Why Do Men Have Such a Strong Sex Drive?

Why Do Men Have Such a Strong Sex Drive?

Men have ten times the testosterone than women. I remember my mom telling me she felt sorry for men since their sex drive is so strong. I never agreed with her. I figured God made them that way for a reason. Both sexes have their battles (men battle their sexual nature and women battle their emotional nature) but God created us this way for a good reason IF used for good and brought under control.

I asked the women in the chat room this question: “Why do you think God gave men such a strong sex drive?”

Julie: “If they didn’t, we wouldn’t ever have any babies.”

Lindsay: “Well, if it wasn’t for wanting sex (and to some degree, children), a lot of men would not bother to spend all the time and effort needed to provide for and protect a wife. I don’t think as many men would want to marry if not for their strong sex drive because of the pain many married men are having because of their wives’ behavior – tearing their homes down with their own hands.”

Paige: “Well, the desire was put into man before the fall when there was no sin. So I believe it is simply for marital pleasure and procreation/subduing the earth.”

Lorrie: “As a motivating factor. Obviously their sex drive begins before they are ready to be married. If they are taught correctly, they will not have sex, yet will desire it greatly. So, to be able to have sex, they need a wife, right!? To have a wife, they should do a lot of hard work to prepare themselves to be a man worthy and able to provide for, protect and lead a family. Therefore, sex is a huge motivator to grow spiritually and to prepare himself to be able to provide for a wife and family.”

I believe it’s also what makes a man different from a woman. His testosterone causes him to want to protect, provide, build, create, conquer, compete, be aggressive, and do what men do. They are the ones who build cultures, buildings, freeways, and have invented and built almost everything. The testosterone flowing through their bodies makes them want to do this. It’s why you don’t see women on the football fields. The testosterone makes them bigger, faster, and stronger. Women could never compete with men in football and most other sports!

In the same way, God created women emotional beings in order to be home and lovingly nurturing their children. Children need this sensitive and nurturing spirit from their mothers. Husband do, too! Their emotional nature, when it’s under the Spirit’s control, makes them more gentle, caring, soft, and sympathetic to their children’s and other’s needs. It’s the perfect balance between the father and mother in the children’s lives. Children need both.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

31 thoughts on “Why Do Men Have Such a Strong Sex Drive?

  1. Men are meant to give women lots of children! It’s fitting they have a stronger sex drive, as women can only carry one or two or so at a time for 9 months while a man could propagate many offspring unhindered by pregnancy and childcare. The man is leader of the relationship, and the leader gets to sow the seeds for their children.

  2. Sadly, the Church says nothing about this. My suspicion is that Pastors are afraid to offend(aka hold them accountable) the women in the congregation and, hence, lose their cash cow.

    Lindsay’s response was spot on. If not for our sex drive, us guys would not give them the time of day. At least, not socially.

    Some friends of mine were getting a divorce because of porn and/or an affair. When I asked both parties(by themselves, of course) about how often they were having sex, the girl would say “often.” The guy would say hardly at all, maybe twice a month. I’m more inclined to believe the guys, as they have said that the real thing is way better than porn. A lot of these cases can be prevented by regular sex.

    I’m not married, but if I wasn’t getting regular sex from my wife, I would begin to wonder why I even got married to her. It seems 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 is either ignored or dismissed as cultural.

  3. An interesting difference between men and women’s sex drives is that men’s libidos are generally fairly constant; X hours or days after sex, they would like some more, no matter what time of the month it is.

    Premenopausal women’s libidos are MUCH more cyclical if the women aren’t on hormonal birth control; immediately preceding ovulation, a healthy woman will often have a sky-high libido, which then drops after ovulation.

    This combination of drives ensures optimum conditions for conceiving. If men had a cyclical libido like that of women, they might be in the “off” part of their cycle when the woman is fertile. If women were as consistently desirous as men, they might have more relations away from their fertile time, and by neglecting their fertile time cut down on their chances of conception.

    To me, then, the relative sex drives of men and women are another demonstration that in the absence of chemical interference (which may be warranted, incidentally, if the woman is suffering from some medical condition), sex is linked to conception–an obvious statement, to be sure, but perhaps less obvious these days when “sex” itself has some extremely broad definitions.

  4. That’s an excellent explanation according to an evolutionary biology framework, but although polygamy was permitted in Old Testament times it seems fairly clear that the ideal is monogamy; in which case it doesn’t matter so much that a man can impregnate multiple women.

  5. This is a delicate topic, but what if in a relationship the wife has a higher sex drive than the husband. Is it ok if she asks her husband for sex?

  6. Great post. The church does not often address this, but it is true, it is the male sex drive that leads us out of ourselves, and directs us towards either God or a woman in marriage, or both.

    Harry Emerson Fosdick once said, ‘The Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea are made of the same water. It flows down, clean and cool, from the heights of Herman and the roots of the cedars of Lebanon. the Sea of Galilee makes beauty of it, the Sea of Galilee has an outlet. It gets to give. It gathers in its riches that it may pour them out again to fertilize the Jordan plain. But the Dead Sea with the same water makes horror. For the Dead Sea has no outlet. It gets to keep.’

    And this is true of men, our libido is designed to drive us to marry and have children. If we aren’t doing this, then we are to serve God and others.

  7. Below Heidi outlined the sex drives of healthy adults without the interference of birth control pills. It may be that the lack of sex in marriage is a shared issue. I know many husbands require their wives go on the pill (many women choose to do so on their own too of course). But birth control pills do in fact mess your hormones up terribly. So men should realize that many women are being chemically castrated by these pills (some to lesser degrees). Husbands should welcome all children into their families and not condone the use of chemical castration on their wives and then wonder why their wives are never in the mood.

    I say this as a wife who has been married over 20 years and never once said no to my husband. I’m definitely not okay with women denying their husbands but I think it may help many men to see where they may inadvertently be contributing to the problem.

  8. So how does a wife with a low libido “want” sex? What am I to do when my sex drive is raging while my wife’s is non-existent? Having sex with my wife when she really doesn’t “want” it (but does out of obligation to our marriage) is almost worse than no sex at all.

    This difference between men’s and women’s sex drive is what drive’s men to pornography and affairs.

  9. The trifecta for wives in handling husbands:
    1. Keep his loins drained
    2. Keep his stomach full
    3. Keep his ego healthy
    These should be treated as daily requirements for a healthy marriage. For Biblical reference: 1 Cor 7:5, Prov 31:15, Prov 31:27.

    Sex is not ‘icky’, taboo or repulsive. As many theologians have theorized, sex is second to salvation as God’s greatest gift to humanity. (All things in their places obviously: intercourse only within the sanctity and security of marriage).

    There’s a reason Heidi lists sex first in her flowchart:

  10. Agreed, and I would even suggest that a man impregnating multiple woman at a time is harmful for the women who would not have the loyal dedication of one man, the children who would not have channeled attention from the father, and for society because a man impregnating multiple woman at one’s creates chaos, not stability in any of these lives. If it is harmful for all these people in the world, it can be assumed it would also be harmful to the man. In short, a man sowing his seed among multiple women does not make the world a better place. Monogamy does.

  11. – Some brands of medication are notorious for low libido as a side effect. Check with her doctor about switching to a new brand if that is the case.
    – Really you should check with the doctor for any underlying cause.
    – Research lubes that are targeted for women with low libido.
    – Help your wife get in the mood with whatever relaxing and calming atmosphere used to “turn her on.” This will bring back positive memories.
    – Remember to engage in foreplay specifically to bring her pleasure. If it’s “just not happening” try something else that’s pleasurable but not quite sexual (a massage, lotion, snuggling) so that although she may not receive sexual pleasure, it will still be an intimate experience.
    – Tell your wife how much you love her and how attractive she is on a daily basis (or whatever it is she wants to hear). I know that wives should obey their husbands whether or not their husband is loving them as Christ loves the church, but words of affirmation can go a long way when it comes to bringing back libido!
    – Check with the doctor for medications, supplements, etc that help female libido.

    Unfortunately medical conditions, mental health issues, and menopause can really mess with women’s libido. However, a bonding/intimate experience in this instance really only needs lube, comfort, and understanding — and sometimes once you get going the female body remembers how to respond 🙂

  12. Medications can have a role in affecting sex drive as well, like in the above discussion with contraceptives. Mine plummeted when I began taking antidepressants to combat severe (I needed to be hospitalized) post partum depression. It had absolutely nothing to do with my husband, or selfishness, and honest communication with each other and prayer is what pulled us through. There were times where I certainly didn’t want it (nursing a newborn, recovering from birth post 6 weeks, PPD, getting used to a new saggy, unattractive body) but I knew how important sex was to my husband. I didn’t see “obligation sex” out of my commitment and love to him as worse than refusal/no sex at all.

  13. ” Having sex with my wife when she really doesn’t “want” it (but does out of obligation to our marriage) is almost worse than no sex at all. ”

    Men do not need women for the physical release intercourse provides. This can be achieved through mechanical means.
    What husbands need of their wives is the physical *desire* she has for him.


  14. Agree, Brian! And I can still *physically desire* my husband, but in my mind still not want sex, but do so anyway for the sanctity of our marriage and enjoy it. Additionally, being realistic about the amount/frequency/quality. Even with post part depression, after the newborn phase we had sex 4-5 times a week. I’m can’t speak for men because I’m a woman, but my husband sure wasn’t complaining ?

  15. Thanks for the shout-out! In general, it does seem that men are fairly easy to please, and I think perhaps we overcomplicate things.

  16. This is an excellent article on this subject. I have been married to my wife for 14 years and I can honestly say Jesus put the sex drive in men to lead them to marriage. Unfortunately because sex is so freely given to men it is the major reason why many men are not marrying they are choosing fornication over life long covenant commitment because it is so easily given. I have said this before if our women would stick with the biblical standard of no sex before marriage we would put a huge dent in sexually trasmitted diseases and multiple partners. I have a pre-teen son and I have been teaching him this sex is good, but it is for you and your wife to enjoy in marriage. God bless

  17. I descend from the original polygamous Mormons. My great great grandfather (yep not that far back) was dedicated to all of his wives. Modernly it would be more problematic as the wives could see other lifestyles. When I found out about my heritage, I could not take enough showers to get that stank off of me. My grandfather got us out of Wyoming, the mines and the Mormon church.

  18. M,
    Thanks for the response. I did read Heidi’s post and I agree. It baffles me when husbands ask their wives to go on the pill. I believe it’s having sex without the risk of having children. Men and women today lack the education and training about the other(i.e. spouse refusing sex, birth control, etc.) and it’s hurting marriages.

  19. why do men have higher sex drives? God made them that way. men and women are different, so they complement eachother in the relationship. it is kind of awesome how God works that.

  20. In my view the feminist crusade to sexualise girls and women by pretending that they are the same as men which one of feminisms most sinful perversions.

    It is also apparent to an ever growing body of Christian couples and especially devout women that contraception is a sin. Hardly surprising since ALL Christian Churches taught that for centuries until the rise of feminism in the last century.

    Sex is for marriage and for children !

  21. The trifecta for wives in handling husbands:

    1. Keep his loins drained
    2. Keep his stomach full
    3. Keep his ego healthy

    It doesn’t get much simpler and lower maintenance than that, yet it seems that it might as well be advanced nuclear engineering for most wives. Baffling indeed.

  22. Sadly Daniel’s comment “Lindsay’s response was spot on. If not for our sex drive, us guys would not give them the time of day. At least, not socially” this is what makes women feel as though they are of little value other than as a recepticle. That attitude would be very counter productive to any sexual relationship.

  23. Men feel this way about women because most women’s behavior is highly unattractive to men these days. Most women have lost their femininity and all the things that make them attractive to men. This is all that is being said. When women become feminine, kind, loving,and stop competing with men, then men will once again find them attractive.

  24. I’m afraid that for my wife both medical conditions (prolapse) and abuse as a child have resulted in her perceiving and experiencing sex negatively. So no amount of aids, foreplay or kind words will change her desire for sex. Her love language is “acts of service” so it’s also hard when I’m at work all day. Sex is still an issue that she doesn’t want to talk about to anyone so I don’t see anything changing.

    So what do I do when my wife doesn’t want sex, ever?

  25. So sorry about your wife. Perhaps suggest a Christian counselor for the past abuse, and does she see a pelvic therapist/OBGYN for her prolapse? Maybe she’s quite embarrassed of her body because of the prolapse, maybe she’s depressed because of the abuse, and that combination is perhaps why she’s not interested.

  26. I’m not denying men have a strong sex drive.

    However, I’m going to throw a wrench into this discussion here and say women are more promiscuous than men.

    There is much evidence. I have anecdotal evidence in my own family but everyone is going to argue “your personal experiences are not statistical” or whatever variation so I’ll leave that out.

    – Read the book of Genesis about Joseph when he encountered Potiphar’s wife. She gets angry when he rejects her sexual advances.

    – In Greek mythology’s story of Tiresias, Hera (Zeus’ wife) got angry and transformed Tiresias into a woman when he stated women receive more pleasure than men do. One may argue that pleasure and desire are not the same which is true. However, the pleasure could be a great motivator for the one seeking it. Also, it’s no secret that women are more emotional and thus are more likely to get carried away by it.

    – Women in our current culture are fornicating just as much men according to many statistics. However, when you throw in the fact that most women take the birth control pill AND that the pill also decreases a woman’s sex drive, one begins to wonder what levels of desires women are capable of if they were not on the birth control pill. Most of the girls fornicating are on birth control.


    – Thomas Aquinas (Church father) mentions that “in women the humors are more abundant, wherefore they are more inclined to be led by their concupiscences”.


    – Finally, let’s pique our minds a moment. A woman instinctively knows that being pregnant and childbearing is a momentous and difficult task. If (most) women’s fear of childbearing outweighed her desires, I suspect most of us would not exist.

  27. If one wanted to wreck the entire society I think polygamy is a great idea. The reason why it is illegal in virtually every country on the planet (or heavily regulated in some Muslim nations and not encouraged) is because it causes social rift. Think about it? Wealthy men have access to all women and take many wives. What happens to the men who are not wealthy? They will end up without a marriage. That is a recipe for social conflict as unmarried men will not accept it. Banning polygamy is not a “Christian thing” but a universal thing that all civilizations and people have understood. Yes, even tribes understood this. It may be good for women and wealthy men but it is not good for society – it is simple as that.

    What is interesting is that males (in particular) who live in these relationships don’t like polygamy and we talk about the men who benefit from them. Why? It creates emotional distress. Women seem to be more positive to this peculiar madness – for egoistic reasons. The Mormons actually got rid of polygamy. It took just one generation until they discovered the dysfunctional aspects of it. In the 1970s the hippies experimented with “free love”. It didn’t go very well as no one wanted it. The current LGBTQ movement has tried to sell in “Polyamory” – how many of these liberal practice it? Not many and research show that these kind of multi-spouse relationship breaks down rapidly. There is other argument against polygamy but in the end it is a very bad form of marriage for men, women and society.

    We actually suffers from this today – after the sexual revolution people are free (without taking any responsibility) to have sex with whom they want. The consequence is that 80 percent of the women and 40 percent of the population have a lot of sex while 20 percent of the females and 60 percent of the men are without. Why does this happen? The hypergamous behavior of women – in combination with laws and economic structures makes this kind of behavior possible. Again – a good way of wrecking societies. You don’t need to be a Christian to understand that this is unsustainable.

  28. The problem is that she doesn’t see sex as important. She sees sex as optional and at worse a kind of abuse. Her love for herself overrides her love for you (we are human). Please pray for her to see the importance of intimacy for both you and her. Encourage her to pray for herself also. These things also require a fair bit of fasting because a lot of flesh is at work here. The only way to grow as a couple is to pray and unite, pray and unite, pray and unite. Pray for her fast for her that she takes time to dig deeper with Jesus to uncover the lies she believes which prevents her from wanting to be intimate because believe me, she probably would like to be intimate but the lies strike her before she can engage and the pattern repeats. It’s all spiritual and psychological. As a friend; don’t let her make her bed with this trauma, speak the truth of the word of God to her because it’s the truth that will set her free, ask for God for wisdom on the best way to communicate this truth (analogies etc) Whatever is loosed on earth will be loosed in heaven, whatever is bound on earth will be bound in heaven.

  29. Why do men have such a strong sex drive? They don’t, well not all of them anyways. My husband rarely wants sex and my sex drive is much stronger than his. It’s very frustrating for me and a topic of many conversations. He is content with the way things are and has no plans on doing anything about it. He actually said that he wouldn’t mind if we never had sex again and that he would be perfectly happy with our relationship anyways. I am telling you now that I will not be happy without sex. Will I endure anyways, yes but I will not be happy without it. It really isn’t fair.

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