What Makes a Woman Feminine?

What Makes a Woman Feminine?

Do wearing dresses, skirts, high heels, and long hair make a woman feminine? Many dresses and skirts are a lot more feminine than pants and shorts but are these what make a woman feminine? No. According to God’s Word it has nothing to do with our outward appearance and everything to do with our behavior. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Peter 3:4). It is the hidden man of the heart; a meek and quiet spirit that makes us feminine!

What is a meek and quiet spirit? It’s so easy to forget because it’s not modeled very many places. Feminism has stolen the meek and quiet spirited women, even in the Church. Our culture spends a lot more time encouraging us to adorn our fading exterior rather than our eternal interior. As godly women, we must care a whole lot more about our inward beauty rather than our outward beauty. The Apostle Paul even encourages this of wives in order to win their disobedient husbands. Yes, most men enjoy their wives looking feminine but what they enjoy even more is having a wife who is gentle, kind, and loving. And you know what God wants us to adorn ourselves with? For after this manner in old time the holy women also, who trust in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands (1 Peter 3:5). We must learn to adorn ourselves by living in subjection to our husbands rather than wasting a lot of time and money beautifying our outward appearance.

What does a meek and quiet spirit look like? I know I sure want to have one. If it’s important to the Lord, it’s important to me.

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible describes a meek and quiet spirit this way: “Of a calm temper; a contented mind; a heart free from passion, pride, envy, and irritability; a soul not subject to the agitations and vexations of those who live for fashion, and who seek to be distinguished for external adorning.”

As you can see, the opposite of having a meek and quiet spirit is feminism! We are called to not allow our emotions and feelings control us, but to control our emotions and feelings instead and make them subject to godliness. A contented mind comes from being satisfied with what the Lord has given us for godliness with contentment is great gain. The way to be freed from passion, pride, envy, and irritability is to be in the Word consistently and allow it to transform us into His image. Let’s not care about the latest fashions as much as we do about modesty and pleasing the Lord in everything. Finally, growing older shouldn’t cause us distress since it is part of God’s magnificent plan for us! Gray hair and wrinkles are fine. I know. I have them and you know what, I can still enjoy life!

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary defines a meek and quiet spirit this way: “meek, not creating disturbances: quiet, bearing with tranquility the disturbances caused by others. Meek in affections and feelings; quiet in words, countenance, and actions.” Our culture is not quiet. Everyone is yelling for and demanding their “rights” as if they are owed something for doing nothing. Godly women don’t demand anything. They quietly work at home and do what the Lord has called them to do.

I love what Timothy Hammons wrote about the National Day of Women that was just celebrated by many women refusing to show up for work to show the world just how important they are in the workforce. “In honor of National Women’s Day, I would like to praise all the women who forego the world’s call to false importance and choose to live God-honoring lives by staying home, raising their children, and submitting to their husbands as to the LORD.

These are the true women of importance. Instead of seeking their own glory, they seek to serve their children and husbands in all humility. This is what is pleasing to the LORD. They don’t protest. They don’t grandstand for false causes. They know that their true happiness is doing what God has called them to do in being mothers and wives. They know that the most important calling on a woman’s life is the family. They know that they are raising and shaping the minds of the next generation. They are not led astray by the false promises of the world. They know their Savior and follow His direction for their lives.”

Stephen Martin wrote this on my Facebook page yesterday: “A woman who is this way has a strong effect on the masculine spirit of a man. The masculine energy is aggressive and problem solving. It fights opposing masculine energy. But it receives and loves a feminine, cooperative energy. Furthermore, the feminine energy has the ability to subdue the aggression of the masculine. The more aggressive a man is, the more emotional. When the woman allows herself to be subdued, that aggressive energy in the man switches from combat to immense love for the woman.”

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (behavior) of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2

15 thoughts on “What Makes a Woman Feminine?

  1. Thank you for this post. It’s way to easy to try to define feminity by how women look and dress. Such a great insight and direction on what God calls women to be.

    1. You’re welcome, Ginger. I love God’s definition of what is important.

      “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

  2. Hey Lori, I know this is off topic but wasn’t sure where else to ask this. Do you have any posts on getting toddlers to eat healthy food? We have tried everything and I mean that literally and our very stubborn daughter will do everything in her will power to not eat most meat/veggie combos. We are very health minded and I make most everything from scratch (crackers, tortillas, soups, casseroles) and almost all organic food. She had issues with feeding as a child (ie lip and tongue tie/infant gerd and reflux). However, now that we fixed those things, she DOES eat all the carbs with ease…..its the veggies and meat where we battle each mouthful! Thanks!

    1. My recommendation to you, Kaitlin, is to give her a small portion every time you have them and insist that she eat them. She must sit at the table until she is done, even if it takes several hours. We had to do this with our younger daughter concerning salads. She refused to eat salad so every night, she’d sit at the table for a long time until she began to eat them. Now, she loves salad!

      We must train our children to eat healthy. All of my children enjoy eating healthy as adults because we trained them in the way they should go! 🙂

    2. Kaitlin,

      Like Lori, I was insistent that my children eat the nutritious food I prepared.

      Of course we all have some food dislikes/likes, but first, I never allowed our children to speak openly about the food someone else liked to eat. “Never speak badly about the food somebody else likes to eat.” Today you will hear my girls (in their 30s) repeat this. It’s simply a courtesy and good manners to keep your personal opinion to yourself, especially if you’re a child who will one day grow to mature, mannerly, other-esteeming adulthood. Hmm. Hopefully, that’s each of them!

      At the table, proper manners were additionally encouraged from proper table setting, to proper conduct, to saying please, thank you and complimenting the food that was prepared with thought, effort and money. Do you begin the meal with gratitude to God for His provision and a hard-working Daddy?

      Finally, a serving spoon-size serving of each and every dish served must be put on the plate and eaten by everyone. All of it. Parents set a good example with this. My own good husband loathed salad and many vegetables when we married 36 years ago. You should see what he loves and craves today that he used to wrinkle his nose at all those years ago.

      We have lived in or travelled all over the Pacific side of world, and in every culture, this training has served my family well in being a blessing to the one who hospitably prepared a meal or refreshment for us. We will always TRY it with the one spoonful rule, and often we’re surprised that we like it (good temple food, of course) and put a smile on our hosts’ faces.

      *hugs* and keep up the good work,

  3. What a great reminder, thank you. Also I noticed in 1 Pet. 3-4, apparel is included. I don’t know why I hadn’t noticed that before. I know that some ladies do not braid their hair or wear jewelry because of this verse but if that is the case, than they would have to not wear clothes so that interpretation doesn’t make sense. I hadn’t ever thought about that so much.

    1. You are right, Michelle. The idea is that we shouldn’t think that our jewelry, hair, or clothing are what make us beautiful. In 1 Timothy 2:9 we are told, “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.” Therefore, our clothing should be modest and not expensive since the Lord cares a lot more about our inner man than our outer exterior, whereas the culture only cares about the outer, decaying shell.

  4. I agree a lot with you Lori about meekness and quietness making us women being feminine, and I think that it has a lot to do too with accepting and embracing the fact that we are the weaker vessel.

    Accepting and embracing that fact (the Bible says it, so it’s a fact ?) means that we know we are more vulnerable then men, and we are not trying to be show-off and acting like hard-core persons.

    Men can show-off and act as hard-core persons, it’s masculine!

    But I think that when a woman acts like that, she is losing her vulnerability, her gentleness. That nice and lovely thing about her, called femininity, is gone.

    To me, embracing the fact that I am the weaker vessel is a blessing, because I can be myself, not trying to be another person.

    As I act like myself, as a woman, and trying with God’s grace to be meek and quiet, my husband is attracted to me, because he sees my vulnerability and it touches something deep inside him, something God Himself had put there: the irresistible instinct to protect me. And I need his protection so much☺!!

  5. Dear Lori, I think this is spot on! This is why we have so much conflict in our marriages, because the woman challenges the husband and all he really wants to do is lead and protect her. But we now have so many second and third generations that have all together stopped the normal, natural heart issues of one leading and one being gentle and quiet. And it does not mean a woman has no opinion, she just speaks quietly and respectably. A man knows when he is being challenged! A woman gets to help her husband rest and be less stressed and to keep the home peaceful and happy!
    Blessings, Roxy

    1. You’re so right, Roxy! Every generation gets worse and worse as they fall farther and farther away from God’s principles and it’s having terrible consequences on everyone, especially children since divorce affects them so deeply.

  6. I read the Timothy Hammons post a few days ago, before you linked to it. As soon as I saw it, I knew the comment section was going to be hijacked by feminist comments and arguments against God’s design. Sadly, I was right. There is simply no genuine peace when we fight against God’s will. Such freedom is in submission and obedience to Him!

  7. Thanks so much for this post! So encouraging and challenging. And that last quote you shared is so accurate, ironic, and beautiful all at once!

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