Women Today Gad About

Women Today Gad About

Do you enjoy being home full time? Some young women get bored being home all day so they find part-time jobs or other ways to fill their days away from home. With all of our modern conveniences, it’s easy to have the time to leave the home and find entertainment elsewhere. Women would rather go out shopping, go to Bible studies, play dates, eating out, and anything but look well to the ways of their household by being keepers at home.

Gill’s Exposition has this to say about the term keepers at home:

Keepers at home: minding their own family affairs, not gadding abroad (beyond or out of the walls of a house); and inspecting into, and busying themselves about other people’s matters. This is said in opposition to what women are prone unto. It is reckoned among the properties of women, by the Jews, that they are ‘gadders abroad’: they have some rules about women’s keeping at home; they say, ‘a woman may go to her father’s house to visit him, and to the house of mourning, and to the house of feasting, to return a kindness to her friends, or to her near relations–but it is a reproach to a woman to go out daily; now she is without, now she is in the streets; and a husband ought to restrain his wife from it, and not suffer her to go abroad but about once a month, or twice a month, upon necessity; for there is nothing more beautiful for a woman, than to abide in the corner of her house; for so it is written (Psalm 45:13) ‘the king’s daughter is all glorious within’.”

Gad means “go about from one place to another, in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment.” We are told in the Word that in the last days, many will be “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:4). I don’t think this is anything new to our day and age or why would God have the Apostle Paul command women to be keepers at home back then? It’s difficult to look well to the ways of our household if we are away from it frequently. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find women at home these days, even Christian women. Many homes sit empty all day long.

Nancy Wolgemuth in her book Adorned wrote: “Today it’s common for homes to be little more than physical structures where people park their bodies at night, take their showers in the morning, and then disperse in a hundred different directions as they start their day. The clock ticks on the mantelpiece, the thermostat cycles off and on to regulate the temperature, the microwave dings as residents run in to grab a snack and then run out again, but there’s little shared life.”

Homes are to be a place where families live. Mothers are keepers at home. Children are being raised by their own mothers in their homes. Fathers work hard to pay for their homes and provide for their families. They want to come home to peaceful and orderly homes after a hard day at work. This is how homes are supposed to function but too many women prefer to “gad about.” Many women don’t like being “stuck” at home all day.

If you find that you can relate to being bored staying at home, find productive things to do around your home and with your children. Develop a new talent that is useful in your homemaking or life. Learn to garden, can your food, learn about natural healing, create a budget and stick to it, clean more efficiently, declutter, cook new meals, read a book, write, study the Word, memorize scripture, sing new songs, knit, crochet, sew, quilt, paint, frame your windows, paint your walls, teach your children all of these things, practice hospitality and have people over for meals, exercise, and on and on the list goes.

There are many things to keep us occupied in our home. We don’t need to be always looking to be entertained. We aren’t supposed to live lives of entertainment nor be seekers of pleasure, but called to be productive (work hard) and a blessing to others, especially bringing glory to God. Being at home is your God-ordained ministry!

Many women also “gad about” by having jobs where they leave their homes every day for hours. They don’t have the time to look well to the ways of their households. Few women are superwomen and can accomplish everything. Something has to go and it is usually their marriage that suffers the most. The children suffer, too, and need their mothers in the home, making it a safe haven for them.

And this they say is what is meant by the woman’s being an helpmeet for man, that while he is abroad about his business, she is , ‘sitting at home‘, and keeping his house; and this they observe is the glory and honour of the woman. The passage in Isaiah 44:13 concerning an image being made ‘after the figure of a man, according to the beauty of a man, that it may remain in the house’ is by the Targum thus paraphrased: ‘according to the likeness of a man, according to the praise of a woman, to abide in the house.” Upon which Kimchi, has this note. ‘it is the glory of a woman to continue at home, and not go abroad.'” 

Few men today seem to understand the value of having a wife who works hard at home instead of in the marketplace. It makes their lives much easier if they have a wife who looks well to the ways of their household. When a child is sick, they don’t have to worry about them because they know their wives will care for their sick children. Dinner will be ready when they come home. The housework will be done so they don’t have to do it. They can relax and enjoy their family when they come home if they have a faithful, hard-working wife at home.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, the Word tells us. Men need a help meet and if you are married, you were created to fill that need for him. Make his life as easy as possible by staying home and looking well to the ways of your household. Learn to be content and work hard there; for this pleases the Lord and your husband!

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:13, 14

21 thoughts on “Women Today Gad About

  1. Lori, thank you for this excellent post!! It’s super encouraging and motivating!! I am journaling many of these wonderful points today. I am blessed to be a keeper-at-home and have a husband who highly esteems the work I do in our home. Posts like this make me appreciate my blessed calling!

  2. This is exactly my life! So this post really makes me feel validated! Haha… It’s Wednesday afternoon and I’ve been out of the house only once so far this week, and that was with all the children to get groceries. We’ll get out again tonight for church but then be home until Friday evening, when we’ll have to get back out for a Christmas event we are scheduled to attend. Otherwise, my days are filled with homeschool lessons, laundry, ironing, childcare, meals, and cleaning. I really love it but sometimes I wonder if I’m doing enough.

    I notice my friends at church have deeper connections because they’re with each other during the week for bible studies and get-togethers that I’m invited to but rarely attend. I had a girlfriend text me early this morning, she was on her way to work and I was still in my pj’s with a mask on my face! I thought, oh no! I’m a stereotypical housewife! And wondered if I was lazy. Haha… Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing my children a disservice, especially my boys. They’ll have to get used to getting up and out the door for work at some point…??? Anyway, sorry to ramble on… Have you seen boys who were kept home when they were young turn into hard working men? Do you have any tips on how I can help my boys with this? (I have daughters, too, but don’t worry so much about them.)

    1. Both of our boys turned out to be hard-working men. They did have a dad who was continually encouraging them. I had them mow the yard, change the oil in the cars, etc. when they were older. They were always involved in team sports which taught them to work hard, play as a team, and be disciplined. It is definitely possible! I don’t think public schooling or running around outside of the home helps them to work hard anymore than staying at home and being raised by their mother.

  3. Courtney,
    Sounds like you are doing an awesome job! I wouldnt worry if you are missing out on anything, if you are, it isnt much. 😊

  4. Hi Courtney!

    I only have boys, 15 and 18, we homeschool them since ever, and yes they work hard. They do school work indeed, but because we trained them to do so, they are able to take care of themselves (cooking,
    doing laundry,…) Last summer, our older son was 17 and by God’s grace, he was able to take care of himself during 2 months, alone in Ukraine (we are Canadian). He went to the grocery, and did all his things in another language!

    Our sons also changed the tires on our two cars this winter, they are able to change the car’s oil, they work on our terrain, they have walls building notions, etc. Whenever my husband does man’s work, he teaches them how to do the work! And it was like that since they were young.

    My husband and I, we tried to show them good example of hard working people by being such ourselves… Actions talk louder than words!!!
    I hope this helps you!!

  5. Lori and others,

    I am signing off reading for a very long time. My wife was a refuser and feminist and found Christ at the age of 40, but was still a refuser up until about 5 years ago. Then the intimacy became begrudging and one sided.

    She only initiated after huge blow outs to appease me and and wipe her hands like, “See I initiated.”

    In the last 2 years I can think of only 2 times that she seemed interested. She is a very low responder when I did initiate, and rarely reciprocated foreplay.

    Since late August and early September I have been hugely fatigued do to juggling 3 business and a new puppy that the family wanted, but for some reason he bonded with me and obeys only me ie up in middle of night etc. I have not had the energy to initiate because I get no response/reciprocation and it’s starfish. Although I wanted to so badly and wanted to be wanted so badly that she would pick up the slack knowing how badly I want it. She didn’t. We have not been intimate since late Aug or early Sept. I don’t even remember.

    I am done. I am done. 23 years of marriage and I cannot take it anymore. I use to think I would fight for all my assets and money, but I am so done that she can have it all.

    I am dusting off my feet. I have felt undesired since I was 24 and I am knocking on 46. Pray for my wife. She loves the Lord I know, but she has single handedly made me question my faith by how she acts toward me. From forcing us to move churches because of some small reason to being non responsive in bed. Making mean comments and then we get in an arguement and I am to blame.

    Talking to her about the lack of intimacy has only caused us to fight, so I can no longer discuss it with her. Several pastors and therapists never helped.

    I am done.

    Jeff

    1. I am sorry to hear that Jeff. I wish you well. I know i cant tell you what to do. I just pray that you will continue to stay close to the Lord, continue to pray for your wife wether or not you chose to remain with her or not. And may God grant healing in your lives and your marriage.
      God bless.

    2. I am so sorry to hear this Jeff, and I can understand and have felt your frustrations in the past. But we fail God when we stop believing that He is in our circumstances, even those with our spouse when things are not going well, and intimacy is missing.

      My guess is you have tried these things before, but give up your frustration for six weeks and go to your wife and tell her that you want to stop the “crazy cycle” for 6 weeks and both of you joyfully live up to your minimum marriage responsibilities.

      1) We will treat each other with kindness and no contempt.

      2) No arguing. As soon as things begin to seem like the discussion is turning to arguing, one or the other reminds you both.. “Oh ya, no arguing.”

      3) Romance and Sex will be at least once a week. Every other week you will take turns being responsible for your romance and sex life. Whatever the person in charge says goes and you will both try to outdo the other with how you initiate romance with back rubs, foot massages, romantic dinners, impromptu hopping into the shower with the other.

      4) You will do devotions with each other once a day in bed…. 5 times a week minimum. You will cuddle and one will read a chapter in the Bible and the other will pray. Then you will pull her on top of you and give her a terrific 5 minute massage… the off to work or lights out…. or… as she desires.

      That’s as simple as it gets… but to get this you have to ask her for it and accept her efforts without being judgmental or allowing the past hurts to enter into your mind when she fails one or two days or a week.

      Bet each other who can do the best job at this game and then then give yourself a grade each week how you did. Loser owes the winner a back massage or some special treat.

      Please pass this on to her and ask her if you two can try it. I am amazed how many get upset, yet they have never set up specific ground rules. Don’t expect immediate change, but give grades based on effort and movement forward. In no time you can be laughing and enjoying each other again, but it requires enough love and choice to live marriage, not just be married.

      1. Ken,
        We did this with a pastor counselors as our responsibility mentor. She failed to do any of it except say sorry to both me and the pastor.

        1. OK … so sorry is a start. Ask her to try again with you and this time ask her is you or someone else she trusts can hold her accountable.

          Jeff, I had many completely frustrated days with my wife where I felt she just did not get “get it” or was just selfishly not wanting to work towards a real marriage. I came to discover that although selfishness plays a role, blindness and past hurts often are the biggest culprits.

          One night I had the worst dream of my life and this little nine year old girl was wrapped up in wicked spirits flying all around her crying out for me to help her. I woke up in a cold sweat and thought the dream applied to someone else, but a few months later realized that my wife was the nine year old inside who needed me to help her.

          It changed my approach from a frustrated one to one where I systematically set about to love her while gently and consistently calling her out on the lies she was telling herself.

          See your wife in a different light as a hurt and lost child inside who now has a shell of a woman on the outside, but needs to grow up on the inside. Set up your game of marriage with her, and when she fails, call her on it without upset and start again and again. As you do so, wait upon the Lord to do the heavy lifting of change that is necessary, all the while you be Christian towards her at all times. Running from her is the furthest thing from being Christian.

          I found that by keeping my requests and needs simple and documented in writing, then holding her accountable by making additional requests that she meet those basic requests, that soon she began to meet most of them even if true love and intimacy was not just blossoming. It was at the point of vulnerability when she saw that she could trust me that she began to drop the tough exterior and begin to live out marriage fully as God intended it to be.

          Your job, given by God is to lead your wife in a loving and sacrificial way. That job and calling from God will never disappear, so don’t run from it, but accept it with joy, just as you would want your wife to do with you if you were the one being difficult and aloof in the marriage.

          Is this not what true love is all about? To seek the best interest of another in good times and in bad? And is it possible that you and I have much more to gain by way of eternity by learning our own tough lessons of depending on God and trusting that He is in our tough times, instead of getting what we consider our “needs” to be met by our wives? Surely God’s call to sacrificial living must begin in our own homes. How can he ask us to die for him if we will not first live for Him wherever He has us in life and marriage?

          So throw away the upsets… and lead. Say to her “Here is what I need from you; can you do these things for me?” If she says she “I will try,” give her a big hug and say, “We can do this together.” I will stop getting frustrated with your failures and begin instead just speaking up about what I need. No more upsets, just clear and direct communications until you begin to desire to choose to love me on your own initiative, as true love proactively seeks the best in the other without always having to be told.”

    3. In reply to Jeff,
      I just wanted to point out that I have been convicted of many faults by my husband’s patience and love and kindness towards me. I have learned with him how to love others, and He doesn’t even realize it. I have changed my ways because of the way he was with me. Sometimes we think the fault is all with the others but many times it is with ourselves as well as them. I began to change the most when I began to focus on what I could and should do to be a better wife to my husband. We openly and lovingly discuss at times about what is letting us down in one another but love covers a multitude of sins! And again, I try to think what can I do instead of what should he do. It takes a lot of bad thoughts and feelings away from my heart and helps our marriage greatly.

      And about the post, reading this made me realize something about social media. According to Gill’s exposition, “and inspecting into, and busying themselves about other people’s matters” , we shouldn’t be doing this on instagram or Faceboo or whatever. What do you think?

    4. Hi Jeff,

      Hold firm to your manhood. Stand firm to your vow to God and your wife. Don’t degrade yourself as she blasphemes the word of God. I say this as one with 38.5 years with a rebellious wife. I just did not fully recognize it the first 30 years and as I pressed her the past 5+ years it became devilishly intense. I did create a formal separation of sorts and told her to get out MY HOUSE with her blasphemous behavior, so that MY HOUSE can serve the Lord. It is forcing an amazing deep revelation of God’s word to many around us. PAINFUL, yes. But ‘yes’ x 1000 in rewards.

      Dig down deep and ask God to give you the intestinal fortitude to withstand the crucible He has you in. My stories are deep and long: I have spent likely 7000 hours on this in the past 3+ years. I would be more than happy to connect further should you like.

      Hang on to the power of His every word, Dave

      1. The road the Lord calls us to in marriage is not always the road we would choose, but God may be working on us and our Christ-likeness even through it all. How can we go about trying to gain the whole world for Christ if we give up on the one we chose to be our wife? Keep hanging in there, and like you say, you don’t have to be a wimp or take her nonsense, but our response must always be Christlike and loving, even the disciplines and boundaries we may put in place.

        1. Jeff,
          To be honest, ive talked to my husband about it and he empathizes with you. That area is generally not a problem for us, but if it were, he completely understands your decision.

          That being said, there are many factors as to why a wife denies her husband. Not just spiritual. What was her up bringing like? What kind of friends does she have? What information outside of the bible is she taking in? What are her hormone levels like? Does she have body image issues? Low self esteem? Health problems? Is she over weight? Was she abused as a child or teen? Has she had an overall bad experience with men? It may be time for some drastic action, but divorce wont fix it. Finding another woman to take her place and expecting them to have a different attitude will be a disaster. The best thing you can do is stay put.

          Firstly, i would get her hormone levels checked, then look at her diet? Is she eating badly and its affecting her libido and overall health?is she watching tv and reading materials that make her feel inadequate? Yes, even ‘christian’books and media. Does she keep the company of friends that are similar? It may mean that even if you have to pack up and move to another state to get her in a more supportive environment and away from corrupt company or burning any bad material or donating the tv/cutting cable. You can tell her ‘this is what we are doing, you can choose to enjoy it and go along with it, or you can choose not to. Either way we are moving here, or going to this church, or making these changes to this house and how it functions. ‘ and then follow thru. If she chooses to go to a different church, thats her choice, if she decides she isnt moving house and is staying put. Leave here there. But love her and make the idea of the new house look really attractive. But do not divorce her. You set the boundaries, follow thru and be accountable for her, love her, romance her, wash her with the word, but stop letting her dictate what church you go to, if you have a dog or not etc. Its your house, you run it like you see fit. But do not leave God out of it or come across as a bully. And do not make lots of big changes at once. Dont sit around waiting for her to change, stand up and you show her the way as a Godly leader, even if you leave your clamorous wife behind for a time.

          Also, if you tell her this is how it is and she tries to launch into a fight. Do not take the bait. Tell her you understand but it will be discussed no further if she is just going to argue. And go about your business. The moment she starts to try and argue, tell her the conversation is over until she can discuss it with more civility. I hope this was helpful. Kens ideas were great.
          You may also want to check out http://www.respectedhuband.wordpress.com and see if that is helpful. God bless you in your endeavours. And may God soften your wifes heart.

  6. Diamond,

    You guys are years behind me. I have done all of those things. No history of abuse. No history of bad men other than she was permiscuous in her 20s. She is thin. Spends a ton on her hair, I make a great income. She is very healthy as she shops at the natural grocers. I have been doing my own thing for about 3 years now. She says she is only accountable to God and if I think she should be accountable to me then I am acting like I am God.

    Lori, feel free to give Dave or Ken my email.

    I am ok with disaster. My marriage is one. She can have it all.

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