Your Husband’s Sexuality is a Gift From God to You
This is a comment that is full of wisdom left on my post She Would Give Anything to Be Desired By Her Husband.
There is a lie that has gone out into the world, from the very depths of hell. It tells women that to be chaste whilst single is stifling but sex in marriage is boring. It fits in neatly with the larger feminist message that for a woman to be under the authority of her own husband is utter enslavement but for her to be under the authority of several other men: her boss, her clients, her welfare officers, her shrink, her pastor (yes, some have unbiblical authority over women) is liberation.
On TV, sex outside marriage is largely depicted as glamorous and fun but sex inside of marriage is invariably depicted as ranging from dull and sporadic to downright nonexistent. A popular entertainment technique is to juxtapose an old married couple with an unmarried pair of young attractive fornicators. Plenty of ridicule is then heaped on the married couple and especially on their ho-hum marriage bed to everyone’s applause. Reminds me of “Stolen water is sweet; And bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17) except that nowadays, premarital sex and extramarital sex are no secret.
So foolishly, many ladies go out and do the same forgetting that biblically the reverse is true. We ought to abstain from sex outside marriage and enjoy it freely in marriage.
When I speak to younger wives, I am quick to correct them for expressing exasperation about their husbands’ sex drives. This is because an older, wiser woman did me the same favor years back. She taught me that my husband’s sexuality is a gift for me from God, and that I was to joyfully receive it, enjoy it, and cherish it, rather than dreading it or resigning myself to it.
It’s mind boggling to think that many husbands have never known their wives’ complete, unbridled, uninhibited sexual response and sadly, this has been wasted in past fornicating experiences. The wives now selfishly couldn’t be bothered to offer their husbands anything more than duty sex if any.
Don’t even get me started on the classic, “I am exhausted after a full day’s work raising children, breastfeeding at night, keeping house, etc.” If those responsibilities were so demanding that it would be senseless to expect mothers to be sexual during that season of life, would it have escaped the Lord’s mind to work in an express exemption for such mothers? God thinks of EVERYTHING. He allowed menstruating women time off in the Old Testament. He also exempted newlywed men from going to war. He allowed women postpartum time off. So having many young children and a home to run on their own are no reason for abstinence in marriage.
I remember being on an island to island flight with only one flight attendant. It was a red eye flight, and I could see that the attendant was having a rough morning. Her hair was not as neatly coiffed as they usually have it. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot. Her makeup was meh, and her suit was creased in parts. I had a little baby on the flight, and the attendant was helping me secure our seat belt so I asked her if she was fine. She said it was her day off, but her colleague had been taken ill, so she had been given an hour’s notice to cover the flight. She was kind and smiling the whole time. She made the requisite announcements cheerily and treated the passengers with congeniality. If this woman could show up at short notice and against all odds make every effort to treat strangers with affability, how much more should a wife rise above the usual demands of motherhood and life in general to joyfully anticipate and fully meet her husband’s sexual needs?
It’s a matter of putting God and His Word first rather than ourselves. When God comes first, we arrange our lives to obey His commands rather than arranging our lives to put ourselves first. If you need a break in the late afternoon before the husband gets home, work it into the household schedule. Down tools, curl up on the sofa, and read quietly to the children. Have that evening meal ready and waiting, set that table early. Have a quick shower before he gets home so you feel fresh and not covered in toddler fingerprints. Do what it takes to honor God and your husband, after all, if you were employed out there, you would do what it takes to get the job done. God is the Boss of bosses, and His yoke is not backbreaking. It’s delightful.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
17 thoughts on “Your Husband’s Sexuality is a Gift From God to You”
An attitude like yours would utterly change our culture! The prevalent one is certainly destroying it!
This is spot on!
I have counseled many women throughout the years who tragically hate their husband’s advances. There is one thing they have all shared in common: they slept with their husband before marriage. And the lack of delight then comes in as she no longer trusts him. After all, he will sleep with a woman he is not married to…
Repentance and forgiveness is the key to restoration. (It takes two to tango. She has proven to be untrustworthy also, but many women fail to see that.)
But I also believe it is a control issue. (Genesis 3.) Many women use sex to control both before and after marriage, thus tearing their houses down with their own hands. The irony is when you do it God’s way, and give unselfishly, you actually begin to enjoy the intimacy as much as he.
Thank you for your articles, they are a breath of fresh air in this culture!
Very well said. If only this was taught to young marries … it took me about 10 years of marriage to learn this ….
Great post, Lori.
A shamefully under taught truth.
While many women won’t submit to Godly men in marriage, having been terrified of Godly subjection by the wicked, lying, deceitful, and depraved media and schools, the twin tools of Marxism, they are then forced to submit to Marxist overlords, who force them into dejection, depravity, and degeneracy.
We are all slaves. Either to God for purity and holiness, or to Satan for filth and corruption.
The wages of being a servant of God are peace, joy, and serenity. The wages of being a slave of Satan are worry, misery, and despair.
Bravo ! Keep hammering this home Lori, the church isn’t.
What a refreshing to see an article like this. The Holy Spirit once revealed to me that it was important that I find a woman worthy of my seed. I had always heard in the world that all men’s desire is to spread his seed around to produce offspring and that is why men sleep around. I had no revelation of the spiritual blessings that come from God through the bloodline and the responsibility to not treat it as a common thing. There are many scriptures that enlighten us to that concept beginning with Abraham (Gen 22:18). I am not saying that I am a God’s gift to women. What I am saying is that I am God’s gift to my wife and that is the one aspect of the spirit of what I believe that you are bringing out in this article. Therefore it is incumbent upon me to live a Godly life as a man so that my seed would be blessed and to find a wife worthy of receiving that blessing (She must be a Godly woman). The blessing on your offspring is dependent partly on that. The union of a Godly man and woman practicing Godliness will produce spiritual life. The opposite just produces life. That is why in marriage the marriage bed will be blessed by God and husbands and wives should freely enjoy one another and it builds a bond that is not easily broken. So women, enjoy what God has given you. Men guard your hearts and only give your blessing to your wives.
Excellent post!!! As wives, we are to submit to our husbands in EVERYTHING, not just what we decide to do and not do. It breaks my heart to see feminism continue to destroy marriages. As wives we always need to lift our husbands up and be grateful for what they provide for us and our families. There is no shame at all being totally dependent on your husband and to be appreciative of everything he gives us and provides for us, including his intimacy and sexuality. If we are joyfully obedient to our husbands, our roles as wives can be so rewarding – and fun!! The world wants godly submission and obedience to be “bad and oppressive” and it just doesn’t have to be that way at all!
I agree that this is not being taught in our churches or with Christian Young people who are getting married!
After married 20 some years, did we educate and learn for ourselves. In fact, the really conservative churches in our area it seems to be only for having large families. Once that is done, no more sex. No wonder men are doing all kinds of stuff! I think education needs to be done that this isn’t just to make babies.
You can tell what couples are moody and miserable to their spouse! They complain about their husband all the time. This is 60-70 year olds! I am like you lived all your life with him and you complain. It is so sad! I am not going to be like that!
There are a lot of people, though, who never did this and saved themselves for marriage, but have serious problems with sex. In my case, I am the warmer person and absolutely crave my husband’s touch, but he refuses to give it. We have children, but that is mostly because I have been blessed to have no problems with fertility — I am proof positive that it only takes one time at the right time — and I had my children relatively easily, no problems, no miscarriages. I do believe for women it is different. We aren’t visually turned on like men are; I know for me I am auditorially turned on. All he has to do is speak to me warmly and tenderly and I am putty in his hands. I am very, very careful if circumstances require me to speak to another man because his voice is a terrible temptation for me, since my husband does not want me in that way — in fact, thinking it through, he never really did, I don’t think. We did have a sexual relationship obviously at various times (hence the kids), but it was rare and gotten through with quickly as though it were a necessary evil. He doesn’t speak warmly and tenderly much anyway, but the rare times he did — oh, my. One thing I do is just focus on one day at a time. If that’s too much, then just a couple hours at a time. Some days are better than others. Keep your eye on the ultimate end. I took Christ as my husband a couple of years ago, and when the going gets to be more than I can handle, I just go and scream at Him about how hard this is! And then beg Him to help me stay faithful no matter what. It can be done. I’ve managed to do it for years. I trust that He’ll give me the grace to do it again tomorrow. I just think in terms of tomorrow. I don’t think about next week, next month or next year — that will drive you crazy. Just tomorrow.
Oh, and if you’re in the same situation as me, DON’T EVER, EVER let yourself be alone with another man. If circumstances make it unavoidable and you have a good reason to need to interact with a man other than the usual pleasantries of “hello”, “nice day”, blah, blah, blah, be sure you are in a public place where lots of people can see you. If he is a nice man and speaks kindly to you, don’t ever trust your own strength. His voice can be a catalyst for you to start thinking of him instead of your own husband, and your thoughts will take you places you do not want to be. I keep a small crucifix in my purse all the time and I wear a miniature one on a chain around my neck. That way, in a symbolic and concrete way, Christ is present when I meet someone who speaks kindly to me. It keeps me focused. I really recommend this to you. I started carrying the one in my purse when I finally faced the reality that my husband did not want me sexually and I knew I had to deal with that instead of keep living in denial. This way when you’re tempted to turn towards someone else, you visually SEE the crucifixion of Christ and what He endured so that you could be saved. If He could do that, then you can carry your cross…..yours is nothing compared to His. And one day it will all come to an end and eternity is forever.
Summer J – that is a wonderful and absolutely right thinking post on Biblical Submission !
I agree wholeheartedly.
There is a strong force (principality?)at work in our culture to make women want to be in control and for men to become effeminate and docile. All too often In marriages today there is a constant battle for control of the family “ship.” In the face of constant challenge, 99 times in 100, a strong man will inevitably do one of 2 things: fight back for dominance, or give up and leave (emotionally, if not physically). He will be excoriated for either response, of course, by one and all, but someone tell me a third option?
A mom – my heart breaks for you. Some lines of one hymn in our church hymn book reads: “Oh Jesus keep my next step faithful to paths marked out by God for me; hold Thou me up O mighty Saviour: My strength and hope are all in Thee.”
It’s not even tomorrow. Or the next hour. Just the next step. One step at a time, with Jesus. It can be so, so hard – I know – I’m living it, and struggling with it. But just focus on that next step and don’t worry about the others. God is in control.
This post is fantastic! I completely agree! 🙂 I am so, so thankful my husband makes me feel wanted in that way! I am loved and desired…and I love and desire him in turn. It makes for a truly beautiful marriage! We are each far from perfect but we know our roles and seek to fill them as the Lord would have us do in this marriage He has given us! 🙂
I wish more women thought like this. I’m so alone. I try to reach out to Jesus, but I must be doing something wrong.
My husband and I sat down before getting married and we hammered out what our expectations were and what our obligations were to each other. This is a contract between us and the Lord that guides our marriage. Our chemistry was such that we knew we were sexually compatible before even consummating the act. We married fast, and now live a thriving marriage adhering to our contract and God’s law. It seems like every day I hunger for him more, and when he swings the front door open at 6pm we have four hours of bliss together until it starts all over again the next day. I am now expecting our first child and couldn’t be more fulfilled. My husband is beaming and proud. I wish every couple could start out as we did, with a contract and a mutual understanding of a path forward together. Thank you for this blog. Love you all!