Do I Make Virginity an Idol?
People accuse me of making an idol of virginity especially since my viral post. I am considered some type of nut case by unbelievers or a far-right legalistic by many Christians. They claim I didn’t consider the widows, the sexually abused, or those who were promiscuous in their past. They fail to realize that God commands older women to teach young women to be “chaste” (Titus 2:3-5), so this is what I do.
I believe all of God’s ways are for our good. God wouldn’t have commanded us to “flee fornication” if it wasn’t for a very good reason. Someone has to teach the young women about chastity before marriage. It seems few are doing so, thus most young Christians couples are living together and thinking it’s completely acceptable. They falsely believe that one gets to know someone better by having sex with them, therefore, they must have sex before marriage. Sex clouds one’s judgment, thus causing many to marry unwisely. They allow the worldly lies to cause them to disobey God.
There’s an article titled Why Sexual Morality May be Far More Important Than You Ever Thought. What were some of the author’s conclusions after studying the health and downfall of nations?
“Increased sexual constraints, either pre or post-nuptial, always led to increased flourishing of a culture. Conversely, increased sexual freedom always led to the collapse of a culture three generations later.
“Surprisingly, the data revealed that the single most important correlation with the flourishing of a culture was whether pre-nuptial chastity was required or not. It had a very significant effect either way.
“The most powerful combination was pre-nuptial chastity coupled with ‘absolute monogamy.’ Rationalist cultures that retained this combination for at least three generations exceeded all other cultures in every area, including literature, art, science, furniture, architecture, engineering, and agriculture. Only three out of the eighty-six cultures studied ever attained this level.
“When strict prenuptial chastity was no longer the norm, absolute monogamy, deism, and rational thinking also disappeared within three generations.
“If total sexual freedom was embraced by a culture, that culture collapsed within three generations to the lowest state of flourishing — which Unwin describes as ‘inert’ and at a ‘dead level of conception’ and is characterized by people who have little interest in much else other than their own wants and needs. At this level, the culture is usually conquered or taken over by another culture with greater social energy.
“If there is a change in sexual constraints, either increased or decreased restraints, the full effect of that change is not realized until the third generation.
“Unwin found that when strict prenuptial chastity was abandoned, absolute monogamy, deism, and rational thinking disappeared within three generations of the change in sexual freedom.
“In direct contrast to rational thinking, a post-truth culture abandons ‘shared objective standards for truth’ and instead, stands on appeals to feelings and emotions, and what one wants to believe.”
Our culture abandoned sexual morality in the 1960s, therefore, the third generation after this is upon us, and we can clearly see the destruction it has had upon our culture. I grieve for our culture. Most young couples don’t even want to marry any longer. They just want to live together (sex with no commitment). Children are no longer wanted (abortion) and if they are born, they are often raised by strangers and then have to suffer through the divorce of their parents. Pornography and human trafficking are rampant.
We must be different and live our lives by the Truth found in God’s Word, women, even when our culture is not. His Word is perfect, and acceptable, and perfect! Teach your children the value of remaining chaste until marriage. Teach them that being a virgin and chaste until marriage isn’t just about not having intercourse. It begins with the thoughts and what they dwell upon. Tell them the importance of dwelling upon the lovely and the good. Explain that their actions will be born out of their thoughts, therefore, encourage them to guard their thoughts by taking them captive to the obedience of Christ.
They will listen to you and will likely obey you, especially if you have a good relationship with them and they are deeply loved by you. Children who are loved deeply, steeped in God’s Word, and disciplined diligently, grow up to want to please their parents. When they leave home, they will want to obey God because they know that His commands protect them. If you don’t teach them, culture will teach them the ways of wickedness. Don’t allow culture to mold your children. You mold them!
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18
22 thoughts on “Do I Make Virginity an Idol?”
I wish society still saw virginity as something valuable. I absolutely hate hook up culture and teens and young adults think of virginity as nothing but a “social construct” as an excuse to make terrible choices. I hear a lot of people my age wishing they wouldn’t get shamed for having premarital sex, well you know what would stop that? Behaving respectfully and saving yourself for your future spouse. Feminism has pushed hyper-sexuality so much but it ignores that promiscuous behaviour is often used as an unhealthy coping mechanism for trauma and not something that should be normalized.
Amen!!!!!
I read the link you provided and the research is quite shocking… and telling… and frightening for what the future holds, unless people begin obeying God’s moral laws, which, instead of being “Insufferable” as feminists claim, will diminish our suffering, which is God’s intent.
I never heard about this research before; thank you for sharing it.
I keep hoping Hollywood gets stamped out (better to loose an eye than the whole body be cast into hell, right)? For generations it has been pulling culture and morality down by redefining normal. It is a liar in every way but yet it has set up expectations in people’s minds of a hedonistic lifestyle.
You’re so right about that, M. Hollywood has a lot to answer for. They have become more and more wicked over the years.
Amen and Amen! So sad what our culture has come to.. “The prince of the power of the air” Eph 2:2 is trying to deceive as many as possible, and always trying to control humanity. But God is always always more powerful! He will always keep a remnant to Himself. And we must proclaim His truths! “Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!” Rev. 22:20
I live in New Zealand and when I was a teenager we were shamed by the culture for *not* having premarital sex! This was back in the late 90s, but I’m fairly sure it hasn’t changed much. If anything, it’s gotten worse.
I have three teenagers, the oldest has just turned 17, and although I have done my best to protect them, they are also aware of the rampant sex culture here. Very few of their friends live in a home where there is a mum and a dad, married to each other. Some of their friends are sexually active. Boys, especially, talk about sex a lot, bragging about their exploits – whether real or imagined. And my oldest teens go to/went to a Catholic high school (my 13 year old is in public high school) where you would think fornication would be discouraged. Sadly, it doesn’t really seem to be.
I would love it if culture here shamed people for pre-marital sex but sadly, it doesn’t. In fact, our culture does the exact opposite. We have laws in place which makes it acceptable.
Lori’s blog is a breath of fresh air and I love it!
Thank you, KAK. It’s heartbreaking because these kids think they’re having so much “fun” but in reality, they are experiencing short term pleasure for long term pain. Someone needs to speak truth to them.
I’ve found that it is difficult to encourage marriage and virginity to young Christian girls when their, supposedly Christian, parents are happy to allow their daughters to live with their boyfriends, and have babies without being married. Also churches allowing women who have never been married but have children, to be in leadership positions. For non virgin Christian girls, it can be hard because of other Christians condemning you instead of forgiving you but they lose, condemning others is a sin that will send them to hell. Remember God forgives you. Live like a virgin even if you were not one previously.
I was introduced to this article when it was published and found the research powerful, proving God’s ways are best. I take every opportunity to teach my children the importance of protecting their virginity, not as an idol, but because God commands it, and He created us, loves us, and His mandates are for our protection. I appreciate the challenge to take thoughts captive as well. What a challenge with the culture we live in, but a crucial first step in sexual purity.
I think that as Christians we need to balance out the despicable feminists ideology and promiscuity by actively celebrating and cherishing virginity.
Wow, that article was AMAZING. Thank you for sharing.
I have done a good bit of lay marital counseling. There has been one common denominator. Sexual sin before marriage. Sometimes intercourse, sometimes porn, sometimes other things. But I have literally never spoken to a woman in a troubled marriage who did not have sexual sin in her past.
I am NOT saying they don’t exist, bc they do! There are definitely innocent victims and we should always assume, unless we know for sure otherwise (Like they tell you), that a person is innocent. But a very large percentage of marital conflict comes from sexual sin!
For those who are interested, you can read or download Unwin’s book at https://archive.org/details/b20442580/mode/2up
Sexual sin – of which fornication is unquestionably the most common is at the root of so many of the problems of marriage.
By keeping herself pure for her husband a woman shows the importance she places on marriage, family and her ultimate role of motherhood.
You just said that condemning others is a sin and will send them(Christians) to hell . If Christians can go to he’ll for sinning then what good is Salvation?
Of course Christians can go to hell for sinning!
Repentance is necessary for salvation.
No, that’s wrong. Once we believe in Jesus Christ, we are forgiven for every single past and present sin. The ONLY unforgivable sin is that of unbelief in Jesus Christ.
The big thing is a true believer is not going to live in sin or live a life of sin. You can’t call yourself a Christian and still be actively sinning like homosexual lifestyle, porn addict, alcoholic, etc. Yes we’ll slip up and sin but there is a huge difference between knowingly sinning and not caring, and slipping up every once in awhile then repenting.
I do not know if sexual immorality is just one of the consequences or the cause, but our culture is definitely stagnating.
In the 20th century, we got electricity, washing machines, the fridge, electric stoves and so many useful things that made our lives more convenient and safer. Men did not have to chop wood or wake up early to start the fire, repair things, build houses etc. Women did not have to hand-wash, grow their own gardens, prep food for the whole winter. They both had more time for relationships, weekend trips etc.
What did we get in the last 50 years? Word processors (which I am somewhat grateful for, it is far easier than a typing machine) and the internet, without which I could imagine my life without any problem. We have WiFi in our refrigerators, Google monitoring our location and our private thoughts and searches; buggy software, with bad documentation and user experience. In the past it took a couple of competent people two write a whole operating system. Now you cannot do even a feature in a simple web application without meeting multiple times with multiple people to make the most simple business decision and then write 10-50 lines of code.
What do we have today in the “COVID-19” era? A total mess and chaos. It is quite possible that we will have to go back to the old ways if this complex global crisis continues, which is not something I am looking forward to. I’d love to be a keeper at home God willing, but in the 1960s style, not 1920s in the midst of the great depression!
For the stagnation in art and literature I have no words. Social media oversaturated with “creativity”, no real curation, no quality.
People have no power for real innovation any more.
The innovation of the last twenty years with internet and computers, zoom, Facebook and such is why this COVID situation is far more tolerable than it could have been. We can still work (I attend work through Zoom so I can still help my husband provide for our family). I think COVID will spur far more innovation and innovation is why we aren’t falling completely apart.
Every post here warning against fornication is absolutely necessary! My mother was raised by a single mother with a troubled past and no fear of the Lord. She was not godly in any way which led to my mother modeling ungodliness and wickedness in our home. I can’t begin to express the pain and resentment I have felt towards my mother. I feel neglected in every way by her.
Do not have sex before marriage! It will destroy your soul. There is such a thing as “death” before actual death. Once you realize what you’ve done, it will feel that you are in a constant state of dying. For me it has lasted for years. It has been the root of mental issues and nightmares. I have experienced Hell on earth because I did not receive parenting or mentorship equipping me to guard my virginity. There is a spiritual battle that takes place when you do things outside the will of God. Tormenting spirits, Satan using your past to discourage you when praying, chains of shame that prevent you from ever opening up to anyone, and continual lies that will try to disqualify your salvation are all very real and you will experience at least one. So, repent if you have sinned.
Please don’t do it. It is not worth the pain you’ll experience!