When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

The question of when a wife should disobey her husband comes up frequently. It seems that people are more concerned about when a wife should disobey her husband than obeying and submitting to him. We are told to submit to our husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24), be obedient to them (Titus 2:5), and we are Sarah’s daughters as we obey our husbands as she obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:6). We are told that our husband is head over us (Ephesians 5:23). God has made it very clear that the husbands are the ones to lead their families, not the wives. But when should wives disobey their husbands?

As you know, I fully teach and believe that women should be keepers at home and raise their own children. What if a husband asks his wife to put their children into daycare and work full time? Should she disobey him because she believes it is sin? What if he asks her to fully vaccinate her children even though she believes this would be sin to pump her children “full of poison”? What if he asks her to put their children into the public schools even though she knows how sinful they are? What if he asks her to not spank their children when the Bible clearly tells us to use the rod on them? There are many things that are clearly stated in the Word of God that we should obey but what if the husbands ask their wives to disobey them?

I believe the only time a wife can disobey her husband is if he asks her to disobey a clear command of the Lord such as given in Romans 13:9 because God’s clear commands trump a husband’s. “For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

A wife never has to obey her husband if he asks her to do anything that will defile the marriage bed as in having an affair, watching pornography, engaging in anal sex, or participating in a threesome. She would never have to obey him if he asked her to get an abortion, steal, bear false witness, or do anything that is clearly evil. Anything that is not loving others (harming the children or others), she would not have to obey BUT she must obey him in everything else.

Yes, she would have to work full time and put her children in daycare if he asks her to do this in submission to his leadership. Yes, she would willingly vaccinate her children if this is his will. She would put her children into public schools if this was her husband’s desire. She would not spank her children if he asked her to not spank. If he wants her to wear leggings and skirts above her knees, she would obey him. He is the one who will decide if she wears a covering on her head or not, what church they attend, where they will live, how to spend the money, etc. He is responsible for how he leads his family and she is responsible for submitting to his leadership. God is very clear about this! If she doesn’t like some of his decisions, she gives them to the Lord in prayer and allows Him to convict and change his mind if this is the Lord’s will.

If she wants to be a keeper at home and homeschool her children but her husband wants her to work full time, she lives carefully within his income and asks the Lord for daily strength and wisdom while she submits to her husband and works full time. If she must vaccinate her children because this is her husband’s desire, she feeds them as healthily as she can and gives them a lot of healthy probiotics like kefir to help keep their immune systems strong. She daily prays protection over her children whether they are in daycare, public school, or vaccinated. If they go to public school because this is what her husband wants, she reads the Bible and prays with them every morning before school and reminds them to clothe themselves with the full armor of the Lord daily. She continually teaches them the truth of God’s Word. If she can’t spank her children because her husband doesn’t want this, she is consistent in making them obey her even if it is time consuming and tedious. If he likes her to dress in clothing that she considers immodest, she wears it as modestly as she can but still pleases him. Remember, he will answer to God in how he leads her.

In all areas, she does her best to submit to him in everything, even the hard things that she disagrees with him about and in the areas that she doesn’t believe are biblical. Remember, we are told how a wife is to “win” her husband who is disobedient to the Word and it isn’t by disobeying him. No, it’s by living in subjection to him – obeying and submitting to his leadership (1 Peter 3:1-6) so she works hard to obey him in everything as long as it is not evil or harmful to others and prays daily that she will win him without the word. In the meantime, she finds her strength and joy in the Lord and doesn’t allow anything or anyone to steal her joy!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2

8 thoughts on “When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

  1. This was so clearly stated. Thank you. If only women could see how much more powerful it is going about marriage this way, than fighting and fuming. It’s a matter of choosing God’s power vs. our own.

  2. Hi Lori. Some food for thought: the women’s movement has changed the very nature of many men— they don’t seem as manly, in my opinion. We are stronger as one flesh when we are strong in our God mandated roles. God has clearly commanded for women to be keepers and guides of their homes. God, the supreme being, sanctioned this as our primary purpose. God has commanded the man to be the provider. It gives them worth and pride ( in a good sense) and manliness and responsibility providing for their families. Many men, nowadays, will let their women work outside the home, if they so desire. Because many decisions today stem from the love of money, we know the root cause and reason is evil. Where God has already spoken and commanded, man must be careful not to legislate. Thanks for allowing me to comment.🙂

    1. You’re so right, Holly, and you know how strongly I feel about this topic but many women are married to men who want their wives to work outside of the home but I have heard from some of women that they have been able to win their husbands without a word by living in subjection to them with godly behavior! They are so excited to take the step of faith and come home.

      It’s much better for wives to follow God’s prescription for winning their husbands rather than demanding what they want even if it is according to God’s will. It would just cause contention in the home which is never good.

  3. I agree with Holly. The men of today are letting the wife “wear the pants” in the house. This has caused most of the divorces with our friends and family. Whether woman want to admit it or not, having a strong man by there side is better than having none.

    1. You make it sound like husbands have a choice.

      Not all men are just LETTING their wives “wear the pants” in the home and some (if not most) of those that do, understand that given the choices they have these days, letting their wives have their way (might be) the lesser of the two evils and the only choice they can make.

      As with most everything it touches, government involvement in marriage has virtually destroyed it. Men today understand (have learned the hard way) that the government took away any authority in marriage that the man might have once had and gave it ALL to the woman; another triumph of Satan thru feminism.

      With the advent of no-fault divorce (enforced by the government at the barrel of a gun) and this so-called egalitarian, but in reality, gynocentric society that we now live in, men understand that women have the full force of government behind them and if a husband does not do everything he can to make his wife “happy” and let the her do what she wants to, she will just divorce him. In divorce, the government (most often) gives her the house, the kids and half (or more) of what he has accumulated in life. Then he has to pay (up to) 18 years of child support and some number of years of alimony. In some states, the husband has to pay “lifetime” alimony to the wife.

      So when a Christian husband tries to follow God’s instructions and insists upon being the one who “wears the pants”, and his wife leaves him and/or threatens divorce, he has a choice to make. Is it better for the others involved (wife and kids) to keep the marriage together and (for the sake of peace) let his wife “wear the pants” or should he just stand on principle so that she will (for sure) divorce him, knowing that he is ultimately responsible before God for both her and the children?

      For many men, it’s a lose, lose situation. He is doomed if he tries to lead and he is doomed (one way or another) if he lets her lead. At least if they are still married, there is a chance that she will repent and fall in line with God’s plan (husband leading) but if she divorces him, all is lost. That is the dilemma that many men face in this post-feminist world that we live in.

      To add insult to injury, in some cases, even if the husband “lets” her have her way (hoping that one day she will see the error of her ways and repent), she finds that living this way does not make her “happy” either, so she blames that on the husband also and she still divorces him. Then not wanting to be alone and have to support herself, she goes to look for another sucker… err man to marry and (make her happy). Then when that marriage does not make her happy, (has to be the man’s fault again) it’s shampoo, rinse and repeat.

      So you see, it’s not as simple as just blaming it on the men for LETTING their wives “wear the pants”. Men today realize that the only option they have is to choose the lesser of the two evils (letting their wives have their way) and praying that God will open their wives eyes and change their hearts. Then they have to sit back (still knowing they are responsible and will be held accountable before God) and watch all of the destruction it causes to their wives, their children and the marriage as the women lead and tear down their homes with their own hands. Not much of a choice is it.

  4. This was excellent! Just a word on discipline. My husband absolutely forbid me to spank the children (he grew up in a home with severe domestic violence). We have 3 children, 2 of whom now grown, and none were ever a severe discipline problem without spanking. Was it always easy? No, especially when they were toddlers, but consistency was key!

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