Telling Young Women to Get Married and Have Children is Wrong?

Telling Young Women to Get Married and Have Children is Wrong?

Mary Kassian, in the post I shared last week, ended her article about complementarianism this way: “If you hear someone tell you that complementarity means you have to get married, have dozens of babies, be a stay-at-home housewife, clean toilets, completely forego a career, chuck your brain, tolerate abuse, watch Leave It to Beaver reruns, bury your gifts, deny your personality, and bobble-head nod ‘yes’ to everything men say, don’t believe her. That’s a straw (wo)man misrepresentation. It’s not complementarianism. I should know. I’m a complementarian. And I helped coin the term.”

It sounds like she greatly dislikes biblical womanhood, that’s for sure. What about God commanding young women to marry, bear children, and guide the home and give no occasion for the adversary to speak reproachfully (1 Timothy 5:14)? What about older women teaching younger women to love their children and be keepers at home so they don’t blaspheme the Word of God (Titus 2:3-5)?

I am sure Mary wrote those words to women like me who take the Bible literally and teach exactly what God commands that I teach. God created marriage and told us it is good. He calls children a blessing and happy is the man with a quiver full. He wants women to guide the home and be keepers at home. The Proverbs 31 woman was known for looking well to the ways of her household, not having a career. Part of being a keeper at home is to clean toilets. Has she ever taught women to be a keeper at home? I seriously doubt it by this comment. She actually seems to mock it.

Yes, I warn women about pursuing careers. The heavy burden of student loan debt hurts them. Many women write and tell me their regrets about this. Young women are unable to stay home with their children because of their debt. Husbands want their wives who have good careers to continue working because of the money it brings in. Young, unmarried women need to carefully consider all of this.

Does she believe that mothers at home don’t have a brain? Do only those women who pursue higher education and careers have a brain? It sure seems that this is what she is saying in her quote. I can tell you that I have learned a whole lot more on my own and from godly male preachers of the Word than I ever did in all of my years in the public school system and in the Christian college I attended. There are MANY intelligent women who are home full time with their children!

Who has ever told women to tolerate abuse as Mary claimed? I am accused of this often. I have never written that women should tolerate physical abuse. You see, we must define what abuse means since many women have told me that their husbands abuse them when in fact, they didn’t. If they are being physically abused, they need to call the authorities and seek help. If they are being emotionally or mentally abused, they need to seek out a wise, older, godly woman to receive counsel from. She will be able to tell if it truly is abuse. If it is, she can help her and encourage her in the situation. Sometimes it may take a separation but this must only be taken with prayer and wise counsel. It’s not a biblical reason to divorce one’s husband. I know of a woman who is definitely being emotionally abused but through the wise counsel of a godly, older woman, she is able to bear it and even now thrive. She’s not allowing her husband’s emotional abuse to control her any longer.

I am not sure what is wrong with Leave It to Beaver reruns or any of the old shows that showed a traditional family that Mary somewhat mocked. I love the old shows where decency was normal, wives were home full time caring for their families, and the husbands were working hard to provide. I see nothing wrong with them at all. They are far superior to any shows on the major networks these days.

Lastly, a mother can use her gifts in her home with her children. Her personality can shine forth in her everyday interaction with her husband, children, and those to whom she comes in contact with. Yes, a wife should be saying “yes” to her husband on a regular basis. This is what submission looks like, for goodness sake. If she termed the word complementarian and it’s not anything that I teach, then I must not be a complementarian. I will continue to teach women God’s perfect ways for them. Then each woman can decide how she will live her life. Someone needs to be teaching younger women since many women who teach the Bible fail to teach biblical womanhood.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Here is a response from Mary Kassian to this post.

44 thoughts on “Telling Young Women to Get Married and Have Children is Wrong?

  1. Not sure who this person is but I guess they don’t know or teach biblical womanhood. Many so called complementarians teach oh its 51/49 and only when there is an disagreement on big things does the husband get the final say. The bible says the husband is the head of the household and the should submit in everything (besides sin of course).

  2. It is written that a man who does not support his family has denied the faith, the way which God expects men to support their families is unambiguous despite the fact that it is arguably less explicitly remarked on in scripture since so much of what defines a man’s role to his family and society could be taken for granted, even in today’s day it doesn’t need much explanation, it is self evident.

    Yet so many Christian women, despite explicit instruction are dead set on not supporting their families in the manner prescribed them and often do so cloaking their rebellion to scripture in the language of scripture.

    Husbands and wives are to love each other as Christ and the church, Christ did the work only He could do and the Church worships as only the people of God can, likewise Men must do what only men are suited to do and women must do the work only they are equipped to do.

    It is a sad state of affairs.

  3. ” If they are being emotionally or mentally abused… Sometimes it may take a separation…”

    I would be very careful with this.

    1 Cor. 7:10 KJV – “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:” Websters 1828 it says depart means “To go or move from”. Many of the translations use the word “separate” and for good reason. The Greek word is “chórizó” which literally means “to separate”.

    “Let not the wife separate (go or move) from her husband.” is a command directly from the Lord. It could not be stated much stronger than that.

    The word for separate (depart) in verse 10 is a different word than is used in verse 13 for a woman (aphiémi) divorcing her husband so I think that in verse 10 Paul actually means to separate from him, not divorce as many want to claim these days in an attempt to justify separation as being permissible.

    If her life is in physical danger, that may be one thing but anything else, God says that a wife must not separate (go or move) from her husband. That means that to do so… is sin.

    1. What about this verse right after the one you quoted? “But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:11)

          1. Yes agree, if things are severe separate. To separate for emotional abuse is iffy to each their own I guess. I would advise 1 Peter 3. Physical abuse yes separate emotional just not sure thats totally biblical like Trey was mentioning I guess. Tough topic.

      1. I read it as… do not sin, but if you do sin, don’t sin worse by making it permanent. Leave yourself a path to repentance.

      2. Hi Lori, I’ve never read anything about your thoughts/opinions on remarriage. I have noticed some of your followers are onto their second marriage and I find this rampant in the Pentecostal/evangelical Churches I have been too. And having been raised in a stricter Protestantist family I find it very difficult to reconcile myself to. Most second marriages I think are biblically invalid. They are clear examples of couples living in sin as their previous spouses are very much alive and in many cases the reason for separation whimsical. I recently sat with a Christian who excused divorce as ok if a couple was unhappy. He was justifying his sisters divorce which involved no actual infidelity, her overbearing parents and other non issues. She has since remarried. This individual is also divorced. Both siblings are the ppl product of a so called strict Pentecostal upbringing and yet have divorced because God apparently doesn’t want people to be unhappy. I have read y ok u clearly address that happiness in marriage is a choice and, marriage is bot about feeling happy but a binding covenant that demands commitment. So where does that leave divorce? Is it a sin as I believe it is? If so how should the Christian family understand/accept/receive divorce. I am so disappointed when I hear ‘I was previously married,’ from a Christian while they are already remarried. I just can’t believe this is the way believers conduct relationships. If divorce/separation does happen I see no reason for the Church to encourage remarriage. Why does it happen? Young widows are explicitly told to remarry but I cannot fathom how Christian men and women are being excused to marry twice over and these invalid marriages and children accepted as part of the Church family. Their very existence undermines the Church.

        1. God hates divorce so I do too. I believe couples should do everything in their power to stay married until death do they part but we aren’t responsible for how others live their lives. I do think it should be taught more from the pulpits, however.

        2. Great comment, I agree with Lori, that God hates divorce.

          While instances of physical abuse, child molestation, adultery, drugs, alcoholism, and other serious sins call for separation, not necessarily divorce, the only sin that allows remarriage is adultery. Any remarriage for any reason other than that is further adultery in God’s eyes.

          Technically, Trump is living in adultery, though he’s a million times better than any Democrat. That’s how scary a situation America is in.

        3. I appreciate your comment, CVD. The tolerance and acceptance of “remarriage” is one of the main reasons American and western churches are apostate. Jesus called this adultery {Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18}. It is not lawful marriage. And, indeed, God does hate putting away {Malachi 2:16}. If one is divorced, she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband {I Corinthians 7:10-11}.

      3. Lori asks
        What about this verse right after the one you quoted? “But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:11)

        We see in 1 Cor 7:10-11 two commands. Both are valid.
        Why did the Holy Spirit inspire Paul to write both of these?
        a) I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
        b) But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.

        So why do we have the two commands? Does the second weaken the first, allowing women to leave their first husband, despite the command in verse 10?

        I think we should read this literally, since there is no hint in the text suggesting there are metaphors or other literary constructs.

        I think we have the two commands because God knows that some women are rebellious. Recent history certainly would support my claim. So, if a woman claiming to follow Christ refuses to obey the first command to stay with her husband, then she is additionally commanded to not also become sexually active with some other man (despite claiming “marriage” with him).

        This second command is useful not only to teach women to not pursue a second “marriage”, but is also useful for men. Any Christ-following man who sees this will hopefully know to stay away from the woman who claims to be a Christ-follower, but who has left her (first) husband. This is similar to the exhortations to men given in Matt 5:31-32 and Prov 5.

        1. Sometimes, women separate from their husbands if their husbands are a drug addict, don’t provide for the family at all, and cases that the separation will hopefully cause the man to reconsider his actions that are so damaging to the family.

  4. Where is this where Mary Kassian says that? She teaches on Biblical Womanhood in her books with Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth in True Woman 101 and 201. It’s hard for me to believe she could say these things.

  5. I find her to be incredibly insulting! Based on her ignorant assumptions, I can only deduce that she has never seen biblical womanhood in real life. Her comments are so absurd that there’s no point in even defending them. How about a giant eyeroll instead?!

    I’m not familiar with this woman at all. Does she actually teach or pretend to teach women from a biblical standpoint? If so, yikes.

    1. She teaches a lot with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth who now believes it’s okay for women to teach men as long as they are under the leadership of the elders which isn’t biblical. Nancy also watered down her teachings on women being keepers at home in her latest book.

  6. Thank you. I read it. I’m surprised by these comments or maybe the way she said them. This article was written in 2012. True Woman books were written after. True Woman 101 and 102 books are very good books and I highly recommend them.

    1. Hi Lori, another thing you are telling ladies not to read anything Mary Kassian promoted but you yourself promoted the True Woman 101 & 102 Books a few years back. I have my own Facebook ministry and I search the web to put posts, etc on it and just this past week I found a post of yours a few years back promoting these books. I will not condemn you because God has maybe worked in your heart like he does all of us continually. We really have to be careful of what we say.

      1. Just because I disagree with someone on some things they teach doesn’t mean I disagree with everything they teach. It’s the same with almost everyone I learn from. The only one I agree with 100% is God’s Word. We must measure everything by the Word of God and I believe Mary falls short when it comes to submission and some other areas. In researching what she wrote on her blog, I found this:

        “A husband does not have the right to demand or extract submission from his wife. Submission is HER choice—her responsibility… it is NOT his right!! Not ever. She is to “submit herself”— deciding when and how to submit is her call. In a Christian marriage, the focus is never on rights, but on personal responsibility. It’s his responsibility to be affectionate. It’s her responsibility to be agreeable. The husband’s responsibility is to sacrificially love as Christ loved the Church—not to make his wife submit.” https://www.marykassian.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

        Of course, a husband does not have a right to demand or extract submission from his wife but as head over her, he has a responsibility to tell her that she is to submit to him. There’s no prohibition against this. It’s not her choice to decide when and how she is to submit. God commands that she submit (even be obedient to him) in everything as unto the Lord. Who said it’s his responsibility to be affectionate? And when she tells us that it’s the husband’s duty to sacrificially love as Christ loved the Church, why doesn’t she add that it’s the wife’s job to submit to everything the husband wants? In the entire article, she never wrote anything about true, biblical submission. She watered it down instead.

        She also doesn’t believe it’s wrong for women to preach on Sunday mornings or teach men. Yes, she knows the Scripture that tells women to be quiet in the churches and they aren’t to teach men but then gives all of the exceptions why she did preach in a church service and taught men. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/women-teaching-men-how-far-is-too-far

        It saddens me how many female Bible teachers eventually water down the word of God and even disobey it in order to do what they want to do.

    2. Hi Lori, another thing you are telling ladies not to read anything Mary Kassian promoted but you yourself promoted the True Woman 101 & 102 Books a few years back. I have my own Facebook ministry and I search the web to put posts, etc on it and just this past week I found a post of yours a few years back promoting these books. I will not condemn you because God has maybe worked in your heart like he does all of us continually. We really have to be careful of what we say.

      1. Just because I disagree with someone on some things they teach doesn’t mean I disagree with everything they teach. It’s the same with almost everyone I learn from. The only one I agree with 100% is God’s Word. We must measure everything by the Word of God and I believe Mary falls short when it comes to submission and some other areas. In researching what she wrote on her blog, I found this:

        “A husband does not have the right to demand or extract submission from his wife. Submission is HER choice—her responsibility… it is NOT his right!! Not ever. She is to “submit herself”— deciding when and how to submit is her call. In a Christian marriage, the focus is never on rights, but on personal responsibility. It’s his responsibility to be affectionate. It’s her responsibility to be agreeable. The husband’s responsibility is to sacrificially love as Christ loved the Church—not to make his wife submit.” https://www.marykassian.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

        Of course, a husband does not have a right to demand or extract submission from his wife but as head over her, he has a responsibility to tell her that she is to submit to him. There’s no prohibition against this. It’s not her choice to decide when and how she is to submit. God commands that she submit (even be obedient to him) in everything as unto the Lord. Who said it’s his responsibility to be affectionate? And when she tells us that it’s the husband’s duty to sacrificially love as Christ loved the Church, why doesn’t she add that it’s the wife’s job to submit to everything the husband wants? In the entire article, she never wrote anything about true, biblical submission. She watered it down instead.

        She also doesn’t believe it’s wrong for women to preach on Sunday mornings or teach men. Yes, she knows the Scripture that tells women to be quiet in the churches and they aren’t to teach men but then gives all of the exceptions why she did preach in a church service and taught men. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/women-teaching-men-how-far-is-too-far

        It saddens me how many female Bible teachers eventually water down the word of God and even disobey it in order to do what they want to do.

        1. Hi Lori, by what I have studied of hers I believe she does believe in submission. I think it’s best if you haven’t really studied a lot of her material to get in contact with her and ask her directly. Yes, I agree, I don’t agree with everyone says also. I like most things you say but I have some differences in some of the things you say but I still think it’s good in what you are doing. Please, please, if you are going to say anything about anyone else make sure you know the truth. Talk with the person directly. I’m sure she will honestly answer you and then you can put your comments on. I have studied a lot of Mary Kassian talks, etc and I think it’s great. God bless you Lori.

        2. Good post Lori. So many people have this watered down version of submission and I blame false teachers and feminism. A husband can’t force his wife to submit but he can demand it. A demand is like a direct request, thats totally different then physically forcing a wife to submit. Submission looks different in every home but a husband demanding submission is not wrong.

  7. These women are angry, almost without exception. If they were really settled and okay with their beliefs…why would they be so furious? I’m with you, Lori; I’d rather watch the old shows that the trash that passes for entertainment these days. My kids enjoyed older programs, too. As for the “toilet cleaning” comment, well, I worked a lot of years before I married. Any job or career will have a certain amount of “toilet cleaning” or some equivalent. There are plenty of times in a work setting where your ideas are dismissed, you are given seemingly menial tasks (that someone has to do!) and I don’t care who you are; it will happen in a supposedly glamorous career and it will happen in the home. The keepers at home that I know are quite peaceful and content individuals. This author and her followers? Not so much.

  8. Lori,
    You should never, ever, ever, ever,ever,ever,ever,ever,ever stay with a man who is being emotionally abusive.

    Other than that, I agree with you.

    Love,
    Kyle

    1. Some women think they’re being emotionally abused because their husbands don’t treat them like they want to be treated. I have mentored some of these women. Abuse is overused these days and we must be careful to not destroy marriages in our zeal for the word abuse. This is why it’s good to get a godly, older woman involved.

      1. Completely agree. The vast majority of women feel they are abused simply because they don’t get what they want. And often, what they want, isn’t anything remotely close to what they should be desiring if they were a Godly woman.

      2. I agree I think that many women and the secular mainstream often regards the proper and Godly submission of a wife to her husband as ‘abusive’.

    2. What exactly is emotional abuse, and where does the Bible authorize a woman to leave her husband for it?

      Many women say they are ‘abused’ when they don’t get what they want.

      It’s a very subjective term. This is not justifying any sin towards a woman, as those are very clear. Adultery, drug abuse, alcoholism, pornography use, child molestation, and a few others are clear causes for separation, and possibly divorce, though only adultery and any sex outside of marriage allows remarriage.

    3. For anyone who considers “emotional abuse” to be sufficient to cover-over the commands from Scripture, I would encourage them to read how sinless God the Father treated sinless God the Son. Jesus endured a beating so bad, he could not be recognized. Jesus was abandoned by God while he was on the cross (“why have you forsaken me?”).
      And, through all of this, Jesus was obedient to the will of the Father.

      Wish I could say I perfectly follow Jesus’ example, without whining or excuse.

  9. America and the Christian church is quite literally dying, due to decades of Marxist indoctrinated men and women avoiding children via porn, masturbation, homosexuality, fornication, adultery, and other deviant practices, combined with birth control and abortion. The women who hate the idea of having children, are the silly women, laden with sins. These aren’t women who are living purely in marriage, and avoiding birth control and abortion.

    In reality, it is noble, and quite fulfilling for a young woman to marry and have as many children as she can. Unfortunately, since so few are being taught the Bible, few love themselves, and if one does not love themself, they cannot love a spouse and children. We have more selfish people in America today than ever before in our history. They believe the world revolves around them.

  10. Mary Kassian’s comment was good for a chuckle.

    She complains about a “strawman argument”, yet her entire comment is 100% straw-man argument from start to finish.

    Sometimes you just have to shake my head in wonder at the level of immaturity and incoherent screeching that most Feminists use in their debate.

  11. I used to listen to Nancy and Mary. Even owned some of their books. I’m not surprised both of them have swayed. Most of the female speakers I’ve heard of have eventually swayed. Or just went bonkers or taught pure heresy. I’m happy to stick to male speakers.

  12. Hi Lori! I stumbled across this and I cannot help but bingetead all you have posted! I am young and have not married yet, and knew I was missing something. I knew there was something missing when I considered how I want to live my life, and I truly believe after praying about it that God had me find your post about the wise woman building up the home.

    Also, I have a question. If you husband asks or tells you to do something that is/seems unbilical (for example, involving another woman in private matters that are strictly for marriage only), how would that be approached? I’m just curious. Thank you for Making these!

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