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Month: August 2017

How to Afford Staying Home and What If the Wife is Better Educated?

How to Afford Staying Home and What If the Wife is Better Educated?

Whenever I teach that women are called to be keepers at home, without fail I have women asking me how they are supposed to afford it. I wrote this on my Facebook page last week about this topic:

When I teach that women are to be the ones to work hard at home and be keepers at home, I teach what God calls women to do; looking well to the ways of their household and not eating the bread of idleness. My mom never expected my dad to do housework. He was away from home twelve hours a day five days a week and when he was home, she wanted him to rest and he did.

Working outside in the world is a whole lot harder than working in the home if the children are disciplined and trained. My four children were in bed for two hours a day for naps so I could rest. If I was sick, my children played on the floor around me when they were young.

Many men are working many hours a week and some even must work more than one job in order to pay the bills. They deserve to come home to a hot meal, clean home, and be able to rest. As our children get older, it even gets easier for us who are at home, especially if we’ve trained the children to help. Once they are grown, it’s even easier, yet men have to still work long hours every week trying to make money.

With a bit of organizing, decluttering, not running around a lot, and living on a simplified schedule, life at home as a homemaker can be mostly pleasant and enjoyable. Yes, it’s hard work but hard work is what we were created to do.

Suzanne was the first one to ask this question: “What about families that can’t afford to have a stay at home parent?”

Then some wise women quickly answered her:

Sheila: My fiance makes $24,000 a year – I stay home… I find that if it’s important, you make it work. (Not sure if she lives with her fiance but unfortunately, this is becoming way too common today, even among Christians. No, we shouldn’t be living with any man until we are married.)

Suzanne: Wow, that is a tight budget! I don’t even know where to begin on cutting costs like that.

Misty: Last year we grossed $9000 all year!! I stay at home because we agree we don’t want to pay someone else to raise our children… it’s all about what you can live with out to reap the benefits of being home with your children…

Debbie: We’ve made it almost 27 years on one income at a very average wage and four children! Sacrifices made are worth it.

Angel: We knew it would be hard for us, but we did it because it was important to us. I’ve worked here and there but in the end, home is where I meant to be. My husband has always wanted me home. When I work, we see it more that I need to be here. Eat at home, turn off cable, lower your cell phone bills, do stuff for free, find free things to furnish and decorate your home. Don’t buy movies or books–borrow from the library and friends. The list goes on and on. Pray about it more. God will direct you and He will make you and your husband agree.

Debbie: No cable, lower cell phone costs, make personal products and meals at home instead of buying, no new vehicles (repair what we have), no mall (yard sales, Goodwill), no manicures out (do it myself), cut back on eating out, no movies out (we still have fun), no keeping up with the Jones.

Then this question was asked by Venus: “How about if the woman is the main bread winner with a college degree and the husband has no college degree and makes a lot less money?”

Jessica: When I began my stay at home season, my husband was only working part-time. God was in it and we even managed to buy our first home on that single income. He eventually went full time but we also added four children to our family. His vehicle is 30 years old and mine is 15+ years old and we do our best to live within our means. When it is a priority and important, it is possible with God’s provision.

Debbie: Venus, I just read a testimony about a woman with a PhD leaving the workplace and coming home. She said she has no regrets at all.

Laura: Yeah, my husband is a carpet cleaner. We make about 30k a year. We do not collect any form of welfare and we have five sons. They lack nothing. So it can be done. Just takes creative finesse. And I am a certified cosmetologist with college experience and my husband is not certified with no college. But seriously God is always faithful and provides!!! Luke 12:22-34!!❤❤❤

Rebecca: My husband has no college education. For at least 20 years he made less than $18000 a year. We we’re content and happy. We did without a lot. We prayed for what we needed. We paid $3000 for our 15 passenger van that we prayed for. We’ve been driving it for five years with very few problems. There’s ten in our family. When there was only eight we lived in a single wide trailer for five years. We grew most of our food for years. God has blessed us mightily!

Sasha: I have three college degrees, my husband has none. We have nine children. It works. God provided. What I need help with is burnout… Finding my joy in the home again.

Me: Sasha, keep saying to yourself that the joy of the Lord is your strength and a cheerful heart does with good like medicine. We are transformed by renewing our minds with the truth.

Venus: I’m not asking about myself. I have enjoyed being a stay at home mom to two children who are now 30 and 33. I am still married to their father for 36 years and I am still at home while he works, and I help out with my grandchildren. What better job could I have but this God-given job? Praise the Lord.

Rebecca: Women at home can be more frugal and creative with what they have.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6

Teaching Children Healthy Eating Habits

Teaching Children Healthy Eating Habits

Most Americans have a problem with self-control. You can see it by their expanding waistlines and I can hear it from the comments from the women in the chat room. Food is abundant and inexpensive in our country and junk food that is filled with non-food is available for practically nothing.

The Apostle Paul wrote about discipling the body. “Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate (moderate) in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

As I have mentioned before, I have to watch what I eat for the first time in 30 years because my stomach is better and I’m hungry. I can eat almost anything I want now and it’s fun BUT it’s easy to gain too much weight now. I have found that in order to not be overweight, I must feel some hunger pains between meals and not eat. It’s as simple as that. If I eat every time I want to eat, I would gain too much weight. I have a set weight limit and I stick with it. I want to discipline my flesh and make it my slave. I don’t want my lusts to control me. I wrote a post about this recently:

Michael Pearl wrote a post about training your children to discipline their eating habits and I am going to share some of it with you. I love his blunt and direct manner of writing and teaching. I know it offends some but it’s my kind of teaching!

If it didn’t make any difference to my health, I would eat fried pork chops and fried potatoes every night for supper. And I would top it off with a big piece of chocolate cake or pecan pie. I would drink a coke and eat cookies before bed each night, and wake to a breakfast of bacon and eggs—fried in pig grease. Life would be a lot more fun if I ate what I wanted and as much as I wanted—that is until it started showing in pants sizes, doctor bills, headaches, crippling diseases, and indigestion medicines.

Self-control is self controlling self. The very term implies that some part of self needs management, and that some part of self should limit or control the other part. It is a contest between the body, which has no values—sweet will always taste better, and the mind which is informed as to the need of exercising some restraint.

Small children are not yet equipped to deny themselves. If a parent allows the child to choose what he will eat, when he will eat it, and how much he will eat, he will make the wrong decision every time. I started by saying, ‘retraining children is hard because it demands everything from the will of the parent.’ The burden falls entirely on parents. And that is where the problem lies….

Your children don’t want to eat their meals; fine; don’t make them eat anything. Forget it. Let them eat what they want when they want it. Just go home and throw away all sweets, all pre-prepared foods, all greasy foods, and stock your home with nothing but basic staples—rice, beans, potatoes, raw and cooked vegetables, whole wheat breads, oats, lots of fruit, nuts, dried fruit, and fruit juices. Them let them eat as they will. How simple!

Picture this. It is breakfast time. The table is set with oats or scrambled eggs, real butter, honey, orange juice, and wheat toast. They are invited to the table. All must come and sit, but it is their business whether or not they eat. If they do not eat, ignore them. When the given amount of time is passed, the table is cleaned off. Fruit is available at any time.

There will be nothing else to eat until lunch, at which time you will place in front of them beans, rice, salad, a cooked vegetable (not corn out of a can that has sugar in it) or what ever suits your fancy. It is up to them to eat. If they don’t like it, it is no concern of yours.

Supper will be at five, and there is always the raw fruit to eat. Supper is similar to the noon meal. Eat all you want, kids; there will be fruit, but nothing else until breakfast. You say, ‘But my children sneak food.’ Fine, let them sneak into the kitchen and eat anything they can find—a slice of wheat bread, cold beans, or rice. There is nothing else to be pilfered.

The dog ate all your junk food last week and died of constipation. Ah! But you say, ‘My children would cry and refuse to eat.’ Don’t worry about them not eating. They will eat when they get hungry enough, and a three day fast would be good for them if they are coming off the junk food.

There it is: the easiest answer and the easiest solution to a common problem. The only draw back is weak-willed Mamas and Daddies who can’t give up the junk food themselves. Don’t expect to lead your children closer to self-control than you are willing to go. Set the example.”

Some have told me that children will gorge on junk food if they are deprived at home when they are away from home. Children gorge on junk food whether or not they get it at home but it’s our job as parents to train our children in the way they should go when they are under our roofs. Teach and model to them healthy eating patterns and it will benefit them for life!

Jen Hatmaker’s Revision of Truth

Jen Hatmaker’s Revision of Truth

If we don’t like parts of the Bible can we simply decide they aren’t agreeable to us and refuse to believe them? Jen Hatmaker believes she can and she does. Here are a few of her quotes from a recent article:

She was asked: “You took a stand last fall saying LGBT relationships can be holy, and it got your books banned from LifeWay stores. Why was that important to you?”

Jen replied, “I just sort of have this dream for the church where it is safe and it is wide and it is generous and it includes all of our voices. For the longest time, the church has essentially had one voice — sort of the white, male voice. I’m starting to realize how much the church is missing when we silence whole people groups, like you’re either not welcome at all, or you’re welcome but not your voice, not your experience, not your life, and I saw that with the LGBTQ community.”

The Church isn’t wide and this is why we are told to walk on the narrow path and are warned that few will want to go on it. Many would rather take the broad path that Jen is talking about that leads to destruction. The only voice that matters is God’s Word, not “all of our voices,” for in it is Truth and God’s perfect will for our lives.

She bemoans that the church is only “the white, male voice.” I know some great male black preachers/teachers and other races, but to tell you the truth, race doesn’t matter to me so the color of one’s skin makes no difference. What matters is that whatever skin color they have they are speaking the truth. God did ordain men to be the leaders and teachers of the Word contrary to popular opinion and I respect this since women are absolutely more open to deception than men, as Jen proves so clearly and many like her.

I’m not sure when the Church has silenced “whole people groups.” The Church shouldn’t speak against any people, but against all sin, or it is a weak Church and this is the kind of Church Jen is promoting. “Live and let live” and forget about God’s Word since it speaks against sin and calls us to repent of it, she falsely believes. LGBTQs need to hear about the hope they have in Christ. They don’t need to be encouraged in their sin, but given a way out into true freedom from sin and condemnation, JEN!

We must never celebrate sin, any kind of sin; for sin is what Christ died to free us from. This is why I try to speak out about all sin, not trying to normalize it and make what God calls sin “holy.” The gravest problem today is that many “Christian” women do not know the Word of God. Their morning devotional is Jesus Calling instead of the Bible. Therefore, they are easily deceived and led astray by a number of these women “preachers” who aren’t teaching the truth at all.

Jen goes on to say, “All of a sudden in our time we have a lot of powerful women who lead enormous spaces and have built and earned and garnered a lot of influence, and I think it’s wonderful. I think it’s fabulous. Back to my last point, it has brought in an important voice to the body of Christ — that’s the feminine voice and women who are smart and capable and godly. I think both in and out of credentials, so to speak, God is empowering and anointing women just en masse right now. You cannot deny it. You cannot look at the fruit of the ministry of women right now and claim we are in crisis. I think it’s the absolute opposite. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.”

I think it’s horrible that powerful women are leading “enormous space and have built and earned and garnered a lot of influence” because it’s mostly the wrong influence and the wrong teachings. If they were like Priscilla who helped a man, along with her husband, to know the truth of God’s Word, that would be great!

Or if they were like Queen Esther who was willing to sacrifice her own life in order to save her own people, that would be great, too. Or how about Mary who was obedient to her God even when life seemed very scary as a young virgin who was pregnant. What about the Proverbs 31 woman who wasn’t known for having any big influence on anybody except for her husband and children and looked well to the ways of her household? None of these women had the goal of “leading enormous space and have built and garnered a lot of influence.” Their only goal was to live in obedience to the Lord.

God states something entirely different for women than being leaders and garnering a lot of influence through preaching and teaching in the Church. His will is that men are to be the preachers and teachers in the Church because they were created first and women are easily deceived as we can see that Jen Hatmaker is deeply deceived and many others like her. Anyone, male or female, who twists the Word of God to tickle people’s ears is in danger of eternal damnation. It’s a scary place to be to teach others; for we are going to be held accountable for every word we write and speak.

Women, please beware of these young and beautiful women with great personalities and writing styles that are leading others astray in droves. You don’t need your ears tickled. It would be better for you to listen to an old man who was rather dry in his speaking ability but spoke the Word of God in truth than one of these false teachers. In the end, the only thing that matter is God’s Word and His will. Nothing we can make up will be able to hold a candle to the Creator of everything. He gets to set the rules, not us, so we best listen and learn from Him; for He alone is worthy, not me and certainly not Jen Hatmaker. Be like the Bereans who went to the Word to make sure that what they were hearing was truthful or not.

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Matthew 7:15

Jinger Duggar is Now “Freed” From Wearing Dresses

Jinger Duggar is Now “Freed” From Wearing Dresses

We were discussing in the chat room the fact that Jinger Duggar is now wearing pants since she got married and some women outside of the chat room are clearly excited about it. This sentiment bothered me since it made it seem as if she was in “bondage” in her parent’s home but now she’s “free.” I have heard those who hate Christianity state the same sentiment and as believers in Christ, we should support other believers in their convictions.

If Jim Bob and Michelle have the convictions that females should only wear skirts and dresses just below the knee, we should applaud them for having convictions and sticking to them instead of rejoicing when one of their daughters walks away from that conviction when she marries. In saying this, I have no problem with Jinger wearing pants now since it must be okay with her husband who is her head now and not her father. It’s no big deal but not something to celebrate since she wasn’t in bondage in her parent’s home!

Christianity is never bondage but freedom in Christ. We have freedom to decide what is modest and what isn’t modest by asking our dads when we live under their roof and our husbands once married and then dressing accordingly. Men know what causes men to stumble and what does not.

In the discussion in the chat room, some women felt that women should only wear skirts and dresses and they should be“long and flowing” since this is what modest “apparel” means in the Greek, so I decided to see what the commentaries of old had to say about it. (If you have a question about anything in the Bible, I encourage you to go to the commentaries of old and learn from these men and their interpretations of the Word. Many of them are convicting and challenging and this study sure was for me!).

Many women today love clothing and fashion, especially in America. Our closets are packed full and it’s easy to be looking for new clothes to spend money on even though we have plenty. Dressing fashionable has never been a big deal to me. I just mostly want to be comfortable and look nice, not fashionable or own a bunch of expensive clothing but these commentaries still very much convicted and challenged me.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with modesty and sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:9

Ellicott’s Commentary about this phrase: “Adorn themselves in modest apparel.”—This direction to Christian women was not intended to apply to their ordinary dress in the world, but simply explained to the sisters of the Ephesian flock that their place in public worship was one of quiet attention—that their reverence and adoration must be shown not by thrusting themselves forward with a view to public teaching or public praying, but by being present and taking part silently—avoiding especially in these services anything like a conspicuous dress or showy ornaments—anything, in fact, which would be likely to arouse attention, or distract the thoughts of others.”

Part of being modest is not wanting to speak in the church which I have written a lot about. Since the Apostle made a big deal about women being silent so should we. Also, our clothing should not be showy and trying to get others to notice us, especially members of the opposite sex; for we are called to be shamefaced, not wanting to draw others’ attention.

Benson Commentary: “The word καταστολη, rendered apparel, according to Theophylact and Œcumenius, was a long upper garment which covered the body every way. What the apostle especially forbids is that immodest manner of dressing which is calculated to excite impure desires in the spectators, or a vain admiration of the beauty of those that use it: also that gaudiness or showiness of dress which proceeds from vanity, and nourishes vanity, wastes time and money, and so prevents many good works.”

Our clothing should cover the body, which is pretty much a given. We also need to be careful to not waste time shopping for clothes or spending a lot of money on it, but instead, we need to care a lot more about serving and helping others. We are called to be known for our good works, NOT for how we dress.

Matthew Henry’s Commentary: “Women who profess the Christian religion, must be modest in apparel, not affecting gaudiness, gaiety, or costliness. Good works are the best ornament; these are, in the sight of God, of great price. Modesty and neatness are more to be consulted in garments than elegance and fashion. And it would be well if the professors of serious godliness were wholly free from vanity in dress. They should spend more time and money in relieving the sick and distressed, than in decorating themselves and their children.”

This is the sentence that is very convicting: “It would be well if the professors of serious godliness were wholly free from vanity in dress.” Vanity means emptiness; want of substance to satisfy desire; fruitless desire or endeavor. Are you serious about godliness? Do you want to please the Lord in everything? If so, then you should want to be free from vanity in dress.

This statement reminded me of Debi Pearl. I have seen her in some YouTubes and she always dresses fairly plain and modest. I spent a week with them years ago and she dressed the same way. She doesn’t wear makeup and wears her hair long but every time I saw her, she was smiling and joyful. One can easily see that she cares more about inner beauty than outward beauty.

This is very appealing to me, especially as I grow older and don’t care as much about how I look since my looks are definitely fading but it seems it should be important to all women who are serious about godliness. We need to care more about helping the hurting and suffering than spending time and money on vain pursuits and decorating ourselves.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:20

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible: “The apostle does not positively specify what this would be, but he mentions somethings which are to be excluded from it, and which, in his view, are inconsistent with the true adorning of Christian females – ‘broidered hair, gold, pearls, costly array.’ The sense here is, that the apparel of females should be such as becomes them, or is appropriate to them. The word here used (κόσμιος kosmios), shows that there should be due attention that it may be truly neat, fit, decorous. There is no religion in a negligent mode of apparel, or in inattention to personal appearance – anymore than there is in wearing gold and pearls; and a female may as truly violate the precepts of her religion by neglecting her personal appearance as by excessive attention to it.

The true idea here is, that her attention to her appearance should be such that she will be offensive to no class of persons; such as to show that her mind is supremely fixed on higher and more important things, and such as to interfere with no duty which she owes, and no good which she can do, either by spending her time needlessly in personal adorning, or by lavishing that money for dress which might do good to others, or by neglecting the proprieties of her station, and making herself offensive to others.”

This is the bottom line: Paul doesn’t positively say what modest apparel is and we need to be careful about becoming legalistic about this by trying to find how priests in the Old Testament were supposed to dress or how the Greek may have interpreted the word “apparel” since opinions and commentaries vary on this. We need to make sure we are clean, neat, and modest but not waste time, energy, or money on our looks, nor waste time when a female Duggar wears pants.

This is not easy in our fashion and youth-driven culture but we are not of this world. This isn’t our home, and as we dress modestly without spending a lot of money, we need to be paying a lot more attention to our inner man. Our concern should be to be salt and light to a decaying culture, not keeping up with its fashions and vanity. Let’s learn to spend the money, energy, and time on others instead. If you are a mother of young children, this means your time will mostly be spent in your home with them but as they get older, you will have time to minister to those in your community.

Feminists Have Done Violence to Mothering

Feminists Have Done Violence to Mothering

“Feminists have largely controlled the public image of women. Mothers at home, who are impediments to the feminist agenda, have been largely ignored. In their thrust for subsidized child care, equal rights, abortion rights, feminists have done violence to mothering with their constant proclamation that mothering is a ‘low status job'” (Dr. Brenda Hunter).

Unfortunately, feminists have not only controlled the public image of secular women but Christian women as well. Many Christian women seem to be as unsubmissive to their husbands as women who are not believers and Christian women are working in full-time careers in almost the same numbers as those women who don’t claim the name of Christ. Instead of searching scriptures for God’s will for their lives, they go along with our culture instead, sadly.

Anyone who fights for subsidized child care is fighting for something that is not from the Lord. Children need their mothers full time. The last thing mothers need is more incentives to leave their children in the care of others all day long. They need incentives to stay home with their children and care for them.

Ken and I were watching a television show recently and two young daughters just found out that their beloved nanny had quit and their mom was going to have to find another one for them since their mother had a high-powered and stressful career that kept her away from her children most of the time. The daughters cried, “Whose going to take care of us?” That question should never have to be asked by children. Their mothers are the ones responsible to care for them!

All of the equal rights that feminists are fighting for are those in the workplace which make it more desirable for mothers to pursue. When they get equal pay with men (which they mostly do), paid maternity leave, and other perks, why should they stay home with their children? In their minds, working outside the home is much more profitable than raising children since money has more worth in our culture than children. (You don’t believe me? Ask people who they would rather be; Oprah Winfrey with her millions or Michelle Duggar with her nineteen children. Most would much rather have wealth than many children.)

There are many women, even Christian women, who place their careers above being mothers. I know some Christian women who have no desire to ever have children because their careers are more important. How did this ever infiltrate the Church? Why is the Church so weak that it listens to the lies of our culture instead of the Words of God? How could women in the Church ever believe that a career is more important than having and raising children when children are clearly blessings from the Lord?

There are some acquaintances of ours that don’t believe in the God who created the universe. They just can’t believe a good God can send anyone to hell. The Bible states that the only ones that God is going to send to hell are those who “hold the truth in unrighteousness;’ those know the truth but refuse it and reject their Creator. I have noticed something about these families who reject God and His truth, each generation is producing less and less children. Some of the children have become homosexuals, some transgenders, some never marry, and some never have children. Each generation gets smaller in number.

Then there are acquaintances and friends of ours who love the Lord. I hate to say this but their numbers aren’t growing much either. They marry late and then put off having children due to the women having careers. Then if they have children, they only have a few since they want their “freedom” to travel and enjoy life before children come onto the scene. They waste valuable fertile years to pursue pleasure instead of bearing and raising godly offspring.

Where are the Christians who want to marry, then begin having children soon after marriage, if the Lord blesses them in this way? In the chat room, there are many women who are like this but they feel lonely in their beliefs. People at church make comments about their many children, as if having children were a sin. Jesus had a lot of things to say about children and they were all good.

Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kindgom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18: 3-6).

He created children. He knits them together in their mother’s womb. He calls them gifts and blessings and so should we.

Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

There are two posts I recently read that were powerful explanations about the trauma of divorce and ways to prevent it from happening in the first place. I want to share these two posts with you and some of the quotes that I found convicting and challenging.

HARDNESS OF HEART IS THE ROOT OF ALL FAILED MARRIAGES.

I have always believed this especially since Jesus is the one who said it. Divorce wasn’t ordained by God and is never promoted in God’s Word. For what God hath joined together, let no man tear asunder. Moses allowed a certificate of divorce but only due to the hardness of their hearts. As believers, we should never be accused of having hardened hearts.

“Resentment is an egotistical indulgence. Our ego is the womb that is always ready to receive the seeds of resentment. In there they grow and grow, until they become all-consuming and affect every area of our lives. Many wives are chock full of resentment towards their husbands…Feelings of resentment have to be dealt with immediately or they will take root and grow into destructive forces, such as hatred, anger, unforgiveness and bitterness” (Genevieve White).

The author of the article above then makes a list of all the things that prove someone has a hardened heart. I believe bitterness is the root of it all for it defiles many and we are warned about it in God’s Word. Whenever you feel resentment and bitterness creeping into your minds towards your husband, break out in praise and thanksgiving. This is the best antidote to bitterness. You can’t have bitterness or critical thoughts in your life if you are singing praise to the Lord and are thankful for all that He has blessed you with.

The effect of divorce on children is devastating“Divorce breaks a chain of both future-building and legacies of the past, which the next generation would normally benefit from. When this continuity is broken, the culture itself fragments-and it happens in one or two generations. The betrayal of a divorce pulls the rug of security and commitment out from under children, and they in turn do not believe in commitment nor do they have the tools and example to be successful in a  long-term relationship. The ability to overcome the more destructive elements of human nature is damaged or ruined. “

My parents didn’t have a good marriage for many years but they modeled to the three of us commitment even when it was hard and they didn’t feel in love and weren’t “happy.” They knew there was more to marriage than just seeking self-fulfillment and doing what was best for them. They had made the commitment to each other until death do they part and now they are blessed with three daughters who have been married over thirty years each and ten grandchildren, eight of whom are very happily married. (Two still are not married.) There are rich blessings in obeying the Lord for He is the one who promises that we reap what we sow.

My niece (my sister’s daughter) posted this picture of my parents on Facebook the other day and wrote this about them: “These two. Nana and papa. Believe it or not, my mom told me they use to fight nonstop growing up…And here they are in their mid eighties and they couldn’t be more in love. ❤️ I walked in on them snuggling the other day. They kiss and hold hands and care for one another daily and tell each other how much they love the other…Touching? Yes. Inspiring? Of course. A miraculous work of Jesus in their hearts, lives and marriage?! Absolutely! I pray for this same kind of love and tenderness between my hubby and me now and tomorrow and down the line when we’re old and gray!”

On the other hand, Leila Miller wrote, “My parents’ divorce taught me that we should be saving the majority of our ‘yeses’ for God, each other, and our family. If we pour out too much of ourselves to the outside world, we have nothing left to offer God and our spouse.” This is why feminism and careers have been devastating to what matters most. Many women spend their time, energy, and money on everything but their family. They have little time to be help meets to their husband (the reason God created them) and mothers to their children.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

Teaching Others Without Time-Tested Experience and Wisdom

Teaching Others Without Time-Tested Experience and Wisdom

In Titus 2:3, God makes it clear that it is the “aged women” who are to teach the younger women the ways of godly womanhood. I have heard women say that this just means those who are spiritually more mature but I disagree. I believe it means those who have been married a long time, have raised their children and are actually older since they are the ones with the experience needed to teach these things. The aged women are in contrast to the younger women whom they are to teach.

The word “aged” means “old persons.” We must not try to read things into scripture when the Lord has made it clear to us what they mean. The entire chapter of Titus 2 speaks to aged men, then aged women, then younger women and young men, all having to do with the age of these groups, not how spiritually mature they are.

Benson Commentary has this to say about these aged women: “For their age and experience call them to be so.”

Gill’s Exposition: “godly women in years, who are to be instructed and exhorted” to teach the younger women.

Tim Challies wrote an excellent article about age and maturity being a qualification for being a teacher of marriage and child raising using this verse: Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil (1 Timothy 3:6). Novice means one who is new, unacquainted, or unskilled, a beginner. There are many younger women on the Internet with blogs and sites who are teaching other women about marriage and child raising even though they haven’t been married for many years and their children are still young.

Mr. Challies wrote: “There is a correlation between time and maturity and a further correlation between maturity and humility. Time brings maturity and maturity fosters humility. We enter the faith arrogant and it is only through the passing of time and the testing of trials that we gain humility. This qualification exists to guard the church from thrusting men into ministry who have gifts, talents, and knowledge that might make them suitable, but who do not yet have a proven track record of humility. Christian history proves repeatedly that giftedness makes a woeful substitute for character…

We address our inadequacies by turning to experts, lining up en masse to sit under their teaching and benefit from their wisdom. Yet a surprising number of these are written, founded, or run by people who have very little experience. Their scant experience makes them less than ideal as teachers or mentors, for time has not yet given them humility….

After four or five years of marriage you have already learned so much. You’ve identified so much selfishness and seen so much growth in character. You’ve established good habits and patterns and perhaps taken an even newer couple under your wings to help them through the early days. All this is true. But you’re still only getting started. There is so much you’ve yet to experience, so many trials that have yet to come your way. Your knowledge and confidence may well have outpaced your humility—and it’s that humility that marks the best teachers.

After a few years of parenting it may feel like you’ve got this thing solved. Your little ones are well-behaved, they are learning their lessons, memorizing their verses, and sleeping through the night. You’re raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. But you haven’t yet dealt with a child who fully-accepts and then fully-rejects salvation, a tween who has few friends but plenty of self-loathing, a teenager who falls into patterns of sexual sin. Humility comes through these trials, not apart from them, as you face your utter inability and lack of answers. Humility comes as you realize how little you really know and as you cry out to God for his help.”

It can be heady stuff to write for a blog and have a lot of readers, emails, be asked for interviews, write a book, have posts go viral, and all that comes with this. I have seen younger women go through this and unfortunately, I also see some of them divorcing their husbands and some even walking away from the truth of God’s Word.

I’ve had all of this “heady stuff” happen to me, too, but at the age of almost 59 years old, a brain tumor, neck fusion, ill health for many years, and all the suffering that I’ve been through, I don’t believe it’s made me heady or prideful. God has taught me humility through all of the things that I have suffered and I know that I am nothing without Him. Teaching the truth and getting all the backlash from it doesn’t bother me in the least since I know this is expected. Many hate God and they hate those who love God. We are guaranteed this in the Word.

I’ve been married 37 years this December and have raised four children who all walk in truth. I believe I am qualified to teach younger women what I teach them. I have no desire to travel to churches and stand behind pulpits and teach thousands of women. I have no desire for a television show or go on a book signing tour. I want to stay in my home as a wife to my husband and now a grandmother to my almost six grandchildren. Oh and yes, I’m still a mother but not needed as one much now since they are all grown and gone.

If you are a younger women in the midst of married life and raising children, this needs to be your focus. When I was raising children, we didn’t even have the opportunity to be “famous” through blogging, Facebook, or Instagram. We just went about our business as homemakers, mothers, and wives. This is what you are called to do at this time in your lives. Yes, if you have a chance to share what is working in your marriage and raising children, by all means share it but don’t allow it to become a “career” or a time-consuming adventure for you during this time in your life. Being a wife to your husband, building a strong marriage, and raising your children to walk in truth should be your main priority and where you spend the bulk of your time and energy.

She Will Only Do Him Good – Proverbs 31:12

She Will Only Do Him Good – Proverbs 31:12

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:12

The Proverbs 31 woman will “give him thanks for all the good things bestowed by him on her; will seek his interest, and promote his honor and glory to the uttermost; all the good works she does, which she is qualified for, and ready to perform, are all done in his name and strength, and with a view to his glory; nor will she do any evil willingly and knowingly against him, against his truths and ordinances; or that is detrimental to his honor, and prejudicial to his interest, (For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth – 2 Corinthians 13:8); all the days of her life; through which she desires to serve him in righteousness and true holiness; and to be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in his work” (Gill’s Commentary).

Gill’s Commentary relates the Proverbs 31 woman to her relationship with Christ. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husbands as unto the Lord and marriage is a symbol of Christ to His Church (His bride) so it makes perfect sense and adds a deep spiritual component to the entire chapter; for without Christ we can do nothing. All of our works are filthy rags but with Christ, we are new creatures in Christ and are ordained for good works.

She is consistent in her conduct towards her husband, always pursuing his best interests. All the days of her life; in good times or bad, in the early spring time of young affection, and in the waning years of declining age. Her love, based on high principles, knows no change or diminution” (Pulpit Commentary).

She is not led by her emotions and feelings or PMS. She knows the truth of God’s Word and has made the decision to live by it instead, because she truly believes that she can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens her and that the joy of the Lord is her strength. She trusts God to fulfill His promises to her and knows that His commands are not burdensome, as His Spirit works mightily within her.

The old commentator refers to the conduct of St. Monies to her unbelieving and unfaithful husband, narrated by St. Augustine in his ‘Confessions,’ 9:9: ‘Having been given over to a husband, she served him as her lord; and busied herself to win him to thee, revealing thee to him by her virtues, in which thou madest her beautiful, and reverently amiable, and admirable to her husband” (Pulpit Commentary).

For all of you who are married to unbelievers, this is your God-ordained way to live in front of your unbelieving and unfaithful husband. Instead of keeping your eyes on him and his sin, keep your eyes on things above, where Christ is seated and get busy learning of Him and His ways. Allow His Word to permeate and change your mind and thinking. This will, in turn, change your behavior.

You will find the peace that passes understanding and joy unspeakable. You will have the power to walk in newness of life in front of your husband and he will want what you have. How can a man not be attracted to a joyful, kind, and patient wife? Trust God and His ways while you rest in Him and continue to do your husband good all of the days of his life even when he doesn’t deserve it. All the good you are doing for him, you are doing for Christ, and the Lord will reward you.

When Women Become Vile

When Women Become Vile

A woman’s natural use for her body is to have intercourse with her husband and from this have children and nurse them at her breast. This is the way God created women to use their bodies but as a result of sin, as carefully described in Romans 1, and from their rejection of God, God gave them up to vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature (Romans 1:26).

“For even their women—that sex whose priceless jewel and fairest ornament is modesty, and which, when that is once lost, not only becomes more shameless than the other sex, but lives henceforth only to drag the other sex down to its level” (Jamieson-Fausset Brown Commentary). Women have a huge influence upon culture. If they can tear their own homes down with their hands, they can tear down cultures. If they can win their husbands without a word by their conduct, they can win cultures.

“The moral worth of a woman holds a man in restraint and preserves his ways from becoming utterly corrupt. Mighty is the power of a woman in this respect. A woman’s influence is the chief anchor of society. The world is moved and civilization is advanced by the silent influence of women. Our times call on women of a higher order of character and life. Will they heed the call?” (from The Golden Gems of Life, 1880).

We must use this influence for good, women, by dressing modestly and using our bodies the way God intended us to use them. We must seek moral purity and pass this down to our children. We must love and obey our husbands and draw them to ourselves by our patience and kindness. Let’s model Christ and His Church to a depraved culture. People are watching us.

“The practices here referred to, though too abundantly attested by classic authors, cannot be further illustrated, without trenching on things which ‘ought not to be named among us as become the saints.'” (Gill’s Commentary). We aren’t supposed to know what the depraved do behind closed doors. We shouldn’t watch it on the movie screen, television, or through the Internet. We should have no desire to watch the latest popular celebrity who wants to change their gender and know the details. None of this should be named among us for we are commanded to dwell on the good and the lovely, instead.

“Observe, nevertheless, how the Apostle delineates the female dishonor in less concrete traits than the male. He touches the matter in Romans 1:26 briefly and clearly enough, but with delicate avoidance of detailed description…The Apostle’s point of view is the moral, which, in the case of female depravity, comes out most glaringly. And therefore Paul, in order to cast the most tragic light possible on these conditions, puts the brief delineation of female conduct in the foreground, in order then symmetrically to subjoin, with, the male vice as the second part of the filthy category” (Meyer’s Commentary).

I believe it is more egregious for women to leave their natural function than it is for men since women don’t have the strong and powerful sex drive that men have. Men have ten times the testosterone and just their anatomy and the fact that they are visually stimulated makes it more difficult for them to remain morally pure. This is why women are called to be modest, discreet, and chaste for the good of culture. It is easier for them and when they lose this, all hell breaks lose and culture sinks into all types of depravity quickly.

“On this and the next verse we must not comment in detail. The hideous vices here plainly named, one of them in particular, frightfully deface some of the very fairest pages of ancient literature.” (Cambridge Commentary) A few of the commentaries made reference to this fact of not knowing the details. The Bible doesn’t go into any sordid details and neither should we. This means we need to be careful about the books we read and things we see. We should keep our eyes on things above and desire more than anything to be pure and holy (set apart) as the Lord has called us to be.

Let’s use our bodies for the natural functions in which the Lord created them to be used by getting married when a godly man wants to marry us, bearing children if we are blessed, and guiding the home.

Her Husband Does Safely Trust in Her – Proverbs 31:11

Her Husband Does Safely Trust in Her – Proverbs 31:11

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Proverbs 31:11

For the prudent and faithful management of all his domestic affairs, which are committed to her care; He shall not need to use indirect and unlawful courses to get wealth, as by cheating, or oppressing his subjects, or others, as princes have often done to maintain the luxury of their wives, and as Solomon himself afterward did: because all shall abundantly be supplied to him by her providence; She will improve and not waste his estate” (Benson Commentary).

A godly wife lives within her husband’s income whether her husband is wealthy or poor. She never puts him into debt or buys things on credit with high interest. She is a good steward of his money and isn’t wasteful, extravagant, or frivolous. She knows that everything belongs to the Lord and takes good care of their possessions. She understands that a penny saved is a penny earned, therefore, she doesn’t look for ways to save money while spending but for ways to not spend at all, if possible. She is content with what she owns and is thankful for it.

Christ her Maker is her husband, who has asked her in marriage, and has betrothed her to himself in righteousness; and of whose chaste love, and inviolable attachment to him, he is fully satisfied, as well as of her fidelity in keeping what he commits unto her; he trusts her with his Gospel and ordinances, which she faithfully retains and observes; and with his children born in her, who are nursed up at her side, to whom she gives the breasts of ordinances, bears them on her sides, and dandles them on her knees, as a tender and careful mother does” (Gill’s Exposition).

She doesn’t expect her husband to meet all of her needs. She doesn’t place undue expectations upon him but is satisfied with her husband and her submission under him. She knows that Christ is the only one who satisfies and finds her fulfillment and joy in Him instead of looking for it in her husband. She faithfully teaches all of this to the children they are blessed with; for their hope and trust is in Christ alone.

The very first item in the catalogue of good qualities is the rarest of all: ‘the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.’ The husband in nine cases out of every ten does not feel very confident that ‘she will do him good and not evil,’ and he sets a jealous watch over her, and places every valuable article under lock and key. His heart trusts more in hired guards and iron locks than in his wife” (Cambridge Bible).

Let this not be said about you. Your husband should have full confidence in you that you will only do him good concerning his income and his name. There are too many women who only think about themselves and their welfare. They are not thankful for what they have and always want more. Their husbands can never make them happy because they haven’t decided to be happy. Be a wife that your husband can trust completely with everything: his income, his name, his home, and his children.

The husband of such a wife goes forth to his daily occupations, having full confidence in her whom he leaves at home, that she will act discreetly, and promote his interests while he is absent. The wife manages domestic concerns so well that her husband finds his honest gains increase, and sees his confidence profitably rewarded” (Pulpit Commentary).

This woman is discreet: “Prudent; wise in avoiding errors or evil, and in selecting the best means to accomplish a purpose circumspect; cautious.” She keeps watch over her home and guides it with moral integrity and purity. She hates what is evil and clings to what is good. She considers carefully her options before making decisions and asks for her husband’s input frequently because she trusts him and his wisdom and he knows it. The heart of her husband trusts in her.