood by her husband while he was building an ark and being mocked by everyone for doing the work God told him to do?
    Like the women who got on a ship and followed their husband to the “new” land in America?
    Like the women who followed their husband to the “wild” west in a covered wagon?
    Like the saying goes “a woman who will ride the white water rapids with me”?
    Where are these women nowadays??????????

    1. While those women you’re asking about are not in the majority, they are out there. Many of them read / comment on this blog. It’s not our responsibility to drop these women into your lap. Like Lori says, there is always a remnant.

        1. Okay, I guess I don’t understand then why you keep asking the question. It sounded jaded to me, like you are daring us to find a woman that fits your ideals. As you’ve said, you’ve searched high and low for a wife for what I would assume is at least a couple years at this point and haven’t found her, likely leading you to believe there are no such women.

    2. They’re out there. You’ll barely notice them though. They’re usually quiet, in the background helping in whatever way they can without drawing attention to themselves. They’re not on social media seeking their five minutes of fame, or fueling drama. They go about their daily lives just basking in the glory of the Lord.

    3. I definitely think Lori is a woman who “will ride the white water rapids”. I also believe many of us who read this blog are setting our hearts to do the same.

    4. You are spot on Blair! I have sister in laws just like this. Christian women who are infertile, overweight, hate housework and cooking but are way too good for their husband’s!!! Sad.

    5. I have followed my husband everywhere.
      I followed him when I was 6 months pregnant and he quit his job and moved us to a tiny shack in the middle of nowhere. (I even got a job so we could eat, because he wasn’t working).
      I followed him when we had 3 young children and he decided he wanted us to shift to literally the other end of the country!! (Which ended up being a great decision. This is a fantastic place to raise kids!)

      There are many other times when I have followed my husband, these are just the major ones. But also, he’s followed me, too. When I saw my dream job advertised (a horse trek guide) he packed up our house and shifted us 6 hours away so I could do it. So it’s not all one-sided.

        1. Strongly disagree FRF. It is the wives job to follow her husband. Never the other way round. If a husband requires her to work, then either she works from home or finds employment wherever they are living. A husband choosing to move in order to follow his wife to work is merely a courtesy. I don’t care how good the job is I would never expect or ask my husband to move for my sake. It is my job to adapt.

          1. I can’t draw that hard line. One my dearest friends was raised in a very godly home and by a stay at home dad. He was disabled and could not work so he took care of the girls to the best of his ability while his wife worked. They raised amazing godly women.

          2. I didn’t expect my husband to move, Meg. It was his choice. He saw the expression on my face when I read the job ad and he pushed me to apply, because he knew it was my dream. I didn’t ask, and I certainly didn’t expect it. I was actually shocked that he suggested it. Shocked and thrilled 🙂

        2. I probably should of put a disclaimer in my comment. But I was half asleep when I made it. My comment was geared towards couples where both are healthy and otherwise fit to work. If a husband is disabled, if a wife can work nearby or from home that would be great, but it’s not always possible.
          My comments also were not an attack on KAK. While I disagree, I have no say in it. I also did not imply that KAK asked her husband anything. My comments were in response to ‘a husband SHOULD move for his wife’s job’. A husband isn’t obligated to do anything of the sort.

          1. Very true! I love it when husbands are considerate of their wives’ needs, like KAK’s was. It’s a beautiful story, KAK.

      1. Buddy of mine got divorced and still had to pay her. And she works. Illinois sucks. Oh and another buddy has to pay his wife a lot AND she was the one cheating on him. All she had to do to get the $ is accuse him of harming the children with out evidence. In family court you are guilty by accusation by woman and must prove your innocence which is near impossible. FC judges have way to much power and even toss out Prenups.

      2. Yes, but clearly not jobs that provide them with the lifestyle they think they deserve. Otherwise, if they were able to suppoer themselves in such a lifestyle, why would they have bothered with husbands in the first place?

    1. Sure – by not marrying them in the first place.

      If you live in mortal fear of your husband taking you someplace you don’t want to go, both literally and metaphorically, then that’s a trust issue that will destroy your marriage if it’s not resolved. This, I will assert, is a MAJOR reason why so many marriages, even (ostensibly) Christian ones, deteriorate and often end in divorce. Too many women marry men, for whatever reasons, whom they do not trust and therefore, by logical extension, do not respect.

      Regarding “where your husband takes you,” it’s worth bearing in mind that sometimes a man has to take his wife and family to places where even HE doesn’t want to go, but has little or no choice. Either circumstances or God’s guidance –or sometimes God’s guidance in the form of life’s circumstances– compels him to do so.

  4. My mother asked for a divorce when I was 14. Then she changed her mind, but it was too late…she had broken that mystical bond that had held my father….he was a very decent man but it broke the vows that held him.

    Of course he then fell in love with another woman and left when I was 16, devastating not only my mother, but myself and my siblings. it was horrible beyond imagining.

    All this happened because SHE broke her vows. A mistake that cannot be undone, like committing suicide, that destroys you, your family, your children, and your community.

    When you’re a child, a parent’s divorce destroys every happy memory you have. You think back to when you were 8 years old, that happy camping trip that you remember so well, that you think about warmly. Suddenly you realize that your parents were faking that love. That joyous memory becomes a knife in your heart. Then the fear grows and grows as you think: “Fake, fake, fake, my whole childhood was fake”. It literally rips your soul apart.

    Divorce is such an evil. And as you said, what does it help? How many divorced women — egged on to commit family suicide by the hateful, evil Femists — would look back and say “Oh my god, what did I DO?”

    If is for this reason, above all others, that I devote my life to stopping the evil of feminism. There is no other mission more important to the human race.

    1. I never even thought about it as being likened to suicide, but you are so on point! I can’t personally relate to this experience, but the way you describe it paints a very clear picture for me and I can actually start to understand how painful it really is 😭

      1. To add to my above comment:
        The family is never the same after a separation (my parents are not divorced, even after 20 years apart). We can’t have family Christmases all together. My wedding was awkward, because I wanted both my parents there.
        Even as an adult, it’s difficult. At 18, accepting the separation of my parents was tough. I can only imagine the horrors of children being dragged through the family court system and the damage that is done when parents slander each other in an attempt to hurt each other, using the children as pawns. It’s awful.

    2. Your parents may have been having their personal issues during that trip, but that doesn’t mean the love you felt was fake. Your parents loved you. My parents divorced when I was 13 but I still have happy memories from my childhood. Try to reframe your thoughts about the past.

      1. Carolyn, no offense but…no. Just no. My thoughts about the past are accurate.

        “Try to reframe your thoughts” is what the divorce counselors and child therapists say when they are trying to shove lies down your throat.

    3. I was 18 when my parents separated and while I wouldn’t liken it to family suicide (I have very close friends and family members who have committed suicide and the grief is terrible) it was definitely very upsetting.
      My mother was the one who left, after multiple affairs. She has been with her new partner (who was also married when he started sleeping with my mother) for more than 20 years now. My father is still faithfully praying for her return.

      I don’t believe my parents were faking their love, though. They were married for 25 years and both of them have said that at least 15 of those years (when my sister and I were young) were incredibly happy. I still look back on my childhood with fondness. Our childhood was great.

    4. My mom divorced my dad when I was 13. I can relate completely to how it totally taints and ruins all of the good memories from your childhood. It makes me bitter at my mother for ruining all of the beautiful memories we made as a family. I will never be like her. Never.

  5. One more comment (that will get censored, but I really do keep my mouth shut in real life)!

    I noticed that my ex-brother in-law looked WAY healthier…gained weight in a healthy way, face looked years younger, skin glowing…several months after his wife moved out to her new hovel.

    I always wonder what hell she must have put him through that he would make such a physical rebound after she left.

    My husband said in her defense (my husband has too much family loyalty to say ‘divorce is bad’…I don’t push it because I admire loyalty) that she tried to get back with him but he said ‘No’

    And I was thinking…well yeah…he experienced life without the shrike and he’s better for it! Who would want a disloyal witch who went on tinder immediately back?!?

    Anyways…I actually am still praying that they get back together…mainly for the kids…but I think that would require the sister-in-law to be taken down a notch by life and get some humility…but she’s still too pretty for that even though she’s close to 40

  6. What is sad is that for so many kids today broken/ mixed families is their normal. They don’t know what a stable home looks like. Unless they’re visiting one and they still don’t get it. Our neighbors child was visiting and playing with our children one day and stayed for supper. As, I was fixing their plates the child asks, “so, I don’t get it. You have this child and this child. And then you had another, but with your husband. “( child was using our names of course). “Yes, “ I said. Then I am told that that’s not how it works. “You’re supposed to divorce your husband, then marry another man and have a baby. That’s how my parents did it.”

    1. That probably would have had me in tears, a child thinking that such a perversion of marriage and family is NORMAL. I would hate to be the adults in that child’s life come Judgment Day if they continue on their current course.

  7. A cousin of mine was married to a clergyman for more than 20 years, and then they got divorced. I can’t say who was to blame, but a decade or more later, her daughter came and told her her father was now engaged to a good Christian woman. Guess what? My cousin went to see her ex-husband, and next thing you knew, they were getting re-married.
    Moral: if you get divorced for trivial reasons, there is no guarantee you’ll be happier.
    C. S. Lewis once said that some Christians regard divorce as too radical an operation ever to be performed. Others are prepared to accept it in dire cases, but all agree it is more like cutting off an arm or a leg than merely dissolving a business partnership.
    There are times when it is necessary to cut off an arm or less to save your life, but you still end up crippled. Likewise, some marriages are so toxic that divorce is necessary, but the members still end up crippled – financially and socially. Perform the operation for lesser reasons, and instead of being unhappily married, you will end up really unhappily single.

  8. The 3 mortal lies of divorce (that therapists and parents tell to to children)

    1. “You’ll be ok”. (no, they won’t, they will be scarred for life and a hundred studies of divorced children have shown this. More likely to be homeless, divorced, commit suicide, etc.)

    2. “We still love you more than anything.” (Um, hello! If you loved me that much, you’d at least wait until I’m grown and out of the house before destroying my childhood. By getting divorced with minor children, you automatically proving that you DON’T love them more than you love yourself. You are literally and spiritually sacrificing their future and their happiness, in order to gain more happiness for yourself. that is the exact opposite of love. Oh and by the way, your children will ALWAYS figure this out, and they WILL judge you. God may forgive you but your divorce-damaged children will not.)

    3. “We’ll still take care of you.” (No, you won’t, and almost no divorced parent can ever keep this promise, because as Lori pointed out, divorce is almost always a financial disaster. Kids ALWAYS get screwed. They don’t get to go to college as they should. They end up living in a seedy part of town and get into drugs and gangs. They DON’T have a parent who can help if they get sick or injured. They don’t have a solid, loving set of grandparents to proudly show to their own children. Their children get ripped off in a hundred different ways.

    In today’s America, where the middle class is 1 illness away from bankruptcy and homelessness, divorce is an incredible danger to all children. No-fault divorce should be outlawed immediately, except in cases of abuse, danger, or major infidelity. Legalizing no-fault divorce (which was pushed by Feminists and pornographers) was one of the worst mistakes of the 1960s.

    1. Those lies remind me of the 1980s situation comedies. There would be a “special episode” of some show where everyone would get serious as a close friend’s parents were getting a divorce. The parents would always reassure the traumatized child that “it wasn’t their fault” and that “they’d both always still love the kid”. Also, they would say that they still loved each other but weren’t “in love” any longer. By the end of the show it was always resolved that it was better for the parents to be apart and that the child was resilient. Sometimes it would go so far as to show it was a “good thing”.

      I think Hollywood aired a lot of these episodes to make themselves feel better about their own behavior. Even as a child I wondered who believed all the lies they were selling. But then when I became an adult, I found out a lot of people believed these lies (namely the people wanting to get out of a marriage). They thought it would be better for the kids because there would be no more yelling in the home (never mind the fact that if they exercised self-control there would cease to be yelling) . Or that God wanted them to be happy, etc. etc.

      I’m very sorry for your trauma Bill. May the Great Physician heal you and bless you.

      1. If there is abuse and/or violence in the home, then yes, separation is necessary and far better for children. (Not divorce – reconciliation should still be the goal.)
        It’s not healthy or good for children at all to be living in a toxic environment.
        But unless abuse or violence is present, children are always the ones who suffer the most in a divorce. Especially if either parent goes on to further sin and remarries. These “blended” families are fairly normal in society now, but very few of them are good for children.
        Here in NZ we have a very good social welfare system but still, single mothers are right at the bottom of the poverty ladder.

      2. Thank you M and bless you.

        Although I condemn divorce, I have a good life and have healed much of the bitterness in my heart. I don’t want to carry that burden inside me, and I don’t want that bitterness to prevent me from gratefully merging into God’s grace when I part this life. So yes, I let it go.!

        But I fight against divorce because it’s abusive to children and damaging to the world as a whole.

    2. I was not only told that my daughters were “fine”, but that they were “thriving”. I’m sure they were welcomed into Mom’s new lesbian world as teenagers, but I still harbor doubts about “thriving”.

      What I saw in their eyes was confusion and fear, not thriving. How selfish to do this to your own children…

      And to have a willing support team ready to accept, encourage and reward that very behavior was just the icing on the cake.

      I fear and pray for them everyday. No longer that they “come back” to me, but that they can come back to God and regain their authenticity in the light of His face.

      1. I’ve prayed that God will turn your daughters to him and your daughters will love the Lord with their whole heart, mind, soul and being. If you’d like to fast on their behalf I’ll happily join you.

    3. Dear Bill T., and not much, if any, inheritance for the kids when they reach middle age, because the divorce proce$$ (30 years ago killed the cds), the two separate residences, and the blended (mixed up) family drama.

      At 50-something, even a modest inheritance can pay down or pay off the house / ease the stress of reduced hours, if not job loss (because somebody sneezed, and the place is closed until further notice).

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