Marriage is More Important Than Co-Sleeping

Marriage is More Important Than Co-Sleeping

Women become furious when I teach against co-sleeping. If your husband is absolutely fine with it (some men love it!), then it’s fine to do BUT if your husband doesn’t want co-sleeping, then it’s wrong to do. Your marriage is WAY more important to your children than co-sleeping. Wives are commanded to obey their husbands in everything! A husband asking his wife to not co-sleep with the baby/children is not sin. “Oh, but a mother’s intuition should take precedent over what a husband wants!” No, it should not.

The same goes with “crying it out.” Many women will say this causes harm to the babies. Crying never harmed anyone. In fact, as my older, godly friend told me recently, crying is good for babies. My first born cried almost every waking moment due to cholic her first three months, and she’s fine as are all of the other babies who cried a lot due to cholic or sleep training. Yes, babies/children NEED a ton of love and affection. If they don’t have this, they will suffer terribly but NOT from crying.

Here’s a man’s experience with co-sleeping from my post Co-Sleeping Destroyed His Marriage (which is a story of another man’s experience with co-sleeping):

We’re still married.

So what. I’m typing in my bed, alone. We did the co-sleeping thing and now we are just roommates. My wife is out in the living room right now, sleeping while the TV plays one episode after the next of CSI or some other such nonsense. Our kids all sleep in their rooms now. They are 16, 14, and 11.

Sex? I have to beg and bargain for it. And I finally told her, “Don’t come into the bedroom unless sex is on the agenda.” Sounds cruel, doesn’t it? Unless you know how it got to this point. Co-sleeping was a BIG part of it.

When our first was born, my wife thought it would be a good idea to use one of those co-sleeping setups that was all the rage. I never heard of it. But, I figured it would just be a short term thing, and it made sense because my wife was going to be breastfeeding. I don’t remember any strong objections or warnings from friends or family. But I do remember that neither I nor my siblings EVER slept in our parent’s bed. And my parents confirmed that it just wasn’t done.

Well, it came time that it started to get really old, and I wanted our son to stay in the crib that I and his grandfather built for him. The boy was strong-willed and my wife was not. I got some backup from our pediatrician, that letting him cry it out would solve the problem. Well, the expert opinion wasn’t good enough for my wife. After all, the pediatrician “was a MAN, not a mother,” so what the h*ll would he know? Besides that, letting the boy cry out would cause PTSD, she insisted. When pressed on it she finally said “I cannot take it. I have to go into his room,” because I stopped allowing him to sleep in our bed.

The mattress she slept on beside his crib became the the toddler bed that she would sleep in with him. He didn’t stop sleeping in our bed. Occasionally, If I came home late from work, he would already be in our bed with my wife. Sometimes I would engage and put him back where he belonged. And more often than not, my wife would shortly join him in his room.

Our other two children, girls, came along. And they weren’t as much of a problem with the co-sleeping thing. Fast forward a few years, and someone got us this “wonderful” couch bed. So, mommy and one or all three kids could sleep in the living room with the non-stop TV in the background. For the most part, the girls slept in the bedroom they shared and my wife slept in my son’s bed. Once in a great while, our son slept in our bed but I was getting hostile to that.

A breaking point came. I came home late and was about to get in bed with my wife. And it just struck me that my son was 11 years old and almost as tall as my wife and there he was in the place I’m supposed to be. I ripped off the blankets and yelled, “No more sleeping with my WIFE!” He ran to his room crying; my wife yelled at me for “overreacting.”

He never slept in our bed after that. But, eventually he and my wife ended up sleeping in our living room; my wife in an EZ chair and my son on the couch. And those pieces of furniture were slowly destroyed; they weren’t built for such repeated use.

My son is 16 and in his room now. And my wife has been in the living room ever since. I text her to proposition her for sex. Sometimes, she obliges. Most times she ignores me. Effectively, she’s a roommate that I occasionally “get lucky” with.

Some people think the opposite of “love” is “hate.” I used to think so too. It’s not. The opposite of “love” is “indifference.” Years ago, I used to warn her, “At some point, I am no longer going to care enough to do therapy and counseling or whatever if I don’t see some type of effort on your part.” Well, I am THERE now. If she left me, it wouldn’t break my heart.

Don’t do it. Co-sleeping wrecked our marriage.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24

53 thoughts on “Marriage is More Important Than Co-Sleeping

  1. What if the husband wants to co sleep and the wife doesn’t? I have always insisted that the child belongs to his room.

  2. I agree.I do know two married couples personally where both husband and wife believe in the family bed when children are very young. They both have very healthy relationships including sexual relations. One of the two couples have seven children.
    So, I have seen personally that co sleeping doesn’t destroy all marriages. Depends on how both husband and wife feel about. All comes down to putting spouses needs and feelings before yourself, in every area of life together.

  3. Wow his story is heartbreaking. He is NOT outline for saying don’t come in the bedroom if sex is not on the agenda. The bible is clear your spouse should be your first priority once married not your kids. His wife clearly chose otherwise and their marriage has suffered. The fact that he has to fight so hard to have sex with his wife is sad. The bible is clear that wives need to obey their husbands in everything and the wife is not.

  4. I don’t think the problem is co-sleeping, per se. The problem is the wife not having her priorities straight: God, husband, children, house. There are many practical reasons to co-sleep. If your husband is against it then of course you shouldn’t, but if you are putting your children ahead of your husband there are much bigger problems than who is sleeping where. I’m sorry this man feels that co-sleeping destroyed his marriage, but it did not. His wife not putting him ahead of their children destroyed his marriage.

  5. I’m not sure co-sleeping ruined their marriage as much as lack of submission from the wife, and lack of leadership from the husband.

  6. Co sleeping has been around for centuries in some shape or form before it became the in thing to try because it was read in a book or raved about in mom social circles. My husband’s parents did it with him and his brother. Both my husband’s parents worked. His dad wanted his mom to work. They didn’t want to depend on babysitters while they worked so his mom worked nights and his dad days so one of them would always be home to take care of them. His dad was the one caring for them through the night which included middle of the night bottle feedings and diaper changes. Guess what, he co slept because it was easier. There was mutual agreement between both parents though to do that which makes all the difference. If one spouse does not agree with co sleeping(or anything else in that matter) don’t do it. Find another way to sooth and care for those precious gifts of responsibility through the night. I don’t understanding why Christian couples struggle with doing something that the other spouse doesn’t agree with. Just don’t do it. Peace and respect in marriage is so much better than selfishly testing our way and destroying a marriage relationship.

  7. I am struggling with this. My four month old is breastfed, so he started off sleeping in the bedroom with us, and it has somehow ended with him now in our bed. He had VERY bad colic, and is now just an extremely fussy and strong willed baby. He will scream like he is being murdered for hours until one of us breaks and puts him in the bed with us — he will then immediately fall asleep. My husband does not like him in the bed. He doesn’t sleep well, and it’s hurting his back. However, our house is small, so we cannot escape the cries, and it eventually wakes our three year old up, too. I’ve been trying to get him used to sleeping on his own by letting him cry it out at naptime, but he will scream for two-three hours if I let him. If I go in there to try to calm him down, it just makes things worse.

    On really bad days, my husband will sleep on the couch with earplugs because he needs sleep for work, but then he is grumpy from back pain, and I am so sleep deprived, it’s causing me to be short tempered. He has been an extremely difficult baby, and has made my husband not want anymore kids. 🙁 It’s also been putting a strain on our sex life.

    It also doesn’t help that our son doesn’t really like my husband. He is definitely a mom only baby. If anyone else even glances in his direction, he will cry — his father included. Leaving the house with him is near impossible. He does not like people or loud noises, or sitting in his car seat. It’s really beating me down.

  8. Oh, dear, what a sad story. As babies, our children were in our room in a bassinette for only a very short period of time. I was nursing and was recovering from surgical deliveries of both babies. As soon as possible, I moved them into their own room. Sure there was crying. It’s called “parenting” and you need to have a spine! The next night there was less crying, and soon there was little to no crying. I wonder if the mother in this story ever stops to think about what her son’s marriage will be like. He has what is plain and simply an inappropriate relationship with his mother. How is his future wife going to fit into that? It is difficult to let your kids cry it out, but look to their future; not your feelings in the moment. She set her son up for a troubled marriage just so she could feel better in the moment. We are commanded to keep the marriage bed holy. I hope and pray that somehow it can be worked out and their marriage can be saved.

  9. This is why it’s best to do it when they are a lot younger in my experience. You can go in and pat them on the back and soothe them every time they begin to cry, then they eventually learn that every time they wake up, they don’t need to cry, scream, or be held. It’s training them how to sleep from a very early age. The longer one waits, the more difficult it is to do.

  10. A husband can’t lead if he is married to a wife who won’t submit. He seems to have definitely tried in this area but from personal experience, we can be very stubborn and want our way.

  11. You did exactly what I did, Emily Joy! Both of us are very light sleepers and I often wonder if the reason many mothers get post-partum depression is because they aren’t getting enough sleep. Sleep is essential to good health.

  12. I kind of hate to say it, but it sounds like this man’s major gripe is not co-sleeping, but his desire for sex not being met. And that sounds selfish, to me.

    Don’t get me wrong. I am in exactly his position, although I no longer proposition my wife. She complains about my “dirty jokes”, and every time I have to stop her and tell her, “That’s not a dirty joke. I am directly propositioning my own wife.” And there is nothing wrong with that, and everything good.

    Sexually propositioning my own wife of 33 years should be a joy and a blessing to her, knowing that her husband still loves and desires her in spite of us now being in our fifties, and the ravages of time on our bodies.

    God gives us youth and beauty to attract a mate. And as time passes, and we age, youth and beauty fade away, and are replaced with more durable things: Dependability, reliability, faithfulness and especially familiarity. In other words, intimacy.

    I cannot stress this point enough: Intimacy in marriage is what keeps us from looking at the other as just “another pudgy middle aged balding white man”, or “just another grey haired old woman living in my house.” Intimacy protects the marriage by ensuring that I always look at her as “the wife of my youth” and my “precious bride”.

    That intimacy has to be guarded diligently because if it is lost, late in life, you no longer have the youth and beauty to re-attract your spouse. What then will draw you back together? I want to believe that all broken marriages can be fixed. But that can happen only by BOTH spouses following God’s commands and directions on how to conduct ourselves in marriage. If intimacy is lost late in life, it will be nearly impossible to restore it. That is why God tells us to be faithful to each other, never defraud (reject) each other. God tells us to guard the intimacy of the marriage, because later in life it will be the “tie that binds”.

    In researching my calamity, I came across numerous “women’s support” forums, and it literally brought tears to my eyes, reading the accounts of so many women who desperately wanted their husbands to just love and desire them, and they were left alone and lonely. It’s just heartbreaking. No one wants to be alone – especially not in a marriage where someone promised you they would be there for you for the rest of our lives.

    So, imagine the pain that is inflicted when someone actually does desire you, and you reject them? It’s like a double betrayal.

    We commit to being there, as they say, come hell or high water.

  13. My husband is a very light sleeper and just could not sleep well with babies in our room. We did keep our newborns in our room for the first month or two in a bassinet in our room but if the baby was really noisy, I would take the baby to their own room. Around 2 months, all of my babies were in their own room with a monitor on. We have never allowed our children to sleep in our bed. If they wake in the night, we take them back to their rooms, comfort them and help them fall back asleep in their own bed. Never had a problem with bedtime or our kids sleeping in their own room. I know parents with kids as old as 6 or 7 still sleeping with them. I’ve personally never understood how having kids in bed nurtures the marriage relationship.

  14. As other commenters have noted, the wife refusing to obey her husband was the root problem.

    As the eldest of 18, none of us stayed in our parents bed, or room, for extended periods of time, as that would have interfered with the arrival of our younger siblings:).

  15. Such a good read. Following my husband’s leadership on co-sleeping strengthened our marriage so much. I also thought that I wouldn’t be able to take it or beat the sadness of hearing our sweet little one cry but my husband clearly and consistently told me that our daughter would be in her own bed. During out evening prayers he would prayer for our daughter’s sleep and pray for my heart to be filled with comfort and not sadness. Having us prayer through sleep-training was an amazing bonding opportunity for us. He tells me how proud he is of me for trusting his judgement and that he gained respect for my ability to follow-through with the CIO (cry it out) method and set the foundation for following his lead in parenting.

  16. My heart goes out to you. All three of our children were absolutely horrible sleepers. Our first child had colic and was on a heart monitor and I was beside myself with stress and sleep exhaustion/post partum depression. Nothing worked, and I mean NOTHING. I tried sleep training, all the tricks, supplements etc, he just had to grow out of it I guess. We co-slept with all our children, except in the beginning with our middle who was premature. My husband was worried he would smash her so I kept her beside our bed.
    I took courses on brain development especially in the unborn up to age three, and crying it out is not healthy for babies. That’s their only voice, and when we ignore it, it does something to their brain development/synapses etc. It can cause attachment issues.
    Some may reject this, since they sleep trained successfully and let their kids cry it out. I’m just sharing what I learned. Orphanages overseas oftentimes are said to have silent babies bc, due to neglect, they know their needs will not be met and there is no reason to cry. Heartbreaking.

    I’m not saying parents who sleep train this way are neglectful. I was at the point I would try anything bc I was so utterly exhausted from lack of sleep.
    We just need to be wise and understanding that a baby’s cries are not trickery, it’s their only voice and they’re trying to say something.
    Keep on keepin on. Mothering is challenging when sleep is non-existent. But God always carried me through!

  17. It’s sounds like you’re really struggling- I’m so sorry. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I can tell you it will get better! Sending prayers your way, mama!

  18. And the husband is to love his wife and not be harsh with her (Colossians 3:19). It seems both spouses need to seek repentance for disobedience, selfishness, and bitterness.

    I’ve had to do the same thing in my own marriage. God is so gracious to heal.

  19. Wow this is a sad and depressing story. The mom in this story clearly has some issues. Disturbing that she would seek out her eleven year old son as a sleep partner.

  20. Hi Lori, did something happen to your Facebook page? I no longer see it and nothing comes up when I search for it. Only the other fake accounts

  21. Lori, I noticed that I can’t view the comments on your posts until I post a comment myself. Is this happening to anyone else? Does anyone know how to fix it? Thank you!

  22. An 11-year-old boy sleeping with his mother? That’s just creepy! When I was 11 years old, I couldn’t fathom such a thing. A boy practically at puberty who wants to sleep with his mother is just weird. That poor boy is going to need a lot of therapy. I can see co-sleeping for a newborn baby for the first few weeks or so. I can understand on occasion if a young child has a bad dream and asks to sleep with his/her parents for the night. But there comes a point where it stops being cute and starts to be a problem.

  23. I cant help but point out in the story her desire to be around the television as well. the TV probably contributed to the problems.

  24. Oh boy, the problem here started long before and wasn’t caused by co-sleeping, there’s much more going on here. Although I absolutely and totally agree with the point this article is making and I don’t allow our children to sleep in our room past the newborn stage outside of special circumstances. This guy never took his place as his wife’s head, he clearly never ruled his home and didn’t make it clear to his wife that he expects her submission and respect. This woman is clearly totally lost in the pop nonsense that the vast majority of women without a strong man leading and teaching them get lost in. More than anything this should be a cautionary tale for men to rule their homes well, and that starts with his wife, passivity and weakness when a firm hand is required always goes this way.

  25. I don’t know if this article is just to discuss the pros and cons of co-sleeping but to encourage us as wives to put our husbands before our children. This can be difficult as with young children they need their parents to do many things for them. A wise wife and Mom just needs to figure this out , with the Lord’s help, how to care sufficiently for her children without neglecting her husband.
    I prefer the word submit over obedience when referring to my relationship with my husband. If I just obey cuz I “have” to then it’s that and not much more -obedience. I want to submit to my husband and give him the gift of submission-submitting joyfully, willingly, and because I want too-not cuz I “have” too.
    Just random thoughts for now but I’m thinking of giving him a list of “my gifts” for Christmas. Kind of like renewing my love, my respect, my commitment, my heart (etc.)and… you guessed it! My submission to him?

  26. Obedience comes first then submission. You have to learn to obey first before your mind comes around to submit. At first you just do it because you have to then you learn that you should do it because its good for you and benefits you :).

  27. Well, it’s both. A woman is required to obey her husband even if he doesn’t want to and the main component of submission is obedience. There is no submission without obiedience, the words are basically synonymous. So this is really splitting hairs. If what you mean that a womans obiedience should be done with a joyful and willing heart and that what you call submission then that’s correct. But even without it a wifes obedience is still required any way you cut it.

  28. Co-sleeping in the same bed can be very dangerous, I know I woman who unfortunately lost her child that way 🙁
    But a crib beside the bed is totally fine. I am talking about newborns and toddlers, parents needs privacy later, provided that they can afford it financially.

    When it comes to my experience, I slept with my grandmother in a king sized-bed until I was 15 🙂 We were modest, had a two bedroom apartment (my parents, me and her) and my grandfather had passed away before I was born. In short, I agree with the blog post, but do not believe that each family member needs a separate room, if there is none available.

  29. “If one spouse does not agree with co sleeping(or anything else in that matter) don’t do it.”. “I don’t understanding why Christian couples struggle with doing something that the other spouse doesn’t agree with.”

    You still don’t quite have it figured out yet Lynn. The Bible instructs the wife to submit to her husband in EVERYTHING. There can only be one leader in ANY organization and a family is is no exception. God says the husband in the head (the boss) and the wife is to yield her will to his will in EVERYTHING. That is the only kind of marriage that honors God and will ultimately yield the best outcome.

    “Peace and respect in marriage is so much better…” You are 100% correct with that statement but that can only come when the wife obeys God and submits to her husband in EVERYTHING (except sin).

  30. Hi there, Carmen, I had a friend who went through this for a couple of years in the end her family was so sleep deprived she went to a Doctor and said help they ran tests and found out the little boy had Autism…fast forward a few years and this little guy is functioning quite well – please I am not saying this is your little guy I just think it maybe worth looking into it!
    You are in my prayers precious Mama!❤❤❤

  31. Teann, I agree with you. Obedience is the form, submission is the substance. If a woman is obeying her husband so he doesn’t beat her, well, he definitely has obedience, but no submission. If she knows she won’t get caught, she’ll do whatever she wants. Submission is about trusting your spouse to love you like He loves the Church. Which means I obey my husband even when I know he will have no idea whether or not I did. Submission is so much more than obedience.

  32. He comes across as bitter, although I can see how that would happen and I do have a measure of compassion toward him. But to tell his wife she’s not welcome in their bed unless she gives him sex is harsh and unloving. I’d be interested to know the wife’s side of the story.
    Did he live with her in an understanding way, giving honor to her as the weaker vessel, remembering they’re heirs *together* of the grace of life? (1 Peter 3:7) Did he realize that after birth women have all kinds of hormones and pain and fears? She shouldn’t have carried on the way she did, but I wonder if his attitude toward her pushed her away until they were both angry toward one another? I mean, if you’d rather sleep near your son than your husband, that makes me think the husband was pretty horrible to be around. But that’s just my take as a wife and mom.

    Not excusing the wife at all, but I’m not excusing the husband either.
    Husbands and wives both have commands in the Bible, not the wife only.

    And if he is to be a leader in the home, and if he is to exemplify Christ to the church by giving himself up for her, then he should lead in the ways of sacrificial love, mercy, gentleness, compassion and forgiveness.
    Hopefully, his tender example would draw her toward obedience.

  33. Honestly, reading that story, I just think the relationship between the mom and the son was really unhealthy, sort of emotionally incestious even. Like the father said, the boy was in the place where the father belonged. I say this with sincere sadness and no malice at all, but that woman probably raised a dysfunctional momma’s boy, not a real man. I feel so sorry for the boy.

  34. If you look up the Greek word that is translated ‘harsh’ in Colossians 3:19 it looks like a better interpretation of it is to become bitter with them. The husband could be wrong in his view of her, which does seem to have an element of bitterness. I would challenge the husband in this case that he is not living up to his responsibility to guide his wife away from sin (Ephesians 5:26). The wife is sinning against God and her husband and since the marriage is worth protecting I’d start with removing things that keep perpetuating the sin. This won’t be received well at first, so he’ll need to be skillful and so long as he’s loving but unflappable in his biblical role as husband things will change.

  35. I actually agree to an extent that both spouses are in the wrong. The wife was definately in the wrong initially, no doubt about that whatsoever. But, as far as I can tell, the issue of the wife sharing a bed with her son stopped 5 years ago. So, she is not doing much wrong now, I think? The author does not really mention anything except for their sex life but he doesn’t really even blame that for the demise of their marriage.

    The emotions must have settled a bit since five years ago. It’s counterproductive to still condition the wife sleeping in the bedroom with sex. She probably does not feel loved or protected since she can only sleep in her husband’s bed under certain conditions. The husband even says he is indifferent towards his wife and unwilling to do the work to save the marriage. The wife definately send their marriage down the wrong path by her own actions but the husband is not doing much leading to return to the right path.

  36. Obedience is an action.
    Submission is an attitude.
    Wives must obey their husbands, yes. Husband asks wife not to do something. But if she obeys with a bitter attitude and grudgingly is she obedient? Perhaps. Submissive? Hardly.
    Submission calls us to a higher level, an attitude of the heart. Bending and bowing to our husband’s will and wishes, preferences and plans-spoken and unspoken. Fulfilling. Fellowship. Friendship. Fireworks. Even fun…

  37. I gotta agree with you on that, Kevin. The wife is clearly in the wrong. I’m just shaking my head reading this, makes no sense.

  38. What’s the specific problem being discussed here? Is it the husband not being able to sleep with the baby in the bed or is it lack of physical intimacy due to the baby being in the bed?

    2+ years now of wife sleeping in another room with the baby. From male perspective it can feel like contemporary marriage exists to make women happy with the husband’s role being that of walking ATM machine and free/safe babysitter.

  39. While this is true, the statement needs to be expounded upon. Leadership is a subset of biblical headship. The majority of the time they go hand in hand, but at times they do not. Ideally, the husband implements his headship role, guiding his family towards Christ. His family follows him and he is a leader. In the case presented in the article, the husband can still exercise his headship role because God gave him that authority as a husband. He’s not a leader because no one is following him, but he still can exercise his headship by doing everything he can to point his family towards God’s design for marriage and family.

  40. What a timely blog post! I just gave birth to our firstborn, early, and what a blessing from the Lord!! But life has changed and we need to figure out this whole parenting thing and how long the child should be in our bedroom, etc.. Great wisdom is needed for this job..

  41. I don’t know who this is, but I had the original “A mom” title, and I can tell you that this is NOT my experience. I trained my children to sleep in the crib. They did sleep with us for about six weeks or so, but that was it — they learned early on that the crib was their bed. My husband insisted our bedroom door remain open so that we could hear them. I told him I had a schedule and I wouldn’t forget to feed them — no matter. As you know, our sex life, never great from the start, deteriorated steadily. I was always available. I was rebuked and scolded if I longed for time with him. As time went on and the children grew older, that was one factor in the cessation of all intimacy between us — the kids would hear and it would be a cause of scandal.

    So, I would have to say that Lori saying “obey your husband” when HE is the one who insists on co-sleeping? I don’t know. I know my feelings for my husband now mirror those in the post — if my husband left, I would not be sorry. I feel completely indifferent. I was a means to an end. I know that, I’ve accepted that, and I just take it one day at a time. To just knee-jerk say that the wife is to obey her husband if he wants to co-sleep and the wife doesn’t — I think that’s a little short-sighted.

    I’ve gone from hoping, to pain, to anguish, to bitterness, to acceptance — and with acceptance has come indifference. I fail to see how that’s benefitted anybody.

  42. Your comment upset me but then I thought about it. My poor fiancé/sons father has been sleeping alone for the past 2 years. Our son is 4.

    It started with him getting rotavirus, so dad went to the couch because he wakes up frequently & smokes anyways. Then our babys room was too too hot. Then the toddler bed was too small/uncomfortable.

    We went out as a family & bought a bed for his room. I’m working on transferring out of there and get back to bed with my man where I belong. We still have sex BUT we would have much more if I was with him at night.

  43. Wise and wonderful words, Michaela! Thank-you! Especially appreciate the last 3 lines.
    KJV New Testament says more then once, “wives submit.” It also says more then once, “children obey.” Never “wives obey” or “children submit” to my knowledge. (Although at times the words obey or obedient are used referring to wives.) God’s Word prevails.

  44. Somehow it’s like everyone forgot how he got to that point of bitterness in the first place. People don’t just act or react in anyway for no reason at all. He dealt with this issue for 11 years (his son was 11 years old). He has in every right to feel the way he feels because everyone has felt that way in there lives.

  45. You can’t expect someone to just love and desire you with nothing in return. Sex is very important to a man. It may sound selfish to women and wives but if you think about it. He chose to have sex with you and only you for the rest of his entire life. He chose to put you on a pedestal. You want love, compassion, intimacy and desire from him but expect to give nothing. You can’t expect a flower to grow without clearing the weeds and watering it. You can’t expect clothes, food and shelter without money and you can’t expect money without working. You are also responsible for your part, not just the husband.

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