God hates divorce for a good reason. Marriage is a model of Christ and His Church. It is very difficult to stop your friends or family from going ahead with a divorce once they are set on it. In cases where your spouse wants to end the marriage, but not you, a lawyer cannot do very much to stop the divorce proceedings. If you are going through an uncontested divorce, Thomas Boyd Whyte and other solicitors can offer you fixed fee packages explaining the costs of your proceedings. This why we must try to speak to both of the partners before they speak to these kinds of firms. I asked the women in the chat room to share all of the horrible things about divorce so any of you who are considering divorce, please take the time to read them. Some are personal stories and some are what they’ve seen. Divorce has ripple effects and is devastating to many. The costs for both parents can also be massive, you can work them out with this mass child support calculator if you so wish. With 80% of divorces being initiated by women, we have some work to do to try to convince them to stop!
Whitney: “The children will feel pulled between the parents forever, especially when it comes to celebrating events and special occasions. They’ll always want to try to please both parents without upsetting the other one.”
Robin: “The betrayal of trust.”
Stacey: “It’s not what God designed. Not only does it break His heart, it deeply damages ours.”
Patricia: “Not being able to take your children to their grandparent’s house. My kids go to Papa and his new wife’s house or Grandma’s house. ?”
Ramya: “broken vow, broken trust, broken hearts, broken family”
Christina: “Loss of other family members who had nothing to do with the breakup.”
Joy: “The permanency of the broken relationship/companionship.”
Kelli: “Not seeing your grandkids like you normally would. My husband’s parents are divorced and when we visit them, we have to divide up time and it makes it so hard on us because my MIL complains about not seeing them, however, she is the one who left her husband. It’s hard for the families in general.”
Cassie: “The emotional and psychological scars the children face. Causing them to think marriage is temporary or not worth it. The kids end up with too many families to try to divide their time with. Feeling pulled one way or the other in regards to parents. It creates trust issue with the parents and eventually the kids as well. They don’t believe God’s Word completely and that He can heal marriages if we live according to His ways. Creates confusion for the children and tendency to fill voids in their lives with all the wrong things.”
Judy: “God hates it. It is a warping of the picture of the gospel that the Lord intended it to represent. Hebrews 13:5: ‘He has said, ‘ I will never leave you or forsake you.’ If children are involved, they generally are forced to grow up without both parents in the home. Divorce tells the world and future generations that God’s grace is not enough. In actuality, God’s grace is always enough for the humble! James 4:6. It makes future weddings and family milestones quite awkward!”
Justin Peterson (I took notes on his YouTube called Divorce May Ruin You): “It’s incredibly expensive. One or both will come out of it poor most often the woman. The man is an indentured servant and there’s no escape from it. It’s like having non-fatal cancer. It’s not pleasant. It’s a 10 to 15 year process. It will cost you $250,000 and it will tear a big chunk out of your life. It will also disrupt your relationship with your kids. Kids in step parent families don’t do as well. Step parents are not as good as biological parents. Data on this is clear. (Of course there are exceptions.) It’s not easy to care for children. You need everything you can to bind them to you and if they are someone else’s children, they get in the way of the person you love. The rate of abuse in step-parent families is way higher than that of biological families. There isn’t even any comparison.”
Whitney: “My parents have been divorced since I was two, then in and out of court for another 19 years after that. Also, my dad told me it would have been cheaper and easier to stay married just considering what he has had to pay his lawyer over the last two decades.”
Evangela: “My friend spent half a million on her divorce – no joke! Her husband had a free lawyer through family so they made it as expensive as they could on her. My other friend has spent close to the same.”
Nicole: “The witness of the gospel to the unbelieving world around is lost. The wayward or unsaved spouse will likely remain that way with no one praying for him/her and no one displaying Christ’s unconditional love to them.”
Evangela: “Having your ex-husband remarry, and seeing your kids in a photo on Facebook, smiling, posing together with their dad in a picture perfect pose — with a different mom! The babies you grew and bore, and fed from your own breast being raised part-time by another woman! A woman who may not share your beliefs, who probably will be no where near as diligent to teach them truth, and may or may not spoil them to in fact get them to love them and call THEM mom! And when they are away from you week after week you have NO idea what they are watching, eating, listening to, or being allowed to participate in.”
Nicole: “Sending a curse to your children and grandchildren.”
Katie: “Breaking the promise two people make to God.”
Shanon: “Well, my parents did everything the wrong way, like putting me in the middle and using me to hurt the other. But even if they hadn’t done that, it still would have been terrible. It was like my mooring was gone. I lost all the feelings of safety and trust that I had before. Even as an adult, it was so frustrating to split holidays and birthdays, to feel like I couldn’t mention the one’s existence without setting off the other one. I feel like I should have more understanding now for them, as a married women, but I think if anything I’m more judgmental about it now, since I can’t imagine ripping my family apart like that.”
Paulina: “There are too many! My dear aunt’s parents are divorced. Her mother’s new husband recently divorced her, leaving her penniless and unable to support herself. My aunt and uncle, who are in the midst of raising their own three children had to take her in because no one else would. Her only other child, a son, is embittered against her, and only recently decided to settle down and marry at 40+ years of age after obtaining numerous college degrees. (I think his reluctance to marry and his addiction to school was due to his parents’ divorce).
“So divorced parents (usually the mother) who do not remarry end up having to be cared for by their adult children. I see the huge stress this is on my aunt, who never had a good relationship with her mother. Also, when her dad and his new wife and stepdaughters came to visit, my aunt’s mother had to temporarily find shelter elsewhere with a friend in a different city until they left two weeks later.
“But besides that, there is often the loss of relationships between the divorced parents and their broken children. Relationships between former in-laws are strained and never the same ?”
Amanda: “Divorce results in two broken adults, broken children, and a broken home. I am a child of divorced parents…and let me tell you – even if it looks like the children are doing OK on the outside… They’re not. Divorce evokes blame, guilt, selfishness, pride, lies, shame and feelings of worthlessness.”
Chelsea: “The devastation to the children. (I’m 27 years old and still tear up thinking about my parents not being together.) it literally RIPS families apart. Not just your family but then when your children have children, they don’t have one big happy grandparents home to go to; it’s split up and confusing. (My own personal experiences though.) It’s never too broken to fix, especially with God.
“The depression most people face. My father went through a lot of it and still does 11 years later. He says all the time how he will always love my mom. The expense. Mostly for the men. It’s just unfair all around. My father’s ENTIRE family was ripped from him. He didn’t have his own family. My mom’s family was ALL he had. He had not only a wife and daughter but a mom and dad, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins all through my mom that got ripped from him. I HATE divorce.”
Diane: “Growing old alone. Higher risk of future divorce if you remarry. Higher risk of your children divorcing when they marry. Complicated wills. Who do you leave your stuff and money to?
“Neither one of our parents or grandparents divorced. I can’t imagine what that would have been like to have step parents or step grandparents. I am so glad my hub and I made it through the times when we almost separated. We were so young and selfish at the time. Now that we are grandparents we have both been so thankful. I know that if we had divorced and remarried our new spouses would not love our grands like we do. Our kids have had a total of five sets of aunts and uncles that have divorced out of seven. These are five aunts and uncles that have left their lives. Divorce is horrible!”
Renee: “I came from a divorced family and it definitely effects the kids!!!!!!!!! My brother turned to drugs due to my mom and dad divorcing.”
Wendi: “The pain for the children involved is far reaching. Honestly, it is something my husband has never completely healed from. The consequences of the broken home follows children into adulthood. They have to deal with petty issues of jealousy, competition, and hurt feelings especially when grandchildren come along.”
Paula: “It’s such a grievous thing. Breaks your heart to see. I hate to see and hear of it. I hurt on the inside for the innocent children involved.”
Tanya: “The effect it has on the innocent children. My mom and dad divorced when I was around nine. I remember watching my dad leave from my bedroom window; it was heartbreaking, I stood there crying to no end. Definitely changed our lives forever. My Mom is the one that made him leave and to this day she is the most bitter person I have ever met. I know she regrets it; she said she will never love another like she loved my dad. They were both unsaved, things got hard and she gave up. She’s 65 now, many health problems, and all alone. I’ve learned not living in God’s will, will leave you just like she is. Horrible situation.”
Heather: “I haven’t read all the comments but my thought is that God uses struggles to refine us and when people divorce, they lose the blessing of overcoming. I’m gaining strength by standing for the truth in love that I would never have gained if I had given up. We lose the victory in divorce. Paul’s prayer speaks of this glory: ‘That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:’ (Colossians? ?1:10-13? ).”
Deb: “Setting a low and unbiblical standard for your children. They will think God’s marriage covenant is disposable.”
Carlee: “My parents fought my whole life, even having the police come to our house a few times. I begged them to divorce to stop the fighting when I was young, but when they did, a few months after I got married, it was a million times worse than the fighting. It honestly wasn’t a messy divorce, but it has hurt me so much even as an adult. My mom and brother aren’t speaking; my childhood home is now tainted with pain. I am forced to choose between them, They always want to talk about the other. My mom is remarried and now has this picture-perfect life that makes me jealous for the lack of effort she ever put in for us. I hate everything about it except that it has taught me that I will NEVER do that to my family.”
Katie: “Of course, the breaking of the covenant made with God. It is not an easy road to come back from that. It encourages a selfish and flesh serving lifestyle for both divorcing parties, which is the quickest path away from the Lord. Divorce often prevents kids from being secure with their parents and that necessary bond is broken. Most children of divorces become prematurely independent and unable to securely attach in future relationships without therapy. It can also cause the children to feel like (and sometimes for parents to perceive them as) baggage from a past mistake, rather than blessings from God and cherished members of the family. It also has severe negative financial impacts for the whole family.”
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.