Being Jesus to Her Husband

Being Jesus to Her Husband

TheJoyFilledWife won her husband from his deep addiction to pornography by being Jesus to him. “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:23). Many wives have no desire to be Jesus to their husbands but TheJoyFilledWife reaped beautiful fruit because of her obedience and faithfulness to the Lord.

On Saturday, the day after I published her post When His Life is Out of Control, she texted me the following:

“By the way, I still read your blog every day and saw yesterday’s post. You want to know what’s so neat about the whole thing? Not just that it’s been a few years since my husband has been completely freed from the addiction, but that he has counseled multiple men he’s close to through it as well, and we’ve been able to counsel some couples we know who are going through it.

“When we were in the thick of it, I prayed every day for God to bring something good come out of all that and He was so faithful. Do you know every single morning, without fail, my husband wakes up and tells me that he thinks I’m the most wonderful and beautiful wife in the world and he feels so blessed to have me by his side? I don’t say that to boast, but to show that a wife who is faithful to obey the Lord’s commands to win him without a word when a husband is disobedient, showing her loyalty to her husband through trials and praying for his redemption…if she will trust the Lord’s instruction, the Lord can open up his eyes after he has overcome the battle and cause him to cherish her even more for her obedience and faithfulness. I think he appreciates me even more because I remained faithful.”

TheJoyFilledWife is a beautiful woman inside and out. We have had dinner with them a few times. She told me that she never deprived her husband sexually. She was available to him and was a loving, submissive wife. She wrote, “I know that our situation was extra unique because, unlike most marriages, I had always been available to my husband and didn’t drive him away from me by defrauding or dominating him. Even on the day I found out about his addiction, when he asked to be intimate, I didn’t turn him down. That was very hard, but I knew that I didn’t need to give him an extra reason to run to his addiction. I made sure I was warm towards him and not be cold.”

It’s so much easier to react in anger and be cold towards our husbands when they are in sin or do something we disdain. I was reading her texts to my husband and he said right after I read this to him, “She is being Jesus to him.” This is exactly what she was doing. She was giving up “her rights” and obeying God even when it was difficult; “for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head” (Romans 12:20) and “recompense to no man evil for evil” (Romans 12:17).

Ken and I had taken a long walk earlier that morning and I was sharing with him how many women just let themselves go once they are married and expect their “Christian” husbands to be faithful. They can treat their husbands however they want because they know their Christians husband would “never” leave them. I remember having this similar mindset when I was young and foolish. Without TheJoyFilledWife even knowing we had just had this discussion, she wrote,”I have always tried to honor the Lord and my husband by taking care of myself and staying in shape, even when pregnant or going through illness. I have one body on this earth and I want to show respect for the Lord and my husband in how I care for it; not a vanity thing, but out of respect.”

I have always been this way since getting married (the staying in shape part). Even though I wasn’t a submissive wife to my husband for many years, I still wanted to be attractive to him. I know men are visual so I knew this was important to him as TheJoyFilledWife knew. Don’t allow yourself to fall apart after marriage, women. Learn moderation in everything and stay in as good as shape as you can.

Her last text to me was this:

“So many fight against God’s ways, but they are forgetting that not only does God know things we do not know about what reaches the heart of men, but that He will also do things on our behalf because we are trusting Him. When we fight against His ways, we don’t have his aide or blessings.” Every single day, women fight me on God’s will for their lives. They don’t like God’s ways. They much prefer to go their own ways but they are missing out on God’s blessings for their lives.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9

8 thoughts on “Being Jesus to Her Husband

  1. Patience and grace and forgiveness are hard to come by now in this world of all about me and instant gratification! I think many divorces happen because both sides are too impatient and won’t wait or work through a rough patch in their marriage. She’s too nagging? Divorce! He’s not her “dream man”? Divorce! Or, one person wants a fling and cheats because they feel their spouse of 20 years is worn out and wants a “spark” from their younger days. Sad so many view others as disposable or broken and throw them out rather than work to mend a broken marriage 🙁 I guess this is just one consequence of our culture of instant gratification, and where you can just replace anything for the latest “upgrade”…

  2. Oh so precious to read this! What encouragement to hear of such faithfulness to the Lord and her husband. May I serve the Lord with my whole heart. …Beauty for Ashes Isaiah 61.3

  3. What a great blessing she is to her husband. This is so much better than trying to be the Holy spirit to her husband. I have had thirty eight years of that treatment and it hasn’t endeared me to my wife.

    Great post, Lori.

  4. Lori, do you have advice for women who are battling this addiction? I was as a teenager, but ever since I was married and able to have sex with my husband, I have been freed (thank the Lord!). Many women ask me to counsel them but my experience doesn’t help since the addiction was over once I was married.

    1. Kate, what you just described [getting married and thereby having sanctified sex] is God’s plan for overcoming the temptation to sexual immorality.

      1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

      Psalm 101:2b-3a I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.

  5. I really miss JoyfilledWife. She is such a godly influence. I appreciate how she stayed faithful to the Lord and her husband through all this. I appreciate Apostle Paul’s words for married couples.

    It’s true we miss out on God’s blessings when we don’t obey His Word. If we are struggling to obey, then ask God for help! He is there for us.

  6. Really needed this today! Thank you. While I am not dealing with my husband having a porn addiction, I am dealing with wanting to fix things myself and not let God take care of it. And the sad thing is, I know the more I try to fix it, the worse I make it, yet still I try. Legitimate question, sometimes I struggle with knowing when I’ve done something to cause this (being rebellious or letting the busy in life take away from my calling to be a wife) and knowing the times I need to step back and not try to fix it.

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