“Hi Mrs. Alexander! I love the message you’re spreading! I’m a girl in college whose ultimate life goal is to become a godly wife, mother, and a keeper at home. What qualities do you suggest I look for in a husband to ensure a long and happy marriage? Thanks!”
I taught my daughters to look for a man who loved the Lord deeply and was a hard worker. I asked the women in the chat room how they would respond and here are some of their answers.
“Look for fruit. It is easy to say, ‘I love God,’ or ‘I work hard,’ but one mistake a lot of people make is they get swept up in the attraction and the nice words and fail to see the red flags of a fruitless person.
“Make sure he shows you his dedication to God, his hard work, his kindness and patience, his willingness to keep you pure for marriage, and his desire to live contrary to the world.”
“He needs to be a good provider that will hold down a good job, a good Christ man with a good heart that wants a wife like you and wants his wife to be home full time with the children. He should walk the walk and talk the talk!
“Avoid any man with obvious signs of abusive behaviors, either verbal, physical, obviously, and manipulative/gas lighting towards you. Those are big red flags and I say this from a place of love and past experiences; avoid men who show these tendencies.”
“It’s very important to assess potential husbands for good and godly character – not just what they say but what they believe and what they live every day. There are many aspects of good character but here are some of them: trustworthy and honest, chaste, joyful and content, diligent, principled (willing to stand up for what they believe and not give in to peer pressure or their own desires), patient, kind, and self-controlled.
“On the flip side, there are red flags to look for that indicate bad character. Here are some of those: angry or temperamental, easily swayed by the opinions of others or cultural trends, impatient, lazy, cruel or hateful, presenting a false appearance to cover up flaws, hypocritical, self-indulgent.”
“Definitely look at the fruit he bears and how long has he been following Christ. What kinds of jokes does he laugh at/tell, what kinds of movies does he watch and think are good/funny and why? What kind of music does he listen to? All of this will tell you a LOT about a person. Also, what does he spend his money and time on? Observe all of this without him knowing it. Then look for the fruits of the spirit: honesty, strength in godly character and a good work ethic.”
“I wish I had considered the importance of marrying someone who thought big families were admirable and that me staying home was a top priority, and that he would trust God with finances from the get-go while being willing to be the sole provider without help from me. I know men who know and understand that’s how it should be even when they are single and don’t have a family yet.”
“One thing I’ll add to the great input above – look for a man who is respected and admired by your family and the Christian community you are a part of. Many times, when women marry men they shouldn’t, it was due to them isolating themselves and staying with a man against their family’s or community’s advice and counsel. Others can see things that you can’t. (By no means is this the only characteristic you should base your judgment on, but the opinion of your Christian community is an important part of marriage. We are not meant to be individualistic and make such important decisions alone.)”
I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.
1 John 2:14