Teaching Sons and Daughters to Be Chaste in This Highly Sexualized Culture

Teaching Sons and Daughters to Be Chaste in This Highly Sexualized Culture

We live in a highly sexualized culture. We can’t even watch a football game without seeing scantily-clad women and commercials that would make our grandmothers roll over in their graves. Evil is considered good and celebrated and good is considered evil and offensive. Pornography is watched by most men (and even many women now) and living with one’s boyfriend before marriage is considered okay even in the Christian community.

How do parents raise their children to withstand the sexual aggression being thrown at them and remain sexually pure until marriage? It begins when they are young, dear women. You must discipline your young children to obey you when you tell them to do something. In this way, you are teaching them self-control and they can’t always get what they want. You are training them to control their flesh and what it desires. It’s the most important thing you can do to teach your children to be sexually pure.

Allowing your children to disobey you is doing them no favors. You are giving them a valuable gift when you teach them to control themselves. If they can control themselves when they are young, they will be able to control themselves when they are older. If they understand and obey “no” when they are young, they will understand and obey “no” when they are older.

When you teach your children to obey you and mix it in with a lot of love and affection, they will grow up and want to obey and please you. They will respect you. When you base what you teach them upon the Word of God, they will understand your reasoning for saying “no” to them and teaching them self-control. You can then talk freely about the dangers of sexual immorality and the beauty of saving sex until marriage. They will respect your beliefs because they know that they come from God Almighty.

As you live in a covenant marriage with your husband, you are showing your children that God’s ways are so very good and right. They are full of blessings! They will want what you have as they watch with deep heartache and bad consequences all of the young relationships falling apart around them and want what you have instead and not what their friends have. As they grow into teenagers, make sure they know who they are in Christ and that He has freed them from sin. Study Romans 6 and 8 with them and encourage them to be continually renewing their minds with God’s ways. Remind them that God’s ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect! This is how you teach your sons and daughters to remain sexually pure.

But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.
Ephesians 5:3

16 thoughts on “Teaching Sons and Daughters to Be Chaste in This Highly Sexualized Culture

  1. Very sad indeed! Immodesty is rife and hook up culture taught even in schools! I’m glad my parents taught me to resist those messages! Sad this is reflected in the vulgar song lyrics of today, dress and behavior! The radical feminist movement is of no help either!

  2. yes. this article hits the spot perfectly! i was recently shown by God through some things a teacher had written that we are now children of God, so why do we still want to be involved in things of darkness? it really hit me hard- sometimes i find myself going back to the darkness- i have to remind myself that a child of God has no business with anything that is of the dark.

    if we know who we are in Christ, then we know that sin has no part in us.

  3. It’s easy to keep your sons chaste. All you have to do is let them listen to the Church feminists and then they’ll all sign up to be monks. There, problem solved.

  4. At the same time, we must protect our children from vile abusers. As distasteful as it is, children must be taught about “good” and “bad” touching. One example is a hug in which the child is happy about, a good touch. A bad touch is where your underwear is. I firmly believe that as Christian parents, this is vitally important to be taught. I am a childhood sexual assault survivor, and would never want any children to go through the same trauma. What do you think?

  5. In teaching boys to behave properly you have to ignore the ‘conventional wisdom’ that some immoral behaviour is ‘normal and healthy

  6. I think a properly-applied Christian worldview is probably the best protection against abuse and exploitation. Teaching that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, that the husband and wife are one flesh, is not only completely compatible with “good-touch, bad-touch” specifics, it’s also the only worldview with internal consistency.

    Contrast this with the vague and ever-changing notion of “consent,” which is entirely subjective and so no real guide at all. (Scenario: A man and woman get drunk and have sex. How drunk does the woman have to be for it to be considered rape? What if he’s drunker than she is?)

    Unfortunately, people have done some terrible things under the guise of being good Christians. Until Christ comes, you will never rid the world of predators, so it is indeed wise to equip your kids to recognize sexual abuse, in an age-appropriate way. Teaching them what kinds of intimacy are appropriate only to marriage serves both purposes.

  7. Unfortunately, most will not become monks and will seek other unhealthy avenues to find sexual gratification apart from a live woman that they will call “wife” and share life together as God intended. Sin begets sin, so when sin enters the home or the church there are consequences passed down to the next generation. Sin does not just affect the person doing it, but those around them and their children.

    As to your comment, feminism in the church will feminize the boys, or drive them away from seeing any benefit of taking on the mantle of responsibility for a wife and family. Too much work, too much risk, and too little reward will be their conclusion unless they trust fully in God and His Word and step out in faith to find one of the remnant. There will always be a remnant who are committed to do things God’s ways.

  8. The “hook-up ” culture is indeed taught in schools by their peers, but also, abstinence is NOT taught. Sexual education is part of the health curriculum here in NZ and instead of teaching kids to abstain, kids are taught safe sex – to always use a condom to protect against pregnancy and STD’s. So it’s almost like they’re promoting teenage sex.
    Instilling family values and morals has to come from the parents, from when the kids are young, because society is so far removed from God’s standard.

  9. Was hilarity your intention, Jason? If it was – well done! I laughed so hard I spat my coffee all over my keyboard.

    Sadly though, you’re wrong. My oldest son is 15. Some of his friends are sexually active. He knows a lot of feminists. And he certainly has no intention of becoming a monk. He’s the wrong religion, for starters 😉 )

    Males will just find different outlets to satisfy their sexual desires, if they don’t get married. They’ll indulge in pornography, or use prostitutes, or have one-night stands.

    Like all other sin, this is a heart issue. To keep our sons pure and chaste, we must train their hearts.

  10. Sadly,it is a known fact that some predators will go to a church with the intent on preying on children. We teach our children to be respectful of adults, and some take advantage of this. We had the awful task of asking our son if a particular person had touched him. How are parents meant to deal with this? This person was asked to leave, and was reported to the police. Grooming does occur in churches. Thank god my son was ok. But it was a very close call

  11. Ari, I am so sorry for what you experienced as a child. I pray you have found healing. My parents taught the good/bad touch just as you described, but I honestly would have been too afraid to speak up if something like that had happened to me in fear of no longer being a “good girl”.

    What was so difficult for me was flipping the switch from modesty/shame as a teen and young adult to be suddenly available and enthusiastic for my husband. I knew in my heart as I’d been taught that sex is saved for marriage, but “good girls don’t do that” teaching for 20+ years was VERY difficult to overcome.

  12. Ari:
    So sorry that you had this bad experience. Yes, we absolutely must tell our children … and early. Add to this that “stranger danger” is not where most of the abuse comes from. It comes from people the child knows … friends of the family … or even a family member. children need to be told that they can “tell” and that they will be believed no matter WHO the person is. Hope this gets posted for the sake of our children.

  13. I sadly have to disagree. My views on this subject have shifted in recent years. Here is my explanation. In a day and age where sex is so promoted, it’s more important than ever to ensure that IF they choose to have sex (something that we parents can’t entirely control sadly – as good as our parenting may be), they can choose to do it in a way that won’t negatively affect their health. This is not by any means saying sex before marriage is ok but if they are going to participate at least they can do less harm than if they were uneducated all together. I believe it is important to BOTH instill family and godly values to your children as well as give them education on how to be safe. You may disagree but I think in marriage safe sexual practice is still important. Sadly times are changing and it is very much no longer in our control. As you said, society is moving further away from God’s standards so I think it is our duty to be able to protect our children from both sin and disease.

  14. IF you give them instructions how to have “safe” sex (which there is no such thing), you can be assured that they will have sex before marriage. There isn’t one birth control option on the market that is 100% foolproof and most of them don’t protect against all of the diseases and emotional turmoil from sex before marriage. It’s not a wise thing to do at all! Teach your children Truth!

  15. At the family dinner table my parents often spoke of chastity and saving ourselves for marriage. The message I received was that sexual activity was for married couples only. Subtlety they were instructing us to be fully sexually abstinent, both the girls, and boys in the family. It was only years later that I learned that some of my siblings didn’t hear that message at the dinner table. They were off in their own world at the table and didn’t bother to pay attention. That taught me that parents need to sit down with each child individually and speak about chastity and why pre-marital sex needs to be avoided. Yes reinforce the teachings as you sit around the dinner table. But make sure they have taken up the message by speaking with them individually.

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