Women Prefer Men Who Aren’t Porn Addicts

Women Prefer Men Who Aren’t Porn Addicts

On Friday, a young women privately messaged me on Instagram and shared with me that she had only been married a few years, yet her husband is deeply addicted to pornography. It has been devastating on her marriage so she asked for my advice. I immediately decided that I needed to write out a post warning young women to not marry porn addicts. We’ve seen too much devastation in marriages with this addiction.

Here is the post that I wrote:

I could have easily written a post titled, “Women Prefer Men Who are Tall, Handsome, and Wealthy” but this is stating the obvious. I want young women to think carefully about who they marry. Did you know that only 14 percent of all men are over six feet tall? Height matters little to the character of a man. Looks fade with age and marrying a man who is a hard worker and wants to provide for his family is more important than marrying a wealthy man. But more important than all of these is to avoid marrying a porn addict, in my opinion.

We mentored a young couple a long time ago and he turned out to be a porn addict. She would read my posts about men wanting sex more often than women and wanting it frequently, but her husband never did. She thought something was wrong with her while he was finding sexual release through a dead and lifeless smart phone. TheJoyFilledWife shared on my old blog the devastation she felt when she found out her husband was a porn addict.

Years ago, I went onto a men’s site, which wasn’t a Christian one, and these men were sharing how much they hated porn and how it had ruined their lives. A gorgeous woman could be lying naked on their bed, yet they had no sexual desire for her because of how porn messed up their brains. When I was dating my husband in 1980, porn wasn’t an issue like it is today. We didn’t have computers or smart phones. Porn wasn’t available at the click of a mouse. It was difficult to find. We only had 13 channels on the TV and porn wasn’t offered. Today is a different story. Many men are addicted to hardcore porn, even many Christian men.

We listened to Michael Pearl teach through the book of Hebrews fifteen years ago and he spoke about porn. He predicted it would separate the sheep from the goats. He didn’t water down the harm that porn is causing to individuals and marriages. He wrote an article called Pornography: The Road to Hell. He taught his children the ugliness and destruction of porn and if they ever caught a glimpse of it, he taught them to FLEE as the Bible instructs us to flee fornication. “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

After I published the above handwritten post, I received some comments from women saying they disagreed with me. They married porn addicts who are strong men of God now. Yes, God can transform anyone and release them from the bondage of porn but to willingly marry a porn addict is playing Russian roulette since there is NO guarantee that he will be able to give it up.

I asked the women in the chat room if any of them would knowingly marry a porn addict and every single one who answered said, “NO!” One woman wrote, “As someone who is going through this right now – No. No, no, no. A thousand, million times no. If I could go back ten years and have a ‘do over,’ I would run.” Another one wrote, “Absolutely not. My ex-husband was a porn addict. My naked body did nothing to him.” Yet another, “NO times 1,000,000. I did. I thought he could change if I was strong for him and prayed for him. Well, I wouldn’t do it again, and I will definitely pass the lesson I learned down to my daughter.” The last one that I will share said, “After what I’ve been through, NOT A CHANCE! I’m thankful that God’s grace covers my situation and there is so much good to hope for through Him!”

Young women, be wise with whom you marry. Ask the hard questions before you become too attached. Ask him if he takes drugs, too. Ask him what sexual activity he’s been involved with personally. You have every right to know these things. The man you marry is the man you will live in submission to until death do you part, and he will one day be the father of your children. Who you marry is the second most important decision you will make after believing in Jesus Christ.

What advice did I give to this young woman whose husband is a porn addict? The same advice I give to almost all women who come to me with this problem. I encourage them to read how TheJoyFilledWife won her husband and to read and study 1 Peter. Pornography is rampant, it’s ugly, and it’s destructive.

However, make sure you aren’t filling your mind with sexual impurity, either, such as watching The Bachelor. What’s wrong with The Bachelor, women asked me. Besides one man making out with a bunch of other women who are practically naked where alcohol is freely flowing so they will lose their inhibitions? It’s a sad day when Christian women can’t see what’s wrong with this and many shows like it. “Abstain from ALL appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Most romance novels have porn explicitly spelled out in them. We are commanded to dwell on the true, just, and the pure (Philippians 4:8), not on the filth of this world.

If you want a godly man, you be a godly woman. Read my post on being a debt-free virgin without tattoos. Yes, when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are cleansed from your sins, but you will still bear the scars and consequences of some of your sins. If you haven’t slept around, not gone deeply into debt, and not tattooed up your body, please don’t. You will be very thankful one day when you meet a man that wants to marry you who loves the Lord, works hard, and isn’t a porn addict. The less baggage you carry into a marriage, the better.

But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
Hebrews 3:13

52 thoughts on “Women Prefer Men Who Aren’t Porn Addicts

  1. I agree! Men addicted to porn make no husband worthy of making a home with! Women need men who are devoted to them and don’t get their fixes elsewhere or are so unskilled socially they feel porn is their own option to interact with women.

    1. I know you’re not a believer, A Lady of Reason, but you still have a lot of wisdom. I also know that you would one day love to be a wife and mother. I believe it will be extremely difficult for you to find a man who isn’t a believer who isn’t involved in porn. It’s Christianity and it’s value and morals that convict Christian men and His Holy Spirit that works mightily within them to flee fornication. I’m not sure how men who aren’t believers aren’t drawn into porn’s ugly web. Have you met any?

      1. Statistics I saw recently were that 80% of men regularly use porn. That is a HUGE number. “Regularly” wasn’t defined, but in any case, that’s a lot of men who admit to using porn. For the number to be that high, that means many married men are using it, many single men are using it, and many Christian men are using it. It makes me so sad.

    2. Porn triggers pleasure centers in the male mind. One can be socially adept and still become addicted to porn. Men are visual creatures, and porn hits all the right spots. It’s very dangerous!

      This article is very wise advice to both men and women. Men and women should focus their sexual energies in godly ways within marriage. No good can come from porn consumption. It’s like junk food for your brain and can hinder one’s enjoyment of one’s spouse.

      I also like how Lori explains the danger of female “porn.” Women’s brains are triggered differently then men’s, and romance novels (and shows like the Bachelor) trigger the female brain.

      Lastly, I think this should be treated like any other sin. To those who struggle with this temptation, put your faith in Christ. He will give you the strength to resist! To those who know people who suffer from this, approach your brother or sister with love, understanding, and patience so as to help them overcome, and be careful to do so in a way that doesn’t lead yourself to the sin of pride!

      We all have weaknesses. All sin. Encourage each other to flee from sin!

  2. Such good advice! I am very concerned for my children living in a world where it is porn o’clock all day every day. Even “innocent” sites like newsfeeds will very often feature scantily clad women and starlets and those are just two clicks away from porn.

    I mentioned this before but in case anyone reading this is addicted to porn and doesn’t want to be, I’ve heard there is great success in wearing a firm rubber band and snapping it against your wrist whenever you view porn. Apparently it requires your brain to associate porn with pain and dissolves the good feeling hormones that come with it. Of course praying should be the first and continual activity to be free of porn. I can’t imagine God not helping someone reaching out to Him trying to do better and be like Him.

    1. I have heard of this, too, M! It’s certainly worth a try for those who are seriously trying to give it up. Pain is always a good teacher. Putting strong filters on all of one’s devices is good, too.

  3. Just remember ladies, there are 2 sides to every story. Many men turn to porn when their wives shut them out sexually. I speak from experience, when being denied sexual relations with their spouse, one still needs an outlet for their desires. It is why men and women both often turn to porn in the first place. It would be naive to think only men suffer from a porn addiction.

    1. That’s true, Kevin, but statistics prove that it’s much more of a man’s battle than a woman’s. And yes, many women deprived their husbands sexually and open them up to temptation, as we are told in the Word, therefore, they are responsible for depriving their husbands but the husbands are still responsible for looking at porn.

      It’s not always the case that men go to porn when they are deprived sexually by their wives. TheJoyFilledWife, who I mentioned in the post, is a beautiful woman who never deprived her husband yet he still battled his addiction to porn.

      We will all be held responsible for our own actions but we also must make sure that we are not stumbling blocks to others, as you have stated.

    2. Most men who are addicted to porn developed the habit before they were married. Many were exposed as young children. So porn addiction usually starts before marriage and is not the wife’s fault. A wife should certainly not deprive her husband as that is sinful. But we cannot blame a man’s porn addiction on his wife.

      1. Much of the struggle that men have with pornography is owing to the women who try to seduce men through their harlotry. The issue is not a matter of when they developed the addiction. Women as a whole are not innocent on this matter of pornography. Wives who try to manipulate their husbands with sex are also complicit in tempting him to become sexually frustrated.

        Do not only just blame the men. Women need to be held accountable for their sexual sins as much as men are. Western culture including the Church in the west takes away accountability from the woman. This needs to stop.

      2. Do you think it’s possible that many men use porn before they’re married because they have a sex drive and aren’t allowed to have sex with actual women? If the guy your dating is a virgin yet looks at porn because he’s not married yet, don’t you think you should be grateful he hasn’t actually gone out and slept with women but followed the path of least harm to himself and others?

        In other words, would you rather have
        1) a guy who’s never been with a woman but watches porn
        2) a guy who doesn’t look at porn but regularly hooks up with different women?

        Let’s say that guy 1 is ready to give up porn when he gets married and starts having real sex.

        1. Michael – Sadly, guy 1 is going to have extremely unrealistic expectations of sex. Porn is not an accurate representation of sex at all.

          Guy 2 is what I would pick, personally. Although “regularly hooks up with different women” is also problematic. If he’s a player, I’m not interested in him, either. I’m interested a man looking for commitment, not just fun.

          Having said that, I’ve been married for 17 years next week, to a man who was not a virgin, did not watch porn, nor sleep around. Decent men are out there.

        2. Michael, Guy #1 likely thinks he will be able to give up porn when he gets married and can have sex with his wife whenever he wants. But guess what? Many, many of these men find real, actual sex is less fulfilling than the porn they’ve been watching. This is a pattern and you better believe that Guy #1 is no safer than guy #2. Let’s not bury our heads in the sand.

    3. Kevin, Your comment seems to be based on the Bible.

      1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

      Lori and Lindsay’s responses seem to be based upon splitting out that there are some men who are already in bondage addicted to pornography before they ever get married. I agree with all of you. Those men who are truly addicted or in bondage to pornography have other deeper issues that cause their inability to abstain from pornography, and it would be very wise to not marry them.

      However, as Kevin, and God’s word make clear there are a vast majority of men and women who are susceptible to sexual temptations.
      God’s perfect plan for avoiding sexual immorality is to get married before you mess up, and to always be sexually available to your spouse, united as one flesh, to lovingly meet your spouses fleshly needs.

      I think it would be fitting if Lori made a companion post, now that she has posted against marrying a porn addict, about how women can endeavor to keep their marriages sexual immorality free by following 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. People who aren’t addicted, yet fall to temptation, is actually the far more prevalent of the two issues, and affects all marriages. The root of adultery is already in all of our hearts. Also we are to understand that lust and immodesty while sharing the same root of adultery in the heart, are in no way equal to actual adultery, which is a grave sin against our bodies, which are to be the temple of the Holy Spirit.

      Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. [or need of pornography, because…] 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

      I believe the Bible also teaches that any man who is not heavily tempted by sexual desire, but is able to contain himself, should not marry, but be dedicated to the Lord’s work. So one must also reckon that the Apostle Paul only recommends marriage for those who are susceptible to pornography and sexual immorality in the first place. Don’t look for a husband who is not inflamed with sexual passion for you. That would be foolish and regrettable also.

      1Corinthians 7:8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

      If your husband, like so many, is looking at pornography, or looking at other women, don’t be mean to him and drive him into their arms, (porn and loose women will always be there for him, when you refuse to be) you should try to wean him away from them and back onto yourself, by being sexually enticing to him and frequently insisting that he have sex with you like the Bible commands him to. Ravish him with passionate sex two or three times a day, however much it takes, to make him feel desired, and like he can come to you for sex, whenever he is tempted. I’d trade my cute wife for a homely woman who treated me like that, in a millisecond. Many men are actually deeply hurt by their wife’s sexual rejection and willful defrauding, and turn to pornography to soothe their pain and sexual frustration from their wife’s frequent sexual abandonment and dereliction. God will judge the sexually immoral woman who has refused her husband his due, and willfully turned him over to the pain of rejection and into Satan’s temptation.

      Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

      Most normal men aren’t that complicated. Obey the Bible, and thereby meet their needs and expectations, and you’ll likely have a solid marriage. Try to control and manipulate your husband through wicked sexual withholding, and he will despise your contemptible and undue disrespect in his very soul.

      Pre-marriage pornography addicts, and intimacy disordered men aside, the vast majority of the time, wives are just reaping the nasty seed they’ve sowed when their husbands, who desire them, are repeatedly turned away from them to porn. What may look like an addiction to the wife, is often just cause and effect, sowing and reaping, happening over and over and over again. The man and wife lack self control, so when she sins against him by defrauding him sexually, she turns him over to Satan for temptation, and he always eventually falls into it.

      God created women to be helpers and mates to their husbands. If you’re not being the best mate you can be for your husband, you’re naturally a great disappointment to both your husband and God. Repent of it! Go and sin no more.

        1. Hello Elias,

          I do agree that women should be passionate towards their husbands. However in the instance you are describing, “ravishing 2-3 times per day,” that may be actually impossible for a woman to become aroused (all by herself no less), especially if she is not in the “prime,” which for women is mid to late thirties. Do you have any other suggestions to combat this dilemma?

          1. Kate, thank you for asking. I’m glad somebody is entertaining the idea of trying to be the best mate they can be for their husband. We have our all wise Creator’s instructions, which aren’t very detailed as to some of the specifics of your question, but I’ll try to give you an answer, with some of my own ideas added in only as suggestions.

            I have heard the phrase “use it or loose it” in regard to the function of sex organs in the elderly. When the organs are used more frequently they naturally regain much of their lost function that might have been lost through disuse. Also, like a habit or an addiction, I have read of many skeptical women who committed to having daily sex with their husbands, who after two or three weeks found themselves, not only, not dreading the daily sex, but that they were in fact becoming aroused anticipating it and even became a bit antsy, and preoccupied with getting it when their husbands arrived home. I personally, based upon reading the Bible, happen to have more spiritual liberty than some church traditions, and think that some couples might include oral sex and other things you and your husband feel at liberty to engage in, into the mix, if you are somehow unable to provide enough vaginal sex. If lubrication is a problem, either ask for more foreplay, and be specific about what you want, or buy some lubricant, if you folks don’t have the time or patience.

            Mentally focus on your husbands positive traits when you think about him, realize he is the image and glory of God. Focus on finding ways to idolize him and to show him the utmost respect. After all, he chose you out of 3 billion women and is staying with you, as God’s designated head over you. Send him text and voice messages and notes indicating your gratitude, respect for him, and your explicit sexual desire for him. That will actually help you both, in many regards.

            While this Blog is not about supplements, I’ve spent over 7 years researching them, and might recommend older women daily try taking 25-50 Mg of DHEA that you can buy at most grocery stores, to increase the overall level of hormones in your body. That is normally quite a safe recommendation. Obviously quit taking it, if it causes you problems. There are a myriad of helpful things you can take, but that is where I would start first.

            Also pray that God would enable you to find favor in your husband’s eyes, and to be ravishing in the sack, or whatever you think your husband would enjoy most. If you are overweight, fast and pray that you would find favor in your husband’s eyes, and tell your husband that you are going to be loosing weight to be more sexy for him, so he isn’t alarmed by your new desire to appear sexy, and appreciates that you are doing it for him, not just yourself, your children, and God. Gluttony is a sin. However, don’t let your own self image hold you back. Your husband chose you. He finds you attractive, he has bonded with you, and regardless of what he has said, he likes it when you flaunt you sexuality for him. Nobody in the whole world should be as experienced as you at getting him off. Being his chosen one, and an expert on his likes and dislikes, you should be able to rock his world, until he passes from it, as God gives you strength. Take pride in becoming the best mate he ever could have chosen. While other women might have come with more money, others may look better, and others may be more virtuous, if you are dedicated to loving the stuffing out of him, any normal man will find your dedication and devotion to be irresistible and to cover all sorts of shortcomings.

  4. This is a great post. I especially believe we should be careful in who we marry, its a lot easier to submit to a loving, honest man, than have to endure mistreatment. I am definitely teaching my daughters this principle. We often pray for our daughters future husbands, that they can be protected from the evils of this world.

  5. Reality disconnectors that wreak havoc on the work:pleasure relationship:
    * Men: porn, video games.
    * Women: social media, romance novels/movies/shows.

    Man seeks the affection of a pretty woman.
    Woman seeks the attention of a powerful man.
    Men are the keepers of relationship.
    Women are the keepers of sex.

    By consuming any of the above, it numbs the man or woman from their needs, and reduces their drive to provide that which they give to satisfy the needs of the other.

    Turn off your screens. Computer, TV, phone. Don’t listen to radio or read text that stimulates in similar manner.

    Get outside. God made a beautiful world to enjoy. Get into the Word. God gave us our ‘owner’s manual’ to this human life.

  6. I would’ve never married a man who looked at porn. I have a couple of friends who have husbands that look at it. One doesn’t mind at all and I’m baffled by it. The other was almost one foot out the door when she gave her husband the ultimatum that it was her or his girly mags. To date, it’s been her, but she says she will always have doubts now about whether he’s lying.

    I was pretty honest from the beginning of our relationship about how I felt about it. I always found it to be very disrespectful to women and a man that looked at it must feel the same. He agreed. I have always wondered how these men would feel if it were their own daughter they opened the magazine or website to find.

    I’ve never watched a show like The Bachelor because it just looks stupid, lol, but it strikes me as rather sad that women would demean themselves in such a way. I’m really not much of a TV watcher anyway. And the last movie I went to see was Forrest Gump so that should tell you something. I do like Jeopardy!

  7. I have a dear, lovely friend whose husband’s porn addiction destroyed their marriage. He would regularly rape her as well. Now, she struggles as a single parent.

  8. I don’t think that women are blameless in the march of pornography.

    Afterall many women actively participated in the exploitation their own bodies for profit either in actual pornography, in immodest modelling or in dramatic immorality (TV, films etc).

    Or encourage men to see sex as a consequence free recreational activity through their rejection of chastity, willingly fornication and use of contraception or personal immodesty

  9. Very true post. Men who use porn will not make good spouses, and they are rehabilitation projects after marriage. They are selfish, self-centered, and have not learned to love God, themselves, or a wife.

    They can change, and many do, but it’s quite a risk to marry a man using porn. However, there is very little difference between marrying a man who uses porn, and a man who does not but believes in birth control. Both are subverting the purpose of marriage and sex, which is children. I’d estimate at least 90% of the eligible men to marry today are either porn users or believe in birth control.

    Only God can fix this disaster.

    1. I would agree 100% with that ! A man who uses or allows his wife to use contraception has fundamentally the same attitude to sexual activity as a man who uses pornography.

      1. Montesquieu and Suzanne,

        These are two VERY different issues. Scripture tells us that looking at another woman lustfully (that is not your wife) is considered adultery in the Lords eyes.
        Looking at pornography is a perversion of this even more. It’s no longer just a woman walking down the street dressed provocatively, you have actively googled it and sought out a lustful look.

        Using birth control is taking a matter into your own hands. Saying to the Lord that you want to control the amount of children you have, or in the timespan/window of time you have them.

        Do not be so staunch in your opinions towards something (birth control) that you yolk two NON equal issues together. You only come across as radical and you will lose people who you could otherwise foster towards wisdom by calling something like birth control a sexual perversion. Perversion is not something to lump together or thrust at people when we feel fits our rant agenda. It is a grevience to the Lord.

        Regardless of your stance on BC, don’t diminish a woman who has used birth contol by the support of her spouse by alluding to her husband as a supporter of pornography. They are not one in the same.

          1. Absolutely. Both relegate sex to being a selfish act of sterile self indulgence. Both are deeply sinful.

            It’s also hardly surprising that many porn addicts find Godly marital intimacy very difficult.

        1. The entire purpose of the sex drive was marriage and children. Both pornography and birth control pervert this. Most view pornography as worse than birth control. Many Christians practice birth control and avoid pornography, and think they are fine. They certainly aren’t. Both are evils to be abhorred.

          Both were illegal until the rogue Supreme Court legalized them. Contraception in 1965, and pornography just four years later, in 1969.

  10. Consuming porn is also evil due to the fact that many of the women are involved in drugs, coerced into acts they did not consent to, manipulated into the life of making porn at a young age, etc. Watching it or paying for it only supports an industry that hurts women. Not to mention that a lot of porn shows despicable treatment of women and men. Sure you may find some “independent” adult film “stars,” but the majority are exploited young women. I agree that women too can struggle with pornography, you must be just as vigilant with your daughters as with your sons!

    You are not only hurting your own husband/wife when you watch, but some other child of God as well.

    Young men who watch porn at a young age also do not know how the female body actually functions, as they are watching a fantasy and not the actual mechanics of women’s pleasure, which they should be learning through the innocent exploration of their wife’s body within marriage. Protect your sons if you wish them to have fulfilling marriages and happy wives!!!!

    1. True. The porn industry is one filled with victims. One of my husband’s best friends is a preacher who had a (non-Christian) father who was in the porn industry owning several porn stores. Most of the women in porn don’t want to be there but we’re corerced into it after leaving a bad childhood (many are actually still children). Our preacher friend attested to this and showed us videos of women who left the industry and are trying to help other women. It is so sad. Men really think the women want them or to be there but it’s all a lie. One apparently famous star was talking about how many men would come up to her and tell her they knew other women were just acting but that they could tell for her it was real. She said not only was she acting just like the other girls but that she was so numb to sex now it was like someone sticking a finger in her ear.

      Also these poor victims of the sex industry are disease ridden. Every once in awhile the industry will have an HIV scare where several actors will get it but the other diseases run rampant continually. Many women become infertile due to diseases too (although as we know infertility isn’t solely based on disease).

      So on the outside porn appears sparkly and enticing but in reality (the way we would see it if we had eyes like God) it is death and decay. That is actually how our preacher friend preaches against porn. He reveals what it really is and explains the love and respect we are to have for one another and that it is not dependent on the love and respect (or lack there of) that people may have for themselves.

  11. Hi Lori, great post. It’s true that young ladies need to think clearly during their single days. A lady shared how she grew up so sheltered that she didn’t know much about porn, she married a godly man and they were both young virgins. A few months into the marriage, he had no interest in physical intimacy and when she found him watching filth, he confessed that he married her in the hope that it would fix his problem with porn, however, it had not and so they settled into a sexless marriage. They have children together and a blessed home, welcoming home, I would never have guessed in a million years. She’s more content and calmer than many Christians I know and even though she’s technically not an older woman by Titus 2 definition, I look up to her because of her faithful walk with the Lord. I once asked her why she didn’t divorce him and she said that she was thoroughly persuaded of God’s sovereignty and goodness over all of her life and that she didn’t think her marriage was an accident or mistake so she looked to God everyday to help her cope joyfully. She reminded me that Jesus, unlike us, was sinless but suffered, so she doesn’t expect to live a suffering-free life either. She has taught me to appreciate the gift of my husband’s sex drive and to cherish it and joyfully receive it rather than rolling my eyes and mumbling, “not again.”

    1. I wish I could be more like that woman!

      It’s HARD being married to a man with addictions. Very hard. But that lady’s attitude is beautiful. She is so right: our marriages weren’t a mistake or an accident, and God CAN help us cope joyfully. This is definitely something for me to work on.

      Thank you for sharing that story. It has helped me a lot.

  12. It’s not always the husband that defrauds the wife. I’ve been in a celibate (not by my choice) marriage for over 10 years. I don’t think my husband looks at porn, but it is still painful. I have never, nor would I ever be unfaithful because of this. By the way, I am not overweight or anything, he is just not into a having a sexual marriage. Had I known this prior to marriage, I would have reconsidered.

  13. If that’s the case, he has had low T for >20 years and hes only 51. And being raised in a very traditional family, he believes men look weak when they talk about emotions or problems and he is embarassed about genitals or anything sexual.

    1. Doxie, please look up “intimacy anorexia” then “sexual anorexia” and see if your husband fits either profile. Report back.
      My wife has intimacy anorexia, and it has been a nightmare, however 2/3rds of the people who have it are men.

  14. I love this article. Thank you. Unfortunately today, there are almost no men who are not porn addicts/sex addicts. I feel bad for women. As a former porn addict myself, I now minister to men around men in the hopes of having them experience life beyond porn. It’s an incredible thing.

  15. I am a man and over many years have watched porn intermittently …. like years between very brief instances. It was a matter of temporary failure with tears and deep sorrow immediately, and finding favor, forgiveness, and restoration back to the regular walk. But I don’t get the …. “naked wife doing nothing to stir the husband thing.” Why would porn have this effect? I don’t doubt the testimonies about it, but it seems pretty inexplicable. Intuitively you would expect it to be otherwise. Further, while many women may experience this deep sense of rejection in such an instance, yet I’d like to assure you that men do also, and there are men who’s wives avoid them and perennially hide their most personal beauty from them with such perfect regularity that it reveals a painful purpose, and they wouldn’t know how to react if ever she seemed remotely interested. This can create grave temptations in a world where around every corner is another who desires you. It’s not always the scumbag reprobate who defies heaven who finds himself burdened beyond his measure…. it can be a sincere follower who gets up quickly and back on the road. As bad as porn is, at the least I would expect consensus that such a pathetic circumstance would be preferred to a fall outright with another actual woman and perhaps leave more to work with in seeking restoration. I do think men thus overcome should face church discipline. It absolutely cannot just be accepted and ignored, and that is likely the greatest cause if the present regularity of the failure. True believers will respond to church discipline.

    1. As bad as porn is, at the least I would expect consensus that such a pathetic circumstance would be preferred to a fall outright with another actual woman and perhaps leave more to work with in seeking restoration. I do think men thus overcome should face church discipline.

      Unfortunately the churches are run by illiterate woman-idolizing hirelings. They can’t read and comprehend the simplest verses describing the place of women. Nor can they comprehend a difference between a look at a woman, and adultery or rape. They are filled with satanically inspired ignorance. Jesus said the adultery was already in their heart, because sin is already in the heart of every man and woman, and if you’ve broken one point of the law, you are guilty of being a transgressor of God’s whole law. Many Jews in Jesus day were fond of saying they had kept all the law, and were blameless. Jesus was pointing out that if you have a hateful thought, you have murder in your heart, if you take a lustful glance, you already have the root of adultery in your heart, covetousness is the root of theft, and Etc. Basically, you can’t be holy like God. Not even if you pluck your eyes out and cut off your hands, and Etc. He was not encouraging us to harm ourselves, Jesus was trying to make obvious all people’s need of repentance, and a redeemer.

      I think church discipline only becomes a selective tool of demonic Feminist enforcement in the hands of these illiterate goddess worshipping hirelings. If they have not already publicly cast out the wife who is denying her husband sex and denying the inherent respect for her husband’s manhood and his natural desire for her, then they are just hypocritically practicing misandry against repentant men who already know porn is short of God’s ideal of holiness. No psychologically normal man is going to be turning to porn when he could be having sex with the woman he chose to be his mate. He is put into temptation when his wife denies him, what she vowed before God she would endeavor to provide until death. And usually these adulteresses are pining for other men and vainly seeking ‘Likes’ form them online, soliciting other men with leggings used as pants and exposed cleavage, all the while they are showing their husbands the utmost contempt, sometimes even publicly. Don’t put yourself under the discipline of these satanic false teachers.
      1 Corinthians 11:3 3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

      If a church is so corrupted with satanic Feminism that they refuse to discipline women for the sexual immorality of refusing their husbands sex, then leave.
      2 Corinthians 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

      1. In short, the heathen are nearer to receiving the words of God, than the great whore of today’s churches. The churches are ashamed of what God’s word really says, so Jesus will be ashamed of them when He returns in the power of His Father with his holy angels. They distort God’s word to deceive folks, snatching the good seed away from them. The hirelings are liars like their father the devil. They help foolish women to destroy their homes and children’s lives for an easy living, running their mouths for applause, preaching worldly claptrap. These false teachers are vessels of wrath, destined for the lake of fire, with the Beast and the other False Prophet, the smoke of their torment will rise up for ever and ever. Do not be deceived. Meditate on God’s word, pray for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and to bring to remembrance God’s words that you have read. Do not be partakers with the hirelings, but instead expose their wickedness. in 2000 years, the church has never been so full of wickedness, they have never been so ashamed of God’s words, and the gates of hell prevail against these false teachers every day by design. The churches are led by wicked false teaching losers, who are the spiritual equivalent of the Washington Generals, who always pretend to be trying to beat the Harlem Globetrotters, yet always manage to lose. It is much easier to truly follow Christ, once separated from these apostate social clubs.

      2. My goodness Elias what church do you go to? The church I attend is not like that at all!
        I don’t understand why anybody would waste their time going to a church that is so far from what the Bible teaches? You’re not going to be saved, in a church like that. Why would you even bother?

  16. And what usually is attached to porn is lying. I just went through 30 yrs. of it. If you are already married, pray without ceasing and seek Christian counsling If not, RUN!!! Never look back!

    1. This isn’t God’s prescription for a woman married to a porn addict, Eileen. His prescription is found in 1 Peter 3:1-6. I hope more women have the courage to obey God in this area rather than to run.

  17. I>And what usually is attached to porn is lying.

    However, if a man of marriageable age claims he has never seen an illicit image, he is almost certainly lying also. And those men who are not tempted by sexual desires should not get married according to the Bible. If a man is not strongly attracted to womankind, there may be incredibly serious issues behind that unnatural condition. Sanctified sex is at least part of the glue that holds marriages together. You have to have a clear head to properly evaluate a mate, and other wise people should be consulted about your prospect. A great many marriages head down the path to destruction when a wife chooses to be disrespectful and willingly abandons all desire for her husband, she lacks the self-control and responsibility to behave lovingly towards her mate and selfishly desires to defraud him instead. I won’t sugar coat it. The denial of sex within marriage is a selfish defrauding of your mate. People chose to disrespect their mate, to devalue them, and then act as though the contempt in their heart that grows from the seeds of their refusal to honor their mate, is a divine sign that they should defraud them further. It is evil built upon evil.

    I’m not Addressing your situation Eileen. I don’t know it. But everybody should try to make sure not only that their mate is somebody they feel deserves their body, but that you are prepared to continue giving it to them regardless of what transpires in-between your ears in the future. If you can’t commit yourself to giving your body to your mate until death do you part, you are entering marriage fraudulently and in selfish rebellion to God’s institution of marriage.

  18. “If you can’t commit yourself to giving your body to your mate until death do you part…” then perhaps marriage isn’t part of that persons’s future. I have noted before on this blog that it’s permissible, although rare, for a woman to remain single and work in service to our Lord. I also understand that this scenario does not negate God’s command for women to be mothers and keepers at home. It appears that wives more often than husbands are the ones withholding intimacy. Wouldn’t it make sense for those women who have little to no interest in sex remain unmarried and chaste?

  19. I was only 9 years old the first time I pushed a VHS tape into the VCR and saw unspeakable things. My family was in the next room. The tape was just there still in the VCR, recently ejected but forgotten I guess. My father had many Playboys and didn’t hide them. He had many more videos. I hate that I had pornography in my childhood. At age 23 I decided I never wanted that to be a part of my life again and I have not seen any since. At least not on purpose, and I immediately turn away. The things I have seen are never really gone, but I am glad I stopped adding to them. I am trying to create a better childhood for my kids.

  20. The counter argument would be that men are preferring porn to women. I grew up on porn. Once actual sex entered my life and I eventually got married, guess where I find myself going back to.

    The fantasies porn can instill is unique, in a trillion flavors,but unique. You just aren’t going to get that from reality. There is no question to its draw and I know I am not alone among married men who still keep a special laptop all their own. Password protected,encrypted,etc..lol. Because that’s not a thing that you want to risk her levels of understanding on.

  21. Yeah, we sure do! Never got into those Bachelors or soap operas myself. I’d say if young woman can find a good man who isn’t using porn, snag him! But odds are wives are going to have to help their husband off of it at some point. So just be prepared. The “men want it more” dynamic is fading in marriages directly due to porn. Women should be aware of this so they have the tools they need to address it with a lessened impact on their self esteem and value as a woman.

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