“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” (1 Peter 3:1)

The KJV commands wives to win disobedient husbands without THE word in 1 Peter 3:1. The NIV states “without words.” The NLV “without any words.” The ESV ” without a word.” The NKJV “without a word.” The NASB “without a word.” The ASV “without the word.”

The commentaries of old all agree that it means a wife is not to preach the Gospel to her husband in hopes of winning him. I’m sure this includes quoting Scripture, too. They also aren’t to quarrel with them nor be contentious with their disobedient husbands. So, what does this mean?

It means you can absolutely speak with your husband in this way: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:6). Yes, you can encourage him to seek counseling or rehab if he needs it. You can discuss his disobedience with him, but always in a kind and gentle way, if he is willing to listen to you. (Pray for wisdom each day.) But what this above verse encourages women to do is that you will have the greatest chance of winning your husband by the way you live your life.

Do you live in submission to him? Do you do what you can to please him? Are you kind towards him? Have you stopped arguing with and yelling at him? Are you still consistently angry with him? Would he describe you as having a meek and quiet spirit? Can he see Jesus Christ living in and through you? You will have a far better chance of winning him if you show by your behavior that you do deeply love him and Jesus Christ. Nothing is more powerful than a transformed life!

I believe there is a lot of confusion over this verse due to most translations. Most command women to win their disobedient husband without speaking any words to him about his disobedience. They are to live in silence in front of their husbands, but according to the KJV and a few other versions, this isn’t what it means, thankfully. We are human beings and conversing with each other is vitally important.

If you’re in an incredibly difficult marriage, please read this post. I understand that there are cruel men. But there are many men who are in bondage to an addiction who aren’t cruel. They desperately need to see Jesus and His transforming power in you. You must keep reminding yourself that this is a spiritual battle being waged in the heavenlies, so continually cast your cares upon the Lord and trust Him. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, and the joy of the Lord is your strength.

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