If you don’t teach your children to be chaste, culture will teach them to fornicate freely.
This was a good conversation in the comment section on my post “The Devil Hates Your Marriage” written by John Michael Clark:
“When and how should I talk to my kids about sex? I told them that I want and expect them to save themselves for marriage. Teaching them to not do anything beyond kissing, or putting themselves in situations that may be too tempting to sin like being home alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
“I also want to address porn with them, but I haven’t had the guts to do this. I heard (although this isn’t always the case) of porn websites uploading actual rape, pedophilia, raping of a minor, revenge porn, and some of the people in the videos were forced or coerced into it via sex trafficking. I don’t want to support or help fund sexual abusers at all. How should I talk to them? I don’t even know what to say.
“Also, what are some good tips when it comes to saving yourself for marriage and staying away from porn? To my regret, I didn’t save myself for marriage. So I don’t know how to help them in that area.”
Here’s how Billy responded to Jennifer:
Sincere question: What normally happens when you and your husband kiss in a drawn out, romantic way? It may not at the exact moment lead to anything due to child constraints, but you keep throwing that gas on the fire, and you’ll eventually get a fireball. I think you know where I’m going.
Next question: You want your teenagers, with far less self control, far less wisdom, and far more hormones, doing this with people they aren’t married to?
Recommendation: Rather than point out all the things unmarried people should not be doing, make sure to constantly point out what the goal actually is. The goal -is- to fall in love. The goal -is- to get married. The goal -is- to have sex and make babies and produce Godly offspring.
However, we choose who we fall in love with, and we’re only wasting those precious moments with our future spouse when we trample on them beforehand.
For your daughters, make their character draw in her husband. Boys notice girls that dress differently. She’ll lure exactly the kind of person her character impresses.
For your sons, if they’re old enough that love has awakened, get them hard at work for the foundation of providing for their wife and family. Without my wife and children, I’d hardly be worth anything. They are a huge impetus in my life to get moving. Put that motivation of a wife your sons have toward working to get one. Get them producing money (they’re going to need it), learning a craft, buying a house. Once they’re close to being able, tell them to go on the hunt! Find her, draw her, marry her!
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1 Corinthians 7:9
***Here is some excellent advice from Michael Pearl about pornography. Click HERE.
Read this post to your children when they are young teenagers: The Great Cost of Fornication and the Beauty of Virginity