The Shattered Nature of 21st Century Relationships
This post is a comment from my post called Where Have All the Good Men Gone?
I stumbled upon this blog while doing some research on feminine qualities. Before I address the topic at hand please allow me to comment upon how stunned I am to see such graciousness and civility extended in these comments towards each other, especially given what a acidic topic this is today. Such carefully thought out ideas and replies in this day and age is frankly unheard of. The work of God upon your lives is so evident in how you speak to each other that I am honestly overwhelmed, even a little intimidated for I feel so obliged to emulate you in my own post that I find I’m triple checking what I say!
Now to the topic at hand.
I have now read through every comment on this blog post to date, and may I say it seems each post drips with personal tears and no small amount of pain because of how close to heart this subject is to everyone here. The absolutely shattered nature of 21st century relationships is like a road of broken glass that we are all walking through barefoot.
I will not attempt to cast any specific blame upon men or women simply because there is so much to go around. We are already so far past any one or even a dozen causes of the fracturing of relationships that to add a few more to the already overwhelming list only tastes like ashes. Our sins and failures because of the lies we have believed about men and women have made a wreck of our nation. The problem is now so big its past our ability to solve.
Therefore, we have only one recourse left to us. One only. We must cry out to God, our need of mercy and healing can only be fulfilled by him. Only God can mend wounds as deep as those we have inflicted upon our nation and ourselves.
And the Lord appeared to Solomon by night, and said unto him, I have heard thy prayer, and have chosen this place to myself for an house of sacrifice. If I shut up heaven that there be no rain, or if I command the locusts to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among my people; If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:12-14
25 thoughts on “The Shattered Nature of 21st Century Relationships”
I really appreciate this post. God is the source of life. He brings fulfillment that men and women cannot, as He is the giver of life. He is the one I see working in my children, all of whom are now adults and despite my many mistakes as a father. They seek to serve Him, following His ways as they know He has only their very best for them, which does not mean easy or financially profitable, simply knowing Him and His power in their lives. I have been through financially and emotionally difficult times in life, as well as prosperous and emotionally easy times, but it is God’s presence in my life that makes it fulfilling.
Sometimes we look at the past as though it was some glorious time when things were as they were meant to be. When you think that things are bad now, don’t forget that life and relationships have always been difficult. Consider what happened to the children of poor women if the mother died, which was all too common. Have you heard of the orphan trains? Thousands of American orphans were shipped out to the mid-west where they were “adopted” by farm families. Some were lucky and were treated as family. Others were exploited and became little more than slaves. It’s really a fascinating story. In urban areas, poor children lived on the streets and lived by eating garbage and stealing what they could (the books of Charles Dickens paint a vivid picture of this, and his books come from his own observation, not stories that he was told). Many lives were destroyed by alcoholism and only in the recent past were there things like foodbanks that provide food for the poor wives and children of men who drank their paychecks away. And don’t forget medicine. My maternal grandmother lost a baby to diarrhea and a toddler to a kidney infection, then she lost her husband to a stroke and nearly had to put her two daughters into an orphanage because it was 1929 and everyone, especially women, had a hard time finding employment. Even with our broken relationships, our lives still have the potential for so much less suffering than our ancestors. Look at some of the old Christian hymns. There is a reason why there are themes comparing life to a “vale of tears”, and having to walk this lonesome valley because there was so much suffering. We have so many more safety nets when it comes to alcohol treatment, food insecurity, education and medicine.
This post is about the relationships between men and women, Julia. Of course there’s always been pain and suffering on this planet since the Fall but before radical feminism reared its ugly head in the 60s, families for the most part were intact. Most young women married young and had children since there wasn’t birth control. They stayed home to raise their own children. Women depended upon men for their provision. Divorce was rare. It was shameful for women to become pregnant out of wedlock. Women weren’t having their babies murdered in their wombs. The family unit was intact. It is no longer. Birth rates and marriage have plummeted. It’s devastating.
Yes, in the past, there was great poverty but now there is great poverty in relationships, specifically the family unit.
Your entire argument Is an appeal to anecdote, logical fallacy.
Before you form conclusions, please learn to reason, so you don’t inadvertently deceive the gullible.
The past definitely was a glorious time, you only need to read “Little House on the Prairie”, “Little Women”, Dickens, Tolstoy, or any other period literature which was largely representative of life back then.
Unlike the corrupt and foolish generation of today, they weren’t wasting 78,000 hours watching television, as the average American is today, they didn’t have over 20% of the population on psychotropic drugs, and not only did they not have the military disinformation weapon of the internet, they also didn’t have 70% of the clicks for porn. They also were far better educated on wisdom, virtue, the Bible, and history, for a fraction of the price.
The out of wedlock birth rate in 1947 was 3%, today it’s 40%. Not to mention 110 million Americans have an STD, they had no welfare, income tax, or gun regulations in 1910, and the fertility rate in 1957 was 3.7, today its 1.7. Replacement fertility rate is 2.1.
As for children, even the poor ones were taught morality, which is why poor children like Carnegie and Rockefeller had a chance to work their way up to become anything. Unfortunately, their power corrupted them.
25% of women today are on psychotropic drugs, and women are exploited, enslaved, abused, and harassed at higher rates today than ever before in American history. The left will lie and say this stuff always happened, it wasn’t reported before, but that’s completely false. Simply look at what Weinstein got away with doing to some of the most powerful and wealthy women on earth today, and consider, if he got away with doing that to those women, what is happening to the common woman who isn’t as wealthy or famous?
Also, the rape rate in 1960 was 9/100,000, today it’s officially at 40/100,000, though it’s closer to 100/100,000 because police are cooking the books and men who view porn rarely believe women who claim they were raped or harassed. So, many women learn to bear it and say nothing. It’s less stressful. Yet, you think women today are better off!?! Outrageous!!
You’ve been brainwashed by globalist banker media, schools, and tech companies since birth, and cognitive dissonance will be painful.
Children raised without money, but with love and virtue, are vastly superior to children raised without love and virtue but with money.
“Yes, in the past, there was great poverty but now there is great poverty in relationships, specifically the family unit.”
Extremely well articulated.
Thank you. In my mom’s generation, no one locked their doors at night. Children weren’t stolen like they are today for human trafficking. There weren’t millions of abortions that had been performed. Even in my day, my mom could let us go play outside without worrying about us like mothers do today. Our culture has progressively grown more and more wicked in the same way that Sodom and Gomorrah did. I suggest you read Romans 1, Julia. There is a progression of sin as people “hold the truth in unrighteousness.”
Would this be applicable to what we are seeing in the relationships today????
Matthew 24:12 KJV
And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
There is a lot of sin abounding nowadays and there isn’t much love in relationships. Its more about physical sex and material gain from a relationship than any love.
It also appears to be a lot of demonic oppression and possession going on too.
Sin opens the doorway for Satan to be in your life.
You’re welcome, Lori.
Quite right.
It was a largely innocent world in America just a short time ago. Sin has always been on earth, but we had many wonderful laws banning contraception, abortion, porn, and homosexuality before 1960 in America.
The left, and Julia, do not grasp that virtue is necessary for liberty. They mistake liberty for libertinism.
Unaware of their own corruption, they run around with four by fours in their eyes, frantically trying to reform the specks that were in the eyes of past generations.
Titus 1:15
“Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”
I think it all comes out to being overworked and just burn out in general. A lot of young people have a hard time developing health relationships due to the increased work hours and load put on them. How can a young person start a family if they are too emotional burned out to even date? Even I have a hard time connecting with my husband due to time constraints.
This is why women are to be keepers at home. When each sex knows their God-ordained role, live is much smoother. God’s ways are for a very good purpose.
I have yet to understand why marriage is hard in the first place? I’m not ignorant, I’ve read testimonials of divorcees before, money, infidelity, lack of communication, etc. My question is how does it even get to that point? Mistakes are going to happen, of course, but is it a lack of forgiveness? Care? Companionship? Honesty? And what are newlyweds and other married couples supposed to be watching out for in order to protect their marriage?
Say you not, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for you do not inquire wisely concerning this.
Ecclesiastes 7:10
I think each generation has enough sins to account for without comparing, for good or ill. We should continually hold the standard of God’s word in front of us (at least us Christians) and use that as our mirror.
Yes, this verse is often to used to discount former days that seemed better than the present days but just take a close look at Romans 1 and also what God says about the end times, “Perilous times will come…” (2 Tim. 3:1). So, yes, cultures can and do grow more wicked just as Sodom and Gomorrah did. America used to not be as nearly wicked as it is now with the exception of slavery which many Americans gave their lives to stop.
A simpler version of that verse from 2 Chronicles is on the side of Highway14 (I think) going into Mojave, CA. I used to pass it regularly on the way to visit relatives living in the high desert. It said, “If my people bow their heads and pray to me, then I will heal their land.” I looked forward to seeing it.
As for relationships, my friend attended a wedding last summer. I can’t remember if I posted this at the time, but the couple’s vows included NOT “…until death do us part” BUT INSTEAD, “…as long as our love shall endure.” Much easier to justify an out since one is clearly written in. I know several women who have left their husbands for reasons like that. “I just don’t love him anymore.” I didn’t understand it in my 20s and I don’t understand any better now that I’m married 26+ yrs. and in my 50s.
My observances lead me to believe that this is the result of children being raised in the “me” mindset. MY happiness is the most important, what I want supersedes everything, I should be able to have a Mc Mansion, a BMW, & weekly manicures because I deserve them even if we only earn $50k per year, Me, Me, Me. I see it in short when I’m waiting for someone to back out of a parking spot and the car behind can’t wait 5 seconds, but instead blows around both of us nearly crashing and running over pedestrians. And I’ve heard it when a woman announces, “My husband is going to kill me when he finds out I just spent the mortgage money on that purse….but I just HAD to have it” and she giggles with her friends. My husband has heard men say similar things about riding mowers, etc.
I think it is selfishness. Instead of expecting 100/100, people expect 50/50, and when one doesn’t fulfill the expectations, divorce results as loving feelings wane and “s/he should have”‘s take over. What we feed our minds is important.
Who we surround ourselves with is also important. Often when a close friend gets divorced, the other couple does too within a few years. And many affairs happen btwn “best” friends’ spouses. Character matters.
Also, changed visions. When one spouse walks away from Christ and into new age beliefs, they are no longer compatible and the one who feels “enlightened” usually walks out to seek an enlightened soul mate.
I’ve seen Christian marriages survive adultery, but it’s rare. It’s easy to walk away today. Friends and family encourage it. Divorce is often quick and easy, especially if no kids or large assets.
So my two cents is to be careful what you say, see, read, watch, do, and who you surround yourself with. Put your spouse’s needs and wishes ahead of your own. If both do this, selfishness won’t take root.
I don’t think all marriages are hard. And even “hard” marriages aren’t *always* hard.
I’m married to a man with addictions and a diagnosed personality disorder and my marriage is very difficult, but we have also had some incredibly good times.
After 18 years of marriage, I’ve discovered ours goes in cycles – we seem to have about 5 great years, then several difficult ones, then it comes right again. It’s sticking together through those tough times that matters. Choosing to love, enduring, and leaning on the Lord for strength and comfort get me through even the worst of times.
Kak how have you managed addiction in your marriage? Has there been any breakthrough with addiction? Personality disorders and mental health issues follow from drug use so I ask specifically about drug use. The 5 year cycle is an addictive cycle, what is the breakthrough that brings the good period and how to make it last?
Lots of prayer is the only thing that gets me through.
Yes, there have been breakthroughs over the years – my husband turns back to God and follows Jesus again, coming to church with me, and he beats his addictions completely. But then…. something happens. I don’t know. He stops reading and praying. And he’s deep in addiction again.
The catalyst for the breakthrough is separation.
I know that goes contrary to Lori’s teaching, and for that reason she may not publish this comment, but that is the honest truth. It gets to the point where it is so bad I just can’t take it any more, we separate, he comes to his senses, and we reconcile. I don’t know how to make it last, though. We have just come through the end of another bad patch of the cycle and things are slowly starting to improve. But I don’t have any answers, sorry. I’m just kinda bumbling my way through, relying on the Lord’s strength, and praying a lot.
KAK, have you ever heard of a book called the Love Code? This book radically transformed mine and my husband’s life and I highly recommend it to people, especially ones that have a history of falling into bad habits that they seem to be unable to break.
I was raised in a pretty awful environment and as a 25 year old wife and stay at home mom I have been reading your blog off and on for a couple months. I find your posts very soothing and reassuring. I always felt insecure about being a stay at home wife. Before my son was born the twice divorced neighbor across the street constantly asked “what I did all day”. After the birth of my son I became more confident in my role at home. I enjoy being home and spend 90% of my time here. My husband works insane hours and being a housewife was the best thing for our family (even pre-baby). I tend to do everything here so when my husband comes home we get to just be together.
My husband entrust alot of things to me and we work very well as partners in life. He asks my opinions on things and trusts my judgment. I was not raised in a Godly home by any means but find myself drawn to it as an adult. While i dont study or understand the bible, your posts about God intending me to be a keeper at home really help me be purposeful throughout my day. I agree that feminist sold women a bill of lies and pretty much every working woman I know is absolutely miserable and would be much so much happier at home, despite their six figure salaries.
My question for you ladies is this: while being a stay at home wife do you see anything wrong with me being included in decision making or being entrusted with so much. It seems what my husband (who is a completely secure man and a wonderful leader) includes me in is outside what you think is ok. Im having a hard time phrasing this but if my marriage is extremely happy with literally no arguing whatsoever can being equal partners be ok ? I see the posts and comments on submission to make the marriage happier but what if it is ALWAYS happy. I guess I’m confused on how much women “should” be allowed to control and if 2 people can be leaders together what the “issue” with that is. Thanks again!
There’s nothing wrong with you being included in decision making but I am sure there are times when you disagree with each other. Who decides then? This is when the husband is to decide since the wife is to be submissive to the husband in everything.
Thank you for replying so fast! I rarely diagree with my husband so I guess that settles that! I look forward to studying biblical womenhood more in depth. I live in the suburbs of NYC and the culture here is very intolerant to the way I live my life but I am by far the happiest woman I know. My marriage and quality of life is far superior to the majority of women here and I truly believe that is because I am a “keeper of the home” and I thank you for your posts encouraging women to pursue this life. As a wife and mother raised in a place that is a bit loose on morals (to put it nicely) I am glad for blogs like yours to read and reaffirm my position and to learn the things the people around here have long forgotten. Thank you again!
You’re welcome!