For Those Considering Divorce – STOP!

For Those Considering Divorce – STOP!

God hates divorce for a good reason. Marriage is a model of Christ and His Church. It is very difficult to stop your friends or family from going ahead with a divorce once they are set on it. In cases where your spouse wants to end the marriage, but not you, a lawyer cannot do very much to stop the divorce proceedings. If you are going through an uncontested divorce, Thomas Boyd Whyte and other solicitors can offer you fixed fee packages explaining the costs of your proceedings. This why we must try to speak to both of the partners before they speak to these kinds of firms. I asked the women in the chat room to share all of the horrible things about divorce so any of you who are considering divorce, please take the time to read them. Some are personal stories and some are what they’ve seen. Divorce has ripple effects and is devastating to many. The costs for both parents can also be massive, you can work them out with this mass child support calculator if you so wish. With 80% of divorces being initiated by women, we have some work to do to try to convince them to stop!

Whitney: “The children will feel pulled between the parents forever, especially when it comes to celebrating events and special occasions. They’ll always want to try to please both parents without upsetting the other one.”

Robin: “The betrayal of trust.”

Stacey: “It’s not what God designed. Not only does it break His heart, it deeply damages ours.”

Patricia: “Not being able to take your children to their grandparent’s house. My kids go to Papa and his new wife’s house or Grandma’s house. ?”

Ramya: “broken vow, broken trust, broken hearts, broken family”

Christina: “Loss of other family members who had nothing to do with the breakup.”

Joy: “The permanency of the broken relationship/companionship.”

Kelli: “Not seeing your grandkids like you normally would. My husband’s parents are divorced and when we visit them, we have to divide up time and it makes it so hard on us because my MIL complains about not seeing them, however, she is the one who left her husband. It’s hard for the families in general.”

Cassie: “The emotional and psychological scars the children face. Causing them to think marriage is temporary or not worth it. The kids end up with too many families to try to divide their time with. Feeling pulled one way or the other in regards to parents. It creates trust issue with the parents and eventually the kids as well. They don’t believe God’s Word completely and that He can heal marriages if we live according to His ways. Creates confusion for the children and tendency to fill voids in their lives with all the wrong things.”

Judy: “God hates it. It is a warping of the picture of the gospel that the Lord intended it to represent. Hebrews 13:5: ‘He has said, ‘ I will never leave you or forsake you.’ If children are involved, they generally are forced to grow up without both parents in the home. Divorce tells the world and future generations that God’s grace is not enough. In actuality, God’s grace is always enough for the humble! James 4:6. It makes future weddings and family milestones quite awkward!”

Justin Peterson (I took notes on his YouTube called Divorce May Ruin You): “It’s incredibly expensive. One or both will come out of it poor most often the woman. The man is an indentured servant and there’s no escape from it. It’s like having non-fatal cancer. It’s not pleasant. It’s a 10 to 15 year process. It will cost you $250,000 and it will tear a big chunk out of your life. It will also disrupt your relationship with your kids. Kids in step parent families don’t do as well. Step parents are not as good as biological parents. Data on this is clear. (Of course there are exceptions.) It’s not easy to care for children. You need everything you can to bind them to you and if they are someone else’s children, they get in the way of the person you love. The rate of abuse in step-parent families is way higher than that of biological families. There isn’t even any comparison.”

Whitney: “My parents have been divorced since I was two, then in and out of court for another 19 years after that. Also, my dad told me it would have been cheaper and easier to stay married just considering what he has had to pay his lawyer over the last two decades.”

Evangela: “My friend spent half a million on her divorce – no joke! Her husband had a free lawyer through family so they made it as expensive as they could on her. My other friend has spent close to the same.”

Nicole: “The witness of the gospel to the unbelieving world around is lost. The wayward or unsaved spouse will likely remain that way with no one praying for him/her and no one displaying Christ’s unconditional love to them.”

Evangela: “Having your ex-husband remarry, and seeing your kids in a photo on Facebook, smiling, posing together with their dad in a picture perfect pose — with a different mom! The babies you grew and bore, and fed from your own breast being raised part-time by another woman! A woman who may not share your beliefs, who probably will be no where near as diligent to teach them truth, and may or may not spoil them to in fact get them to love them and call THEM mom! And when they are away from you week after week you have NO idea what they are watching, eating, listening to, or being allowed to participate in.”

Nicole: “Sending a curse to your children and grandchildren.”

Katie: “Breaking the promise two people make to God.”

Shanon: “Well, my parents did everything the wrong way, like putting me in the middle and using me to hurt the other. But even if they hadn’t done that, it still would have been terrible. It was like my mooring was gone. I lost all the feelings of safety and trust that I had before. Even as an adult, it was so frustrating to split holidays and birthdays, to feel like I couldn’t mention the one’s existence without setting off the other one. I feel like I should have more understanding now for them, as a married women, but I think if anything I’m more judgmental about it now, since I can’t imagine ripping my family apart like that.”

Paulina: “There are too many! My dear aunt’s parents are divorced. Her mother’s new husband recently divorced her, leaving her penniless and unable to support herself. My aunt and uncle, who are in the midst of raising their own three children had to take her in because no one else would. Her only other child, a son, is embittered against her, and only recently decided to settle down and marry at 40+ years of age after obtaining numerous college degrees. (I think his reluctance to marry and his addiction to school was due to his parents’ divorce).

“So divorced parents (usually the mother) who do not remarry end up having to be cared for by their adult children. I see the huge stress this is on my aunt, who never had a good relationship with her mother. Also, when her dad and his new wife and stepdaughters came to visit, my aunt’s mother had to temporarily find shelter elsewhere with a friend in a different city until they left two weeks later.

“But besides that, there is often the loss of relationships between the divorced parents and their broken children. Relationships between former in-laws are strained and never the same ?”

Amanda: “Divorce results in two broken adults, broken children, and a broken home. I am a child of divorced parents…and let me tell you – even if it looks like the children are doing OK on the outside… They’re not. Divorce evokes blame, guilt, selfishness, pride, lies, shame and feelings of worthlessness.”

Chelsea: “The devastation to the children. (I’m 27 years old and still tear up thinking about my parents not being together.) it literally RIPS families apart. Not just your family but then when your children have children, they don’t have one big happy grandparents home to go to; it’s split up and confusing. (My own personal experiences though.) It’s never too broken to fix, especially with God.

“The depression most people face. My father went through a lot of it and still does 11 years later. He says all the time how he will always love my mom. The expense. Mostly for the men. It’s just unfair all around. My father’s ENTIRE family was ripped from him. He didn’t have his own family. My mom’s family was ALL he had. He had not only a wife and daughter but a mom and dad, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins all through my mom that got ripped from him. I HATE divorce.”

Diane: “Growing old alone. Higher risk of future divorce if you remarry. Higher risk of your children divorcing when they marry. Complicated wills. Who do you leave your stuff and money to?

“Neither one of our parents or grandparents divorced. I can’t imagine what that would have been like to have step parents or step grandparents. I am so glad my hub and I made it through the times when we almost separated. We were so young and selfish at the time. Now that we are grandparents we have both been so thankful. I know that if we had divorced and remarried our new spouses would not love our grands like we do. Our kids have had a total of five sets of aunts and uncles that have divorced out of seven. These are five aunts and uncles that have left their lives. Divorce is horrible!”

Renee: “I came from a divorced family and it definitely effects the kids!!!!!!!!! My brother turned to drugs due to my mom and dad divorcing.”

Wendi: “The pain for the children involved is far reaching. Honestly, it is something my husband has never completely healed from. The consequences of the broken home follows children into adulthood. They have to deal with petty issues of jealousy, competition, and hurt feelings especially when grandchildren come along.”

Paula: “It’s such a grievous thing. Breaks your heart to see. I hate to see and hear of it. I hurt on the inside for the innocent children involved.”

Tanya: “The effect it has on the innocent children. My mom and dad divorced when I was around nine. I remember watching my dad leave from my bedroom window; it was heartbreaking, I stood there crying to no end. Definitely changed our lives forever. My Mom is the one that made him leave and to this day she is the most bitter person I have ever met. I know she regrets it; she said she will never love another like she loved my dad. They were both unsaved, things got hard and she gave up. She’s 65 now, many health problems, and all alone. I’ve learned not living in God’s will, will leave you just like she is. Horrible situation.”

Heather: “I haven’t read all the comments but my thought is that God uses struggles to refine us and when people divorce, they lose the blessing of overcoming. I’m gaining strength by standing for the truth in love that I would never have gained if I had given up. We lose the victory in divorce. Paul’s prayer speaks of this glory: ‘That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:’ (Colossians? ?1:10-13? ).”

Deb: “Setting a low and unbiblical standard for your children. They will think God’s marriage covenant is disposable.”

Carlee: “My parents fought my whole life, even having the police come to our house a few times. I begged them to divorce to stop the fighting when I was young, but when they did, a few months after I got married, it was a million times worse than the fighting. It honestly wasn’t a messy divorce, but it has hurt me so much even as an adult. My mom and brother aren’t speaking; my childhood home is now tainted with pain. I am forced to choose between them, They always want to talk about the other. My mom is remarried and now has this picture-perfect life that makes me jealous for the lack of effort she ever put in for us. I hate everything about it except that it has taught me that I will NEVER do that to my family.”

Katie: “Of course, the breaking of the covenant made with God. It is not an easy road to come back from that. It encourages a selfish and flesh serving lifestyle for both divorcing parties, which is the quickest path away from the Lord. Divorce often prevents kids from being secure with their parents and that necessary bond is broken. Most children of divorces become prematurely independent and unable to securely attach in future relationships without therapy. It can also cause the children to feel like (and sometimes for parents to perceive them as) baggage from a past mistake, rather than blessings from God and cherished members of the family. It also has severe negative financial impacts for the whole family.”

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

27 thoughts on “For Those Considering Divorce – STOP!

  1. I’m a bit torn on this issue issue while I do not like divorce and I believe that you should do everything in order to avoid it there are times where I believe it is warranted. Growing up my mother’s best friend husband physically abused her and their children. There were many times where she would show up with bruises and black eyes and she in the children would stay few days until she went back home. The abuse got so bad she and the children moved away and I never saw them again. So while I believe that marriage is forever I just can’t condone marriages in which one partner is physically abusive.

    1. I understand your sentiment, Monique, but it’s not biblical for a woman to divorce her husband because he is physically abusing her. Yes, she needs to seek help and may even have to get the police involved, then separate for a time until he repents of his evil deeds, but there is nothing in God’s Word that says this is a reason for divorce. We must always base our opinions and actions upon the Bible and not what we feel is right.

      Here is a post I have put together for women in difficult or destructive marriages:

      https://thetransformedwife.com/married-to-angry-men/

  2. This is heartbreaking. My in laws are separated and heading for divorce and it is terrible. It is my father-in-law who has made it so tough on the family. I’m not even sure what to tell my children. My daughter said the other day that it seemed like Nanah and Grandpa broke up (they haven’t lived together for two years) but she knows they are still together because they know it is wrong. I couldn’t even respond to her. They are both Christians so I am even more concerned about how the children will view God and the church and commitment as they get older.

    Often when I see a happy Godly patriarch of his family knowing how his children and grandchildren love him and come to him for advice and wisdom I just cry. That’s the relationship we could have all had together. My in-laws could have grown old together surrounded by those who love them most, knowing they had faithfully passed the torch on to children and adoring grandchildren. Now my sister-in-law isn’t even speaking to my father-in-law.

    My husband who used to be super close to his father can only speak to his father about shallow things like sports and neither set of the grandchildren spend much time with their grandfather at all. I’m heartbroken and no matter what I’ve said to them about the situation it hasn’t changed. Do you or anyone else have any advice for me?

    1. This is VERY sad. Christians never have an excuse to divorce since they are to forgive 70 X 7 times and godly love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and never fails. Your entire family will suffer because of their decision.

      My parents stuck it out and now they are so happily married at 87 years old as my mom’s health declines. Her daughters come over to see her often and bring her lunch. She is surrounded by a loving husband and family. There are so many blessings that come from obeying God.

      All you can do is to speak truth to them when given the opportunity and pray fervently for them. Maybe give them each a copy of this post and the one I will link for them to read:

      https://thetransformedwife.com/how-does-marriage-benefit-her/

  3. Thank you SO much for posting this, Lori! Divorce shatters so many lives, and the victims that suffer the most are the children.

    I have a question, though. A friend in my church has decided to divorce her husband because he struggles with alcoholism, and the pending divorce is absolutely devastating to her 4 girls that range in age from 8 to 15. I encouraged her to separate instead of finalize the divorce, but she is dead set on divorcing him and doesn’t want to pursue counseling. Well, our women’s group decided to take up a collection for her in both money and gift cards to get her through her financial struggles during her divorce. Since I believe that divorce is a sin, I did not contribute a monetary gift. I simply sent her a message that I would pray for her to do God’s Will. Was a wrong in not aiding her in her divorce?

    1. I sure wouldn’t support a woman in a divorce. She is making a HUGE mistake. She could go to Celebrate Recovery where they help women who deal with husbands who are alcoholics. She needs to be seeking out wise counsel from older women and others who will get her through the rough times but what she is doing is not biblical in any way and so harmful in the end. She will not see redemption and reconciliation if she divorces him and he will no longer be sanctified by her presence.

      Has she thought what her children will be exposed to when they go to visit him without her presence there? She is being extremely short-sighted.

      1. The odd thing is that he moved into an apartment and she has their children go and spend the weekends with him. I said, “so I assume he has to have supervised visitation, then?” And she said, “Oh no, not at all…he is fine around them”. So if he is ok to not have supervision with his children he must not be that bad off, right? And what I find sad is that she comes off as the victim in all of this…everyone is praying for her, helping her, sympathizing with her…but what about him?

        1. Sounds like she has another man waiting in the wings…

          A man with the financial resources to help with the kids.

          And she gets gifts and sympathy!!!

          It’s perfect 🙂

    2. In addition to the question from anonymous, how should one handle a woman remarry ing in the church (after she divorced) and the church supporting the wedding?

      1. How can the church support it? What scripture do they use? What is the situation behind the divorce/remarriage?

        In our church, there is one lady who is divorced and remarried – she’s been married to her current husband for 40+ years. When she was 24, married with 3 little girls, her husband ran off with another man and moved overseas. He was never, ever coming back to her – he was gay. He is still gay. This woman married again, to a wonderful man who raised her daughters like his own. Even with this background, this couple are not allowed to participate fully in the church.
        My personal opinion is that this lady did the best she could, in awful circumstances, and was not wrong in remarrying this wonderful man. But I’m not 100% certain that my opinion lines up entirely with scripture.

  4. I generally agree with Lori on this subject. However I watched a you tube video on a woman asking Michael Pearl if it was wrong for her to divorce her abusive husband. He basically said it depends on the type of abuse you are talking about. If it is physical or sexual in nature. (bruises, threatened with knives or guns etc) you may divorce him, but you must not remarry. I would however include that the husband would no longer be sanctified by the wife if she did so. Divorce should be extremely rare and every effort made to avoid it. So in 95% of cases I would say no to divorce. But there is a rare exception where there is extreme physical violence etc and then the wife needs to live in a safe house and try everything to save the marriage first.

    1. Thank you for telling me about this video. Yes, Michael Pearl believes if a husband is trying to kill his wife or physically very abusive to her (an evil man), she can leave and divorce him but she is never to remarry. The Bible doesn’t give this exception for divorce but I wouldn’t blame a woman for divorcing her abusive husband if it was on a continual basis and her life was threatened.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1dMbywa0WA

      1. What I am wondering though is if she is never to remarry, why divorce in the first place? Certainly she should not remain living with the husband. But in my opinion, divorce just opens up the door to the opportunity for remarriage on either side…which results in blended families and this is a recipe for a potential disaster. Plus, it is expensive and just puts a deeper chasm into the family than just a separation, where the children could at least be certain that they will not get a new mommy or daddy because of their parents’ mistakes.

        1. These days it makes no difference at all as there is no stigma on cohabitation or children born out of wedlock.

          In a not distant past, yes, it would have made a big difference.

          In the past, the French would call a cohabiting couple a “faux ménage”, literally a “fake family” because marriage (civil and/or religious) was seen as the natural foundation of a family. Components of a fake family were discriminated against, by the laws and by society.
          There is a novel of Agatha Christie (can’t remember the title) in which a man kills his estranged wife because she would not consent to the divorce which would allow him to marry another woman. Nowadays this novel would be pure science fiction.

          These days you have to consider that (if your country has some form of no fault divorce) if a spouse wants to divorce the other spouse has no way to oppose or postpone it. They have to play along if they want to have a saying in the matter, otherwise the court will pronounce the divorce anyway and the settlement might be very bad for the uninvolved part. If they are going to live apart anyway, divorce might also be necessary for financial reasons, like if they need welfare benefits, formalize child maintance payments and similar issues.

          It’s very said, but unfortunately this is the reality.

  5. My mom divorced my bio father after he abandoned us. He just didn’t come home from work one day and I didn’t see him again for more than two years. After the utilities were shut off and we ran out of food, my mom finally agreed to going to my grandparents home. She had no money, no car, no anything. He did the same thing to his 2nd wife, but she had 1 child and was 6 months pregnant. He disappeared the same way, but for 6 yrs. Neither woman ever bad mouthed him. My time living with my gparents were the best of my life. I don’t believe divorcing him was a mistake, but remarriage was.

  6. Yes, divorce (or, in my parents case, permanent separation but not divorce) is awful, and extremely traumatic for all concerned, especially the children. I have never, ever liked my mothers new partner, and while his daughters and I try to get along, we are not a family, nor do we make a pretense at trying to be one. It makes family gatherings difficult. I end up being caught in the middle and having to take sides which is never nice. It is particularly difficult for my father, who has remained single, in the hopes that one day his wife will come back to him – he believes this is the Biblical thing for him to do.

    For me, temporary separation (in abuse) is an option. Divorce is not, and never will be an option.

      1. I 100% agree with the what the Bible says about women remarrying. In my circumstances, it is so sad to watch so many churches not only accept divorce but to support remarriage of these women leaving their husbands. If people accept and support women leaving their husbands and even getting new ones…what does that teach their own children ?
        If you belong to a church that stands against divorce and remarrying, thank God for it!
        It seems like, I’ve had to face this time after time lately. I don’t know what else to do except refrain from congratulating them and not attending the shower or wedding.

  7. “God Hates Divorce”

    So then why does most of the Christian Church allow divorce, even effectively promote it as an option to keep in mind? We have all heard that God hates divorce but we don’t really get that nor do we really live out what is in the character of God. We just kinda go ‘Ah, what’s the big deal anyway?’

    The big deal is that what God hates we will eventually pay the price of with His anger. Be real; divorce has played havoc on western civilization. By the time you add to all the divorce those conditions that avoid marriage, such as living together, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, etc. it may be 70% or more of sexual relationships that are at odds with God. That is the ugly state of marriage today. I’m not here to talk of the other sexual misconducts because I believe they have their roots in the spirit of divorce, in the church’s ‘legal’ divorce.

    Key issues why divorce is against God’s Word:
    1) It breaks a vow
    2) The two remain one flesh
    3) God hates divorce
    4) ***The common “adultery” exception was re-translated from the word “fornication” in the KJV so it is actually sexual misconduct prior to consummation of the marriage, that is, during the betrothal period or found out about during that period. MOST BIBLE VERSIONS change this to any sexual misconduct. It does not refer to adultery.***
    5) Christ acknowledged that even the ‘exception’ of fornication before consummation of the marriage was set up by Moses because of “your hardness of heart.” So He is defining anyone who files for divorce [or is willingly a part of it], before consummation, as a hard hearted person. Again, divorce for adultery is not permitted by Moses or Christ and goes against all the points that scripture makes of the solemnness of marriage summarized here. And presumably if someone does divorce for adultery [after consummation] that person demonstrates that much more of a hard heart.
    6) it does not allow for or show the perseverance of the faith [taking up the cross].
    7) it does not allow for God’s restorative power, key to knowing Him.
    8) “what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” – any marriage, it did not need to be among Christians in a church, just formally recognized and lawful and consummated. So anyone who breaks that – husband or wife or judge – is going directly against God. Are you that bold to take on God?

    Matt 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
    Matt 19 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Divorce was not created by God and does not exist now either!
    Matt 5 + Matt 19: “Fornication” is sexual misconduct BEFORE the consummation of the marriage, during the contractual courtship “betrothed” period, or prior. It is not AFTER the consummation [not “one” yet], which would be adultery.
    SUMMARY: If you originate divorce:
    you break a vow
    you bring forth God’s rage [His hate],
    you separate what God has put together
    you still remain one flesh with your spouse, come what may
    you reject the perseverance of the faith
    you don’t allow the restorative power of God
    you demonstrate a hard heart
    you promote more divorce [not directly scriptural but historical statistics]
    Divorce after consummation of the marriage is not scriptural for any reason.

    P.S. One woman replied to a blog saying her pastor had preached with approval of the mythical ‘adultery exception.’ This feed into her sliding toward divorce when her marriage became troubled. She secretly hoped her husband would commit adultery so she could ‘legally’ divorce him and remain a ‘saint.’ She saw an ‘out’ from trying to try to work it out.
    If you decide to marry you aren’t just winging, hoping, chancing it will work. YOU ARE CLAIMING/STATING THAT GOD HAS JOINED YOU TWO TOGETHER. You are claiming effective knowledge of the will of God. And you had better not put it asunder: put God off.

    P.S. 2 “He who is joined to a harlot is one with her” 1 Cor 6:16. “One” relationships do not go away with divorce. All sexual partners ‘run around with you’ until they die. That is the state of marriage today. How many marriages have a 3rd [or 30th] person with them?

    “If divorces were allowed to depend upon a matter within the power of either the parties, they would probably be extremely frequent.” Wm Blackstone in his Commentaries on the Laws of England (1765-1769) Bk 1, CH 15 p429. That means, take the power out of the contract [the Spirit, God] and give it to the parties [the flesh, man]. And that is exactly what has happened over the past 3 centuries in the West. Not coincidently, the church has gutted the marriage contract of God and placed [ha] that power in the husband and wife …who [laughingly] are now ‘pronounced NOT man and wife.’

    Can …does God join together the marriage of a divorcee? If the two become one in marriage, and only death separates that oneness, can …does God join 3 or more together? Personally, this is a rhubarb I care to explain to God.

    P.S. 3 John Piper is very good on this topic.

    1. Very good points Dave. Have you read any of the sacred texts like the Shepherd of Hermas? It goes into more detail and reinstates what the canonical Bible says about divorce. Many important books/scriptures have been removed or hidden from man due to the False church many centuries ago. The churches today do not (and probably can not) preach from these because they were mislead into only preaching partial truth. The Shepherd of Hermas and many other books can be found online if you are interested. They really bring pieces of the puzzle together that are missing from the Bible.

  8. I believe the reason God hates divorce is that it is so unlike Him. He doesn’t give up on us even when we don’t deserve His love.

  9. I hope you can help with this question.

    My husband and I met in our mid-thirties. Neither of us were Christians. He had been married before. His ex-wife divorced him for another man (with whom she had been cheating and to whom she is now married). My husband did not want to divorce her, but I don’t know that he knew, at the time, how to fight for his marriage or what the ramifications of divorce were.

    Anyway, we were married, had two children, and, thank the Lord, were saved not that long after. Our lives actually changed significantly after that and even involved a move across the country and a really different style of life (homesteading, homeschooling, natural health, etc). God led us to our new town and home where we found our church family and were baptized two years ago.

    It breaks my heart now to think that our marriage might not be real in God’s eyes? Still being a new Christian, I am not sure how to interpret all this. I do feel that we have a good amount of sin in our backgrounds that leads us to have problems, but both of us are repentant and strive to work through things and learn as much as we can about scripture.

    Do you have any insights about this?

      1. Thank you, Lori, I most certainly will stay married. 🙂 And thank you for your articles which have been invaluable guidance these past few years. For anyone who thinks people can’t change, I am proof that they can, and I hope our marriage continues to grow because of that.

    1. Hi Cathy,

      God rewards the condition of our hearts; His response to us is not based upon our past or our abilities, but only on our heart …”For God looks upon the heart.” There is no trouble known to mankind that cannot be effectively restored to one that hungers and thirsts for His righteousness. That one sounds like you, Cathy.

      In the carnal world there are some things we cannot undo, but God restores spiritually in us in His Self-honoring way. An example of that is murder: the life is not coming back, but a very real release can be made in all parties where, while the victim is missing, the murder is now of none effect. Those that will be released have come to know God in a deeper way.

      I posed the question of overlapping ‘oneness’ in remarriages as a way to get us really thinking about scripture and divorce. It got you thinking, but please think further, that God can and does restore all situation and will somehow release – IF IT IS EVEN NECESSARY — you from any feeling or burden that may be there, known or unknown, simply by the condition of your heart, by your ongoing love of Him by keeping His commandments.

      When I read the Old Testament the phrase that probably strikes me the most is “…that ye may know that I am the Lord your God.” It is spoken by God after troubling circumstances. He uses these tests in our life to draw us closer to Him, to REALLY come to know Him. I guess that is why I posed that earlier question.

      Easily your charge is to love and respect and submit to your husband and to keep His other commandments that apply to you. That will bring any release you may need. And I don’t suggest that you were not already there, in complete release; rather by your sincere questioning I sense you are there. The thought for you may simply be to help others as they wrestle with marriage.

      God’s richest blessings, as you are faithful to your husband and to the Word – to Jesus the Christ. So be it.

      1. Thank you, Dave. I appreciate further insight. I have no doubt of God’s grace because he’s already let me have so much in my life at an age when I thought I knew who I was and how my life would be. However, I also know I have a lot to learn and can only keep trying to grow in the Word.

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