The Most Hated Verse in the Bible

The Most Hated Verse in the Bible

The most hated verse by women in the Bible seems to be “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24). You can’t teach this verse today without a lot of exceptions and qualifiers or women get all up in arms about it because of the word “everything.” The basic problem I see with this is that women falsely believe that when a wife submits to her husband in everything, the husband will begin to abuse her and she will become a doormat. So what woman really seem to have a problem with is the word “submit” more than the word “everything.”

Most women’s favorite verse is the one that follows about their husbands loving them as Christ loved the Church as if Christ doesn’t ask the Church to do anything that is difficult or against what they want to do! Christ asks the Church to deny themselves, be living sacrifices and willing to suffer for Him, and to even lay down their lives for Him. Besides, the more we forget about how exactly our husbands are to love us since we aren’t responsible for our husband’s behavior and instead focus upon God’s commands to us, the better our lives and marriages will be.

The reason I don’t give the exceptions and qualifiers every single time I teach verse 24 is because I want women to focus upon being subject to their husbands in everything instead of focusing upon the exceptions which becomes a distraction. There are few men who ask their wives to commit evil so the majority of women need to concern themselves with following their husbands’ lead instead of trying to figure out when they don’t have to follow.

Some women will say that they don’t have to be subject to their husbands if their husbands want to take their children to McDonald’s or get their children vaccinated. The women will say that these are sinning because we are the temple of the Holy Spirit and should take good care of our bodies so they will refuse to submit and fight their husbands on it.

Others will refuse to work outside of the home when their husband wants them to because they know that God wants them to be keepers at home. Some women may refuse to send their children to public schools when their husband wants them to because so much evil is taught and they will be influenced by peers who know not the ways of the LORD. Many husbands love to watch TV but the wives refuse to allow their children to watch any because of the filth on the screen.

The list could go on and on but I am sure you are understanding what I am trying to get across. In all of these cases, the wife has become the leader and decided what should happen in the family. She has become the head over her husband and her husband the follower because she has determined that she doesn’t want to go against the LORD’s commands. This is why I believe the LORD added the word “everything.”

How is a wife supposed to behave when she is married to a man who is disobedient to the LORD? Is she supposed to take charge according to the Word? No! She is to live in subjection to him without a word and with godly behavior (1 Peter 3:1). Therefore, she should obey him in all of the circumstances I gave above, live a godly and joyful life in front of him, and give all of her concerns to the LORD, thus allowing the LORD to convict and change her husband’s mind, not her trying to wrest control from him; for this will only tear her marriage apart instead of building it up.

When does a wife NOT obey her husband? When he asks her to do something evil like participate in a threesome, watch porn, rob a bank, or anything that he commands that she participate in that is harmful or evil to her, including anal sex (sodomy) which is defined as a “crime against nature” in the 1828 Webster Dictionary. She should not be physically abused in any way and must protect her children from it by calling the authorities.

What should a wife do if her husband wants to feed the children junk food and vaccinate them? She needs to do all she can to feed them as healthy as she can while in her care. Since women are the main caretakers of the children, she will have plenty of time to feed them nourishing food. Concerning vaccinations, she needs to concentrate on developing a healthy gut for her children by giving them fermented foods, probiotics like organic yogurt, keeping them away from as much sugar as possible, plus there are many other things she can do. Research the internet for protection against the effects of vaccinations.

If a husband wants his wife to work outside of the home, the wife needs to make sure she is reverencing and learning to please her husband in everything before she brings an appeal to him. He will be much more willing to listen to a godly, submissive wife than a quarreling and difficult one. Respectfully, show him that she can carefully live within his income by making food from scratch, shopping wisely, living simply, radically reducing spending, etc. She may even ask if she could try it for a while. If he will not relent, then live simply while she works outside of the home and daily give it to the LORD to convict and change her husband’s mind so she can come home but rest in Him until then.

If he insists that his children go to public schools, she needs to  make sure that she is teaching and training her children in the ways of the LORD all of the time that they are home. Pray with them before they go to school. Teach them about the armor of the LORD. Ask them what they learned each day and replace any lies with the truth. Be involved in the school. Then give it to the LORD to convict and change her husband’s mind about public schooling but rest at peace in the LORD’s will and provision.

If you have a situation that you are uncertain about, seek the wisdom of a godly woman who knows the Word and loves the LORD.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:5, 6

56 thoughts on “The Most Hated Verse in the Bible

  1. Amen, Amen, Amen! I once asked a preacher what I should do since my husband isn’t saved and he told me that I had to step up and be the spiritual leader in the home. That never set right with me and I struggled with it. I could not find it anywhere in my Bible that I should do that. I kept going back to the verses on submission and one day it dawned on me that God could have easily put the “as long as he is a believer” exception in any of those verses and it’s not there. But what is there is:

    1 Peter 3:1-2
    Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
    While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

    Those verses answered my questions about who was head of our household!

    1. He should have said “step up and be the spiritual one” in the home, not the leader. To lead spiritually is to lead from bottom up anyway, sacrificing oneself for the service and well being of others. There are many wives who are the more spiritual ones of their home, but they are, as you so well put it, to still allow their husbands to lead. And by their godly behavior won their husbands to the Lord and to spiritual leadership.

    2. HH,

      The Word has the answer to every matter we face. I just love the Word and teachers like the Alexanders who encourage us to feast on It.

      *hugs*
      ~Kelley

  2. Dear Lori,
    What a timely message! My poor mother desperately wants more grandchildren (and to be perfectly honest, I would be more than happy with the three children my sweet husband and I have). However, my husband is concerned that he will not be able to provide for any more children and still be able to live comfortably in retirement and has said a hard no to more children. It breaks this poor mama’s heart!

    Without getting too personal, my husband is in charge of birth control (he uses condoms). I was wondering what your thoughts would be on asking him if I could start on the birth control pill. Of course, who’s to say if I would remember to take it or not? 😉 After all, birth control is not 100% reliable, is it? 😉

    Blessings!

    1. There are a lot of harmful side effects to birth control pills, Sarah. I know women who have lost their health from taking them. Condoms don’t have any side effects except for taking away a lot of the feeling and if this is your husband’s choice, this is what you should continue to use!

      1. Thank you for your response, Lori! I wonder if there is a method of birth control that would be up to me to deal with, if you know what I mean. Do you have any suggestions?

          1. Oh, that looks like a good idea! I’m sure my mister will be happy to get rid of the condoms. 🙂
            And while natural family planning does work in the majority of cases, if I do come up pregnant, I guess it was just God’s Perfect Timing!

            Blessings again!

          2. You could also get a diaphragm and have him do the “pull out” method during fertile times. I very much agree with Lori not to do standard birth control or IUDs.

        1. Sarah,
          It sounds to me like you are trying to take the responsibility of birth control upon yourself so that you can purposely fail and go against your husbands wishes (and his hard NO to more children) and get pregnant again. Do you really think this is something that God would honor?

          1. I wouldn’t necessarily come to that conclusion Trey, She may just want to make sure her husband gets more pleasure out of it. Nothing wrong with that. But of course, if she is being deceptive, she will have to bear the consequences.

          2. Actually trey they are both in the wrong for trying to use protection in a marriage. God is the one who opens and closes the womb not us. For the husband to want to use condoms and the wife wanting to use any type of control is out of order on both parts. God is the one in control of giving children and withholding them. When we fully let go of control God will take care of us in our obedience. So if you want to correct one make sure you are correcting the other too..

          3. Well, back in my day, there really were not any options for birth control (I have nine children!!) but I certainly hope a wife would not do such a thing. I cannot imagine how a husband would get past such a betrayal. I hope Sarah’s intentions are not what you think; even though I understand her desire for another baby. They are such a blessing.

      2. Amen, Lori! Don’t ask your husband if you can swallow a birth control pill every day for the rest of your menstruating life… You might hear “yes” and get more (than horror) than you asked for.

        In everything. Lord, help us to please You in all of that “in everything.”

        *hugs*
        ~Kelley

    2. I would suggest give things time and a target. See if he is open to certain goals that you work with him to create before having another baby. A certain amount saved, certain things you can do in the relationship… ask him if you can try to work on a set of 3-4 things that once accomplished he would reconsider his hard “no” but that you would still be open to that “no” at that time. It’s hard for a man to resist the wishes of a godly, joyful and fun loving wife who he feels is working together with him towards his goals. Remember, you can show him also how you will be working a lifetime with him to save up so that you can afford a forth. Our lives would be 50% less fulfilling without our forth :). Yup… it’s exponential joy… :).

        1. But you said Ken wanted to stop having kids because of his retirement account. It’s on your blog. Isn’t this contradictory?

          1. I have never written such a thing, Phylla. Money was never an issue for how many children we had whether we had a lot of money or a little. We knew that children are blessings from the LORD>

    3. That sounds like manipulation, to me, and really not something a godly woman should be doing.
      The birth control pill is more than 99% effective when taken correctly, and still pretty effective even when pills are missed (I was on it for several years before having a tubal ligation).
      If you really, really want more children, praying is always the best way to go about that, not manipulating your husband. (And yes, I’ve been there – that’s why we had a 4th child 5 years after child number 3 when the first 3 were all born close together).

  3. When I was first learning about submission, I asked our then pastor about it. His exact response was, ” the Bible says we are to submit one to another.”
    His wife ran his house under the guise of “helper”.

    Also, aren’t the “newer “versions of the Bible confusing as well? What are they teaching? I think this is a big problem too
    God bless
    Mrs.O

    1. Yes, Mrs. O, some of the newer versions are confusing and this is why I love the KJV but most still instruct women to be submissive to their husbands in everything, thankfully, yet few want to obey those commands. They focus upon the one that tells them to submit to one another without taking in account the whole of Scripture which is clear that wives are to be their husband’s help meet and submissive to them.

  4. My husband doesn’t like it if I’m “too” submissive. He says he likes for me to be independent and not rely on him too much for things. Sometimes when I ask him for guidance he’ll tell me to figure it out and doesn’t like to be bothered making certain decisions. Is it possible to still submit even when the husband doesn’t want you to submit? How does it work in that case?

    1. Yes, Luna, then don’t rely on him too much for things like running the home. If he tells you to figure it out, then figure it out. He’s the boss and he’s giving you a lot of freedom in your job as his help meet!

      Many men are like this but being submissive means that you learn what pleases him, listen when he speaks, don’t try to control him at all or nag him about anything, and do what he has asked you to do. You probably know how he likes the home kept, what he likes best for you to wear, etc. so just do those things without asking him a lot of questions.

    2. To be too submissive is not being submissive… You are to find what pleases your husband and if he desires you to choose to deal with the little details of the home and family on your own… then go for it, but be open to areas of correction as he expresses his desires.

      Imagine an administrative assistant always going into the bosses office to ask how she should do things. It would defeat the purpose of having this person help. Instead we want our wives to make whatever decisions they are comfortable making, but when they are not doing what we want, we set he standard and she operates now within it. Same as in any job under a leader. Imagine the president having to field 500 phone calls as a day asking him how they should run things… He trusts his people and sends word out on anything he wants different.

      1. Thanks! I feel like it would almost be easier with clear direction sometimes but my husband would rather me make decisions for myself than have to handle everything himself. He’s a very laid-back man and very “go with the flow” and slow to anger, I’m very lucky.

  5. I think one of the biggest problems today is that women just don’t know their place. Yes ladies, YOU have a place and you need to get there and stay there. Like Eve in the garden, too many of you have believed the lies of satan and have been deceived. Your wrong thinking creates wrong expectations which lead to wrong emotions. Then you allow your wrong thinking and wrong emotions to fuel wrong actions. God calls these wrong actions SIN. Too many of you are blindly living every second of every day in wretched sin. You walk around thinking you are serving God with your prideful thoughts and your pious attitudes but you are not serving God at all. You need to quit listening to the lies of this world and renew your mind on the scriptures. You need to repent from your sin and start living (acting) according to the truth of Gods Word. You need to figure out where you belong and… get in YOUR place.

    As a Christian man, I know MY place. As Paul explains in Romans 1, I am a bond-slave of Jesus Christ! I have been bought with a price and I am not my own. I am owned by Him. As an owned slave of Jesus Christ, I am responsible for several things. First and foremost, I am to die to myself and to submit to Christ in everything (Not my will, but Thine be done). I am to be obedient to Him. I am to strive every day, on a moment-by-moment basis, to conform myself to Him. I am to live my life to please, serve and glorify Jesus Christ with every fiber of my being. In everything that I think… in everything that I say… and in everything that I do… I am to submit to, obey, serve, please and glorify Jesus Christ. As a Christian man, that is MY place.

    Paul explains in Ephesians 5:22-33 that marriage (the relationship between a husband and a wife) is to be a living illustration that models the relationship between Christ and the Church. In this illustration, the husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church. Just as Paul explained his position and responsibility to Christ, wives hold the same position and responsibility to their husbands.

    In this position, God calls you (wives) to strive daily, on a moment-by-moment basis, to conform yourself to your husband. Specifically, He calls you to submit to your husband in everything. He calls you to obey your husband. He calls you to serve your husband. He calls you to do everything that you can to please your husband. He calls you to glorify your husband. Yes ladies, you were made for the glory of your husband and you need to understand… THAT is YOUR place.

    Quit being deceived with the lies of satan and this world. Quit allowing your wrong thoughts and emotions to control your actions. Learn what Gods Word says and start obeying it. There is no other place where you will experience the peace, security, love, joy and blessing that Jesus Christ has waiting for you. You need to get in YOUR place.

      1. I’ve always struggled with the word ‘strive’ it grates on me as it feels more like a works thing. Eg ‘let’s try hard to be good little Christians! ‘ I’m probably wrong. Would love a word study on it.

        1. The Apostle Paul wrote, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:14) He also wrote, “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” (1 Cor. 9:27) He also learned contentment. I believe this is what strive means.

    1. You sir, are in error. My wife is to conform to Christ and not to a mortal sinner like myself. Nowhere in scripture does it say women are to conform to their husbands. The Bible talks about the individual priesthood of each believer and how they are personally responsible for their own walk with God and how we are all new creations in Christ and everyday we conform more to his image. My precious wife and I fail every day and every day the lord brings us closer to each other as we follow God together. Not only is she a perfect and unique creation of Christ she is also my sister in the Lord and fellow Believer. Were I to die tomorrow she would still be as complete abs God honoring on her own as she would be with me. Her place is next to mine, walking in the Light of our Lord.

      This grieves me very much that there are people such as yourself who would tell my 5 smart, capable and creative daughters that they were created not to glorify their God but to bring glory to their husband should they choose to marry. The Bible does not teach such a thing. My daughters have full and equal access to God and their personal walk with Him whether married or single as my sons do. They are called the same as every other Believer is, to be more Christlike. They are complete in Christ with or without a man. Being married doesn’t take away a women’s responsibility of her walk with God of her use of the talents that God has given her.

      1. Sam,
        I think you misunderstood.
        Each person is responsible for his of her own spiritual growth. And just like Christ, out of love for our husbands we serve them as Christ did. And we speak up respectfully if they ask us to sin. I am not responsible for my husbands spiritual health. I am not his ‘holy spirit’. I need to take my husbands advice and feelings into account when making decisions. I am free to do my own thing, but God may be using my husband to issue a caution. And so with the leading of the spirit, I sometimes need to surrender my desire for my husbands sake. And blessings will come from that. God will not bless a wife who will not listen to her husband.

        1. Neither will God bless a husband that does not listen to his wife. Many times my wife has shown intuition or caution about issues that I have not, and if I hadn’t listened to her our family would’ve suffered for our greatly over our 30 years of marriage. If I shut out my wife’s smarts and gifts, I would be ignoring and disdaining the help that has been given to me. She is my ally. I need her.

          The Bible says husbands are to live with their wives in a loving and understanding way and that how we treat our wives has a direct link to our spiritual health. “That your prayers may not be hindered.”

          1. That is true Sam,
            However, while I am just as important to God as my husband, he has given me a role that is different. I am to lovingly submit to him, but we there I like it or not, I need to relent and do whatever he asks. Unless it conflicts with scripture. He needs to take my thoughts, advice and feelings into consideration, but he gets the final say. None of this ‘let’s nut this out until we both agree.’ I strongly disagree. And I am to WILLINGLY go with his final decision, or be prepared to do what I feel is the best course of action (with the Lords help) if he leaves the choice in my hands. God’s word does not instruct husbands to submit to wives, it talks about members of the body of Christ submitting to each other. But it is not in the context of a marriage relationship. My husband is my brother in Christ. But he is more than that, he is my spiritual head, acting on behalf of Christ. I submit to him in a different way than I would another member of the body of Christ.

    2. My goodness Trey; you must have a wonderfully strong and happy marriage. I picture your wife as a very gentle spirit who truly respects her role as keeper of home; and of course her strong leader of a husband. Good for you for making such a God-centered life for your family.

  6. Lots of verses in the scriptures are hated not only this one pertaining it women. Dueteronomy22:5….this passage speaks on women wearing pants. When women wear pants they put on the male dominant spirit. Pantso are made for men, dresses and skirts are made for women. Period. There is a reason why us women sit down to use the bathroom. Men are the authority they wear the pants in the home. Literally and Spiritually. Ladies remove the pants from your wardrobe and you will see and feel a difference. Many may not agree but to be honest that’s irrevelant. The pants movement came from the feminist and the lesbian movement.

      1. Many Christians use the term ‘covered his feet’ to prove their point that men wore pants back then. This is a ridiculous assumption. Covering ones feet indicated one was sleeping, not relieving ones self. I would hate to think when Ruth uncovered Boaz’s feet and layer down that he was going to the bathroom. No, he was sleeping and covered his feet with a blanket. Skirts can be just as provocative as pants, that’s why we use wisdom in what type of skirt we wear.

      2. To wear pants is an abomination unto God. He is the same God, and he change the not. Yes there are certain things in the law that we are freed from like ceremonial and sacrificial laws. But if God says something is an abomination than that’s what it is. Just like to eat pork or Sodomite/lesbians are also an abomination. Did Gid change these as well because we are not under the law? No he did not. As I stated earlier, if God says it’s anot abomination then it is so. Who are we to change it? We are to obey all things….

        1. submissive – do you not eat pork? May I ask what religion you are?
          I asked the leaders of our church about eating pork and they said it was fine – Jesus changed those old testament laws – and that serving God these days is about principles not practices (if that makes sense).
          So the principles are important (modesty, submission, love etc.) but how we practice that principle will vary somewhat from culture to culture/person to person. But the important thing is that we are living that principle as God puts on our heart. An example: modesty in a rural area of Pakistan looks different to modesty in a western city, yet both women can still please God with their own dress, even though their attire is very different.

        2. Did not Paul say that all things are good, yet not all things are profitable?. To put yourself back under the law is sin. As thru Christ we are free. There is nothing wrong with wearing loose fitting pants. If a husband asks his wife to wear pants, to wear a skirt would be rebellious. And sometimes, wearing pants is more sensible due to weather conditions or culture. South Korean women wear pants with a long tunic over the top. They are well covered and feminine looking. To a male (without trying to sound too descriptive) a dress or skirt is just as easy to lift up (and in some cases easier) than to pull down pants. If your view is that we are still to abide by the law, then when did you last sacrifice when you stumbled in your walk with Christ? Did you cook or turn on a light during the sabbath? Then that is carrying a burden/working and that is sin and you need to sacrifice for your sin. We are not to totally disregard the OT, but it certainly has some wonderful lessons for us and reasons why certain rules are put in place. I generally do not eat pork, but I do enjoy it as a treat every now and then. I’m not strict on that standard.
          I once went to a church where a man boasted how proud he was that an 11 year old girl insisted on being modest and wore a dress to the snow. No, that was stupid. Bad conditions to wear a dress. Not to mention legalistic. However if a woman wears pants and takes on a short haircut and desires to be masculine. Then I think it’s an abomination.

    1. I always believed that this verse is in regards to cross-dressing.
      To be honest, I mainly wear skirts or dresses as my husband prefers them, but when I am working I wear jeans.
      Modesty is more important than the pants/skirts debate.

      1. I agree modesty is important. That’s why when we purchase dresses or skirts we make sure that they are NOT whorish. There are many reason why a women should wear pants due to spiritual reasons and also for health reasons. No I do not eat pork and I do not follow any man made religion. I am a follower of the way. I follow what the scripture says. There are many pastors who have an opinion but are in grave error because they are not speaking according to the oracles of God. If God calls something an abomination then it is so. How can we being only dust try to change what God said to fit our American standards? Modesty first begins in the heart and it will show on the outside. Pants have zippers for men when they use the restroom. We women sit to use the restroom. No need for a zipper (if you get my drift). For health reasons the women’s private area needs breathing room. Buy I can only speak what the scriptures says. If it’s an abomination than that’s what it is. If the laws changed that mean a homosexual can get away with his sin because that’s done away with. .

        1. Thank you for clearing that up submissive. I am happy to wear a skirt or dress. But particularly when the weather is cold, I wear pants if I don’t have leggings available. I also wear pants to bed. (Pj pants of course!) But if weather conditions permit, I wear a dress or skirt. Cotton underwear is best for health resons. I don’t wear pantyhose for the same reasons. And keeping sugar and processed foods at bay is a must. And I have never had a problem when wearing pants. Some may, but for those who keep clean and practise the same as I do, it’s generally (but not always a problem) 🙂

          1. As for homosexuality being an abomination. The reason we adhere to that view point is because it is also throughout the new testament. Had it just been in the old, (forgive me if I’m wrong) then one would assume it would be a principle, not law anymore. But quite frankly it’s detestable.

        2. Thank you for replying, submissive.
          I agree with you that modest skirts/dresses are more modest, and therefore more appropriate, than pants in most cases, but sometimes pants are more practical.
          I ride racehorses – virtually impossible and very immodest to do in a skirt! I also work as a cleaner and wear pants to do that too, even though I clean our home wearing skirts. And when it’s snowing I wear pants too.

          As for homosexuality, that’s mentioned in the New Testament too, not just the Old Testament.

  7. Abusive men likely WILL abuse their submissive wives. But they’re likely abusing their unsubmissive wives, too. Abusive men are going to be abusive, no matter what. Physically, emotionally, financially … there are many types off abuse and all of it is wrong and all of it needs to be stopped.
    But most men are not abusive, and it’s highly unlikely that a not-abusive man is suddenly going to turn abusive when a woman submits to him.
    I know this from experience.

    1. You are right and this is why it’s bothersome that so many women bring up all of the exceptions to submission when they are married to men that don’t abuse them. They simply don’t want to be submissive is the bottom line. They want to be in control.

  8. Amen! Lori, I wish you knew how much your blog had helped me with my marriage! I have NEVER considered myself to be a feminist (blech!), but sometimes I did argue with my husband and expect him to help with housework. Your blog changed my life!!! 😊🙏

  9. Yes there can be allergies to condoms especially if they are latex which becomes worse with each exposure it can be fatal
    .

  10. There is so much about wearing pants and eating pork here. . .and so little about giving to charity and helping widows and orphans.

    Don’t you do that? We are commanded to do those things, too? And failure to do so hurts society, just as much as pants and pork.

    1. Ma’am there is not much talk just light talk lol. As far as helping yes we are to help our BREATHEN. Those who are not in covenant with the Lord, we must use discernment in helping them. You can do all the works in the world but if you are walking in disobedience it means nothing. Remember obedience is better than sacrifice ..be at peace.

      1. Modesty is not light talk! It is important. Why do you address it as “light”?

        However, charity is also important (it is mentioned far more often in Scripture), and yet it is rarely mentioned here.

        1. Again reread my comment. When I say light talk meaning that it’s not a lot of comments addressing it..smh….obedience is better than sacrifice…what is love…to keep God’s commandments not our own…again be at peace

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