Why are So Many Women Not Getting Married?

Why are So Many Women Not Getting Married?

Marriage is becoming less and less popular. Many women are grieving the fact that they never married in their 20s, because they put it off for higher education and careers. They thought they would get married in their 30s and begin having children, but it’s not happening. In pondering this, I am coming to some conclusions of my own why this is happening.

When I went to college beginning in 1976, going to college wasn’t that big of a deal. We didn’t study for the SATs. There wasn’t the high competition to get into college. It cost $3600 per year for everything. It was no loss if we didn’t use our college education for a career.

My college friends and I weren’t career-oriented. We all wanted to just get married and have children. We weren’t hard-core feminists AT ALL! We enjoyed talking with guys and were all still very feminine. We had no desire to be competitive with the guys or be like them! We liked being feminine and enjoyed being in the company of guys.

We spent a lot of our free time with guys, just hanging out with them and getting to know them. None of us were book worms and cared all that much about our grades. We cared a whole lot more about getting our Mrs. degree rather than a real degree.

I married soon after college and so did most of my college friends. Then we began having babies a few years later. We’re all still married to the husbands of our youth. No, not all of the marriages have gone smoothly but none of them have even contemplated getting divorced.

Compare this to the young women of today, even the Christian women. The competition is fierce to get into colleges. They must do good in high school, study hard for the SATs, and then wait patiently to see what colleges they get into. Then they go to college and feast on the feminist’s doctrine. Careers are the be all and end all.

They become stronger feminists the longer they are in college (even high school is doing this these days, I am sure); for we are told that bad company corrupts good morals. They are never taught the value of femininity, marriage, and child raising. No, it’s compete with the guys for the grades, the colleges, and then the jobs. This is NOT conducive for men wanting to marry women.

I believe this highly competitive and feministic culture has made men less and less attracted to women. They see that women no longer need them and I am not sure they enjoy having the competition that they have with women these days. I still think that men want feminine women! They want women who aren’t in competition with them. They need and want to marry help meets, not competitors.

Raise your daughters to value being wives and mothers. Teach them all of the ways of biblical womanhood and homemaking. Teach them to be joyful; for this is so important for a good marriage. Train them to serve and be generous. Don’t let them be swept away with this feminist, its-all-about-me culture that we are presently living in. It’s leaving a lot of women unmarried and unhappy later in life. (I am not saying that being single is bad, but it’s not what most women want when all is said and done.)

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

41 thoughts on “Why are So Many Women Not Getting Married?

  1. Hi Lori! I am enjoying your blogs. One question though. Do you print every reply you get??. Thanks for keeping up with godly topics.

  2. If women want to marry, they are going to have to prioritize marriage over college and career. If they can’t take any boyfriends seriously during their 20’s because they’re too busy with getting a degree and a career, they are going to miss the most opportune time for marrying, and the options are far fewer in their 30’s. They can go to college and get a job while they’re looking for a husband, but they have to be willing to give up their plan to follow a husband if a good man comes along. If they pass up good men in their 20’s, they might not be there later on. Careers can wait. Marriage and children can’t.

    Plus, most women are not being chaste during their 20’s. They sleep around because they’re not taking relationships seriously and looking for marriage, then wonder why no one wants them in their 30’s after being with several other men. Men don’t want a woman with a lot of baggage from sleeping around. They want a wife they can trust to be faithful, and the way you test that is to look for chastity.

    There’s a reason it’s hard to marry in a woman’s 30’s. The good men their age settled down with 20-something women who were willing to marry then and the leftovers are mostly the players and weirdos. The rare man who has been successful and is still single is looking to marry a 20-something, not a woman his own age. From about 18 to 28 is the most ideal time for a woman to marry as she is most attractive and most fertile during this period. If she skips marriage then, she will have a much harder time finding a good husband. That’s just a reality of life that women need to plan for.

      1. Lori, please help me understand why in the western world, a girl is not encouraged to marry and bear children at 17 but no one frowns on her having a boyfriend at that age and sometimes she may even be sexually active at that age. Wouldn’t it be better for her to marry that boyfriend? Don’t the fathers of these girls know that the boyfriends are compromising their daughters’ virtue?

        1. 17 year old girls are mostly not mature enough to get married and have children, here in the western world. They’re still children themselves. Many of them are still at school.
          I was married at 20 and had my first baby at 21 and although I felt ready, I got a lot of criticism for being “too young”.

          1. I certainly understand the criticism for being “too young” KAK. My parents and I were looked down on (I felt like) because they introduced me to my husband to be when I was 18 and he was 23 working for my dad. My mom home schooled me my last 2 years of high school so we could travel with my dad and my plan was always to marry and be a full time housewife and mother (like my mom was). We were married 3 days after my 19th birthday, to the joy and delight of my parents and I got pregnant on our honeymoon (as was intentionally planned!) and had our first child still at 19. I had three boys by age 22 because my husband wanted to keep me pregnant (again my parents were overjoyed) but people couldn’t figure out why we wanted to do that at such a young age. Folks went so far as to ask me and my mom “hasn’t she figured out what causes that??” when I had two babies with me and waddling around barefoot and pregnant with a third! I am 43 now and my boys are grown. Since I married young, I have been completely obedient to and dependent on my husband to this day and wouldn’t have it any other way. I have never worked or “furthered my education” because I was more than ready to be a at home wife and mother at 19. Don’t worry about criticism, keep serving the Lord and your husband!

          2. There are more and more men looking for wives overseas where’s still femenine women who are not career driven.

  3. Amen, a thousand times. How you described modern women being raised is exactly how I was raised, and I’m not even in the younger generation (I’m 38). It was 100% about SAT scores, studying, and getting into the most prestigious schools that one could. There was nothing mentioned (as in, ever!) either in school or at home about marriage, or preparing for marriage. It was ALL about college and career. Not an awesome way to raise a marriage- and family-oriented generation of young people.

    1. You’re in the same generation as my children, Diana, and I saw this happening with their peers. It’s not had a good effect on this generation at all! In their pursuit of the almighty dollar, they have left out what truly matters – relationships, especially that of husband/wife/children.

  4. Speaking as a man in his late 20’s who does want to be married I’ll say that the majority of young women I meet are not worth the effort of keeping them around as company, let alone taking them as a spouse, immodesty and arrogance are the major issues, they expect to be able to do as they please or speak as they please with no consequence or indeed they expect praise for being a “strong” (that is; insufferable) woman. There are good godly women out there but they are either older than ideal or young enough it would be awkward or inappropriate to pursue them. The women in my age group have been ruined by worldliness.

    1. It’s very sad, H, and this is why godly parents have to stem the tide of what is going on in our culture and raise their children differently than those of their peers. They are raising Kingdom children!

  5. Yes, there is only one path accepted and that is the feminist one. Our mothers’ generation believed women “could have a all”. They never questioned that marriage would be a given, something you could get around to anytime you wanted to. (They preached the same nonsense with waiting to have children). This older generation even felt betrayed by women who didn’t walk in their footsteps. Around 15 years ago there was a resurgence of women leaving the workforce and there were many articles written by the older generation bemoaning the fact that that generation had dropped the ball.

    In the black community it is even more convoluted. This “strong independent black woman” persona can be traced back to the black male shortage in the 1980s which was a direct result of the welfare policies in the 1960s that tore families apart.

    1. I agree with you 100 percent, M! The black community need strong black preachers preaching ALL of the truth of God’s Word to them (as all races need) but the devastation that welfare has done to them, in particular, has been absolutely devastating on black families. It grieves my heart and so many black babies are being aborted – just what the feminist leaders wanted. Keep being salt and light, as I am sure you are!

  6. If this is not the TRUTH, I don’t know what is. Oh, how I wish life had a restart button. No career, degree, finances, is more important than being a homemaker! NOTHING!!! A home filled with the love of God and a mother keeping the home is priceless!

  7. I notice that the longer women hold off on marriage, the longer and more detailed their list of qualities that a potential spouse must have gets…to the point where it’s ridiculous and unrealistic. Then they remain single because it’s impossible for a human to have all of these things. Also, these women become more rigid and inflexible in their ways of life…the longer they go without having to adapt their lives to a spouse, the more difficult it becomes to do so. I wish that more women had a short list of things to look for in a spouse, such as God-fearing and hardworking, rather than a list a mile long.

    1. Amen! The big issue is the majority of women these days don’t want to embrace biblical womanhood, don’t want to embrace submission to their future husbands, etc. The feminist movement is strong and sadly the majority is being swept up.

  8. The effects are so sad! Who is going to be the heart of the home if there are two masculine people in the couple? That is why the highways and the cities were made, all in service to the warm home!

  9. I so agree. Lots of women seem to think that having a “gift” for a certain career path means that they are allowed to prioritize it over a husband and children. That is just so wrong – they might be skilled in the medical field (just an example) but there is always a man who is better and who needs the job. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but women need to accept that there are some fields in which they will always be inferior. Thanks for this insightful post Lori!

  10. So I have to agree and disagree. I married when I was 19. That is all I wanted is to be a homemaker. Tried for 5 years to start a family. Husband was an addict( drugs alcohol) and was very physically and emotionally abusive. I finally divorced him when I was 30. Having no career, no spouse, no children I felt hopeless. Then I met my second husband when I was 32. I had my first child when I was 33 and second at 34. Stayed at home with my kiddos until they went to school then joined the workforce but it is short hours and a job I love. plus financialy it helps out a little. Marrying and starting a family at an early age definitely has benefits but it is not hopeless for the ones in their 30s or 40s.

    1. HH, I believe Lori meant to address the general trend prevailing today in comparison to a few decades ago. In your case, it’s evident that you had the heart for early marriage, motherhood and homemaking but sadly, in this sin rent world, no one is exempt from the devastating effects of the fall, as you detailed.

      Praise be to God for giving you beauty for ashes and restoring the years that the locust destroyed.

      Still, many women seem to put marriage off, even first marriages and we cannot say that the last domino has fallen yet. Indeed the full consequences may be felt long after we have gone to glory if the Lord tarries.

  11. I wish I had thought about this before I went off to college. But for me I only went to college to escape from home it’s not like I didn’t love my family but it was such a Negative and toxic environment I don’t think I would have survived if I stayed so I ran as far and as fast as I could but in truth College made it worse I’ve never felt so isolated and lonely in my life and because of that I made some bad decisions just to feel loved and wanted. If I had known what I know now I would have taken a completely different path but God is merciful and he showed me the error of my ways before it was too late. When I met my husband I felt it was important to tell him about my life in the mistakes I’ve made and ask forgiveness for not waiting on him like the Lord intended. I now have a wonderful and supportive husband who allows me to stay home with our beautiful child and I couldn’t be happier with the way my life turned out.

  12. We make the mistake from an early age of teaching boys and girls together and the same things that. Instead of educating, them separately and in preparation for the role in life God intended for them.

  13. 100% agree! Spot on! When people ask why I dropped out of college I tell them that I found what I went to college for, lol.
    However, in my circle of extremely conservative, courtship minded, homemaking women, I see a lot of girls not marrying now, even though they truly want only that. This is increasingly common around the country. What is your take on the reason for
    that?

    1. Feminism has affect men, too, unfortunatly. It’s poison is felt almost everywhere. It’s Satan’s grand scheme to keep people from marrying and bearing children for the Lord.

  14. Lori, the thing that Feminists never seem to realize is that — guess what — we men see right through their game. We are watching and thinking all the time about what woman would make the best choice.

    When we see a hard-driving 30 year old woman, we see a self-centered woman. She’s been focused on ME ME ME. Which is fine if she’s a sister or friend, but not if we’re considering her for a wife. As a man I want a woman who is thinking of FAMILY and CHILDREN not of herself. To build a happy successful family takes a huge amount of self-sacrifice, no way to sugarcoat it.

    The most sacrifice (and then, the most reward) comes from the wife, because I the husband am out chasing money.

    So the only good mother and wife is one who has demonstrated to me that her life is about serving others, serving family, and serving God, not serving herself. Strong and principled, but not self-centered.

    So by definition, career women cannot be good wives and mothers. They have chosen their path.

    Sure there may be exceptions, but they are few in my experience.

  15. They need Jesus Christ – the Word of God – they need to be born again and forsake the name and identity and culture Satan has given them through pride. It should not matter who preaches just as long as it is a man who is truly subject to Christ.

    1. Amen amen amen. Well said, A disciple👏👏👏 No matter what the problem is, the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is the answer.

  16. Marriage requires trust and family law and feminism has destroyed this. Few women seem to understand that he wants a wife and children who will be in his life, not to be used against him. It is that he can’t assume she will be reasonable especially not if she has been taught that she is a victim him evil. If she has been taught that dad is disposable. Men can see today that is most women

  17. Hi Lori. Going on from what Penny asked, do you think we should follow families like the Duggars and Rodrigues? I find them very interesting.

    1. There is so much good about the Duggars. (I have never heard of the Rodrigues.) The Duggars are a godly family who are raising godly offspring. Even the one who went astray has come back to the fold, staying married, and having children. They never have hid their faith in the Lord and try to glorify Him in all that they do.

  18. The other day, my niece, who is 21, announced her engagement.
    Her fiance is 20. I will admit my very first gut reaction was OH NO! They are too young!
    But that reaction was derived from my old lifetime of being immersed in a false belief system.
    Thankfully, as soon as I had the above initial thought…I was able to replace it with “YAY! Good for them! They are young and innocent and in love. Her fiance has been raised by a solid Christian Pastor. This young man has been taught what marriage and being a husband really means. I am beyond thrilled for them and the opportunity they have to experience God’s blessing on their marriage and future family. When I followed the world’s false belief system, i would have thought marriage at such a young age would have meant my niece was going to “miss out” on so much! Ha! On what exactly?
    Now I know that marriage will provide for her and protect her.
    I am just so happy for her!!

  19. I’m male, 38, successful in career and financially well off. The dating market is a wasteland. You wouldn’t believe how many 36 year old women are on Bumble that have answered for “children” that they “want someday”. When is someday, sweetheart? I’m probably not going to shock anyone when I say that, if men are being completely honest with women, by the time a woman reaches her mid-30’s, she’s more than a few years past her prime in the looks department. If you want successful men to fall head over heels in love, enough to sign on the dotted line and put our fortunes at risk, cyncial, overweight, tatoo’d and mid-30’s ain’t exactly the right demographics if you get my drift.

    1. We will all eventually be in, or are in, or have been in, our mid thirties — unless God calls us to Himself before that time. And there are many women who have had children in their mid thirties and are quite lovely. And I’ve known some women who are plain as plain can be, yet are absolutely lovely characters, but they are left “on the shelf” for their more beautiful peers.

      I was one such girl. I had Coke bottle glasses and my hair was the flyaway type, plus I am not what you would call “skinny”. Friend after friend had suitors and got married, while I was left. Finally I met my husband and married him. I mentioned before I am not what you would call skinny — but I had friends who were. My very thin friends (very attractive, mind you) struggled a lot with giving birth to their children. One in particular could not birth and has had to have planned C-sections for them all. Long, difficult labors were common, along with the need for induced labors for several.

      I am the big-hipped one, and wasn’t thin. My births went fast and easy and I gave my husband some fairly good-sized babies. I have seen people describe women who are simply bigger by nature as overweight, and that is simply not true. I used to feel embarrassed and ashamed of my big hips. Now I see how lucky I was — I was spared agonizingly long labors, I was spared surgical knives, I was spared long recoveries in the hospital to go home and have to be on bed rest to recover some more. I was spared extra trips to the doctor to monitor a baby that wasn’t able to descend because I wasn’t structured right to allow that to happen (only plus side to that is that they know ahead of time you need an operation and it can be planned), and extra trips to the doctor to be sure I was healing properly from a C-section.

      Cynical, overweight and tattooed — those are the areas over which one has control. Agree 100% there. Although a man who truly cares can do a great deal to demonstrate to a woman that she needn’t be cynical anymore.

      My husband and I were both born to 40 year old mothers. The only downside to this is that my mother-in-law passed away before she ever could see our children. My own mother is now elderly and must use a walker all the time, but she still can enjoy her grandchildren. So, yes, one is deceased and one is very old, but if our fathers had decided our mothers were too old for them, I wouldn’t be here, my husband wouldn’t be here, and these wonderful children that God gave us wouldn’t be here, either.

  20. Suffice it to say, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell you:a wife and mother. This I knew as an eight year old child. Unfortunately, I am 62 y/o and it has not come to pass. I am always in prayer and read and meditate on the things of God. He has had His hand in mine, He has kept me in perfect peace. I believe that no good thing will He with hold from me. I guard myself against envy and bitterness. Many of the young ladies at my church have married as virgins as well as their husbands. What a tremendous joy before God.
    I know people who find it hard to believe that young ladies can marry as a virgin. Mind you these are black people in my family.
    My daughter is 34 and continues to wait on the Lord. I raised her to believe and trust God that her greatest gift to her husband is herself. I still believe that marriage may still be a part of my life.😔

  21. For years and years, I have longed for a family, to be a wife and mother, but still to this day I am single at 33. I love people, I am very active at church and I enjoy the company of my friends, so I do my best to put myself in situations where I could meet a good, godly man. However, I have come to notice that there are fewer men than women in the churches. So statistically speaking, some women are going to end up involuntarily single unless they settle for a man who isn’t Christian. I would have even had the option to do so myself, but I know what the Bible says about being unequally yoked. What can we do about this? I don’t want to settle for a non-believer, but I don’t think I was made for the single life. Online dating? Send help please. 🙂

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