Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Having a career held no appeal to me. I wanted to find a husband so I worked towards finding one! I even pursued guys I found attractive during high school and college. No, I didn’t call them or ask them out on dates. I let them know I was interested by going out of my way to be kind to them and hoped they noticed me. Some did and some didn’t, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to attract a husband since this was my greatest desire in life and pray a lot in the meantime.

A Christian mother wrote and said that one of her daughters fears getting married and having children. Her daughter wants to become a nurse or doctor and the parents are encouraging her in this direction. Sadly, this daughter has been influenced by the feminist culture we live in. What is there to fear in being married and having children? This is God’s will for most young women.

In Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan For Pursuing Marriage with a Purpose, Lisa wrote the following:

“Sadly, as I immersed myself in girl power at school, I received little at church and beyond to counter it. Most of the well-meaning couples in my parent’s circle saw no reason to question my trajectory toward worldly success; many of them outright supported it. I was told… to focus on my education and career. Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received–see if any of them sound familiar:

‘Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!’

‘You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].’

‘We’re expecting big things from you.’

‘You have your whole life ahead of you–have fun while you can!’

‘Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.’

‘I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.’

“…my mom finished college, but marriage was a next step. It was always a priority. It was talked about, planned for, and expected. She didn’t mess around when she spotted my dad; she got busy.

Lisa, who is still single at 46 years old, was asked what she would tell her 28 year old self about dating which I believe should have been told to her 18 year old self:

“I’d say, ‘Dating takes effort for both men and women.’ Dating was hardly on my radar in my 20s. I was too busy chasing a career and thinking I was too awesome to need a man. I didn’t make the effort to get to know men. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to be married. I turned dates down because I found some miniscule flaw in the guys in question. And then I wondered why I was still single at 30. God puts people in our path for a reason. Many of them are probably good marriage candidates. But when we give all our attention elsewhere, we cheat ourselves out of a healthy pursuit of what is for most of us a God-given life goal. Marriage is a good thing, and biblical, intentional dating is a great way to get there. But it takes work. And that work should start earlier rather than later. Learn from my mistakes on that one, folks.”

Many women today, including Christian women, are pursuing higher education and careers and aren’t even considering getting married and having children since they aren’t being taught that this is something they should consider early rather than later. It’s a rare young girl these days when asked what she wants to be when she grows up would answer, “a wife and mother.” No, nowadays, this answer would be frowned upon and they would be asked, “What if you never get married?” or “What career choice do you want to pursue?” As if being a wife and mother weren’t good things to desire or even pursue.

In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.

Yes, being a godly woman who wants to be a wife and mother is a good goal for young women to pursue, contrary to popular opinion, if their goal in life is to marry and have children but unfortunately, most young women have believed the feminist’s lies and believe that having careers and pursuing worldly things are far superior.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

25 thoughts on “Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

  1. The role of wife and mother is so incredibly devalued in this culture! Radical feminism has degraded and dismissed women’s roles as enslaving, and any woman who finds contentment in them to be brainwashed! It angers me when many liberals have told me that saying motherhood is a woman’s greatest calling is “sexist”! I mean, think of how much we all owe to our mothers in shaping us! Mothers are raising the next generation, hopefully on wholesome values, unlike the radical feminist ones who barely even bother with their children! A culture of resentment by women towards the home and family for worldly careers is rampant! Behind every great man, is often a strong woman, a wife, a mother, who while not in the public eye, have been the rock for their loved ones to succeed! Equal does NOT have to mean identical! A woman is worth the exact same as a man in her dignity as a human being, and in her complementary role to a man’s. A worldly career isn’t the only thing of worth in this materialistic culture! Radical feminism degrades omen, and is THE most sexist movement out there! The ability to nurture, love and be the support for your spouse and children means the world to them! “To the word, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world…”

  2. Yes, a hundred times.

    I am 37. A huge majority of the people with whom I was friends in high school are still unmarried – and at our age, the time when one is able to marry and have a family is quickly drawing to a close. It is so sad to see so many of my female friends stuck in careers with little hope of ever having the joy of marriage and children.

    What you are saying needs to be said! Thank you for saying it!

      1. But men only want career women these days.. That is the reason girls like me are not able to marry.. Because of not having stable careers guys are not selecting brides

  3. Thank you so much for writing this! Ever since I can remember, all I’ve wanted to be was a wife and a mother. That’s the only thing I think about: cooking for my family, keeping my home beautiful and clean, doing fun things with my kids, and being my husbands biggest cheerleader! That’s always been my dream, but I was too ashamed to tell anyone my real dream. It was stressed to me that right after high school was college and after that a well-paying job. None of that interested me. I had to fake interest in some career field just so I could seem “normal.” Even now I feel out of place with co-workers and my workplace. I wish I had been honest about what I wanted from the beginning.

    1. What’s even more tragic is that young Christian women can’t be honest about being wives and mothers if this is what they want to be, Jessica. They can’t be honest about what God calls most women to do.

  4. Very true. My daughter gets push back from older women in the church each time they ask her what she wants to be and she says a mommy. They are quick to tell her she can be a mommy and something else. I have to figure out a good way of countering it without diminishing these women (who include her grandmothers who took a different path) in my daughter’s eyes. I’d value your thoughts on how to do this (or other’s Godly counsel.

    I just saw on a Jewish website for a college a speed dating event. They had at least 100 in attendance and if there were successful matches the club gave them Starbucks gift cards to go get to know each other better. I thought that was a brilliant idea to promote marriage.

    We as Christians really need to make getting married a priority. My understanding from scripture is that God is seeking Godly offspring. And it is not like the women who don’t want to get married are producing spiritual offspring. I don’t hear them saying they have plans to devote their lives to God on the mission field (foreign or domestic). No, it is about self fulfillment and fulfilling their full “potential” and “ impacting the world” and not getting bored at home.

    1. I would simply respond, “But I don’t want to be a mommy and something else. I want being a mommy to be a full-time job! I want to be the ones home raising my children. There’s no place like home!”

      One of my sons told me that Mormons do it right in regards to matching up their youth. At the churches and colleges, they have a lot of “mingles” where guys and gals get to know each other so many of them marry young. They encourage this! I wish Christian churches would be proactive about this.

  5. Lori,
    Wondering what your thoughts are on Christian young women online dating?
    I have a friend who is 29 and has desperately tried everything to meet a man and is now considering online dating.

  6. Lori,
    Do you have young daughters? If they wished to attend college would you help them? Or, do you tell them that you will only support them being wives and moms? Could they stay in your home until they found a suitable mate? We have for so long pushed our girls out the door at 18, what do we now do when we encourage them to stay home ! Thank you very much😊

    1. Both of my daughters are adults now, Sophie. I never pushed them to go to college. Our oldest one never went and the other one did, although if it were up to her, she would not have since all she wanted to do was be a wife and mother.

      Do you watch the Duggar family? I think they do it right! They find many ways for their children to intermingle with other like-minded children through homeschool groups/conventions and church, therefore, most of their children are getting married young and having children. None of the daughters have gone to college but there are many ways to be productive without going to college. Most women who have ever existed on this planet never went to college and had productive lives!

    2. Hi Sophie,

      My parents paid for my teaching degree as a gift (I am blessed that they could afford it.) however, if I wanted to stay at home they would have welcomed me with open arms. Although, I am sure they would have asked I get a job or start my own side business or volunteered in order to make myself productive until I had my own family. Love your daughters and let them know they can alwAys live at home. One thing — I would not encourage them to go into debt to go to college, if they truly want to make sure you review options so they do not owe money upon graduation!!

  7. A few thoughts: being godly parents is hard work at times, but very few things of great value are found in this life without effort. In other words, you cannot bask in the glory of well raised, successful children and grand children if you never put in the effort to form a family and raise them in the first place.

    There really is no job more important for women than being a wife and mother. A career is a means to and end–bringing in resources for the family–and isn’t an end in itself. The optimum way to raise a family is found in the Bible: the husband working to provide for his family, and the wife raising the children and taking care of the home. This doesn’t mean women shouldn’t have careers. It just means they must not sacrifice their families to do so (or it’s a sin).

    At the end of life, what do you think will matter more? Will it be how many pieces of paper crossed your desk or how many good, godly children you raised?

    1. Amen, Chris! What does it matter if we gain the whole world but lose our children’s souls? Men were the one that God ordained to be the providers and sadly, feminism has convinced women that men’s role is better than their’s but it’s not at all!

  8. being a wife and mother is all I ever wanted. felt like I had to hide it for so long. then hubs and I had first child and we knew we needed me to be at home. so glad we obeyed. as soon as we committed to bringing me home, hubs income doubled! I have witnessed other female family members go the worldly way, and they are now childless and extremely ill w/chronic disease and very unhappy. they try to fill their empty lives w/trips and shopping, but they are miserable. we have been blessed for many years now. the feminists can have their stress filled, angst ridden lives. I will take home and family any time.

  9. I’m like Jessica, you can’t say you want to be a wife and mother. If you say that’s all you want, society shuns you for that thinking.

    It’s sad that most women don’t want to be a wife or mother anymore. Their self fulfillment means more to them then fulfilling God’s word.

    Thank you for your meaningful word’s, Lori.

    Because of you I have gone back to church and have more pride of being a wife and stay at home mother.

  10. What about career women reducing job opportunities for men?

    Women getting degrees in finance, engineering, doctoral degrees. etc. Yes, there are other offices outside of these which women don’t want, but that’s aside the point.

    As a man, you have much competition in the job marketplace thanks to feminism.
    These women are making 6 figures(!), and they won’t even consider a man making half that. I’m talking about successful career oriented,Christian girls, looking down on prospects for making less than them. All their virtues and character discriminated against, just because they want to marry up! They think they have no choice, and have to be picky. These are women in their late 20s to mid 30s who are still single, but who are forever looking for “mr.educated.right”.

    Is it any wonder why Christian men are now avoiding marriage (divorce court abuses). Or even moving overseas to marry godly girls?

    Please excuse the candid rant. This is a subject that hits) close to heart.

    Thanks for the good articles!

  11. I’m 20 years old and still stuck at school while the only thing I really wanted to be since I was four years old (or maybe even younger) was a wife and mother. This wish hasn’t changed, though throughout the course of my education I’ve been pressured to find a career to strive towards. So I went through imagining myself as a teacher or a nurse or a web designer, but with every mildly interesting career I know I couldn’t stick to it long-term. All I want is to be a wife and mother – keep house for the husband I haven’t met yet and raise his children. My brother always wanted to be some kind of engineer. He’s stuck with that wish and is almost through with his education. Everyone supports that, but when I say what I plan on doing when I’m done with school (find someone to marry and be a wife and mother) everyone I talk to equates this to sitting around, doing nothing, being lazy and having an easy life. Or expresses concern that I won’t be provided for in the meantime – even though my father supports my decision and is ok with me staying at home.

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