Teaching Others Without Time-Tested Experience and Wisdom

Teaching Others Without Time-Tested Experience and Wisdom

In Titus 2:3, God makes it clear that it is the “aged women” who are to teach the younger women the ways of godly womanhood. I have heard women say that this just means those who are spiritually more mature but I disagree. I believe it means those who have been married a long time, have raised their children and are actually older since they are the ones with the experience needed to teach these things. The aged women are in contrast to the younger women whom they are to teach.

The word “aged” means “old persons.” We must not try to read things into scripture when the Lord has made it clear to us what they mean. The entire chapter of Titus 2 speaks to aged men, then aged women, then younger women and young men, all having to do with the age of these groups, not how spiritually mature they are.

Benson Commentary has this to say about these aged women: “For their age and experience call them to be so.”

Gill’s Exposition: “godly women in years, who are to be instructed and exhorted” to teach the younger women.

Tim Challies wrote an excellent article about age and maturity being a qualification for being a teacher of marriage and child raising using this verse: Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil (1 Timothy 3:6). Novice means one who is new, unacquainted, or unskilled, a beginner. There are many younger women on the Internet with blogs and sites who are teaching other women about marriage and child raising even though they haven’t been married for many years and their children are still young.

Mr. Challies wrote: “There is a correlation between time and maturity and a further correlation between maturity and humility. Time brings maturity and maturity fosters humility. We enter the faith arrogant and it is only through the passing of time and the testing of trials that we gain humility. This qualification exists to guard the church from thrusting men into ministry who have gifts, talents, and knowledge that might make them suitable, but who do not yet have a proven track record of humility. Christian history proves repeatedly that giftedness makes a woeful substitute for character…

We address our inadequacies by turning to experts, lining up en masse to sit under their teaching and benefit from their wisdom. Yet a surprising number of these are written, founded, or run by people who have very little experience. Their scant experience makes them less than ideal as teachers or mentors, for time has not yet given them humility….

After four or five years of marriage you have already learned so much. You’ve identified so much selfishness and seen so much growth in character. You’ve established good habits and patterns and perhaps taken an even newer couple under your wings to help them through the early days. All this is true. But you’re still only getting started. There is so much you’ve yet to experience, so many trials that have yet to come your way. Your knowledge and confidence may well have outpaced your humility—and it’s that humility that marks the best teachers.

After a few years of parenting it may feel like you’ve got this thing solved. Your little ones are well-behaved, they are learning their lessons, memorizing their verses, and sleeping through the night. You’re raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. But you haven’t yet dealt with a child who fully-accepts and then fully-rejects salvation, a tween who has few friends but plenty of self-loathing, a teenager who falls into patterns of sexual sin. Humility comes through these trials, not apart from them, as you face your utter inability and lack of answers. Humility comes as you realize how little you really know and as you cry out to God for his help.”

It can be heady stuff to write for a blog and have a lot of readers, emails, be asked for interviews, write a book, have posts go viral, and all that comes with this. I have seen younger women go through this and unfortunately, I also see some of them divorcing their husbands and some even walking away from the truth of God’s Word.

I’ve had all of this “heady stuff” happen to me, too, but at the age of almost 59 years old, a brain tumor, neck fusion, ill health for many years, and all the suffering that I’ve been through, I don’t believe it’s made me heady or prideful. God has taught me humility through all of the things that I have suffered and I know that I am nothing without Him. Teaching the truth and getting all the backlash from it doesn’t bother me in the least since I know this is expected. Many hate God and they hate those who love God. We are guaranteed this in the Word.

I’ve been married 37 years this December and have raised four children who all walk in truth. I believe I am qualified to teach younger women what I teach them. I have no desire to travel to churches and stand behind pulpits and teach thousands of women. I have no desire for a television show or go on a book signing tour. I want to stay in my home as a wife to my husband and now a grandmother to my almost six grandchildren. Oh and yes, I’m still a mother but not needed as one much now since they are all grown and gone.

If you are a younger women in the midst of married life and raising children, this needs to be your focus. When I was raising children, we didn’t even have the opportunity to be “famous” through blogging, Facebook, or Instagram. We just went about our business as homemakers, mothers, and wives. This is what you are called to do at this time in your lives. Yes, if you have a chance to share what is working in your marriage and raising children, by all means share it but don’t allow it to become a “career” or a time-consuming adventure for you during this time in your life. Being a wife to your husband, building a strong marriage, and raising your children to walk in truth should be your main priority and where you spend the bulk of your time and energy.

34 thoughts on “Teaching Others Without Time-Tested Experience and Wisdom

  1. As a young mother, I do a lot of online research and come across so many “mom blogs”. The great majority are by women who have young children and while I appreciate so much of the knowledge about health I’ve learned, since that’s mostly what I research, I’m baffled at how they have time to establish such a time consuming website. I know it takes hard work and it’s probably a good way to be a work from home mom, but I can’t help but wonder what is suffering in their home because it just takes so much time to be a wife and mother without further obligations.

    I was invited to a church group for “busy mothers” and the idea didn’t settle with me. When I mentioned it to my husband, he quickly laughed and said, “How would another obligation help an already busy mother?” How right he is!

    1. Yes, sadly you are right, Hopeful Wife. The vast majority of mom blogs are written by young women while the older women remain silent. I can’t imagine running this blog with children in my home because of the time commitment and thought process that goes with it. I do wish churches were teaching younger women to be keepers AT home so they would support women being at home instead of trying to drum up more activities for them away from home.

    2. Many of the most successful blogs employ part time virtual assistants, usually a stay at home mom who works a few hours a week from home. She will deal with social media, reply to comments or email, proof read the new articles and so on.

      Some openly talk about their assistants, some quickly mention them in the last line of the about page, and some simply omit the topic. This last category is not very honest in my opinion because it gives the impression that you can run a successful blog, homeschool half a dozen kids, nurse a newborn, clean your home and cook from scratch every day. This is totally unrealistic and might make feel some readers like a failure since they struggle to deal with much less work.

      1. There is so much in our culture to make stay-at-home mothers to feel unworthy and it’s wrong. We must do all we can to encourage them in their high and holy ministry that the Lord has given them.

        1. Our culture says to us that if our work is invisible, it is unworthy ! I think that’s one of the reasons why moms decide to go outside to work ! In those invisible tasks, I remember to myself that verse : “… and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.”
          Matthew 6:4‭, ‬6
          That’s what gives worth to my work as wife and mom !

        2. That’s true.
          I live in one of Europe’s most prosperous countries. And I am a stay at home mother. Basically, my husband and I are a pair of idiots.
          We are missing some tax reductions because I don’t work. We are not getting any financial help with preschool because I don’t work (there are some exceptions on this). Real estate prices are extremely high, in part because rents and mortgages are calculated on two salaries.
          The government wants to push even more women to work so they will receive a pension when old… there is a serious problem with women in their 60s or 70s who (in the past) took time off from work to take care of the children and now their marriages broke down and their pension is insufficient to support them. the government predicts that this will be even more common since nowadays many people don’t get married at all and they have multiple cohabiting partners during their life…

  2. So true Lori!!! I have been married for 34 years, and have 2 married daughters, walking in the truth. After they were grown and out of the house we took in foster children. Then we adopted an 8 yr old. I thought this would be easy because I am older and experienced. She really is a good girl, we just have all different issues, along with raising an only child. On top of that the culture has completely changed with social media. Even at 54 I have so much learning to do. Thank you for doing what you do Lori.

    1. You’re welcome, Diane! We wanted more children, even through adoption, later in life but due to my health, we decided it wasn’t wise but it’s wonderful that you have chosen this path. This little girl is very blessed!

  3. Hopeful wife,

    It’s not any different from a mother in the middle ages, who also sewed and did needlework for sale to add to her household’s income. Some blog when their children are sleeping or while the clothes are in the washer. Good time management means other things don’t suffer.

    1. This isn’t the point of the post. The point is that God has given “aged women” the responsibility to teach the younger women godly womanhood. As long as younger women are looking well to the ways of their household, being godly help meets to their husbands, and raising their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, they can have side pursuits that might earn them a bit of money.

  4. Whenever I want advise I never look to take it from someone who is in the same boat as I am. I always look to the older women, the ones who have good marriages, healthy relationships with their children, children who are grown and walking in the faith. I can count on my fingers how many of these older women I learn from, you being one of them. Thank you for your obedience to the LORD, it makes all the difference. Ever since I started reading your posts I have clearer view of what is true and what isn’t. Even what seemed good and godly before isn’t quite the same anymore. Thank you and Thank you Lord.

    1. You’re so welcome, Gabrielle! It’s sad how few older women take the admonition to them given in Titus 2:4, 5 seriously. I have heard some complain that they aren’t teachers or they are uncomfortable teaching these things and yes, there are many who pursue careers once their children are raised. Hopefully, the younger women of today will rise up and be godly older women to the younger women when they are considered “aged women.”

  5. Thanks,Lori, for sharing the wisdom of the Word and, of course, the wisdom that comes through many years of living. You are an extremely qualified and gifted teacher 👨‍🏫!! I also know how important it is to practice what we preach. So many women leave their homes after the children are gone and pursue college, employment outside the home, and many more ministries inside the church. My goal is to stay home and serve others as Titus 2 instructs us to. Thanks for being a living epistle, Lori. Make it a great week.🙂

    1. You’re so welcome, Holly! I am thankful for the years of “grooming” the Lord has done on me in order to prepare me for the ministry He has given to me. Yes, it included a lot of suffering but thankfully, He works all things together for good to those who love Him and all called according to His purposes.

  6. “Humility comes as you realize how little you really know and as you cry out to God for his help.” That is so encouraging…

    Lori, you are a very gifted “older woman” who takes the Word of God seriously, and there are so many of us who are blessed because of that! Thank you.

  7. Lori,
    What are your thoughts about young pastor’s wives teaching? Are there any exceptions for them as they support their husbands ministry work? Just curious what your thoughts are as I’m a little stuck on this one…

    1. Marie,

      I’m not Lori, and you didn’t ask me, but that young pastor’s wife can seek the counsel of an aged woman. She could ask her to come alongside and to give the counsel needed. It’s biblical. The pastor’s wife could quote the aged woman. The pastor’s wife could also say, “I am lacking in experience about this matter. Could you give me some time to ask three godly, aged women, and then I’ll get back to you?”

      When possible, run the advice given by the aged woman through your pastor husband so you have his blessing in sharing that with one of the saints he shepherds.

      *hugs*
      Kelley~

      1. Yes, I agree, Kelley! A young pastor’s wife doesn’t qualify as an “aged woman” and if we love the Lord and His ways, we will want more than anything to be obedient to His Word. I see too many younger women who blog leading women astray with their lack of wisdom, knowledge, and experience. God’s ways are perfect and for a very good reason.

  8. Lori, this post is so spot-on. Yes to all points!

    As a formerly active blogger, I used to read a ton of blogs by women who freely gave massive amounts of parenting and marriage advice, but I finally noticed that their children were still young, and they had no long-term perspective or wisdom. Not good. These blogs abound by the thousands.

    I also used to give advice on my blog, but I finally realized that I didn’t have the experience or authority to do so. I needed to LIVE the life, and THEN blog about it (i.e. in another twenty or thirty years).

    I too have seen some big bloggers who dispensed the big-time advice and are now divorced. Without wishing to be unkind, it seems simply to be the case that an enormous spate of blogging, writing books, and traveling for speaking engagements is NOT the “marrying, bearing children, and guiding the home” that Paul prescribes for younger women.

    As you and others have mentioned, a book-end problem is that true older women, who OUGHT to be available to younger women for advice and mentoring, are usually not available because they have chosen to dive back into the career world. I have seen this too many times to count. Younger women are DESPERATE for advice, help, and mentoring, and the older women in their lives are, for the most part, not there. It is no wonder that younger women turn to bad places (mommy groups and mommy bloggers) for advice when the ones who ought to be giving advice and help have abandoned them.

    And then there is the whole other issue of older women who have nothing of value to teach or give, because they themselves gave up their God-given jobs in the home/family and have not matured in godly life skills or godly maturity.

    Thanks for bringing these issues to light.

    1. I agree with every word you wrote, Diana. When women are unwilling to obey the path the Lord has laid out for them trouble follows. The women who travel and are gone from home are not even teaching what they are supposed to be teaching. How can they teach being a help meet to their husband or a keeper at home when they’re not even home to do these things?

  9. I know I’ve said it before but thank you! Also Praise God He provided an older Godly woman for all of us. I just came across a copy of Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. It was excellent!

    1. For clarification I was praising God from providing you and separately mentioned Debi Pearl (but I’m thankful for her too). You don’t have to post my clarification if it isn’t necessary.

  10. Lori,

    MANY ladies in our church’s organization are getting their ministerial licenses. Obviously, our organization approves of this. Some of these are very young ladies, and MANY of them are wives.

    I believe that what the Bible mandates for women, and what God’s created for women, is for my good and part of His divine flowchart. I don’t need a ministerial license to teach younger women (or MEN, for that matter). The Bible tells me I need agedness, experience, sobriety, wisdom and the Truth of God’s Word to teach younger women, AND that I have no business teaching men.

    Years ago I knew a Catherine, a single woman near her 70s. A co-worker, she was Catholic and shared many truths about the treatment of my husband, how to help him look good with pressed clothing, how to launder our clothes, how to treat my man and not nag or hound him. I was a 21 or 22 year old newlywed, and her voice of experiences I obviously still remember 35 years later. I’m so grateful the Lord “inserted” this beautiful, aged woman in my life.

    Great peace have they who love God’s Law and nothing shall offend them. God’s Law doesn’t offend me. His Word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my pathway. I love His ways and I always will. For my good is why He planned His divine flowchart. I never want to stray from His divine plan. Doing so would be out of order and displeasing to Him.

    Keep up the good work, Lori. Truly these are the last days, and more and more, what is taught here to women has, is and will cost you big time. I pray God’s blessings on you as you continue teaching Truth with your meek and quiet spirit under the protective covering of your head. We need your voice now more than ever before.

    *hugs*
    Kelley~

    1. Thank you so much, Kelley. I loved reading the last half of your comment – such wisdom!

      It’s shameful that women are seeking ministerial licences. What do they need them for? God has ordained men to teach and speak the Word of God and has given older women clear instructions about what they are to teach. Yes, many churches are very weak because women have left their God-ordained places of ministry; to their family and home.

  11. Some incredible older women have been (and still are!) awesome mentors for me. The most amazing one sadly went home to the Lord a few months ago, after losing her battle with breast cancer at 62 years old.

    Older women have so much to offer. They’ve raised their families, kept their husbands happy, struggled financially … they’ve been where I am. They have so many “tricks” they learned over the years that they’re happy to share, and their patience and wisdom is always so encouraging to me.

    I wish more of them were more willing to teach the younger ones! Please don’t stop teaching Lori – it’s so hard to find older women willing to teach the younger women to be submissive wives.

    I’m in my mid 30s and a young woman in her early 20s has been looking to me for support and I’ve been happy to help her, but I find myself wishing so often that I had more experience, as older women do, so I could help her more!

    1. We definitely need older women to step up and fill in the gap that younger women desperately need. Instead, they are listening to those who tickle their ears, unfortunately, but thankfully, there will always be a remnant who loves walking obediently on the narrow path to life!

  12. Thank you Lori
    My husband always says, “Why would I listen to someone’s advice if they are not successful in their lives in that area”. Experience and learning from it is vital.

    My eldest daughter wants so much for me to teach other woman and if God leads someone on my path and I have a true experienced answer learned from God’s ways I will testify. But for me, I am still young in my marriage, my oldest is only 18 and I am only full time home(by the grace of God), two years now.

    God bless you Lori and one day I would love to teach woman because God’s ways are just so amazing and such a huge blessing.

  13. I have often wondered about the wives, moms who have blogged over the years since newly married and with young(er) children, offering their (seemingly mature) thoughts and advice to all the readers, but now are divorced! Those once husband-and-family-encouraging blogs, have been turned into how-to-recognize-when-your-marriage-is-over musings and encouragements!!! As well as how divorce IS an (easy) option……a very freeing one to be able to carry on with one’s (much happier, now) life!!!

    I also wonder…….if…..just possibly(?)……these wives had lived their lives as was expressed by Lori and Mr. Challies above, based on God’s perfect design for us as women, and biblical principles,…. might they not be experiencing the joys of reaping a fulfilled marriage??

    I often laugh out loud thinking of some supposedly helpful, “mature,” spiritual(?) advice I passed on when I was 30, with several young children, pregnant, (more children were added since then)…. and now being one of those “aged” women, with some married children, a grandparent, having experienced some trials and heartaches along the way, with hearts crying out to the Lord and time spent on my knees!! “Humility comes through these trials, not apart from them, as you face your utter inability and lack of answers. Humility comes as you realize how little you really know and as you cry out to God for [H]is help.” Mr. Challies nailed it!!!!! What wisdom and perspective the 30+ years have given since then!!! Plenty to help me realize my thoughts and advice back then were….. “foolishness.”

    Yes, just going about the business of being a wife, mom, homemaker, depending on the Lord’s wisdom, learning to trust Him and be faithful in ALL areas of our life (from the loads of laundry.. to intimacy with our husband) is what younger women are to be focusing on (and we older ones are to continue on maturing in these also). THIS is what builds toward earning the reputation and wisdom of being the “aged” women…..and brings glory to God and not blasphemy to His word.

    I think one of the truths I’ve gleaned over the years that develops wisdom and maturity (especially spiritually) is that of just being “in the Word.” As much as I can, I put scripture in my mind, life. Memorizing, listening to messages whenever feasible, and catching those quiet moments to simply read and meditate on God’s Word…..all add up over the years to renew our minds….and give us answers when someone asks for our insights. It’s really HIS wisdom anyway that provides a basis for the practical advice I may give out.

    Thanks, Lori, once again(!), for some timely, edifying truths!!

  14. Thank you for this, Lori. You always manage to put into words ideas that I suspect are true but haven’t fully formed in my mind yet. I also prefer to read blogs written by older women (I am in my thirties ) because their advice tends to keep me grounded. It’s amazing to me how often I need to actively choose my family over outside opportunities that take time and mental energy away from them. I feel like I’m saying no all the time to all kinds of enriching experiences for myself and my kids, but I know it’s for the best. No club or team or class would be of a greater benefit than a healthy dinner at home, together. Thanks for offering a daily reminder of what should take priority.

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