We Leech Off of Our Husbands?

We Leech Off of Our Husbands?

Many women try to convince me that feminism is all about allowing women to have a “choice” in what they want to do with their lives. If they want to be keepers at home full time, then great! If they want to be career women, then great! BUT I don’t believe them. If this were the case, then young girls, when asked what they wanted to do when they grew up, would be able to freely and easily respond, “Be wives and mothers!” but they are not!

No, this response is frowned upon. “Oh, but what if you never get married? What if your husband dies? What is your back up plan? Surely you want to do more with your life than this!” No, feminism has made women who willingly choose to stay at home feel guilty and unworthy. Making money, having a career, and being independent from a man is the be all and end all for the feminists’ agenda.

There’s a Democrat woman from Arizona, Kyrsten Sinema, who is running for senator. This is a quote from her: “These women who act like staying at home, leeching off their husbands or boyfriends, and just cashing the checks is some sort of feminism because they’re choosing to live that life. That’s b*****t. I mean, what the f*** are we really talking about here?” No, feminism has NEVER encouraged women to be home full time, be dependent upon their husbands, and raise their own children. This is disgusting to many of them, especially the radical feminists. They despise God’s plan for women.

When I read that comment to my husband, I asked him if he’s ever felt like I leeched off of him. He laughingly answered, “Of course! This is the way God designed it to be!” He has always worked hard to provide and I bore and raised our children while caring for the home while he traveled many weeks of the years. I shopped, cooked, cleaned, and decorated the home; making a house into a home. I ran the children to their sports’ and ballet practices and once a week, took them to AWANA. I made sure the children were well-nourished with good food and clean. I washed, folded, and put away laundry. I disciplined our children and taught them the ways of the Lord. I paid the bills and made sure the cars had oil changes, smog checks, and were kept in shape. No, I was no leech! I worked hard in our home. My children were always secure in the knowledge knowing where their mama was and it was mostly in the home.

This is God’s perfect prescription for us! God’s truth is external. It is NOT based on subjective feelings, personal opinions, or experiences. This is why you need to know and study God’s Word, dear woman! Many women today are basing their truth upon their feelings, personal opinions, experiences, or upon what culture is telling them and these all end in disaster.

God’s truth is the anchor for our soul (Hebrews 6:19). We are safe and secure when we live our lives by His truth and NOT by our feelings, personal opinions, experiences, or by culture as most are today. He calls women to be keepers at home and live in submission to their husbands so we don’t blaspheme the word of God. He calls husbands to provide for their families. This is the safest and most secure way for women to live.

I can hear all of the women crying, “But we can’t live on one income these days!” Do you believe God’s character? Do you believe that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills? Do you believe that what He commands He provides? Have you ever thought about stepping out in faith and obeying God then watching Him provide? Have you asked God for wisdom in making a way for you to come home? Have you sought out different options to be able to make money from home? If not, take a step of faith, trust in God’s character, and believe that His commands are for our best!

Do not be conformed to this world any longer. Any woman who is a keeper at home, looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness is NOT a leech. She’s doing exactly what God has called her to do and this is the good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God!

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2

53 thoughts on “We Leech Off of Our Husbands?

  1. That’s a tremendous insult!!! Women who are keepers of the home honor their husbands!!! They serve tirelessly for their family, in a 24/7 job! Day and night, she gets no day off from tending to her children and husband! The role of the housewife deserves as much honor as the CEO of the company! She fulfills her half of the bargain in countless ways! Taking his money for her and her children is not leeching, it’s being provided for! In return, she works 24/7 for him and the children! It’s so sad many feminist raised men are taught a housewife is a leech than a blessing to be provided for in immense gratitude…

    1. A Lady Of Reason & Lori,

      After reading this post I was going to comment and ask Lori about how to deal with a husband who was raised to believe the feminist mindset that wives who stay home and do EVERYTHING there and serve the family 24/7 are still some how not earning their keep and being leeches.

      My husband works hard and has a great job that allows me to stay home and be the wife the Bible talks about and I am so thankful and blessed.

      However, my husband has the attitude more often than not that I am some how leeching off of him and sitting around all day doing thing, or doing whatever I want to do all day, while he is out there working and making all the money.. It is the biggest insult to me because I am anything BUT lazy and hard working.

      I do everything Lori mentioned in the post from food shopping, to homeschooling my son. I can food, make everything from scratch, do all the laundry, wake up in the morning to make my husband coffee and pack his lunch and start the car for him, anything and everything to make his life easier. I fix anything that needs fixing int he house, take care of the cars, pay the bills, deal with all appointments, etc. Literally, all my husband has to do is wake up, get ready, go to work all day, come home, and relax and never have to worry about anything else in life. I am the on call servant and I absolutely love it. I never once complain about my job at home.

      I recently started turning my hobby of garage sale hunting into turning around and selling things I find on ebay to make a little money. This somehow makes my husband feel better, even though I am only making a few extra dollars here and there.

      On top of the mindset issue, whenever something comes up that we are not agreeing about, somehow it always comes out that “he doesn’t need me and can do all the house stuff himself”. So not only does he imply that I am a leech, but that he doesn’t even NEED me to do any of the things I do!

      It is so insulting on so many levels, and makes me wonder sometimes why I am even here, or why he even married me if he doesn’t need me or anything of the things I do. It seems like he would be happier if I put my son back in public prison and got a full time job, on top of doing all the house work because we both know he wouldn’t be doing 50/50 if that were the case!

      I could understand if I litearlly sat around all day, didn’t clean, cook, or care about our home and family. But it is so far from the truth and the case!

      How do we go about dealing with this mindset when we come up against it in our own home by a man who believes in God and knows very well what the Bible says?!

      1. As you serve your husband and child, remind yourself that you are serving the King of Kings! In doing this, you won’t feel resented build up inside of you. You are doing exactly what the LORD has asked of you but your husband, like most others, have been raised with a feminist mindset that if you aren’t make money, you’re not doing anything worthwhile. This isn’t God’s mindset at all! Please, read and study 1 Peter 2. This will bring comfort to you. Find your JOY and strength in the LORD. He is well pleased with you.

        1. I experienced the same issue early in my marriage and spent a lot of time defending my role as a homemaker, wife, and mother. In hindsight, that was a mistake. What really helped was realizing that I did not have to prove my worth by telling him all the things I did in the course of my day and how our family benefited from my work as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Instead, I asked myself, “Am I doing enough? Have I made my best effort?” If the answer was no, then I changed my ways. If yes, than I quit looking for validation. I also made a big point of demonstrating my appreciation for my husband’s hard work outside of our home. I made sure he knew that I understood his daily sacrifices for our family and tried not to create additional burdens for him at home. I encouraged him in his decision to return to school and join local organizations he cared about, even though this meant I carried more of a load at home as he did this. Once I stopped defending myself and began acknowledging his efforts for our family, the situation turned around very quickly.

      2. My husband went through a period of being like that, AMF. I solved it really, really easily. Quite by accident, actually. I got really sick with campylobacter poisoning (off chicken) and ended up in bed, vomiting constantly, for 3 days. During those 3 days I did literally nothing. Just lay in bed, totally miserable.
        My husband had to “man the fort” so to speak. His attitude changed really, really fast.

        1. Thank you Lori, Kande, and KAK for your wisdom and experiences! I don’t try to make him see all that I do. He knows I do a lot. But still, there is that lingering mind set of “you’re a leech” that underlies the tone. I really think it has more to do with his own stuff, and feeling “used” and like no one cares about him because earlier in our marriage, when he went through some job situations, and I didn’t immediately step up to fix it all and get a job, he said that I didn’t care about him because I didn’t try to help in that way. But that had absolutely nothing to do with it!

          That was years ago now, and obviously I am home and blessed to be here, working hard, and all I can do is continue to go about it joyfully.

          Over the summer, when I would take my son to the community pool during the week, they would bring in a bus load of camp kids that had 2 women in charge of atleast 25+ kids. I watched them scream at the children, ignore the children, etc. My heart broke seeing that. If parents knew what really goes on when they leave their kids with day cares and camps and strangers, they would be FUMING! I know I would! I felt very thankful that I was able to be there with my son, and at home with my son, and not having to leave him in the care of strangers who don’t care about him.

          Before I was married, I was a single mom with a high demanding job as a manager, and I know that I felt guilty every single day having to leave my son with my parents, etc. But at the time I didn’t have many other options. But now that I am home and married and living the way God intended me to live, you couldn’t pay me a zillion dollars to go back to working and trying to juggle work, being a mom, and taking care of my home. It doesn’t work!

  2. That was so beautiful – thank you.

    And I cannot believe such a vile woman as the one you quoted could even get on the ballot, let alone any support. That’s just terrible.

  3. I haven’t heard that quote, but that’s completely wrong. Isn’t feminism supposed to be all about choices? If so, why isn’t the choice to be a stay-home mother/wife respected? Anyone who has raised children can tell you that it’s HARD WORK. I love what Ken said, by the way.

    Sadly, this is one of the lies women/men believe.

    1. Feminism isn’t about choice, Lisa, as you can see. It’s about getting women out of their homes and “equal” to men but actually “superior” to men. It’s a complete failure.

  4. Well said, Lori. Indeed a woman that “looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness” is no leach. She won’t have time to be bored and get into the trouble women encounter when they don’t marry, bear children, and guide the house {I Timothy 5:13-14}.

    By the way, I saw that quote from the Senate candidate on another of the blogs I read. It’s typical for a feminist, right down to the profane language. She is showing her hatred for God’s design and His ways. If I lived in AZ, she sure wouldn’t be getting my vote!

    1. Yes, Lady Virtue, her language is NOT becoming to a woman at all but once one leaves what they know to be right, they fall farther and farther from the truth of God’s ways and begin to believe that what is right is wrong and what is wrong is right.

  5. Beautifully written, as normal, Lori!

    If that person who said those nasty things was running for office in MY area I would be SURE to make sure people knew what a potty-mouth and bad attitude she has. Perhaps we should all mail her a bar of soap with the suggestion she wash that nasty mouth out. I can not believe someone would say that (sadly I *can* though)…but worse someone who is running for a political office to represent us all!? Wow 🙁

    What a sad world we live in.

    I am so grateful for your blog, Lori…it is a light in this dark world! God bless you dear Sister!!!

  6. One of the problems in our society is that only work that earns a paycheck “counts.” But this is a flawed view. There is a certain amount of work that is required to make a household run. Some of it involve working to earn money to pay bills and some of it involves housework, childcare, and various logistics to keep the home running smoothly. Dividing the workload so that one person earns the money while the other does the other work needed for the household is a perfectly legitimate division of labor. It is not leeching. It’s efficient. Leeching would be refusing to work at all, not working at home as part of a smart division of labor in the family.

    1. Agreed, Lindsay, and I do know of some women who refuse to work at home even though they are home full time. These are the ones who are leeching off of their husbands but any woman at home who cares for her family and home is not a leech in any way. Our culture values making money over raising children and we can see the ugly fruit of this as children are the ones not being cared for and not even being allowed to be born.

  7. Oh my goodness such comments infuriate me, I work harder at home then I ever did at a job there are no days off and no sick leave and no one to drop my child off to. I take care of my child do the cooking the cleaning the gardening taking care of the chickens. I also learned how to knit crochet spin fiber, weave I’m in the of learning how to sew, I can classify myself as many things but at leeach is not one of them.

    1. The person making these comments is bitter, shortsighted, and probably terribly fragile. Don’t let her nonsense bother you, because you truly do not need her approval. You don’t do what you do for her.

  8. It’s almost thirty years – my husband resented I stayed home with our daughter and didn’t go back to work full time. When she was in third grade I started to work part time. It didn’t make him happy. Now he’s mad because he cannot retire early because I never worked full time. I’m not a leech but my husband sure believes in our modern women. Life has been rough.

      1. I can hear a lot of ‘me’ ‘me’ ‘me’ with your husband.

        If he is a man of God, he needs to quit whinging and read what the Bible says about the roles of husband and wife.

        And for the single guys that read here, read and study those passages. If you can’t fulfill this role, then do what Paul did and !stay single!

  9. Hahaha! How utterly ridiculous! I am planting bushes and washing the siding of our house today. My darling husband gets to come home to a beautifully tended home. And yes my children are mostly grown. Leech? I don’t think so!

  10. As if the only work that counts is work done for someone else- how is that freedom? Feminists are shooting themselves in the foot and they do not understand men at all. Something about a family being dependent on him makes a man rise to the occasion and increases his dignity and confidence. They were made to bear this kind of responsibility, according to my husband, and they thrive on it, even if sometimes it’s hard. No matter what a woman says or thinks, it doesn’t change how men are wired.

    I mentioned the issue to my family and my 14-yr old son piped up, “Going to work is a dad’s job.” If for nothing else than being an example to him, I’m glad that I’ve been home and my husband has been the breadwinner. It helps him see that men and women are not the same and have different equally important roles. I pray he meets a young lady one day who wants to be a homemaker. It’s so weird that being a homemaker is looked down upon. My mom and my husband’s mom were both homemakers for most of their lives and in that generation it was VERY common. (I remember when my mom went to work when I was in high school -probably to help pay for my college. She came home exhausted all the time. )

    I talked with a young mom this week who was having to go back to work and pay someone to take care of her 4 month old. It is very difficult for her- having to pay someone to do what she wants to do – be with her child. It goes against something in us as mothers.

  11. Today’s society declares and demands that everyone should get the right to free speech, but if you say anything against their modern beliefs you are shouted down and threatened. Shout it from the rooftops Lori! The more they try to silence you, shout louder!

  12. Actually, a married woman who has children or can have children and is working outside the home, and a single woman who is having sex outside of marriage and working, are leeches. The former is taking energy and time away from the home, her children, and husband, and the latter is depriving society of children, wives, and home care.

  13. I live in Arizona and she definitely is NOT getting my vote! And where does she get off calling us SAHMS leeches? We are doing what God calls us to do. If she took the time to read her Bible she would know that.

  14. I haven’t bought any new clothes for 2 years now and it’s killing me!

    It’s hard when you’re at home and your husband goes to work and he’s around all these fashionably dressed Single Women who are in their 20s.

    Even if you know he’s not of the character to look at them…That’s not the point…It’s just the Competition

    So that’s what ‘Job’ and ‘Working’ really means to a woman…Keeping up with the Consumerist Lifestyle to Compete with Other Women

    But if you don’t indulge a little bit you can drive yourself crazy….

    It’s really tough!! I feel so bad for women who want to stay home and raise kids on a normal salary. The image you have to live up to is really hard.

      1. Christine, just because something comes nicely wrapped, doesn’t mean there’s a wonderful present inside, it could be a rotten apple or a dirty diaper. Or, to put it simply, just because someone wears ‘the latest fashion’ or nice clothing, doesn’t mean she is a lovely person on the inside. You can be dressed radiantly and attractively, but be a nasty woman. Whether or not they are ‘saved’. Being a Godly woman is so much more alluring than all the clothing in the world, and much more so.

        1. You are right.
          I’ve met some well dressed ladies who were just unpleasant and arrogant – even at church.

          One even refused to allow me to volunteer in her office because I was not as fancy dressed as she was even though I needed the experience.

  15. Dear Lori
    I love your blog. My heart is sad and I have many questions. I am working again. I had the privilege to be a Homeschooling mother for four years, but now my teenagers are back at school and I am working again following my husband’s wishes. I tried my best to convince my husband to keep me home, I even started a little baking business to help providing. I ask for nothing, I will even try to spend as little as possible money on everything. I would only get something when it was really really needed.

    It wasn’t easy four years, but I was willing to give it my best. But it did not convinced my husband that I was doing the right thing. He is a born again Child of God, but believe that some things in the bible, like woman staying home was for those days, times have changed.

    He is a great man, he is just not convinced. Any way, he is also recently diagnosed with COPD. That was the final reason for him that I should work, because we need to start saving for when he is not able to provide for us any more.

    Lori, I know that all what you teach is the truth and I am willing to follow it, but our marriage was starting to fall apart because of my conviction and the stress worsened his COPD.
    Never the less we are blessed. We rent a comfortable house, my job is long hours, but easy, my son enjoys his school life, my daughter does find it hard, but she stands strong. There is unity between me and my husband. Staying home because he was not convicted really caused a lot of trouble.

    So yes, my heart is broken because I am very willing to even suffer for God’s will, but things worked out for me differently. With my whole heart I would rather wanted to be a mother and a wife.
    I know we often say we don’t understand God’s will, but then it was our own doing for what is happening to us, but I don’t understand how one can be so willing to follow the ways God gave us to follow, but those doors seems to be closed for you.

    I try to stay positive and I try to just trus, but I am so angry at times that I find it hard to be joyful. I am standing alone in this as I stood alone in Homeschooling as well. There is no Christian group who supported me at that time, only you blog and Erin’s and the Pearls.

    Well, I wanted to talk to someone about this. You are the only one who does not compromise Gods truth.

    I am where I am and I feel that I failed Gods will. But I keep my head up high and try to be positive, stay submissive and to be a wife and a mother.

    I don’t know what I did wrong for things that had to eork out this way.

    God bless you and all the people that are willing to do God’s will.

    1. We are promised that in this world we will have tribulation, Talita, but thankfully, Christ has overcome the world. We will endure much suffering and pain but God promises to never leave nor forsake us. Seldom will life go as we had hoped and planned but we trust God’s sovereignty over our lives. You were right to obey your husband even though you know it’s not where you belong. It sounds like he needs your help in this area. I pray you can learn contentment during this time; for godliness with contentment is great gain! God will give you the strength to endure. Blessings!

  16. There is even more for a woman when she is a full time homemaker. This world is getting very violent and hostile to women. It use to be women were more sheltered and protected. Not all but most. Now we are targets for many evildoers. I am a widow and I have had several people and even a bank try to fraud me.

    When we stay at home and have a small circle of trusted friends we are getting the security we need for our womanly design that God wanted. I am not saying we will be perfectly secure but a good measure so we can experience serenity in our daily living. Women need serenity of the soul.

    We can reach out to others at times but to be in places and situations that cause inner turmoil is not what God intended for women. I know from experience about chaos and dramatic people. Go in peace into that home you make a haven of rest.

  17. The feminist denigration of the Godly role and aspiration of women as wives and mothers is appalling and hardly consistent with their stated aim of empowering women to choose their own lifestyles however sinful.

    Girls should be taught that to become a wife and mother is not in any way a ‘second best’ it is exactly what God designed the overwhelming majority of women (religious orders aside) to be and honours him as well as our future husband and children.

    Sadly as a result of feminism too many men do see ‘sending their wife out to work’ as an acceptable alternative to taking the responsibility which goes with being a husband and father more seriously.

  18. As a 48 year old single lady in Arizona, I can confirm this statement. For someone like me, who has survived a very abusive marriage with an ex husband who loved his drugs and whores more then me, this is very demeaning. Yes, I am older, with grown children and other aches, pains, and assorted issues, I still find myself being told to go back to work. To live without another man in my life because I’m too old and too broken. I was actually told that no man will ever want me because of my past. I have she’d a lot of tears over this. The best advice I can give is too stay on that path. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. While I still have some hope that there is a man out there who will love me for me, baggage and all, he is very hard to find in today’s society. Stay the course Little Sisters. If you find your man, you have everything.

  19. Regarding the modern husbands who think their SAHWs are “leaching” : it seems to me if we accept our husbands’ lordship then we should work full time if he desires it and we don’t agree. In most cases that is just his griping. Why not call his bluff and agree to get a job if that’s what he wants. Then ask his input every step of the way. Most likely he will back down and the point is that he would understand that it is his decision.

  20. What do I do if I want to be home but without my part time income we simply can not afford to pay all the bills. We have a lot of debt. I don’t know what to do. I know my husband and children need me at home but my husband doesn’t see how we can make it happen with just one income.

  21. May I offer one piece of advice to young women who are about to marry after 26 years of marriage? Begin as you mean to go on. If you want to be a homemaker, make sure the men you date understand that is your desire. After you marry, don’t take a job outside your home “just until the children arrive.” I worked before my marriage, worked up until 3 days before my first child was born, was planning to go back to work 3 months later, and realized once our child was born that I simply could not do that. This caused some conflict because my husband thought I was going back on my promise to go back to work full-time when he was 6 weeks old. Even 26 years later with grown adult children , he still says that he will never have complete trust in me because of this decision. When I told him that I wanted to stay home, he said wistfully, “How come you think the baby is important enough to make you become a homemaker? Why wasn’t I important enough that you would choose to work instead of taking care of me as soon as we married?” He came from a very troubled family life and it still breaks my heart that I was not smart enough to realize that I should have been home from the first day of married life. So begin as you want to go on, and save yourself worry and pain.

  22. Keeping the home and raising kids is by far the more important and complex job.

    As a husband, perhaps I am “leeching” off my wife. All I do is the simple job of earning a few dollars and mowing the lawn occasionally.

  23. I had a very heated discussion with some people once. It seems that if a woman leaves her home e@ch day to go and clean someone else’s house, cook their food, run their errands, care for their children, etc. etc. then that is a “job”. But if she stays home and does all those things then it isn’t a job. Hm….crickets chirping. Then one fo the women says that when she retired and was at home she felt like she just had nothing to contribute to the world and we so SAD. Her husband was still at home and in failing health…and she had nothing to do to contribute! I was horrified and deeply saddened that someone could be so stripped of their identity that they would see themselves as having no value caring for their home! And she is a most unhappy individual 15 years later. Now that he is nearing retirement I asked my husband if he was sorry that I didn’t work all those years sot heir will only be one social security check. He looked at me shocked and said, “are you crazy? Don’t you know how much of a blessing it has been to me to have you at home during the day? You took care of hundreds of things that made my life, our life, more pleasant and peaceful. My gosh…you have contributed your full share and more to our lives. No I don’t regret it at all!”

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