Are You Worthy of the Entire Fairytale?
Is this true? Are you worthy of flowers, bubble baths, candles, the ring, a man who loves you as Christ loves the church, and of the entire fairytale? A woman tagged me to this on Instagram. She knew these weren’t true. Look at all of the “likes” on this post already, and the woman who created it has a large following on Instagram. She is leading many women down the wrong path yet women eat this stuff up. They love their ears tickled. “Oh, yes! I am worthy of all of these things!”
Unfortunately, there are many women telling women these untruths these days. This only sets women up for unrealistic expectations and failed marriages. We are worthy of nothing, actually. Only Jesus Christ is worthy. He is the One who makes us worthy by clothing us with Christ’s righteousness, filling us with His Spirit, and making us new creatures in Christ who can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. He then gives us everything we need for life and godliness.
How about asking women if they are making themselves worthy by becoming godly women? They certainly aren’t worthy of anything simply for existing and being women. Are they working on being kind and loving? Are they working on showing grace and forgiveness to others? Are they working on becoming feminine women of God with meek and quiet spirits? These are what younger women need to be hearing from older women, not that they are worthy of a fairytale marriage without any responsibility of their own. Plus, fairytales are imaginary. They aren’t reality. Women need to hear truth more than they need to hear anything else since truth, God’s Truth, is what transforms them.
Also, who is to determine if a man loves his wife as Christ loves the Church? Is it the wife? I did this for a long time. I expected my husband to love me regardless of how I treated him. It never worked. Until I gave up this expectation and worked on myself alone did I find our marriage improving dramatically.
These things aren’t what God commands that older women teach younger women! He commands older women to teach younger women to love and obey their husbands so they don’t blaspheme the word of God (Titus 2:3-5). He wants younger women to focus only upon their own behavior, NOT on how their husband or future husband should treat them.
Young women, before marriage, work on becoming the woman that God has called to you to be. Learn to have a quiet and meek spirit, be shamefaced (not wanting to draw attention to yourself), sober, good, discreet, chaste, hard-working, learn homemaking skills, and godliness. When you meet a man that you may be interested in for marriage, make sure he is a man who loves the Lord, loves others, and is a hard worker. These are the qualities that make for a good marriage.
If he’s not romantic and doesn’t do all of these things listed above for you, it doesn’t matter. Flowers wilt, bubble baths get cold, candles burn out, and fairytales are only in movies, but a godly man is what you need to be looking for as you work on becoming a godly woman.
Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
17 thoughts on “Are You Worthy of the Entire Fairytale?”
Amen Lori. My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday. To much of culture has only learned eros, and philieo love. They do not no agape. Unconditional love removes ALL expectations of instant gratification, believing rewards come in eternity.
Ugh, whenever I hear relationships being compared to fairytales, I get so annoyed. My mother always told me she loved my father very much but that this love is a choice you make every single day, not just something that comes naturally. I very much intend to apply this in my future marriage one day, as well.
Unfortunately, I am surrounded by women who read things like this Instagram post and believe it. I had a conversation with a couple of friends (girls at that) the other day, and they straight up asked me why I’d like to get married. Their view is, you cannot “stay in love” for a long time, so why bother creating a lasting relationship? The fairytale usually lasts a couple of weeks, then it is all gone and you move on, and that is (in their view) pursuing happiness. My poor engaged self is only setting herself up for either a divorce or a lifetime of unhappiness. When I told them I’d like to build a life together with a certain man who has an amazing character and the same values as myself, that I want stability for my future children rather than repeating the “fairytale” a hundred times with a hundred different men… Well, they could not see the value in that, that’s how brainwashed they are.
Amen, Mrs. Lori! This type of thinking is so so dangerous. I am not worthy of a fairytale just because I am a woman. As a matter of fact, I am not worthy of a fairytale even though I am a Godly woman. I follow all of the precepts set forth in Titus 2, but that still does not make me worthy.
I can only look forward to my eternal reward in heaven, because we are not worthy of a fairytale on earth. Thank you again for calling out this false teaching!
Amen! This instagram post is a breeding ground for discontentment and a foothold for the devil to destroy more marriages or even stop them in the first place as women will have such high standards they’ll likely skip past some decent godly men looking for greener pastures only to realise a little too late that they were deceived. It’s sad, may God raise up some more godly older women like you Lori to teach more young women the truth in love.
Thank you for your ministry! God bless 🙂
Thank you. Is refreshing to hear the truth among so many lies. Only Jesus Christ is worthy of all glory and honor❤️
Excellent post! Thank you!
I have found myself the most miserable when I believed that I wasn’t getting the ‘love I deserved’ from my husband. And I have found myself most content when I am respecting and allowing my husband to lead (and trusting God in that).
It’s amazing how Gods Word is Truth!!
One thing that is always made me feel special is that God sent His son to die for me. I can find my worth in that, even when I was a sinner on my way to hell, he cared enough to send His Son to die (personally!) for all my sin. Yes, I have worth, but why are we trying to measure our worth by worldly things? Like you said, fairytale endings aren’t real, candles go out and bubble baths grow cold (never liked taking baths anyway!).
Something I am trying to work on is humility. I have a pretty good idea of what being a good wife should look like and I try to follow that, and my husband loves me very much for it. I can see myself getting high-minded because I have a very good marriage and I could contribute it to my behavior and not to the transformative power of Jesus Christ. Let’s stay humble, ladies, and stop thinking we “deserve” so many things in this life… So many of which are fleeting anyway. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you Lori for calling out these lies. They only cause harm. They plant unrealistic and unfulfilled expectations on the part of the women. They also give women a false sense of righteousness. While doing so, they make what should be beautiful, kind women into entitled, ungrateful monsters. If any man is unwise enough to marry any of these women, they will forever rue the day they were so naive.
We emphasize to our children to always be grateful. To be kind to everyone. Not to think higher of yourself than you ought. To be humble enough to be wronged (as our Savior was). To realize that our prize is in heaven and the most important thing is to look forward to that.
Specifically we teach our daughter her future role as a wife and mother and the pattern of authority. To our son, we give advice and warnings of what to look for and watch out for in any future woman he may be interested in pursuing.
No, we are not worthy of fairy tales. Fairy tales aren’t real. We want something that is real. How patronizing to suggest we are only worthy of a fake, silly story told to amuse children. There is something of far greater, lasting and true value to be found in the word and the ways of God.
This is so prevalent today. Women want to put themselves on a throne and be served and worshipped by a pitiful, effeminate man who could not protect her. So many girls are striving to be a “boss lady”. This is so twisted in the light of God’s word. Little do they know, they will spend their lives lonely, unfulfilled and exhausted. Lonely because few men can tolerate a demanding “Queen of Hearts” for long. Unfulfilled because the fantasy they long for isn’t real, its a recipe for heartache. And exhausted because she was not created to strive to have it all, and be the boss.
If this was written with the gender reversed (that is, telling men that they deserved fairy tale wives), women would be screaming to high heaven.
This reminds me of the woman who wrote the marriage book you once referenced, and who wrote along the same lines – and wasn’t getting married until she was something like 52 years old. I wonder if this is the same woman?
Thanks for pointing out some obvious truths, Lori! There’s a difference between godly standards and expecting Heaven on earth.
I grew up dreaming about a fairy tale life…my husband would do this and do that for me, fawn on me 24/7, be at my beck and call….literally worship the ground I walk on walked on. Those were the thoughts and goals I had for my future mate. Didn’t happen; not even close. Ironically, my prince charming came AFTER I grew up a bit and changed my way of thinking. My husband and I do have a fairy tale marriage; but not like the phony ones portrayed in movies, books and on tv, but a REAL solid team/partnership. He is my life line and I am his. Simple as that. We can all live a fairy tale life, we just need to re adjust our visions of the fairy tale.
Love isn’t a feeling, or an emotion. Love is a conscious, knowing dedication and commitment to a lifetime of hard work. But scripture says, “There is a reward in all of man’s labor that he does under the sun”.
And the reward of the work of love is great indeed.
The ego and vanity of modern women is beyond comprehension.
And they wonder why men don’t want to get married.
What a superficial fairytale (it sounds like something a 12 year old would imagine). I’m sure some husbands love doing those things for their wives, but many show affection in other ways/their own special way. Every relationship is different, and comparison is the thief of joy.
Someone truly feeling a lack of affection can read about the “love languages” with their spouse. I think most people want to feel appreciated for their efforts and by their spouse in general. You will probably find (unless there is a deeper problem with your relationship or your husband is struggling with a deeper issue) that if *you* start doing little things and showing your husband appreciation in a way he likes, he will naturally return the favor.
Also, you are free to buy roses to freshen up your home and make your own bubble bath and light your own candles.
However, I think I disagree with you in one respect, Lori. None of us are worthy, but I don’t think that means you shouldn’t look for a husband that will try his best to love you as Christ loves the Church. Like you say, women should seek out the remnant. “Settling” for an unbeliever, or an abuser, or a man who can’t even genuinely plan to follow his future marriage vows to love, honor, and protect you because you are unworthy is not the answer.
I think the sentiment behind this meme is positive (don’t settle for a false Christian, don’t think that your sinfulness means you can’t find a loving husband) but the example is poor (equating loving a wife as Christ loves the church to buying flowers and running a bubble bath).
When I was single and during the first year of our marriage, I also bought these lies. I would even use this “you are worthy lines” to encourage my friends to never settle for someone who does not meet their standards. I’m really glad I found your blog Lori. You may not know me, but I read your posts from time to time. I also see that you have lots of critics on Facebook. Please continue writing. I need women like you in my life. And I’m sure there are many others who need to read what you write.
“Unfortunately, I am surrounded by women who read things like this Instagram post and believe it. ”
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Actually same here.More like almost the entire modern world on Facebook and Instagram and these “boss ladies” think like this.
Having decent and godly standards is one thing,this is brainwashing and deceiving.
I am a 20 year old male..any idea what to look for in a woman who I want to build my life?
Modern times are such that even expecting a chaste wife is considered misogyny and a by-product of patriarchy!?♂️