Wifely Submission as it is Fit in the Lord

Wifely Submission as it is Fit in the Lord

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). I love reading and studying the Word every morning. Something new always gets my attention and yesterday morning “as it is fit in the Lord” popped out at me so I looked to see what Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible had to say about this phrase. (You can’t imagine, well yes you can, how much women fight us on this biblical concept!)

“…as it is fit in the Lord; that is, Christ, as the Syriac version reads it. Subjection of wives to their own husbands is ‘fit’ and proper in its own nature, by reason of the original creation of man, and of the woman from him: man was made first, and then the woman; and the woman was made out of the man, out of one of his ribs; and so, though not to be trampled under his feet, but to be by his side, and an help meet to him, yet not to be head, or to rule over him.”

I love this! There is so much in creation that shows the clear order between men and women. Man was made first for a reason. God created man in His own image (So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him – Genesis 1:27) and then saw that man needed a help meet, not an equal (meaning same) but someone who could help him in life by making his life better, easier, and more enjoyable. Do you make your husband’s life better, easier, and more enjoyable? Women were not created to be the head over men or rule them. It’s out of God’s created order and is not fit in the Lord, so it will never produce good fruit.

“Moreover, the woman was made for the man, and not the man for the woman; add to this, that the woman was in the transgression, and the means of the fall of man, which gave a fresh reason for, and made the obligation to subjection to him the stronger:”

Women are more easily deceived. This is a fact. Car salesmen or any salesmen are happier when trying to sell to a woman than a man. Who do you think are buying all those gadgets on the TV advertisements? Women buy more than 80 percent of all U.S. goods and services.Β  Wise women know that they are more easily deceived, therefore, they should want to be in subjection to their husbands who are not as easily deceived. This is for their protection!

“…and it is also a ‘decent’ and becoming thing for wives to be subject to their husbands; for as it is giving honour to them, it is a real ornament to themselves, and is one of those good works which women professing godliness should adorn themselves with; and makes more comely and beautiful than broidered hair; gold, pearls, or costly array, yea, than their natural favour and beauty:”

Do you want to be known as a holy woman? Do you want others to know that you love the Lord and can clearly see His work in you? Did you know that by being subject to your husband you are adorning yourself and making your husband look good in the eyes of others?Β For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbandsΒ (1 Peter 3:5). This is what makes a woman lovely not only to her husband but to others.

I have seen elaborately decorated woman who were rebellious to their husbands and all of their finery didn’t profit them at all. Then there are women like Debi Pearl who doesn’t wear makeup or finery yet is beautiful in the way that she is submissive to her husband. I have met her and she is a joyful woman who delights in pleasing her husband. I am sure all of you have seen women like this. They respectfully listen when their husbands talk without interrupting. They smile at them often. They praise them and are affectionate with them.

Then there are women who rolls their eyes when their husband’s talk, interrupts and corrects them, and shows disdain for their husbands. You can clearly see who the truly beautiful woman is between these two types of women. Do you adorn yourself and bring honor to your husband by being in subjection to him?

“…it is what is fitting ‘in the Lord’: it is what he requires, not only what the law of God requires, see 1 Corinthians 14:34 and which was enjoined originally, see Genesis 3:16 and was charged as a duty under the legal dispensation; but is what is commanded by Christ under the Gospel dispensation, and is to be observed by all those that are ‘in’ him, that profess to be new creatures, converted persons, that so the word of God be not blasphemed, and the enemy have no occasion to reproach.”

Do you understand what Christ has done for you? If not, study Romans and learn, then decide to live lives worthy of Him. If you are a believer in Christ Jesus, you are in Him and new creatures in Christ. God requires you, as His child, to live in subjection to your husband. If you are not living wholeheartedly in subjection to your husband, you are acting evil against the Word of God. You are showing to a lost world that God is powerless to transform His children. You are pushing others away from knowing the Lord instead of drawing them towards Him. We are to shine the light of Christ to others and one way we do this, women, is by living in subjection to our husbands in everything.

“…see Titus 2:5 though this phrase may also be considered as a restriction and limitation of this subjection; that though it reaches to all things, yet only to such as are agreeable to the will of the Lord, and not contrary to the Gospel of Christ; for in these they are not to be subject to them, but to Christ the Lord; but in all other things they are, even as the church is subject to Christ: and when this is the case, such subjection is regarded by Christ as if it was done to himself; and indeed his honour and glory should be the governing view in it; see Ephesians 5:22.”

I am not sure how Titus 2:5 shows a restriction to our subjection to our husbands but yes, if they ask us to participate in evil which is clearly against the Word of God, we are not to participate since Christ is our ultimate authority, although I can tell you that in the thirteen years I have been mentoring women not one woman has told me that her husband has commanded her to do evil.

One woman in the chat room has a husband who wants her to buy him beer and she doesn’t want to do this but I told her she must since buying beer isn’t evil. If he had asked her to watch porn with him, rob a bank, or get into a car when he is drunk and wants to drive, then she can refuse but make sure that she is obeying him in everything else. Look at Sarah, she even obeyed Abraham twice when he told her to lie and say she was his sister, then she was put into the Kings’ harem!

The majority of husbands aren’t asking their wives to commit evil. They would like a clean and tidy home, yummy meals to be served, their children to be disciplined and trained, their wives to look pretty, be treated with kindness and respect, and enjoy having sexual relations with them. This is what most husbands would love from their wives. So instead of focusing on all the things you shouldn’t submit to your husband, as many love to do these days, focus on all the ways you should be submitting to your husband in everything instead.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24

36 thoughts on “Wifely Submission as it is Fit in the Lord

  1. Thank you for your teaching. We have been homeschooling our 4 children for many years. Our older two will begin going to a small Christian junior high/ high school. My husband wants our younger two to also go to school. It is not possible this year financially to send the younger two to a private school so he really wants them to go to the neighborhood public school . His very good friend would be our sons teacher and there seems to be a great program for our daughter. Then hopefully the following year they could attend private school. I really love homeschool and would rather just continue for the next year, but I am following my husbands lead. I have shared that with friends and other homeschool moms that I believe homeschool will offer so much more but I feel that God will honor my decision to follow my husbands decision. I know it will be a challenge to not complain/ compare during the upcoming school year.

    1. Our experience with public school was good. Our childrens’ teachers were church goers. The district superintendent was a member of our church. Each year before school started, the members would call him up front and gather around him and pray for him.
      I would suggest to be active at the school. Get to know the teachers. Volunteer in the class so you can see what is going on.

    2. My wife and I homeschooled our children on and off. I’d probably take your side that homeschooling would be better. But for what it’s worth, here’s my suggestion: (a) Do your best to make public school work. Don’t sabotage it just so you can say “I told you so”. (b) After a year, assuming you still think homeschooling would be better, politely and gently bring up the subject with your husband again. Point out any problems you’ve had with the public school and how things were better with homeschooling. Do you know why he wanted to send the children to public school? Try to answer those problems.

      I think the trick for a wife is to make her case to her husband without badgering or nagging. If he’s doing his part, he wants to make you happy. Hopefully, he decided he wanted to send the children to public school because he thinks this is best for the FAMILY, for all of you, and not just best for him in some way. Make it a discussion and not an argument. “Here’s why I think this would be better for our children” rather than “This is what I want and if you don’t give it to me your an obnoxious jerk”!

  2. Hi. I’m really struggling with submission in one thing lately. If my husband wants to move, do we just move? Even if I don’t want to? He hates his job, he’d like the opportunity in a town far from here. I was born here, and our kids have lived here all their life so far. Our kids are very angry at the idea of moving, and I’m not thrilled about it either. Do we really uproot our kids from the only life they’ve known, just because my husband is chasing the hope of finally having a job where he likes his co-workers?

    1. Yes, Georgia, you follow your husband wherever he wants to go. My mother had to leave her many siblings, parents, and childhood friends when she had me, her firstborn, and move across the country. The Lord has blessed her with a wonderful life! Support and encourage your husband and go where he goes.

    2. Georgia, you are to follow your husband to his new job and teach the kids how important family, and doing things God’s ways are. But you can also gently point out to your husband the pain and turmoil you feel it may cause your family to move and perhaps show him areas you can cut back on financially to make the move to a new job not so attractive. Maybe even start a home based job.

      But overall, a man’s job is so much apart of his life and from it comes the blessings to the family. So a husband must be able to make this important decision for his life, and God’s design for him to lead and provide for the family. Imagine going to a job you do not enjoy every day for 9-10 hours when you could have been in one you do enjoy and is advancing your career. Moving does not mean forever… many do go back home in a year or two, right back to the same job but with higher pay because they missed him. Unless you are ready to move they often times do not pay you what you are worth.

    3. Georgia, you need to honestly bring it up to your husband. Every care and concern should be brought to the table and discussed before such a big life change as a move. Perhaps there are ways to improve the situation without moving, or maybe if a move was still required, there are ways to make it an easier transition for all. A caring husband will want to hear what is on his wife’s mind about such a big decision and we will want to do all we can to come to the right decision for our family. Your husband should be a safe place to bring your concerns and fears and to talk things out with.

    4. Hi, Georgia!

      Have you ever read “Created to Be His Helpmeet”? If not, check it out. I’m guessing that your husband is a Mr. Visionary, just like mine. They tend to make impulsive decisions, and some of them are really bad ones, but in the end, it really pays to go with their ideas cheerfully and submissively – good and bad. I have been through my share of “Hey, honey, we’re moving!” – sometimes with not-so-great reasons behind them. But husbands SO appreciate cheerful willingness to go along with their ideas. And also, they’re more willing to give up on the bad ideas when a wife cheerfully goes along with those ideas – it gives him a chance to think twice. When a wife rebels, a husband will either dig in his heels and be stubborn about following through with a bad idea, or will submit to his wife and lose all of the self-respect that goes with that negative dynamic.

      And you never know, you might love it in a new place!

      From a wife who’s been in that position many times! πŸ™‚

      P.S. Even when husbands do follow through with bad ideas, they will learn invaluable lessons in the process. When we hold them back, we’re also holding them back on the lessons God has for them.

      1. Hi Diana!
        Seems that we have a lot in common?! I enjoy my life, full of adventures and surprises! Blessings!!

    5. Dear Georgia,

      I understand very well your feelings!!

      My husband, who I love very very much, is a visionary and very determined man, so in almost 19 years of marriage, he had 14 different jobs, owned about 9 cars, and we lived in 9 homes… and 3 years in Mexico, about 5000 km from our home…

      Early in our marriage I struggled with all those changes, but after reading Created To Be His Help Meet, I saw clearly that the only way I can submit to my husband in all those changes, is to trust God.

      Without trusting Him, I would not be able to submit entirely to my husband.

      When a decision he is making troubles my heart, I run in prayer, saying all my doubts to my dear Father. I pray to have wisdom for I want to be ready to share my opinion when my husband will ask for it. Normally he asks for it, and I don’t want to say things that are too much emotional. I want to have a calm and​ wise opinion.

      Then I let God guiding, for He his the one opening and closing the doors in front of my husband in his decision!

      If you move with your family, I wish you plenty of peace and rest and blessings, because God cares for you and will provide for all your needs and the needs of your entire family, that’s His promises and He never fails His children! Blessings!!

    6. I was in the same boat as you, once. My husband wanted to move us to the other end of the country, uprooting us from our families, friends and lives. He didn’t even have a job lined up – he just wanted to moved because there were better opportunities here. I can tell you, I really really DIDN’T want to move. But I did, and I’m glad I did, because things have worked out for the best down here. My husband now owns his own business, we have our own home, and we are happy. If you’ve prayed for God to open the door if it’s the right move and close the door if it’s the right one, trust Him fully if the door opens for you, because it will work out well πŸ™‚

  3. The Titus 2:5 restriction on submission is first “to one’s own husband” and not subject to all men, and second to not do evil as you and Gill point out: “and not contrary to the Gospel of Christ; for in these they are not to be subject to them, but to Christ the Lord.”

    The admonition “but as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (1 Peter 5:24) has such an implied limitation, that we have a higher allegiance in all things to God, and our new lives in Christ demand our first love and Commander is the Lord Jesus.

  4. Thanks Ken, you mentioned that a mans job is so much a part of his life and from it comes the blessings to the family. It does seem to be so much of our life in the area of work my husband does. I had not thought of the wonderful blessings the Lord has provided for us in many years. We have truly been abundantly blessed! I had wanted more of his time with us. I will be happy for the time I do have with my husband! He is truly a hard worker a great provider! I love him πŸ™‚ He is a great man and I am a very blessed woman!

  5. This is so true. I taught all my daughters from a young age how important submission is, and now they are teaching their’s. πŸ™‚ Sometimes, you just have to remember that despite what most people say, God didn’t create us equal, and that is not a bad thing.

    1. I think he did create us to be of equal worth and value to him but he created man and woman different with separate but complimentary designs and purposes. Part of that is for men to provide, protect and lead their families, in their way through the world, in their worship of God and through life. Whereas his design for women is to keep home, care for their husband and bear, nurture and educate their children.

      When it comes to important decisions affecting the family it is the husband who is responsible for the welfare of his family, for deciding what is right for them and for leading them. It is for the wife to support him in making and implementing that decision and under his authority.

  6. I would be interested in how people feel about submission in circumstances where a husband is asking his wife to sin. For example by using contraception ?

    1. How is family planning a sin? There are many non hormonal methods out there. Some husbands do not want a lot of children or many children close together. We always spaced ours out and once we were done, we went on protection full time.

      1. It is a sin because God designed the act of intimacy both for procreation and to emotionally unite the couple. And we are called to welcome the blessing of children.

        1. Chapter and verse please. We would be wise to not say things are a law that God has not said are such. We know many people who had to limit their children number due to health reasons. My pastor and his wife cannot have children because a pregnancy would kill his wife. I fail to see how they are sinning. God gives us a sound mind and expects us to use it with wisdom. Not everyone can afford 8-12 children. Not every mother or father can emotionally handle that many. Not every woman can bear that many safely. Children are a blessing, we adore our 5, but the size of the family is a freedom left up to each couple for them to pray and discuss.

        2. Very well said SusanneT. AND here are the scriptures from those who asked: malachi 2:14-15, psalm 127:3, Genesis 1:22, 28. Deuteronomy 7:13. We have no control over our lives or our wombs…Lastly Dueteronomy 32:39. God is in control of everything…something to think about people.

    2. For something like contraception, I would (and did) follow my husband. There are many reasons why a husband may choose to limit the size of his family, and if he really does not want more children, intimacy is not going be there for worry about a pregnancy. When contraception is used, the intimacy returns. I mean, tell him what you think and why, but then follow him.
      I ended up having a tubal ligation because my husband wanted me to, but I wouldn’t necessarily suggest women do something permanent like that unless they are actually at peace with it in their hearts. There are plenty of temporary contraception methods to explore that should satisfy husbands who insist on contraception.

      For something like buying him drugs, partaking in drugs with him, expecting the children to go hungry because he has spent the grocery money on alcohol/cigarettes/drugs, I would (and did) put my foot down.

      There is “clear” sin and “grey area” sin and in “grey area” sin it’s best to follow our husbands, is what I believe Lori is saying in her post above.

    3. I don’t see any moral or Biblical reason to condemn use of contraception. But you might want to show your husband the warning label. Here’s what it says on the label for Yaz:
      “The most common side effects were headache/migraine, menstrual irregularities, nausea/vomiting, breast pain/tenderness, fatigue, irritability, decreased libido, weight gain, and mood changes.” (http://www.yaz-us.com/) And isn’t that just what every man wants in his wife: That she be fat, moody, and uninterested in sex. πŸ™‚

  7. I love your teachings, Lori! You have helped our marriage tremendously. And it sounds like you are in a very solid church. We are moving into your part of the state next month, and my husband wanted me to ask you and ken if you could reccomend a good church for us to attend. Do you like your church? Do they preach sound doctrine and wives being submissive and keepers at home? We are so worried we will not be able to find a biblical church. Please help us! We don’t want our children sitting under feminist and ungodly teachings!

  8. I know this is a late question, but I am kind of struggling in an area, and wonder if you could help me.

    I am a submissive wife in all I do. I admit, it’s easy to be since we both almost always agree on the choices at hand. Tomorrow morning, I have to have wisdom teeth (which are impacted) removed. When going over the financial aspect of it, it will cost an additional $500 out of pocket to receive the sedation-which is what I want and most common. My husband does not want to pay that and feels the sedation is unnecessary when topical novocaine will be just fine. He has asked of me to forgo the sedation and just get the novocaine. I gently asked that he would let me get the sedation since this is a very terrifying for me. He has said no. I am very upset but have just been praying. I asked him again tonight and his feelings are the same. I have to get this surgery done, but I am tempted to just cancel it all together until I can come up with the money on my own.

    So. What do you think? From an older more experienced Godly wife to another. I need some sound advice.

    1. I had my wisdom pulled out when I was 45 years old without sedation and my bones were hard so they were difficult to get out. Just make sure that they numb you real well before they begin the work. No, it isn’t pleasant but manageable. $500 is a lot of money that we didn’t want to spend either!

      1. Thank you for your response.

        As life would have it, I wasn’t able to get them done today at all. I was such a nervous wreck that my BP was high and they couldn’t do the surgery. We rescheduled it. My teeth are sideways and UNDER the bone. The dentist thought I was nuts when I said just the novocaine.

        I left with a little bit of righteous anger about the situation. $500 is a lot, but my husband makes exceptional money. He spends $150/month just on his personal haircuts. This is a medical need to me. I have decided to pray and give it to God. In the meantime, I will be saving my babysitting money in hopes that I have enough to pay myself.

        Thanks for your help. I will continue to pray.

  9. I’ve often heard women, even Christian women, say that the idea of submitting to their husbands is problematic because, What if he ordered me to do something sinful? Their absolute favorite example seems to be, What if he ordered me to get an abortion? And then they go from there to, That’s why I am disregarding his wishes when he says he doesn’t want me to spend so much money on this home improvement project, or that he wants me to give up partying with my friends to do something as a family, etc.

    That is, because hypothetically someday he might order me to commit a sin and as a Christian I could not submit to him on such a matter, therefore I can freely ignore his wishes whenever I feel like.

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