Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

There are two posts I recently read that were powerful explanations about the trauma of divorce and ways to prevent it from happening in the first place. I want to share these two posts with you and some of the quotes that I found convicting and challenging.


I have always believed this especially since Jesus is the one who said it. Divorce wasn’t ordained by God and is never promoted in God’s Word. For what God hath joined together, let no man tear asunder. Moses allowed a certificate of divorce but only due to the hardness of their hearts. As believers, we should never be accused of having hardened hearts.

“Resentment is an egotistical indulgence. Our ego is the womb that is always ready to receive the seeds of resentment. In there they grow and grow, until they become all-consuming and affect every area of our lives. Many wives are chock full of resentment towards their husbands…Feelings of resentment have to be dealt with immediately or they will take root and grow into destructive forces, such as hatred, anger, unforgiveness and bitterness” (Genevieve White).

The author of the article above then makes a list of all the things that prove someone has a hardened heart. I believe bitterness is the root of it all for it defiles many and we are warned about it in God’s Word. Whenever you feel resentment and bitterness creeping into your minds towards your husband, break out in praise and thanksgiving. This is the best antidote to bitterness. You can’t have bitterness or critical thoughts in your life if you are singing praise to the Lord and are thankful for all that He has blessed you with.

The effect of divorce on children is devastating“Divorce breaks a chain of both future-building and legacies of the past, which the next generation would normally benefit from. When this continuity is broken, the culture itself fragments-and it happens in one or two generations. The betrayal of a divorce pulls the rug of security and commitment out from under children, and they in turn do not believe in commitment nor do they have the tools and example to be successful in a  long-term relationship. The ability to overcome the more destructive elements of human nature is damaged or ruined. “

My parents didn’t have a good marriage for many years but they modeled to the three of us commitment even when it was hard and they didn’t feel in love and weren’t “happy.” They knew there was more to marriage than just seeking self-fulfillment and doing what was best for them. They had made the commitment to each other until death do they part and now they are blessed with three daughters who have been married over thirty years each and ten grandchildren, eight of whom are very happily married. (Two still are not married.) There are rich blessings in obeying the Lord for He is the one who promises that we reap what we sow.

My niece (my sister’s daughter) posted this picture of my parents on Facebook the other day and wrote this about them: “These two. Nana and papa. Believe it or not, my mom told me they use to fight nonstop growing up…And here they are in their mid eighties and they couldn’t be more in love. ❤️ I walked in on them snuggling the other day. They kiss and hold hands and care for one another daily and tell each other how much they love the other…Touching? Yes. Inspiring? Of course. A miraculous work of Jesus in their hearts, lives and marriage?! Absolutely! I pray for this same kind of love and tenderness between my hubby and me now and tomorrow and down the line when we’re old and gray!”

On the other hand, Leila Miller wrote, “My parents’ divorce taught me that we should be saving the majority of our ‘yeses’ for God, each other, and our family. If we pour out too much of ourselves to the outside world, we have nothing left to offer God and our spouse.” This is why feminism and careers have been devastating to what matters most. Many women spend their time, energy, and money on everything but their family. They have little time to be help meets to their husband (the reason God created them) and mothers to their children.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

8 thoughts on “Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

  1. I enjoyed reading this. It is truth ….egos and Unforgiving spirit. Pride. My favorite part was when I read what Leila Miller wrote! That helps me also to realize what and whom am I putting first?….

    1. It’s so easy to be selfish and want our own way but it’s not the way we are called to live, Karla. God is clear in His Word what we are to do with our lives and how we are to live. There’s no guessing game with Him, thankfully!

  2. Thank you for your wisdom on this topic!
    “The author of the article above then makes a list of all the things that prove someone has a hardened heart.” I would be interested in reading this list. Is the article available online?

  3. True. Stuff here. I wish your article had more hope for those divorced and single parenting out of no choice of their own. I know all these stats in it sinks me down. It gives my children’s future no hope. My husband had an affair and ripped our lives apart. He’s an atheist now.

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