Trying to Stay Visible as Keepers at Home

Trying to Stay Visible as Keepers at Home

The feminists movement of the 1960s began because women felt worthless and invisible. Feminists came along and urged mothers to leave their homes, find careers, make money and a name for themselves. An article written by Leslie Loftus attempts to explain the perplexities of trying to be a stay-at-home mom since feminism. “‘Stay-at-home mom’ became the preferred term for opt-out mothers everywhere precisely because it focused on the children. ‘Housewife’ was too focused on homes and husbands. We were defensive enough rationalizing wasting our education for our children—we weren’t even going to attempt rationalizing that for our marriages. We are women. We’ve got this not only without men, but in spite of them.”

Did you follow that? Feminism hasn’t made women’s life easier; it’s made it more complicated. Women have become ashamed to say they are focused on their homes and husbands but God commands they focus upon them. Focusing solely on the children, as many have done today, is destructive in so many ways, especially for the children and if it ruins marriages from neglect. Then there’s the issue of all the years gaining higher education and most likely careers, yet trying to justify all of this time and money spent when staying home full time with the children. Finally, there’s a dig against men as if men aren’t valuable asset to societies and women don’t need them.

Then when the children are all grown up and gone, the mothers feel invisible and have no idea what to do with themselves. (It happens that I just made a YouTube the other day called Spending My Days as an Older Woman without having a career.) I was one who went to higher education – five and a half years after graduating from high school. I also had a career as a school teacher for three and a half years after that until I was able to come home full time. I never thought to find my identity in my higher education or career. All I ever wanted to do in life was to be married and have children, even though I was steeped in the feminist movement. Schooling and careers never held any sway on me.

Our identities shouldn’t be found in what we decide to do any ways. They are found in Christ, who He says we are, and what He tells us to do. He made it easy for us, women, because He carefully spelled it out in His Word. We don’t need to get involved in “mommy wars” or try to find some false sense of “fulfillment” outside of the home that many women are chasing today.

Leslie also wrote,  “An associate dean of Stanford writes a book on how herding our kids in a higher education rat race stunts their growth, and yet we still persist.” I may have to read this book because I agree. Whether people know or love God or not, they are made in His image and He gave us an instruction manual. He has this to say about worldly wisdom: “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God” (1 Corinthians 3:19).  Not every child, male or female, has to go for higher education! There are way more negatives to it these days than positives.

“I think much of the problem is that we bought into the Second Wave idea that the only valued work is paid work.” She’s right. God doesn’t say that making money is the be all and end all. In fact, He warns against the love of money. No, He commands we be Kingdom investors and what greater thing can there be than investing our lives into our husbands, children, and homes?

Her conclusion: “The narrative is this: if you don’t earn a paycheck—complete with Social Security and federal income tax withholding—then what you do is worthless. We secretly believe we are wasting our educations, and that we will be invisible in motherhood.” This right here summarizes the lies women have been fed for far too long. God created you and He created you to marry, bear children and guide the home. You are not invisible to Him and this is all that matters. You are doing Kingdom work.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.
Matthew 6:19, 20

12 thoughts on “Trying to Stay Visible as Keepers at Home

  1. Great post today! Our only son started community college last fall, so even though he still technically lives here, I don’t feel like a stay at home mom. I have struggled with the idea of finding something part time because I don’t feel like I am as needed at home as much. Then we came to a financial situation that we weren’t sure was going to work out. We had to discuss the fact that I may have to return to work, and then my husband told me that he didn’t want me to go back to work. Anyway the situation worked itself out, but hearing him say that made me realize that home is exactly where I need to be.

    I LOVE my job, I love taking care of my husband and our home. It is an honor, but sometimes I get caught up in the feminism of today, even though I KNOW better. I let myself “feel” like I am not contributing to our family because it is not monetary. I know how hard my husband works and that he is under the stress of providing for us and having a boss and coworkers he doesn’t always agree with. I know that being a housewife, I don’t have to deal with any of that, and I know that I am indeed blessed!

    1. You being home and taking care of the home, food, shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc. makes his life easier. When wives work, husbands usually have to help with all of this so it makes their lives harder. You are doing a good work, HH, as your husband’s help meet!

  2. I was blessed to be able to stay home with my children homeschooling them. I have never regretted that. We have a modest home God has provided. Now my elderly mother is living with us. Looking back I clearly see, Trust and Obey God will surely provide.

    1. He sure does, Lynn. Many have little faith in a great God, unfortunately, and do what our culture is doing instead of what the Lord asks them to do. It rarely produces anything good.

  3. A few years ago, I struggled with being a SAHM, feeling that after all, a few persons approve that in our society, and surprisingly, a few persons approve that among Christians. I struggled, because when I married​ and began to have babies, it was well approved by the women at our church. Now, 17 years after, in that same church is an odd thing to be SAHM… I had a few months of sadness and feeling a loss of purpose.

    Now I don’t feel sad about that. I feel fully blessed, relaxed, focused on the better things. Why?

    Because now I know and understand why it’s a better thing to be at home. It’s written in the Bible!

    I see around me among Christians families with working mothers​ how the mothers look stressed, never having the time to do all their things, and having very little time to spend with their husbands.

    My husband appreciates​ the fact that I take care of our sons and home during the day. He loves or home clean, tidy, and peaceful. He works very hard with a lot of stress, his work is so intense that a working mother told me that with my husband’s work, I should never work!

    I have my reward for doing this : I see that my husband can relax at home, I spend a lot of time with our sons, I can homeschool them, our home is peaceful, I am sure that I have a better health and way less stress that if I was working !

    And it helps me a lot, Lori, to come here almost daily to read your posts, it helps me keeping the focus on the better things and the guts to face the world, saying, yes, I stay at home to take care of my family, and that’s great!!

  4. “Our identities shouldn’t be found in what we decide to do any ways. They are found in Christ, who He says we are, and what He tells us to do. He made it easy for us, women, because He carefully spelled it out in His Word.” What incredibly kind and lovely words, Lori!

    This is really the most positive and encouraging thing I’ve read on your blog in a while. Lately, this blog has been wearing on me as it’s so critical of working mothers it makes me feel exhausted. While I don’t feel that these posts against working mothers are necessarily unwarranted as this message ought to reach those who might not hear it, and just feel that those mothers who feel it necessary to work already know they are making a very hard decision and would love to spend more time with their kids. I don’t wish to view them harshly but to learn of tangible steps to be staying at home and to be better wives and mothers. Are there ways to support all women while encouraging those who aren’t currently a SAHM? I’m just confused and tired since even though you bemoan “mommy wars,” that’s exactly what you’re engaging in.

    1. What God tells us to do in His Word, Ashley, is to be keepers at home and He commands older women to teach this. Yes, there will always be some exceptions because we live in a fallen world but when the exceptions are the majority and children are suffering, someone needs to speak up and speak the truth of God’s Word.

      God wants women to be at home caring for their homes and families. This is His will for them. If mothers have to work, I encourage them to seek the Lord and ask Him for wisdom to find a way to come home since their children need and want them full time. This isn’t mommy wars; this is biblical.

      1. Yes, this is so very true. It has taken me many years to come to this simple truth, though. I appreciate so much your willingness to share this, because so few in the church are. Keep it up!

  5. I have often wondered WHY DID THE CHURCH FOLLOW THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT? I understand how those who are lost follow after the lust of their flesh & the lust of the eye, but it saddens me that it shows how believers aren’t reading their Bibles and allowing IT to guide them. It’s also sad to realize that our ‘older women’ can’t ‘teach the younger women to be keepers at home’ because they aren’t. Our generation of grandchildren are missing soooo much of their Mother/Child relationship that GOD designed to be helpful to a child. Thanks for addressing this subject!

  6. I could not agree more. How refreshing to read this! Thank you for a very solid and well-written article! I, too, have a higher education degree and worked a full-time career until Fibromyalgia made it impossible for me to continue full-time. My husband and I were not able to have children due to my health issues, so I have worked the past 15 years in a part-time position from home. He is in ministry and missions, and what a blessing that I am a housewife and also a partner with him in ministry service and mission outreach! I do not feel ‘deprived’ or ‘lesser than’ in any way, as I am the daughter of Jesus—King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I lead a meaningful and fulfilling life that is not without challenges and struggles, but the blessings far outweigh the rough times! There is no greater joy than caring for your husband, your home and for others with the care and love of Christ. Chasing the brass ring of this world’s ideas of success will never fulfill or be enough. This is not our home but our mission field and training ground for eternity. Store your treasures in heaven, ladies. You will never regret it and the Lord will give you the desires of your heart in putting Him at the center of it all!

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