Wives Cheating on Their Husbands
“We now tell women that they can have it all, that they can work and have a family and deserve to be sexually satisfied. And then when having it all is miserable and overwhelming or they realize marriage isn’t all it’s cracked it up to be, maybe having affairs is the new plan B.” This is from an article called Why So Many Women Cheat on Their Husbands.
Women are cheating on their husbands almost as much as husbands are cheating on their wives. Unfortunately, this isn’t uncommon among Christian marriages either. According to this article, the bottom line is discontentment. Our culture does raise young girls to believe they can be whatever they want and they can have it all. They can be wives, mothers, and career women. They come home each day exhausted and not able to put much into being a help meet to their husbands. Women working in the workforce, I believe, is the number one cause of more affairs among women.
Yet, even full-time homemakers can have affairs since they can grow discontent easily but being busy at home raising children gives them little time to go have an affair. These young homemakers need to be taught that their value and worth don’t come from a paycheck and career, since these are the lies they’ve heard their entire lives that make them discontent at home. Their worth and value come from who they are in Christ, and that the joy of the Lord is their strength. They are raising the next generation! There’s nothing more valuable than this. They need encouragement for what God has called them to do.
Do you know that wives who cheat on their husbands are called a “strange woman” in the Bible? “To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God” (Proverbs 2:16, 17). She’s a strange woman because she is not the husband’s wife. She has left her husband, the man who God ordained to be head over her, and breaks the covenant that she made with her husband whom she is one flesh with.
Many people these days have been taught to divorce sex from marriage/commitment. Sex is God ordained to be an act of love between a husband and his wife until death do they part. This is a covenant a couple makes on their wedding day. It’s what all of you should keep until death separates you from your husband, women. An affair may seem like something exciting and wonderful, but it’s short term pleasure for long term pain. Sexual sin is sin against one’s own body. We are spiritual and emotional beings and this can’t be divorced from sex as our culture wants you to believe.
Be content with the guide of your youth; for godliness with contentment is great gain. Never put yourself in a position of being able to have an affair. Guard your heart and your mind. If you have an affair, it stems from pure and unadulterated selfishness since the only person you are thinking about is yourself. You aren’t thinking about your husband, your children, your future grandchildren, your parents, or anyone else. It’s a foolish act with long term consequences.
Even if you can hide it from your spouse, the guilt will eat you up. It will steal your joy. You won’t have the abundant life that God has promised to those who love Him and keep His commands. His commands are for our good. FLEE temptation. Be faithful to your husband all of the days of your life. There is blessing in doing this.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18
30 thoughts on “Wives Cheating on Their Husbands”
A dear friend’s marriage was broken beyond repair due to her having an affair, she just wasn’t happy with her husband, and, to make a (very) long story short, she thought marriage and love should mirror what she read in books, saw on television or in the movies-the images were planted in her mind for years and years. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. Most people (especially women) are naive about true meaningful love.
Sad! In today’s hook up culture stable long lasting marriages are becoming extinct!
Quote: According to this article, the bottom line is discontentment.
Discontentment because their marriage does not mirror the fantasy life of the emotional porn they read about or watch on movies. All those romance books and movies are pieces of fantasy = lies = make believe. No marriage can live up to the expectation of perfection BECAUSE we are all sinners. Some of us are sinners saved by grace through faith in Jesus and a lot are unsaved sinners.
From what I have seen and heard, women are excusing their adultery as being a VERY MINOR THING. Like it is no big thing. Being a 58yr old widower, I would say over ½ of the women expressing interest in me are married or have a guy already in their life. NO THANK YOU.
It would be interesting to hear about how women saved their marriage after committing adultery. Or caught a STD and gave it to their husband. Or got pregnant by the other guy.
I can tell you how it feels for me as a man to of been on the receiving end of adultery.
IT WAS A COMPLETE DEVASTATION TO ME.
Trust destroyed, smashed into a million pieces. Betrayal of the highest degree. Because a husband and wife are one, its like your hand suddenly reaching up and smacking you in the face. The possibility of getting a STD (sexually transmitted disease) of which there are several that are incurable. Or the possibility of her getting pregnant with the other guy’s baby. You look at your wife and all you can see is a manure covered, worm crawling polluted wife. You don’t even want to touch her, knowing another guy has polluted her. But on the other hand, it gave me a very small taste of how God feels when He looks upon us. Putting it all on Jesus is the only way that you can overcome.
Yes, it’s much more than simply discontentment as I stated in the article. “If you have an affair, it stems from pure and unadulterated selfishness since the only person you are thinking about is yourself. You aren’t thinking about your husband, your children, your future grandchildren, your parents, or anyone else. It’s a foolish act with long term consequences.” It is a foolish woman who tears her home down.
Almost 17 years ago, I was that strange woman. I was wooed by another man a couple of years into my marriage. At a time when I had post natal depression. (Although I didn’t know it at the time) it almost ended my marriage, I ended up with daily, debilitating flashbacks. I ended it and my husband and I reconciled. We now have 10 children. (All his) I now avoid being alone with another man in a room. I am quick to leave a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable. And I warn other women to not make the same mistake I did. It’s not worth it. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. I’m so thankful for Jesus! During that time, the guilt was so heavy I couldn’t even walk into a Christian bookstore without having a panic attack. Let alone church. But now I love going to church and going to a Christian bookstore. What a sad statistic among women. Particularly those who claim to be Christians.
The very thought of committing such evil against my husband fills me with horror. He has instructed me to be moderate and mindful in all social situations for this reason. I am here to learn as I’m sure he tires of all my questions! He’s not keen on my having a presence on social media for some of these reasons. Sometimes I miss it as it’s nice to keep in touch with friends. What can I do to prove I’m to be trusted? It’s so hard when women are undermining trust so often.
Thank you Meg. I appreciate hearing your perspective and how God has redeemed your situation.
Lori I was wondering if sometime in the future you could write a post about girls who desire to overcome vanity. I have been losing weight, and I’m thankful, but I find myself becoming obsessed with how I’ll look once I’ve lost all the weight. Vanity is common amongst women who’ve lost significant amounts of weight, at least from videos I’ve seen on the internet, and they embrace this vanity as “self-love”. I’m constantly worried about how I look, catching a glimpse in every mirror, and my hair is a HUGE temptation for vanity as it gets complimented a lot. I would greatly appreciate an in-depth way to balance taking care of my health and looks, whilst conquering the desire to obsess-over/glory-in it. Thanks 🙂
You’re seeking attention for yourself instead of being shamefaced (not drawing attention to oneself) as God instructs women to be. You’re simply modeling what culture has taught you to do instead of what God’s Word instructs you to do. Study these passages. Maybe even memorize them.
From 1 Peter 3: 3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
From 1 Timothy 2:
9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Study the Proverbs 31 woman. Your inner beauty is what you need to be focusing upon; for this is what will make for a good marriage and good life. Vanity is fleeting and is solely focused upon oneself – pride.
My husband and I have seen enough adultery and fornication in the church and of course in the world, as well as a lot of molestation that we’ve embraced a more Victorian era of interacting with the opposite sex. We used to believe that the sexes could interact without regard to gender or age. Not true. Sexual sin is rampant. Also lying about being sinned against is also rampant.
It took us a long time to come to that conclusion as we were very swayed by the world’s way of thinking. I even remember meeting people who would be considered “prudes” by most people’s standards and thinking they took things a “little too far”, Upon reflection we decided they weren’t “prudish” but prudent. We now avoid being in rooms with the opposite sex alone as much as possible. If we are interacting with children we only do so with their parents around or if it is a Bible class setting and only one child is there, the door stays open if there is no window on it. We DO NOt leave our children alone without us or a trusted person. Mostly their grandmothers, aunt and for the first time an older woman from church in her 70s watched them at our home.
Also what we really thought was taking things “too far” but now agree with is acting more subdued around people of the opposite sex. I am very outgoing and enjoy people but now even when I’m with my husband, if we are only around males I try not to say much or “sparkle”. My husband does the same amongst women. I come alive when I’m amongst women and ar fellowship meals etc. prefer to eat at a woman’s table.
This has helped us tremendously and perhaps it will others.
Off topic but good sermon on women in the church….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocFgzJajptk&t=46s
Hi, don’t mean to butt in, but I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and I just wanted to say that vanity and beauty are not the same thing at all. Vanity is a sin while beauty is GOOD. Being beautiful =/= being vain, not being beautiful =/= not being vain. I speak from experience when I say that being ugly or fat can often lead one to feel EXTREMELY vain. I used to be quite fat, and I was stuck on the idea that I was superior to all those pretty girls that I thought of as so superficial and stupid for trying to look nice for anyone. This “I’m better for being ugly so screw you” attitude was FAR more full of pride and self-centeredness than a demure desire to glorify God and to please others, which is what one should be attempting to do in the pursuit of the virtue of beauty.
I read your column a lot, a friend made me aware of your teachings. We have both gone through the pain of an unfaithful Christian wife. His marriage was not recoverable. I am desperately trying to save my marriage now. My wife had a three month long affair two years ago, but did not tell me until two months ago when the guilt caused a nervous breakdown for her. THe thoughts penned by Blair so closely match the disgust I had after I found out about her affair, and I am wondering if he was able to save his marriage or not. For those women out there thinking about an affair, STOP!!!!!!!!!! You have no idea how this will destroy every bit of confidence your husband has in you, and the love he holds for you. I pray that God will take the bitterness out of my heart every day, and that our marriage will recover, but I dont know if it is possible. Please let me hear some success stories about how God was able to restore your heart.
Ladies, ladies, ladies I cannot stress how important it is to not cheat on your husband. I also committed the horrible, disgusting act of adultery shortly after being married and although my husband and I are still together 7 years later it has completely demolished our intimacy. Sometimes I wonder will we ever be restored. I trust the Lord and pray everyday but it is by far the WORST, most selfish thing I have ever done. The weight of the regret is so heavy that I am not the same person. The betrayal and pain I caused him has ruined my husband’s life. It’s awful. We have been together over 15 years (married 7 because we got married after getting saved, yes I did this terrible thing AFTER being saved.) It goes to show you that our flesh is still here with us everyday and we must battle it. Just being saved is not enough to live a Godly life. We must prepare EVERY morning to put the old man away and the new man on. We MUST be in the word. (Also not listening to false preachers-Joyce Meyer- as this had me thinking I could do anything and God was never mad at me. A lie from the devil.) Anyway, things have gotten better little by little but please please please take from someone who made the mistake and Don’t Do It! At the time you may feel like you don’t care or he doesn’t care or it doesn’t matter but in the end you come to your senses and it’s too late, damage done. My husband and I will be together till death do us part but the issues we have could have been avoided. It’s been devastating to our family. Both of us and our children. It’s never worth it. Don’t do it. You will regret it. The Lord WILL chasten you, and you Will have a very hard time overcoming. It’s easier to overcome whatever you are discontent with. I warn every woman I talk to with that and also to not get your tubes tied. (Another huge regret of mine.) I pray for all my sisters in Christ that they will learn from the word and the mistakes of others. Be wise, not in thine own eyes! Do not listen to the wordly women you know, don’t lean on your own understanding. Read the word and live it out the best you can. Your husband is the most important person in your life whether you recognize it right now or not. IF you choose to have an affair it will ruin both of your lives. DON’T do it!!! Take from someone who has.
–another thing,
I also have lost weight and been tempted to be in the mirror alot, if I am in the word every morning it helps me to have the right mind state but all it takes is skipping one or two days and I’m right back fleshy. I think we need to grow spiritually by reading the scriptures every day and also I do not blow dry my hair in the mirror anymore, got rid of full length mirror (just let my husband or kids over look my outfit and make sure there’s nothing inappropriate) then give myself one quick glance before going somewhere. Just remember however “all that” we feel because we lost weight, we really are not “all that” we should humble ourselves and recognize that the Lord expects us to be healthy and even if we look great that means nothing if our inside is full of vanity and pride.
I can’t seem to find it anywhere, but there is a source I came across a couple of years ago that cited the divorce rate among self-professed, churchgoing Christians in the U.S. as 38 percent. From my recollection the author(s) put a favorable slant on that figure because it was lower than the secular world’s 51 percent.
That figure is, in fact, a blight, a mark of shame, an abomination. The divorce rate among true Christ followers should be ZERO PERCENT, OR VERY CLOSE TO IT. It is a crippling indictment of the current American “church” and proof-positive of its deliberate abandonment of the Bible’s teachings on marriage and family that this statistic exists- and I have to believe that the “38 percent” figure has increased a percentage point or two in the last two years.
It appears that churches are holding fewer and fewer weddings as time goes by. That’s probably as it should be. Any “church” that neglects, if not outright mocks, God’s commandments for marriage is blaspheming the institution and bringing judgment upon itself by performing weddings within its walls. Better that such ceremonies be performed at resorts or banquet venues where there is no pretense of godliness than to profane a (so-called) House of God with them.
Hi there! I’m living proof a marriage can be redeemed after an affair. The book ‘surviving an affair’ may be helpful. And speaking to a counselor as well.
You’re intamacy can improve. But it sounds to me like you are holding back a lot of pain about you’re choice. As is you’re husband. I think both of you could really benefit from Christian marriage counseling and individual counseling. (Wife sees a female counselor, husband sees a male counselor etc)
good point, anna, though i appreciate lori’s answer, considering the nature of the question asked
i think you’re doing the right thing to make yourself feel better, cat, by counseling other people of the consequences of your mistake. there’s no benefit to being burdened by our sins forever.
[What can I do to prove I’m to be trusted?]
Have you considered the thought that maybe it is not a question of him trusting you. But it is him PROTECTING you from the many real dangers of social media?
AMEN!
Dave, Jesus is the only way for YOU to overcome this huge betrayal.
I continued the marriage with her and continued to give her my love because when I got married to her, I took a vow to God Almighty for my marriage. Is it easy to overcome? NOPE. It tales a lot of prayer and tears. Her affair with one guy lasted about 5-6 months. While she was denying me sex, she was giving another guy lots.
My late wife died of a fast spreading cancer, 10 weeks from discovering it til she died. ( God’s chastisement?) She said she was in no pain, etc. The day before she died she started losing her balance. Off to the hospital. That night she started talking to people that she insisted were in the room. When people die, this seems to happen a lot. As her husband, I ministered to her giving water, pulling the blankets up to keep her warm, etc. but throughout the night I had to listen to her talk about her lovers since I married her. To find out that it wasn’t just 1 guy but 5-6 guys over 13 years of marriage. Not just 1 time with them but ongoing adulteries with them. The next morning the doctor was getting ready to send her home with a pain killer medicine. As the doc was writing the prescription, she was sitting up in bed bossing the doc and nurses and her eyes suddenly rolled up in her head and she was gone in less than a second.
Am I a perfect saint for sticking by her? NOPE. My vow was with my Lord Jesus to love her and take care of her.
I remember reading that article about the 38% Christian divorce rate too. It was just the other day on Dalrock’s blog in the older posts.
And on his blog post there was also one about the percentages of women who get pregnant by another man and then say its their husband’s child. Keep in mind the newspaper articles were from the year 2000. And things have only gotten worse. And this is only of husbands that suspect their wives of adultery.
shhhh- don’t tell my husband
From the Guardian, 1998-07-14: “More than 25 years ago the consultant obstetrician E E Phillipp reported to a symposium on embryo transfer that blood tests on between 200 and 300 women in a town in the south-east of England revealed that 30 per cent of their children could not have been fathered by the men whose blood groups had also been sampled”.
From the Dallas Morning News 1999-10-31: “DNA Diagnostics Center … an industry leader, says 30 percent of the men it tests prove to be misidentified. Similar numbers come from the Texas attorney general’s office, which enforces child support: About a quarter of the men who disputed paternity in the last year turned out to be right. In Florida, the proportion was one-third”.
From the Sunday Times 2000-01-23: “David Hartshorne, spokesman for Cellmark, said that in about one case in seven, the presumed father turns out to be the wrong man”.
From the Santa Barbara News-Press 2000-02-27: “For the population as a whole, “The generic number used by us is 10 percent,” said Dr. Bradley Popovich, vice president of the American College of Medical Genetics. [15 to 25 % has been determined from blood tests of parents and offspring in Canada and the US.]”
From The Age 2000-03-26: “About 3000 paternity tests are carried out a year in Australia. In about 20 per cent of cases the purported father is found to be unrelated to the child. This figure is estimated to be 10 per cent in the general community”.
From The REPORT Newsmagazine 2000-04-24: “The rate of wrongful paternity in “stable monogamous marriages,” according to the Max Planck Institute in Munich, Germany, ranges from one in 10 with the first child to one in four with the fourth”.
From the Independent 2000-05-12: “… biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis … review of paternity studies also suggested frequent infidelity, with extra-pair paternity running between 1.4 per cent and 30 per cent in different communities”.
From The Globe and Mail 2000-05-20: “Anecdotal evidence suggests these numbers bear out in Canada as well…. Maxxam Analytics in Guelph, Ont., performs approximately two paternity tests a day. And according to Dr. Wayne Murray, head of the human DNA department, one out of four men who come in pointing a finger at their spouse is not the biological father of the child in question”.
From the Sunday Times 2000-06-11: “More than 250,000 tests a year are now conducted in America, and about 15,000 in Britain…. roughly 30% of men taking the tests discover that they are not the fathers of the children they regarded as their own. In the wider community, social scientists say up to 1 in 20 children are not the offspring of the man who believes himself to be their father”.
From the Observer 2000-09-03: “One study followed couples waiting for NHS fertility treatment, where the men were ‘azoospermic’, meaning they produced no sperm and were totally infertile. The researchers found that 25 per cent of the women became pregnant before fertility treatment started”.
From the American Association of Blood Banks – 2001-02-26: “The overall exclusion rate for 1999 was 28.2% for accredited labs. Exclusion rates for non-accredited US and foreign labs were slightly less at 22.7% and 20.6% respectively”.
It’s worse than that, more Christians get divorced than Atheists even.
https://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
And you’re right, it should be 0% divorced.
Jesus washed Judas’ feet. He called him “friend” in the garden before being betrayed by a kiss. He cooked breakfast after His resurrection for the apostles who had abandoned Him. A person doesn’t suddenly wake up one day & think “Today’s a great day to sin”. Yes adultery is sin…so is self-righteousness. Sin is…”SIN” & it HURTS. It’s very nature will infect others. However, none of us can add to what Jesus has already done for us. Why do we always think we’re so much better than the “sinner”? There’s not ONE righteous. Anyone remember Mary of Bethany anointing Jesus with perfume & washing his feet with her tears? Throw legalism out with the bath water. When we love the Lord we want to do right but sin is right there with us until the day we are called home. “If we confess our sins He is true & just to forgive us from ALL unrighteousness”. Maybe we should too? God can do the impossible. I’m a living testimony. We are saved by His GRACE alone. Repent of YOUR sins, let go of bitter memories of betrayal. Try a dose of forgiveness. Yes, it seems totally unfair. What was truly unfair was the only righteous One being crucified. True healing is found only in Our Saviour Jesus Christ.
I watched this message and it’s a half-measure at best. I think this pastor is leaning in the right direction but he is not there yet. Certainly closer (to the truth) than the outspoken egalitarians but not really all that impressive. Not something that I could recommend people spend their time watching.
All the more reason for women and men to stay fit and healthy and look their best even after marriage. No one likes a beer belly or an overweight body.
Lori, this may be too long to post and I know I am late to post on this, but I read through many of the responses and I feel compelled to add some of my story, not just for the men asking for stories of marriages redeemed, but also for women who are dipping, or are tempted to dip, their feet in the same sin of adultery, as I was that strange woman as well – and a dip quickly changes to a slipperly slope into hell without you ever realizing it. Please, DON’T DO IT.
I recall during those times of my affair telling myself, “I don’t care” about what I was doing, because I didn’t feel like my husband cared, either. I became more and more dead to doing the right thing. I increasingly only cared about myself and my own needs. It’s a time I look back on with more shame and regret than I could ever truly express.
Thankfully, though, God was present and working behind the scenes. Through a series of unexpected events, I came to repentance in my heart, but it wasn’t enough. The shame and guilt of what I had done ate at me every day. All I could think was that my husband didn’t know who I really was, and it was unfair for him to be married to me not knowing the truth. Although I had confided separately to two persons during those years of my affair, and they told me to end it long before I actually did, they both advised me to never tell my husband. Yet God was clearly pointing me to confession. So finally, almost a year after I ended the affair, in terror and despair I confessed it to my husband. This began the hardest time of my life to date, but I believe my confession out of love for him and believing he should know the truth was one of the major factors of my husband’s forgiveness. In fact he has admitted this. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a pain so absolute as watching my husband’s trust in me disintegrate before my eyes and the utter disgust he had for me, knowing I had caused it, and that my marriage was forever stained with the filth of all I had done in the name of my own self-love.
But God manifested His grace to us even during this horrific and painful time. When I feared my husband would divorce me, when I finally uttered that question in dread, I watched his face change from uncertainty to wonder as he told me he heard at that moment a voice inside him that was not his, clearly shout at him, “NO!” to a divorce. I still believe this was the Holy Spirit. Then my husband asked me to do something he never had before – he asked me to pray with him. Together we knelt and prayed to God for His guidance, and we asked His will to be done.
It has been almost 10 years since that day, and we are still married, and have been blessed with a family. I can not express how thankful I am that my husband heeded that voice not to divorce, when he had every right to. For a long time, it was one day at a time. There were ugly periods, sometimes after years of peace, when the past and hurt would surface and we would have to deal with the same horrific pain all over again, groping our way through the dark. At these times of feeling so low and so lost, we have to turn it over to God, because there is just no way to carry the pain alone and survive. The knowledge of what I did those years, I still carry with me. It still knifes into my gut and soul, and I know that it still does to my husband, too. But we continue to carry on despite the pain, because we still have love for one another.
Our relationship is not perfect. It never was. WE are not perfect. We never were. We still screw up, we still struggle with sin. We still struggle to forgive. But by the grace of God, we are still here for each other. I give thanks to God Almighty that He has not thrown the first stone at me, when He is completely righteous to. God is a God of mercy and compassion, the Author of Love itself. And His Word teaches that love covers a multitude of sins.
If any of this puts me in a position to offer advice, it would be this: No matter your situation, no matter how dire it seems, GIVE IT TO GOD. HE CARES, even for the worst of us, even despite the worst things that we do. Repent and do not lose faith, and do not try to take matters into your own hands without first seeking Him. If you feel you are not being loved, that does not give you the right not to love. Jesus commands us to love those who don’t love us, and to pray for them. Whether we are the ones who need forgiveness or whether we are the ones called to forgive, Jesus calls us to put others’ needs before our own. We should place ourselves last, even when it’s unfair. Jesus on the cross is the ultimate example of that. I will wish for the rest of my life that I did not make the choices I made back then, but I can not change the past. I can only change the present. I can be a voice to others, I can point the way to our most compassionate, loving, and merciful God. He is Sovereign, He is in control. And He will not leave those who love Him orphans. Trust in God!! He is mighty to save.
Thank you. Your comment deserves a post of its own.