The Virus Invading Christian Marriages

The Virus Invading Christian Marriages

Written By Ken

As the Corona virus whacks this country and the rest of world, I cannot help but think about the parallels between it and Christian marriages. Christian marriages appear to be suffering from multiple flu-like symptoms which find their way to the comment section of this ministry. We wish we had a cure for these particular marriage viruses, but because there appears to be no cure in sight, the only hope is to try and protect the ministry and sanctity of marriage by removing the virus comments and sometimes banning the carrier from commenting again.

When this page was first begun it was done so innocently. A sickly, Christian woman wanted to keep in contact with her young disciples so she asked her daughter if she would build a blog page for her to do so. All excited about doing ministry instead of just focusing on the great pain she was in, “Always Learning” and then later “The Transformed Wife” were born with most posts on Titus 2. Little did she know that the first virus would hit before she reached a hundred followers. A virus breeding ground was already waiting to attack when the little blog began.

The virus of confusion and abuse came quickly and swiftly telling all the young ladies that if they married a Christian man who they agreed to love, honor, and obey, they would soon become their husband’s doormat. Worse yet, many Christian women who follow God’s admonition to live in submission to their husbands will be run over with abuse. Not always physical abuse, but verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse that the virus says is rampant in all Christian conservative circles. God’s Word cannot be trusted in this area, and besides, the apostles Paul’s and Peter’s words were never intended for modern day culture. It was just for those ignorant, helpless women of the early Church.

At first, we tried to deal with the virus of confusion and abuse by reasoning with what we thought were well meaning Christians. I even jumped onto some of their sites and tried to show them that we were not some Dark Ages Christian couple, but a real modern time normal couple with wonderful, well-behaved children who loved the Lord. We were not kooks but highly educated and well-schooled in the Scriptures. We were Christians who just want to accept God at His Word. All of it, just as He gives it!

But you know the crazy thing about a virus? It really has just one purpose and that is to get into the body and cause as much destruction as it can. No matter how we tried to reason with these people and prove to them from the Word that they were wrong, it made no difference to them. They would move to another part of the body to try and destroy. Then began personal attacks, lies, mischaracterizations, and anything they could do to try and kill off this little ministry. We watched other similar ministries fail as fear took hold of the writers from what they perceived were potential threats to their children and livelihoods.

Soon Lori found a way to fight the virus by using the power of “hide and ban.” She began to routinely delete comments that were not in keeping with her teachings and the Word, and those posted just to be antagonistic and damaging to the post of the day. They would sometimes appear as outright attacks, but often were much more subtle and trollish. It took some time to learn the wiles of the troll, but as she did, she began to see greater protection of the ministry.

Of course, these “Christian” woman became furious that they had been banned from commenting. “How can you ban me and my comments? That is unchristian and unAmerican! I should be able to drop ‘poop’ on your blog and ministry any time I like! Barring that, I am going to participate in making sure your ministry dies by spreading falsehoods and lies as far and wide as I can.”

It was not exactly those words, but pretty close to the reality of what happened. An army of a thousand or so banned commenters to this day continue to attack and malign as much as they can, even knowing now that Lori is solidly biblical and harmless to the gospel of Christ Jesus. They cannot let it go and move on. Some hide in foreign countries and blog lie after lie, yet this virus barely touches Lori and her ministry anymore. But the virus does send many each week from the outside onto the page and ministry as God uses the virus venom to attract those who desire a godly marriage.

Now years later, we have been hit with another virus called “Men Going Their Own Way.” These men have been burned terribly by women, even those who they thought were Christian women, only to discover that some years into marriage they were being divorced, children taken from them, and locked into servitude by an unjust system of having to provide for a wife and family who they cannot even live with and enjoy.

Here too we have tried to sympathize with them but have tried to hint very kindly the same way we did with our trolls, that we cannot focus a Titus 2 ministry upon hating modern day women and marriage. Just as we told the original complainants, we believe God’s Word, all of it and we are not about to start teaching that marriage is a bad thing or spend time and energy focused on the failures of Christian marriage, but instead on what it can be: God’s great purpose in marriage and family.

A God-given marriage can be the greatest gift anyone can experience in life. Two souls who are very different and uniquely made to fit together perfectly by God, mentally, emotionally, and physically, IF marriage is done God’s way. When marriage is done the world’s way, it can still be good, but nothing can compare to the personal satisfaction of playing out one’s role in a marriage just as God has designed it to be.

And what is that marriage? It is a loving marriage of a lifetime commitment to seek the best interest of your spouse in good times and in bad. Where the husband accepts his God-given role of loving his wife sacrificially, and she accepts his role as leader and head by trusting him and his love. She is his helper and nurturer, even when she may be smarter, wiser, and stronger of spirit than he is. It’s a marriage that generally produces beautiful, well-disciplined godly children who will become the next generation of Christians, leading the remnant forward into all of God’s ways.

But this new virus wants to forbid marriage until laws are changed and modern woman recognizes all the evils of feminism. Returning to a day where she champions her man instead of kicking him to the curbside when she feels “dissatisfied” or just wants a new horizon. After all, was she not taught that she can do anything a man can do, including walking away from her family if she so chooses?

It may not seem like it sometimes with the way we comment, or when your comment gets deleted or you get banned, but we love you all! I have spent hundreds of hours communicating with trolls and haters trying to connect and prove to them that we are not bad people, but Lori has a God-given purpose and she is going to complete it until God takes the ministry from her, or she breathes her last breath. This has everything to do with how much she loves women and does not want to see so many Christian women and marriages suffering from the awful viruses that seek to destroy what God calls good.

Marriage is the best means by which we can fulfill the great commission and populate the family of God. There is no second best or other way to achieve God’s will than to keep battling for not only Christian marriage, but also for homeschooling and protection of our children from the many vicious viruses that seek to destroy the faith imparted to them by a godly mom and dad.

So ladies and gentlemen, we must get the comment section of this ministry back where it belongs to mainly women who are actively wanting to learn what it means to be a Titus 2 wife and mother, or to those who are Titus 2 women sharing their wisdom with the younger women.

If you are not one of those two types of commenters, your comments are still welcome so long as they are uplifting, edifying, and Kingdom building. The ragging on how bad men are or how bad women are is not acceptable, especially when it goes on and on and on.

Please do not get offended if your comment on either side of these extremes gets deleted. It has little to do with you and everything to do with protecting the ministry from these viruses. And the decision to delete is not an easy one, hence many get left up, but with the help of those of you who are on Lori’s side, we can make the commenting a place where learning can once again flourish for women who are seeking a Titus 2 mentor and godly way of life.

Thank you for all the support you have given to this unique and valuable ministry. Even you trolls and MGTOW, we don’t hate you but care about you and your hurts, and hope you do not hate us for trying to do as God has placed on our hearts. If you are a believer, we can talk this all out in heaven together some day, but for now, we pray you will be healthy and safe from the Corona virus and from the viruses planted to steal your joy and rob you of a full and satisfying abundant Christian life that walks in the Spirit of God’s Word.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Peter 5:8

61 thoughts on “The Virus Invading Christian Marriages

  1. Amen, marriage needs to be promoted and something to look forward to especially with the younger generation.

  2. Thank you so much for this ministry. My marriage was always “good” but because of the continued daily exhortation of Lori I have a great marriage. My husband brags on me to my parents, my children and his friends. God has been gracious to us ladies in this time by giving us Lori’s blog.

  3. Amen!!! What wisdom and discernment the Lord has blessed you both with! I am so incredibly thankful for this blog. Growing up in a very feminist state it has completely helped reshape and transform my thinking. A little over a year ago God answered our prayers and I was able to quit my work as a part time RN and be home full-time with my 3 young children. Our oldest started half-day kindergarten this year at a private classical Christian school. We are near Seattle, one of the first hot spots where covid-19 first hit and I have been homeschooling my 6, 3, and 1 year old for a little over 3 weeks. What an absolute joy this has been for our family. I totally see the benefits for the entire family with this lifestyle. My husband has been working from home for about the past month as well. I enjoy being able to prepare him healthy lunches that he likes and encourage him throughout the day. We are now having conversations on what it might look like to continue with homeschool rather than staying at a private Christian school. Although, I miss the fellowship with women in my church especially—the Lord has planted seeds in my heart during this time and I have been enjoying not having any obligations outside of the “home life.”

  4. Dear Lori, last time i checked, it’s a free country, where you can choose to either post comments, or delete them. Perhaps, people whose comments you exercise your freedom to delete, might consider starting their own blogs – where they’ve the same freedom of expression. Take care of yourself, and yours. Stay well.

  5. Hello Ken:

    I only have one thing to say and I think it is very important. It is not what we “say”, but what we “do” that is most important.

    Anyone can say they are a Christian, but few try to really walk in Jesus’s shoes to the best of all our limited ability.

    The 8 Beatitudes Come to mind.

    Your thoughts,

  6. Amen. Thank you Ken. Lori’s blog is an oasis in the desert, a biblical voice of reason for us young wives and I point many of my friends and acquaintances to her work. May it please the Lord Almighty to bless this work with many more decades of success. I used to be content only reading and never engaging with comments but after seeing the vitriolic attacks on Lori following the “men prefer debt free virgins…” post, I vowed to stand in support of Lori’s work and comment from time to time. God bless you both.

  7. Ken & Lori,
    How encouraging to hear this ministry will focus on its original roots without all the noise from the naysayers. Young ladies are thirsty for this message, as well as older married Christian women who have never had a role model, or are in churches that don’t teach submission to ones husband. Praying more are reached!
    Trusting in Jesus,

  8. I love the heart of today’s article. Have I become frustrated with my wife? Absolutely. Has she been frustrated with me? Certainly. But doing nothing but complaining doesn’t produce anything good. We need to look to God and His word to find answers and satisfaction. Negative comments can be constructive, if presented with the right attitude, but are destructive if it is complaining for nothing more than only to complain and not find God’s solution. I appreciate the ministry that God has given to both of you.

  9. I wonder how much time these active, vocal opponents spend telling people about the grace of God that has appeared to all (also from Titus 2)!

    There are PLENTY of super-popular, heretical teachers out there tied to Bethel, Elevation, etc. but you won’t find these people calling into question the worship songs that they listen to in the car or sing on Sunday. Instead, they want to find fault with someone taking God’s word at face value.

    It’s sad, and it’s sad that I spent much of my life focused on the wrong things. Be blessed, Alexander family!

  10. Dear Ken and Lori,
    I am so sorry for all you have been through trying to share God’s word and ways.
    I am uplifted and encouraged by your blog and have been for many years.
    I hope you continue for many more.

  11. Yes sir! We are trying :). It’s a tough world out there when someone gets burned by it they want to assume the worst for everyone.

  12. Yay M! Yay God! Yay TTW!

    Our God is so good and it is these kind of uplifting ad hopeful comments that we should be all about. If our words have no Fruit of the Spirit in them, can they be from God?

    “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control…” (Gal. 5:22-23).

  13. Yay Krystal! Now those are some uplifting words of encouragement to others through your story of how God is working in your life and marriage. What fun to do things God’s ways!

  14. Thanks Sue,

    Yes, we think the same thing, yet Lori is trying to keep the pages open as possible. I am just trying to help her keep it on track for it’s mission.

    It does become a little one sided by because it’s purpose is to deal with women, and we do have a lot of tough skinned feminists running around our churches today. But we will also have difficult and unloving men too. The extremes will always be with us, and we feel their pain, but encourage those who are victimized by our culture to take it to the cross and seek how God can restore them and make marriage be a good thing again for them.

  15. Of course Joanna, we fully understand this, and wonder why our detractors, many of which live joyless lives, can’t see the love, joy and peace that we not only have in our marriage, but also have helped to instill in our children’s four successful marriages.

    We get accused of so many things by these outsiders who do not want to measure what we teach and how we have lived by the fruit that results, but by their warped perception of something that they or others have mischaracterized.

    Jesus knows who belongs to Him, and He says we can “know them by their fruit.” It is disgusting to me to know that some are just rooting for failure in Christians lives and abhor the successes. Every chance they get they want to see a Duggar or Alexander fall, even to the point of writing about a rumor that never happened after if it must be true. Never an apology after the fact for the lies they told for days. Kind of like CNN and MSNBC … just looking for the negativity.

  16. We thank you for your support! We actually thought your comment would be the last word on this subject for awhile in the post earlier this week as it was so spot on, but that wasn’t enough of a hint :). I am hoping this post is clearer …

    Thank you for your love and support! We sure need your prayers and hedge of protection. God is so good !

  17. Dear Ken and Lori,
    I’m sorry to hear of all the things you have been through for spreading Gods Word. I’m a young girl and I just recently found this blog. I have felt lost in my life a long time, grew up in a family that is against everything this blog standss for and this blog brought me to God and finally gave me a sense of purpose, something that made me happy. Thank you for everything you both do and I hope I can continue to learn from you.

  18. Thanks Suzanne! We are trying! Like anything we lose focus at times and have to get back on task, mission and purpose. Thank you for your encouragement!

  19. Thank you Chris!

    We are happy to hear the broken hearts those who need to be heard and perhaps are seeking help, but not over and over again :). At some point yes, find the good things and let’s dwell on them in our spouses. There is so much to be thankful for to have a spouse who loves you that you can grow old with and your children and look to for their marriages.

  20. Nothing but God, death or disease will stop Lori’s love for Christian women and in turn her trying to help them find what she was missing the first 20 years of marriage.

    Thank you for your prayers and participation in this important ministry!

  21. The First Amendment was designed for virtuous and wise speech to be protected, it was not designed to protect outright lies, perversions, and Satanic attacks on the Bible, God, Christ, Christianity, and the truth.

  22. Ken and Lori, I can’t imagine how much time and energy is required to “manage” TTW–both the positive and negative aspects–but I am so grateful for your faithfulness and dedication to this very important undertaking. Although not a young woman, I am still benefiting greatly from your teaching and look forward to every post. What you are doing DOES make a significant difference. Blessings to you and your loved ones.

  23. Thanks Ken and Lori,
    I am so thankful for the growing number of resources that support submission/biblical womanhood and femininity. I hope they all spread like an incurable disease. ???

  24. So glad to read this. I’m so glad Lori has a you for a husband, Ken, to support her. Thanks for keeping things on track for those of us who want to learn and help where we can.

    God bless!

  25. Hi Lori,
    I’ve been reading your blog for well over a year now, and I just really wanted to thank you and the many wise women who comment on this blog! What you teach is something so precious, that very few can even fathom it. I know that my marriage and family are all the more better for me learning what my God given role is. So, thank you again for speaking the truth! And, also for leading me to the Pearls. I’ve been devouring their books and they have taught me so much about being a wife and mother! Prayers and encouragement for you and Ken, and your beautiful ministry!

  26. I am so glad you choose to comment, Mother Dearest. You have so much wisdom and I find your comments to be very encouraging to me.
    I am sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

  27. Very good. A virus is invisible, we just see the bad effects, divorce, unmarried mothers etc. I was so badly taught as a new Christian many years ago, it’s a miracle that I got married at all. There were good preachers out their but I didn’t know them. If I’d had your teaching at the time, I would have got married a lot sooner. Many young Christian women I knew, are now old and still single or divorced, had children taken away by social workers and some disobeying God by teaching and leading men. I know it doesn’t sound like they are Christians but they say they are and so do their leaders. I can’t help them at all, I have tried, so I know it’s hard work for you and Lori but it’s worth it.

  28. Praise the Lord Emmaline that you are now “feeling good in your own skin” because your purpose aligns with who you are!

    Thank you for sharing your great news and may the Lord bless you richly on your journey of faith.

  29. Christians are known by the fruit they produce, Heather, and if they are living in disobedience to God’s Word, it’s a dangerous place to be. Keep praying for them!

  30. Thank you Grace-Full!

    It is lot’s of time for Lori and just a little for me. She does all the heavy lifting and writing. Your kind words keep her going strong!

  31. CW, nobody attacks heretics because their message is powerless to convict of sin. Now, God’s Word we know is a double edged sword. Wherever it is spoken truthfully, no one hears and sits on the fence in their hearts. They are either convicted of sin unto repentance or their hearts are hardened in rebellion. Either way, God is glorified; in the former, for His mercy upon a repentant sinner, and in the latter, for His righteous judgement against sin. Ours is to speak truth boldly and tirelessly in the arenas that God has allowed us in His Word, and to then leave the hearers to respond as they will.

  32. People speak out of pain, and don’t really realize what a blessing it is to live in the role God made for us. I’m wondering, could you recommend any marriage books that would be beneficial?

  33. “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. My book “The Power of the Transformed Wife.” “On the Other Side of the Garden” (I forgot the author). These are the first ones that come to mind.

  34. It’s one thing to “agree to disagree” on non-Biblical mandates, but intentionally lying to harm a brother or sister in Christ’s reputation is
    a reprehensible choice.

    “they want to see a Duggar or Alexander fall”
    Very sad.
    First, because we are all imperfect, fallen humans who need the Gospel, so if any of your kids, in-laws, or grandchildren deal with a future sin issue, the blood of Christ has covered it and they’re not earning their eternity with Him once they’ve accepted Christ as Savior. Of course, we desire to be obedient in our lives and marriages as believers, but we’re all in the process of sanctification.

    I hope Lori is compensated for her book sales, because she should be for her efforts as an author. However, her ministry is authentic because by her blog not being monetized, we know nothing is driving her message but the Word of God and her desire to teach us. I personally think it would be nice if she could enjoy some financial benefits of her hard work on social media platforms, though. She’d probably enjoy spoiling you and the grandkids ;), but you two know what’s best for your ministry.

    Keep teaching us, even when we resist at times as some of us are attempting to shed lifelong feminist ideas that have snuck into our minds.
    I was just having a wonderful “teachable moment” discussion with my 18-year-old daughter today, and Lori’s teaching came up. It’s tough going against the grain of what society is saying, but it’s a blessing when your child says “I don’t care that other girls don’t believe the way I do about…”. A Christian world view for teens and adults can feel isolating, as you know. Having an online teacher across the nation or world makes the journey a little less lonely.
    Your ongoing patience and love is appreciated. Praying for God’s continued protection and blessings to your marriage and family!

  35. Hi Ken and Lori, a little over a year ago I found TTW and since then you and many of the other truly Christian like minded women (and men) that post here out of love, faith and true christian spirit have been such a blessing to me and my family. I can’t tell you how many times I (and my parents) have been teased and questioned because my mom lived a life of biblical womanhood and taught me the same at an early age. I’ve never worked, have very little education and had 3 boys back to back at a young age and am now 43 and am still a very happy and content stay at home wife and will be the rest of my life. I very openly submit to and obey my husband (of 24 years now) in everything, and quite often I’m asked and questioned – mostly by women – why I don’t get a job, why I don’t further what little education I do have, and why I stay so close to my husband and look to him for everything, every decision. TTW has shown me that I am not alone at all in trying to live bibically in these difficult, feminist driven times. Thank you, God bless you both and please continue to lead and teach. Ken I applaud you for trying to get rid of all the hateful and negative posts some chose to push on us. I pray for you all every day!

  36. Great post! Thank you Ken or everything you and Lori do to guide women (and men).

  37. Men Going Their Own Way has been linked to white supremacist groups. Do you support that?

  38. We do not really know much about either group, but there may be a few overlaps of individual men in each, but the two groups should not be linked at all. The ones linking them are the Feminazi’s and Trolls which also have an overlap but are two different groups. These two counter forces tend to hate each other and malign each other whenever they can including trying to link us with them. That is what haters do.

    We are opposed to all extreme groups and haters. We stand with Christ Jesus and try to love all people, men, women, black, white, tan, rich, poor, healthy, unhealthy… all need Christ Jesus, and all can become brand new children of God as part of one family of God with us by faith through grace.

  39. Thank you Lakelie and thank you God for giving Lori the strength and wisdom to carry on thus important ministry.

  40. Thank you Anonymous,
    We appreciate your kind words and especially that your 18 year old daughter “get’s it” that it is all about God and His Word and not about the world and what friends and others think.

    To be honest, I do not know that much about the Duggars except what I have seen and heard on TV. I believe they made a choice long ago to try and model what a large strong godly family looks like to the world with actions and not words. My guess is their contract precludes them from much of any evangelism.

    From what I have gathered about the men, they are indeed hard working. One a soccer player turned pastor, one missionary in college, one in law school, one selling used cars, others have been or are in construction.

    Lori will delete your comments concerning the Duggars so that they are not denigrating this wonderful Christian family. We don’t have to agree with the Duggars on everything to honor them as part of the family of God with an outstanding ministry. I do not know why the comments on their page are not policed and nasty ones deleted, but there are many haters out there and they are the ones to blame, not the Duggars.

  41. I’m a little late to the party as I’m behind on your posts but I just wanted to say I’m so glad you have chosen to get back to your original format of teaching Biblical Womanhood. And I’m also glad that you take such intricate care of policing the ugly comments that I’m sure you get. I’m looking forward to your blog getting back to the things I loved it for when I began following it about 4 years ago. I am a different woman because of your teachings and am reaping the benefits of a much happier marriage and husband. Thanks for all you do.

  42. I think that you should not post any comments in your posts. I believe that people can get more focused on the comment section and not learn from the actual post. I see a lot of back and forth bickering at times with the comments on this blog. Most days I skip reading the comments because they can be so irritating to read. Still let people comment if you like that but maybe stop posting them publicly and contact the commenters privately. Remember, what do you truly want the focus of this blog to be. Is it teaching biblical womanhood or do you use it to address those who disagree with you?

  43. People have the freedom to read the comments or not. Some enjoy it and others do not. I will continue to post comments and have always tried to be careful about which ones I post.

  44. I’m not sure if I would characterize MGTOW as a virus, as modern Neo-Marxist feminism has become. I would characterize it as a rational reaction to the desecration of the institution of marriage, the deregulation of the sexual marketplace and feral females.

    It occurs to me that over the past century, women’s roles have changed drastically, while men’s role — work, protect and provide — are expected to remain the same. Women, on the other hand, have become unsubmissive, career-focused, and rebellious, and are actively putting off marriage until as late as possible (ladies, give your twenties, and we will give you the rest of our lives and call it a pretty sweet deal!). Why? Because they have been lied to.

    Most decent men just look on and shake our heads as they ruin themselves and then wail “where have all the good men gone?” when they have little to offer. Something’s got to give, and MGTOW is the inevitable result.

    MGTOWs come in several varieties, from incels (who women won’t miss) to sex-but-no-marriage (who they definitely will). Few are woman-haters, most are simply disgusted at what’s on offer.

    As for me, my marriage is in its fourth decade, and I don’t ever want to be single (they don’t make ’em like her anymore). But I know too many men in their twenties, thirties and even forties who have burned, jaded or are simply disgusted with women to ever want to marry what’s on offer. I don’t agree with them, but I do understand them.

  45. I really appreciate this blog. When I first started reading it I immediately knew you all probably dealt with backlash, but I so appreciate you all enduring it and continuing on. When I first started staying at home a little over a year ago I always worried if it was really what God wanted or if I threw away a good job. Now I can relax because I’ve learned that God’s Word does say that I am doing right by staying home and raising our children. Please continue pressing on, many of us enjoy the blog and have learned so much!

  46. Thank you for a thoughtful article. I believe our men need help being better husbands , fathers, and spiritual leaders in the home. Have you considered this for men?

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