The Jezebel Profile

The Jezebel Profile

Written By Debi Pearl

Every day I read many letters from women who are having trouble in their marriage. I also receive letters from women testifying of the victory they have received and of healing that has occurred.

I have developed a lot of insight through reading these testimonies of successes and failures. My husband and I have searched the Scriptures to find answers for the many domestic issues that are presented to us.

The causes of marital failure are many and varied. There is no one cause or single issue. The man is at fault just as much as the woman, but it is nearly always the woman who seeks answers. Men just go to work and learn to live with it—or flee from it. Women ask, “What can I do to heal my marriage?” I am a woman. Men don’t usually ask me for advice—which is as it should be. So I speak to women, and for that I am often accused of being one-sided. Women ask, “Why do you always blame the women; what about the men?” So to the women I say, you cannot change 100% of the marriage, but you can change 50% of it, and that may improve your marriage by 200%.

Our readers are a unique group. They are spiritually minded, church going, Bible believing, mostly homeschooling, and very family centered in perspective. This profile lends itself to several unique sources of irritation to the marriage. Your letters and testimonies have enabled us to identify one of the most common problem on the woman’s side. It is the Jezebel spirit.

When the name Jezebel comes to mind, most of us see the painted face of a seductively dressed woman gazing into the eyes of a man who lacks good sense. The Bible portrays Jezebel in a different light.

Revelation 2:20 says that Jezebel “calleth herself a prophetess,” and men received her as a teacher. This was given as a warning to the church. The one whom you have received as a spirit filled teacher comes to you in the great tradition of Jezebel. We have observed that many wives have stalled their half of the marriage by assuming the spiritual headship of the home. They would teach their husbands. But consider 1 Cor. 14:34-35,

“Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

I went back to I Kings to see what the Bible had to say about this woman Jezebel. The first thing I noticed was that Jezebel was more religious than her husband. She was spiritually intense. The Bible says in 1 Cor 11:3, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” As a woman, our place is under our husband, especially in the spiritual realm. Regardless of our circumstances, when we take the spiritual lead, we have stepped out from under our head. We have tried to rearrange God’s designated place for us. We are no longer in God’s will.

The second thing I observed was that Ahab was emotionally volatile—unstable. Is your husband prone to retreat? Is he bitter, angry, or depressed? When a woman takes the lead, she is playing the masculine role. Unless her husband fights her for supremacy, he must assume second place. And men who are forced into spiritual subjection to their wives tend to be angry and retreat like Ahab.

The third thing I noticed was that she used his emotional stress to endear herself to him—strange way of lording over the husband. Jezebel manipulated and accused an innocent man, then had him murdered so that Ahab might have the vineyard he wanted. Ahab kept his face to the wall and let her do her dark deeds. Today, if a woman is willing to play her husband’s role in directing the family, he will lose his natural drive to bear responsibility.

In the dominant role, a woman quickly becomes emotionally and physically exhausted. God made us the weaker vessels. If you are in this exhausted state, then chances are you’re carrying a load not meant for you. It is not for you to press your husband to do his duty to be spiritual. You are to live joyfully in the context he provides.

The fourth thing that jumped out at me was that Ahab could easily be manipulated by his wife to suit her purposes. Jezebel used him to set up images as aids to worship under her own prophets and to kill God’s prophets. Often, a man becomes involved in the Church, not because God has called him or because it is in his heart to do so, but because he is trying to please his wife and at least LOOK spiritual. When a husband steps into a spiritual role at his wife’s beckoning, he becomes vulnerable to her guidance in that role.

This is against nature, and often brings conflict in the family and in the church.
Ahab chose not to notice when his wife worked behind the scenes. Many men turn their heads when they see their wives stepping out of their God-given role. These men would rather not have to deal with the stone-cold anger they would receive from their wives if they offered any resistance. Have you been there, done that?

Jezebel knew that she was not the rightful head, so she invoked her husband’s name to give her word authority. Did you ever say, “Oh, my husband will not let me do that,” when you knew in truth he really would not care? It is a way to maintain control and stop those who would question you. When a woman does this, she stops any ministry God has to her.

Jezebel was deeply concerned about spiritual matters and took steps to help promote her spiritual leaders. In the process, she provoked her husband to destroy those in spiritual authority she did not like. Have you ever influenced your husband to think evil of those in authority because you did not like something about them? When a woman comes to this place she might as well sign her name “Jezebel.”

God has a plan for women. He revealed his will in many verses in clear, concise commands. He gives a revealing picture of what he abhors in a woman by introducing us to Jezebel, then reaffirming in the New Testament just what it was about her character that he found so despicable.

He reveals his will in a positive note in the stories of the women whom he honored. The story of Ruth tells of a young girl who had known tragedy, extreme poverty, and hard menial work, yet she maintained a positive, thankful, and submissive attitude. God blessed Ruth because her own personal success and happiness were not the driving forces in her life.

Esther is the story of a girl who lost all of her family and was taken by force to become the wife of an older, divorced, heathen man. She was put (by her husband’s decree) in danger of losing her own life as well as the lives of all her people. Yet, she overcame her circumstances and her fear in order to honor her husband. The Scripture teaches that when her husband heard her honest appeal, delivered with gracious dignity, she won his heart, and he turned to save her people. God used Esther because God’s will was more important to her than her own fulfillment.

Proverbs 31 defines the virtuous woman. She is NOT a mousy, voiceless prude. She is confident, hard working, creative, and resourceful. She uses her time wisely. Her first virtue is that the heart of her husband is safe with her. It says that she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. That is, he can trust her with his thoughts and feelings, never fearing that she might use the private knowledge she has of him to hurt him in any way. Some men maintain a distance from their wives because if they reveal themselves, their wives will use it against them when they are out of sorts.

If this passage had been written from our modern perspective, it would have extolled her for having a “quiet time,” prayer time, fellowship time, and would have projected an image of a prayer warrior, teacher, or counselor. In all the Scriptural profiles of righteous women, including Proverbs 31, none of those concepts are even mentioned. A Proverbs 31 woman is busy helping her husband become successful. She is too busy being productive to spend time being his conscience. In our culture, we have lost a clear understanding of what constitutes a virtuous woman. We have accepted the modern concept of the “spiritual” woman, circulating in the realm of religious power, and have forgotten that God does not see them in this same “glorious” light. What we think is spiritual, God labels “Jezebel.” “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD (Isa. 55:8).”

In order to become a righteous woman, reaping the benefits of having our man adore us, we must follow God’s principles of womanhood and totally reject the Jezebel tendency. God laid down a few simple rules that must be followed because they are consistent with our feminine nature and the nature of men. It was Ruth’s virtuous and humble, yet feminine, bold example that caused Boaz to love and admire her. It was Esther’s submission to this principle that won the King’s love and appreciation for her as a woman and as his queen. These women showed themselves womanly and lovable in the midst of extreme circumstances. God honored them with favor from the men in their lives.

Dominance and control are always masculine. It is a hormonal thing. It is the way God designed male nature. It is important for a woman to understand that she has to be feminine (devoid of dominance and control) in order for her man to view her as his exact counterpart and thus respond to her protectively, with love and gentleness.

God designed us, so he knows what our husbands need in order to function properly in their roles as men who cherish the woman in their life. By nature, men need honor (this includes not questioning their decisions). They need respect (treated as if they are wise). They need reverence (daily admired as a man who is accomplishing great things). They need to be accepted for who and what they are, just like they are. Men need to feel they are in command and doing a good job.

An important part of man is a God-given, natural instinct to bring his wife pleasure. If a woman is to be greatly treasured she will choose to find pleasure in the way the man presents himself and his care. All these traits are basic masculine needs. We were created as a helpmeet to the man we married, fulfilling who and what he is. This is God’s will for us as women. When we as women obey God by responding to the needs of our husband, we are worshipping and honoring God. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man (1 Cor. 11:9).”

God created you to fulfill your husband’s basic masculine needs. Only in that role will you find peace and cause your man to respond to you in loving adoration. This role of submission is totally feminine. It is the exact counterpart for his masculine needs. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen 2:18).”

A woman who criticizes her husband for watching too much TV no longer honors him. When a woman tries to control areas of their life together because she thinks she is right, she is usurping authority over him, and lording over him. A depressed, discontented woman, who feels that her husband does not meet her needs, is dishonoring God.

Hurt feelings are a way to control. Silence and emotional retreat are ugly, destructive ways to control both your husband and your children. Anger, sickness, exhaustion, and even fear are all used to control those you care about. Some women control their husband by having an intense spiritual hunger. Jezebel comes in many disguises.

There are many various and subtle ways to control and direct your husband. One of the ways to take control is to tell your husband that you want him to be the spiritual leader in the home and then let him know that you are waiting to follow. You can lead from behind just by clearing your throat at the right moment. Many nice homeschooling moms are the spiritual leaders in their homes. They play the masculine role spiritually.

How this must grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Often the excuse is that we cannot serve two masters, and since our husband is carnal, we have to take the higher ground. Like Eve, we are so deceived. “And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression (1 Tim 2:14).”

A man cannot cherish a strong woman who has expressed her displeasure with him and is holding out until he fulfills her ideal. You say he should have Christ’s love. Is that what you want? Do you want your husband to have to seek supernatural power just to find a way to love you? What most men cherish in their wives is the memory when love was fun and free, with no demands—the time when she smiled at him with a sweet, girlish, “I think you are wonderful” look. She was so feminine then, so much the woman. It was a time when he wanted to hold her just because she was his, a time when he wanted to give her everything. A vague memory keeps him hoping.

He is as disappointed in love as you are, maybe more. He is just as lonely. He just fills up his loneliness doing things that will distract him from the reality of the emptiness he knows is there but does not know how to fix. His help meet is not pleased with him. He is a loser.

The very first command God gave to a woman was, “Thy desire shall be unto thy husband and he shall rule over thee” (Gen. 3:16). Is your desire toward your husband? Do you desire him as a man? Do you live to please him? Does he rule over you? This is God’s will.

Being a Jezebel is an active role—actively controlling, actively doing our own thing. Being a Ruth or an Esther is just as active. It is a decision we make hundreds of times each day as we choose to joyfully honor our husbands.

God’s reward is without measure. Men are like clay in the hands of a woman whom they can trust with their hearts. A man, lost or saved, responds to a woman who honors him. When a woman looks to her husband with a face that is full of laughter and delight, he will look forward to being with her. If her voice speaks words of thanksgiving and joyful appreciation of him, he will want to listen to her. If her actions are full of service and creativity, and if she has goodwill towards him, he will be drawn to her as a bee is to honey. This kind of lady is altogether feminine. She is what God created and gave to Adam.

Deep in our heart we all want the same thing. We all want to be loved and cherished. We all cry out with our utmost being to be treasured in the heart of our husbands. It is the greatest honor on earth to know your husband is thrilled that you are his woman. It passes all of earth’s blessings to feel his gaze upon you and know that you are his greatest gift, his most prized possession, his best friend, his favorite pastime, his only chum, and his delight as a lover. It is a great joy to know that he is actually proud you are his. It is not remembering birthdays, opening the door of a car, or other silly customs that we crave, it is the knowledge that he is totally taken with us. We want him to want us. We simply want to be loved. It is God’s perfect will for our husbands to love us. It is God’s perfect will for us to honor, obey and reverence our husbands. God’s way works. If what you are doing this year has not worked, why not go God’s way?

For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 
1 Corinthians 11:7-9

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28 thoughts on “The Jezebel Profile

  1. This really spoke to me today. I needed to read it, now I need to set aside my pride and fear and apply it. Thank you.

  2. I felt exactly like Belshazzar. “TEKEL: You have been weighed in the balances, and found wanting.” This was sobering, thank you for posting it, I’m going to have to reread this.

  3. I often wonder why the “church” enables the jezebel mentality. Is it the feminization of the church? It seems these days women are owed by their husbands but women owe their men nothing in the eyes of the church. I have watched several “christian” marriages where the men are treated as ATMs and servants.

  4. This is why we need the fellowship of the believers. I’m reading this post thinking, I have studied this, truly believe this, want to make sure I am not going down that path and yet I do mess up in this area!! Then I read the sweet, honest comments of Katrina and M and smile, we are truly always learning aren’t we? Thank you Lori for this reminder.

  5. Ok so after I read this I got into a huge fight with my husband….

    He wanted to watch Ali Wong a comedian. She’s very funny but there’s bad things mixed in with her funny which is why she has a tv show.

    So we watched and all was good until she started pushing the Political Agenda of Maternity Leave. Of which I started grumbling that women should be stay at home wives and mothers and blah blah

    And then my husband hit the fan and said Why can’t I just shut up and let him enjoy watching the tv show.

    Husband: “Why do you have to always rant about every little thing?”

    Me: “Why does Ali Wong get to lecture me and my husband…why is it all great when she gets first center stage in the living room…but I can’t say anything EVER?”

    So…Lori….Fix this.


  6. Ua, I understand why you felt you had to comment. However if you had to do so, it should of waited till after the show and then it would of been a ‘she’ s a very funny woman, however I disagree with some of her views’. And leave it at that. Leave further explination if he asks. Otherwise, leave it be. I would suggest you approach your husband and make an apology, that you should of handled it better. And make a point of not doing it again. Lori may have a different opinion. But that’s what I would of done. ?

  7. Wow this article really hit home. I definitely am always behind me husband in the big decisions, but I really feel convicted of the day to day things. He has a very demanding job and need to do a better job of honoring him in his late hours and not feeling sorry for myself or hint that he should take a less demanding job. I know this but I really need to daily surrender my own agenda and expectations and praise his hard work and enjoy our time and life together.

  8. I really liked this. But I have a question. If the man is not currently attending church, and has once again lost the battle of addiction, and is bringing evil influences into the home, how can he be the spiritual leader of the home/wife? What is a wife and mother supposed to do in this situation?

  9. This is a lovely write up. I am truly blessed by this and the truth is I didn’t realise I am guilty of controlling and been manipulating in some areas of my marriage. I need the help of the Holy Spirit in this area. It is my utmost desire to please my Heavenly Father. Thanks Lori.

  10. I don’t believe the Bible would quite yet define me as an “older woman” but from secondhand observation I can share with you what I’ve seen. This situation isn’t exactly like the one you mentioned because the man didn’t struggle with addiction but had affairs. His wife was truly the kindest woman I have ever met. That is not an exaggeration, I still talk about her (I was just talking about her yesterday) and how she stood out and she has been dead for about 13 years. Her husband died about 9 years ago now.

    She became a Christian as an adult and her husband kept down his path. (As this is secondhand I can only tell you from what was observed from the “outside”). But she continued being kind to him, always kinder and sweeter than he deserved and kinder than she even felt at times. In fact her oldest grandchild who spent a lot of time with them said he only ever heard her speak one unkind word about anything, she called her husband a stubborn man after she left his presence and was walking down the hall past the room in which her grandson was in at the time. Other than that she was always kind. As far as spiritual leadership, he never stepped up to the plate. In her situation he never stood in her way from attending church so she would happily go together with her family every Sunday. In the home she continued to allow him to make all the decisions (and he had a history of not making the wisest decisions financially and otherwise). But he lost jobs (punched his boss in the jaw and broke it one time and moved a lot). She had to work and every time he uprooted the family she had to find another job. But still she was kind to him. Her children who are grandparents themselves now can attest to the fact that she was always kind to their father. They never even knew about his affairs until they were adults because their mother showed nothing but kindness.

    As an old man he mellowed quite a bit and clung to his wife. He deferred to her and loved her so much. He still didn’t become a Christian though so still wasn’t a spiritual leader but because of his wife’s Godly behavior he believed the Church was a positive thing. She ended up dying during a surgery in her mid seventies. He was absolutely broken. None of the women he had affairs with looked as good as she acted towards him. One even wanted to renew their relationship after the death of his wife but he had no interest.

    He never did become a spiritual leader in their family but until the day of her death his wife still deferred to him in all things. Four days before he died he repented of his years of kicking against the goads and was baptized into Christ. The biggest influence on him was his Godly wife. She was a personal gift from God to this man. That is what I believe the situation is for the backsliding, addicted man. God loves him so much that He sent him a Godly wife to convict his heart by her kind and quiet demeanor.

  11. I really resonated with what you said in your comment UA. I often find myself getting really irritated when my husband listens to podcasts or watches TV shows where there are liberal biases or propaganda. I really don’t want him to get infected with all that evil. But I also realize I’m not going to change anything by nagging him about it. I have to trust that he is his own person and he is intelligent and can think for himself and make his own decisions. I don’t need to be the thought police for him and control his opinions. I wouldn’t say anything about it and would just keep putting forward love through my own actions. I know it can be really hard but try to overlook it and focus instead on being a loving wife.

  12. Firstly, You are his wife, not her. Second men thrive on respect. If a wife respects herself and treats him with respect, he will value and cherish her opinion above any other female. If she is a bitter, whining, nagging, disrespectful wife, he will disregard her opinion. Would you want to or be endeared to listen to a boss who treated you the same way? Absolutely not! It would frustrate, annoy, anger and repulse you and you would want to keep your distance,

  13. The post was very insightful, thanks.
    What does the man do to change the situation when in such a relationship that he is being controlled?

  14. a jezebel and an ahab ar ejust as bad as each other. ahabs are weak and easily led types, spineless and timid. those quality traits do not endear us to God. he wants us to be strong and courageous!

    co dependency is a sin- Ahab could have left jezebel but he let her play him. both a totally wicked couple. Naboth and Elijah were the real innocent victims in this story. Ahab types are not victims- they allow themselves to be abused because they are unassertive. nasseriveness is not biblical.

  15. i mean, unassertiveness is not bibilical. i would tell a modern day Ahab type to read a copy of Boundaries by Christian psychologists Drs Cloud and Townsend.

  16. This morning your message , is profoundly true. My wife always uses our marriage as a vehicle for her own will. She wants things her way. Her advise to others is meant to make her look holy. I do not enjoy being around her, I am okay with sleeping on the couch. I observe the sabbath day 7 rest,everyday she fills with stuff she wants to do and expects me to go along with it. I am no longer interested in listening to her at all.

  17. Carmen, would greatly appreciate if you can e mail me details about that book. Unable to find it. sam1827@protonmail. com

  18. Thank you for clarification and ability to see exactly what I have been dealing with as a husband for over 30 years. I once had a councelor describe my wife as a Jezabel.
    1. Can never please her or meet her expectations. And, just when you think you met her demands, the bar is raised so I fail.
    2. She is never wrong and never takes responsibility.
    3. Withholds intamacy as a form of punishment.
    4. Constantly angry, bitter, depressed, worried.
    5. Spends an enormous amount of time reading her Bible and praying against me and my business.
    I’ll stop there. We have been to councelors numerous times. The sessions usually only last 3 – 4 times and then “We are not here to discuss me but we are here to fix him”.

  19. Lori – I am amazed at the wisdom of God in your post and your courage to share it. This is not a popular message but a critically needed one. There is an absolute crisis with troubled marriages in the Church because MOST Christian leaders are either ignorant or too afraid to embrace the truths you shared from scripture regarding the GOD ORDAINED roles for husbands and wives. Instead, the Church has adopted the world’s views in subtle ways where there is no distinction in gender roles AS GOD has designed and ordained them.

    The root of that crisis is that a husband’s GOD GIVEN authority and GOD’S COMMAND to wives to submit to his authority inevitably takes a back seat to the idol of endlessly pleasing his wife in exchange for her FUTURE promise to obey her husband once “her trust is established”; i.e. “well, I’ll submit to him when he starts laying down his life for me as Christ did for the Church”. But that day NEVER COMES because in spite of his best effort to love her IT’S NEVER ENOUGH for her to KEEP HER VOWS to abandon herself to him in the love of submission.

    Many marriage counselors excuse this by exalting the need for trust OVER and ABOVE obedience to God’s word, but in doing so they have opened the door to jezebel and even enthroned that devil over those marriages because they are exalting a woman’s need for her husband’s love and affection over and above OBEDIENCE TO GOD. It’s an extremely diabolical and cleverly designed scheme of satan that keeps couples in endless fights and confusion because inevitably, satan will endlessly stoke a woman’s fear by frequently getting her to relive the pain and scars of childhood hurts.

    This keeps her in an endless vicious cycle of rejection, pain and fear because without the power of the cross, she will NEVER break that cycle – NO MATTER HOW loving her husband is. Many women become miserable tyrants, not understanding that demons are actually manifesting through their emotions, wrecking and destroying the marriage. OBEDIENCE to God’s word by submitting to their husbands blocks jezebel’s influence and opens the door to God’s redemptive power in Christ, even when her husband is not obeying God as he should in his ministry to her.

    Marriage counselors who refuse to teach and hold couples accountable to what SCRIPTURE teaches and COMMANDS regarding God’s divine order and obedience to it in marriage are FALSE TEACHERS. Ignorance is no more an excuse for this than it would be if a Pastor ignored his God given responsibility to admonish his flock to obey what is CLEARLY written in scripture on any other issue such embracing purity and abstaining from fornication etc. A powerful, purifying shaking is coming to the Church in regards to this issue. While God didn’t show me just exactly how it would manifest itself, the time for games is OVER.

    Husbands and wives had better get serious with God and repent of disobeying GOD’S DIVINE ORDER. There is a lovely, warm comforting ocean of love, mercy, forgiveness and grace to those who repent with all their heart and follow God’s way. But in this shaking, there will be those who will not “endure sound doctrine” but will chase after marriage counselors who will tell them what they want to hear. This will only lead them deeper and deeper into deception. But for those who will obey, their marriages will be HEAVEN ON EARTH.

  20. Thank you so much for this mind blowing and powerful , bible based article. I’ve been doing extensive study on the Jezebel spirit because I’ve married someone struggling with it and the more I present the word of God the more I’m resisted. Thank you so much for this great read

  21. I gave her time to repent God says; seems you have or going to, keep strong, He loves a repentant heart, he loves you!

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