Valuing One’s Career and Paycheck Over Their Children
The following comment was made on my post Every Child Deserves to Have a Mother at Home. Women are taught to value their career and paycheck over their children and no one thinks twice about it. I am trying to encourage women to think twice about the lies they have been told.
“My husband and I have struggled with infertility for three years and are about to start IVF. I have never been angry about our inability to conceive naturally or jealous of women who get pregnant easily. Our bodies are all different, and it would be a waste of my emotions. (We’ve had an ectopic pregnancy and miscarriages that require medical intervention.) I don’t block friends on social media when they announce their pregnancies. I don’t turn down invitations to baby showers. I’m sad for myself; for the family I thought I’d have by now, but that’s all.
“But recently, an acquaintance from high school posted her ‘pregnancy reveal’ on social media. She is about to graduate from medical school as an OBGYN who strongly and passionately advocates for abortion access. This baby will be born to a mother who will take the absolute bare minimum ‘maternity leave’ and then plop them into daycare at barely a few weeks old with absolutely zero regrets and not a single glance backwards.
“She’ll do her years of medical rotations, and be a full-fledged doctor by the time the child is in kindergarten. Then, she’ll go to work a demanding, rotating OBGYN schedule of nights, weekends, holidays, and constantly being on-call (because, of course, a first-year employee will get the last choice when it comes to time off requests). Milestones will be missed, holidays, school plays, classroom volunteer time, and anniversaries with her husband. But, of course, the child will grow up well-adjusted because they had such a strong role model trailblazer feminist mother to look up to, right?
“Her pregnancy announcement was the only time I have felt real, true, physical anger at our infertility. This is not a role model or a ‘maternal’ figure. If she had gotten pregnant in the middle of medical school, that child would have been aborted because it wouldn’t be a convenient time.
“I know ‘life isn’t fair,’ but this feels so unfair.”
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
Isaiah 49:15
11 thoughts on “Valuing One’s Career and Paycheck Over Their Children”
Excellent post! I understand where that woman is coming from. Two of my friends reject traditional femininity and I already feel so bad for their future daughters. The first friend once told me I’m going to fail my future daughters by teaching them housework and that becoming a wife and mother should be their main goal. That’s something she told me, even though it has no effect on her life so I can’t imagine how much she’s going to ruin her daughters life.
This friend dresses like a man, is proud to be wasting her time playing video games, “rejects the patriarchy”, and thinks all women eventually “grow out of being girly”. Only insecure women behave this way and I just know she’ll project her insecurities onto her daughters. She’ll bully all the femininity out of them until they hate their biology by the time they’re 10. She’ll teach them that their natural instincts aren’t “empowering”.
The other friend is very career driven and works insane hours and I just know if she has children they’ll practically live at the daycare. She openly admits to hating kids and is proud of it. No surprise here, she’s into hookup culture and is pro abortion. The way she talks about pregnancy, as if it’s a disease, is disgusting and it’s not just her. Every “pro choicer” I’ve ever met goes on and on about how misogynistic pro lifers are yet they’ll say pregnancy is unnatural and that children are devil spawn. Ya that’s some real respect for women’s choices.
Unrelated to what the women in your post said but I also feel so bad for all the men who have to deal with manipulative women, who think they know better because they’re a “girl boss”.
This story hits home for me in several ways. My young sister graduated medical school two years ago at 26 years old and now has a huge career as a doctor. She’s getting married in a few days to another doctor. I don’t judge her as she was in school before she was saved, was never aware of God’s plans for her and now has 325k in debt (as does her fiancé). I feel sorry for her and try to encourage her as much as possible to make financial decisions with the idea in mind that once she has kids that she should be home with them as much as possible. With that much debt it’ll be hard. I also have a degree and after my first child was born started graduate school and left him at home with my mom. I knew in my heart that I wanted to be home with him but the opinions of the world and well meaning family was louder than the small voice in my heart. I felt that I had to pursue this big career to have value. That in order for my life to mean something I had to be very educated with a big degree and important job. I told myself that because my career would be helping others in health care that God wanted me there. That it was His plan for me to pursue this career… a career that would take me out of the home and hold me in bondage to student loan debts my husband could not pay off on his own. I was totally blind and did not know the verses in the Bible that address mothers and His will for them to be keepers at home! Then my baby got really sick, he was born with an immune system disease and needed a ton of medical attention and was very, very difficult at home. He couldn’t eat, threw up every meal, couldn’t gain weight, and couldn’t sleep. We fought a feeding tube for nearly 3 years and he even needed to be inpatient at a children’s hospital on the other side of the state for 8 weeks while I lived in the hospital‘a hospitality house by myself (since my husband had to work back home). And it was in this broken and extremely hard time in my life that God reached out to me and showed me why He wanted mothers to be keepers at home. He surely made beauty from ashes. I hit my breaking point, and although I was pulling straight As and succeeding in graduate school, I couldn’t possibly be the mother my kid needed me to be when my time and priorities were so divided. God made that crystal clear. I was Jonah and I needed to be thrown over board into the storming sea. So I withdrew from graduate school, emptied my husbands savings to pay off the student loan debt I had acquired, and became a full time, stay at home mom and wife. I can look back with guilt over my earlier bad decisions or I can be grateful that the Lord opened my eyes and that He saved me from the rat race. And I can give Him all the glory for the work He’s accomplished in my life! My son is now 7 and still struggles with his disease but I am home full time with him and his little sister and homeschooling them. Since I was home full time, we had the time and ability to open up our home to foster children. We fostered 12 children in 3 years. God has really shown His hand in our lives! I absolutely love our lifestyle. It is slow, and peaceful and fulfilling. My kids love being home and being homeschooled. My husband is now a huge homeschool advocate as he sees all that we are able to protect them from and how we’re able to teach them diligently the ways of the Lord. He also loves that when he comes home the house is clean, the kids are taken care of, and dinner is made. While I was working and in school these things were not so. Things were stressful, we fought over silly things, and he had to work 50+ hours a week and then come home and do housework, take care of our sick baby and help with the cooking. That’s just too much for any one person. Sadly, most women expect this of their man and husbands are getting burned out, marriages are suffering, and children are suffering seeing parents fight, stressed and divorcing at an alarming rate. I hope that my testimony and how God worked in my life will be a light for other women who are feeling the call to come home but listening to the world instead. God’s ways are good and perfect. He made us and He knows best! Thank you Lori for your ministry. Through your blog I have found scripture that I had never been as a young wife and mother (I had my first child shortly after turning 22). I find great peace and encouragement following your blog and knowing that I am right where God created me to be!
God Bless!
Sadly, I see career women and other women neglecting / abandoning their children.
Each passing year of my life, I see / hear of this happening more often.
I see women dumping their newborn children into care centers.
I see women sending sick children to school because they “have” to go to work.
I hear women talking about their “brats” and using other terms that are not repeatable on here.
I hear many single women say that they only have the children because of the child support money and government money they get for being a single mom with children.
Many woman would give the children to the dad if the woman was not getting money for them.
They do not want the children, only the money they represent.
As a widower STILL looking for a wife, I see women with children that she lets do whatever they want and does not even make sure they have something to eat.
Then those women think I am going to let them into my children’s life???? NO WAY, NO HOW!!!
Why do women want a “career”?
The boss doesn’t love her and want the best for her.
The boss only wants to have sex with her.
But her husband is the one being “mean and domineering” to her.
MOST career women are only in the company position that they are, due to political correctness.
A large majority of career women have only got there because they had sex with the bosses.
Deny that all you want, but that is still a requirement to advance up the career ladder.
Her career advancement has nothing to do with how qualified she is for the position, only that she is a woman and how good at sex she is compared to the other women wanting that company position.
So a woman will abandon her children and husband to have all the “joys” of a dog-eat-dog workforce?????
So a woman will destroy her husband, her children and herself in order to make a boss look good???
I could ask what is wrong with women nowadays BUT the more times I read the bible, the more I see that women have been like this all throughout time.
So it is not a new sin.
Where are the women who support their husband and children?
What happened to women who are like Noah’s wife and followed him?
Or like Abraham’s wife following him?
Or women following their husband on a boat to the “wilderness” of the US?
Or women following their husbands westward in a wagon?
????????????Where are they???????
Wow, Heather. Your testimony made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing! Such an encouragement!
Dear Marie, “She’ll bully all the femininity out of them…” That statement resonates.
I never had the option of choosing career vs homemaker, it was told me all my life, you can work until you get married, then you become a homemaker & that’s what I did
Heather, this was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I pray your son will be healed.
So if the woman is wrong for being an OBGYN while having a child then would it be better if only men were OBGYNs so women can stay home and raise their children?
What a testimony, Heather! Thank you for sharing. I was blessed by it. God’s ways are best!!
The life of an OBGYN is a very hard and time consuming life. It’s not the life for a woman who wants to be a mother. Her children and marriage will suffer.
Shiprah and Puah, the Hebrew midwives who did not kill the baby boys as was commanded them by Pharaoh were rewarded by God by being given families of their own. So midwives were women without children.