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Are We Careful to Not Cross Dress?

Are We Careful to Not Cross Dress?

Dalrock wrote about cross dressing on his blog and it is definitely food for thought. God definitely wants women to dress and act like women and he wants men to dress and act like men but it has become acceptable in our culture for women to dress and act like men, even in the Christian culture, sadly. Yes, our wicked culture has now decided that men can act and dress like women but we clearly know this is wrong. How did we fail to recognize that the opposite is just as wrong? 

The problem is, for decades we have been taught that there is nothing shameful about a woman dressing like and acting like a man. This is so much the case that it is really difficult to conceive of what would be considered cross-dressing for a woman in our culture, including modern conservative Christian culture. Which of the following would cause a modern woman to be shamed for being a cross dresser?

Wearing jeans instead of dresses and skirts?  Nope.
Wearing boxer shorts?  Nope.
Joining the army and driving a tank, eating field rations, and wearing combat boots?  Nope.
Dressing up like a lumberjack?  Nope.
Wearing a man’s haircut?  Nope.

A woman today who dresses like a man might be chided for her questionable  fashion sense, but she wouldn’t seen as cross dressing. For a woman to be considered a cross dresser, she would have to go to the greatest extremes. Not only would she have to make herself look like a man in every way, she would have to actually claim to be a man for us to consider her a cross dresser.

Contrast this with a man who does any of the below.  Is he seen as a cross dresser?

Wears women’s underwear?  Yes.
Wears women’s dresses or skirts (excluding kilts)?  Yes.
Wears women’s shoes?  Yes.

We have in our culture two kinds of clothing/styles:

Clothing and styles everyone can wear.
Clothing and styles men must not wear.

From a practical perspective, it is all but impossible for a woman to cross dress in our culture. We have great difficulty even conceiving of the idea. Cross dressing in our culture is something that almost exclusively pertains to men, because a woman cross dressing is simply normal. From this perspective, we were already half way to accepting cross dressing as far back as the 1980s. We’ve lived for decades rejecting the idea that something God detests is even possible. Even worse, we have denied that our perspective on the issue has changed. We forgot it, and then we forgot that we forgot it.

Let’s begin today to dress and act like godly women who love being feminine with meek and quiet spirits.

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
Deuteronomy 22:5

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Proverbs 31:22

Modesty and Beauty Go Together

Modesty and Beauty Go Together

Written By Nancy Campbell

Modesty and beauty should go together. Both enhance one another. Modesty does not have to be old-fashioned and drab.

There are some dear Christian women who feel they must wear plain and drab clothes to be modest. But we don’t find this anywhere in the Bible. Far from the truth.

The Proverbs 31 woman was dressed beautifully in “fine linen and purple.” When Sarah went down to Egypt, the Pharaoh of Egypt noticed her and brought her to his harem (she would have been clothed in garments suited to royalty). When God designed the clothes for the high priest and his sons, He said, “Thou shalt make holy garments for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty” (Exodus 28:2).

God was the first clothes designer. And what is His plan? He wants us to dress HOLY. But he also wants us to dress for GLORY and for BEAUTY. God delights in beauty. “God has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). He created us for His pleasure (Revelation 4:11) and I am sure He loves us to look glorious and beautiful. He clothes His animal creation with beauty and color. He creates the trees and flowers with glory and color. How much more His highest creation?

However, did you notice the other word God used about clothing? He said: “You are to make HOLY garments.” In other words, we must make sure we are covered. When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they became aware they were naked and sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. But they weren’t fully covered. Then God came, shed the blood of an animal, and made them “coats of skins, and CLOTHED them” (Genesis 3:21). The word “coats” means “to cover.”

In Mark 5:1-15 we read the story of how Jesus delivered the man who was possessed with a legion of devils. After Jesus delivered him the Bible says the people found him “sitting, and CLOTHED, and in his right mind.”

I am troubled by the immodesty among God’s women today. It’s nearly impossible to go into the doors of a church without confronting cleavage! I beg your pardon? Are we going to a secular function or the house of God? Didn’t Jesus die, shed His blood, and give His life for the church to SANCTIFY and CLEANSE her (Ephesians 5:25-27)? The word “sanctify” means “to make holy, to set apart from the world.”

I know that many do it ignorantly because they follow what everyone else is doing. And, because no one says anything about it!

Sometimes the cleavage is bold; in others it is borderline. Not too much, but just a little showing? God’s people should never be borderline! Never compromise! Never sit on the fence! We are either one thing or the other. James 4:4 clearly states that if we are friends with the world we are an enemy of God. We should always lift the standard high.

I am also saddened by many Christian women who publish pictures of themselves on social media, showing cleavage and dressed immodestly. And worse still. So many other Christian women LIKE it! Help! Do they love it? Do they love to see fellow saints showing themselves off? Or do they have no godly standard at all? Or are they so conditioned to immodesty that they don’t even notice it? When we LIKE something on Facebook, we affirm we agree with it.

I am also saddened by many Christian movies that bring a wonderful message of truth and the gospel of Jesus Christ, and yet some of the actors are often dressed immodestly. It makes a double standard.

Forgive me for my little rave, but we each have a responsibility to keep each other in line, don’t we? We are our “brother’s keeper.”

Can I end on a positive note? Let’s dress for GLORY and BEAUTY. I often fall down on this one, especially around home! This doesn’t mean we have to have expensive clothes. You can make anything beautiful. And you make anything beautiful from Goodwill.

***Photo by Daniel Gerhartz

Why Did Women Burn Their Bras?

Why Did Women Burn Their Bras?

Women supposedly burned their bras in the 1960s. This happened during the years when I was a young child since I was born in 1958 and I sure remember hearing about it. In discussing the topic of openly breastfeeding in public last week (women unashamedly showing their breasts while breastfeeding), it was shocking how many women, even Christian women, believe this is okay. In pondering this, I remembered the time when women burned their bras and wondered if there was any correlation so I looked it up.

“During the 1960’s, women started protesting for equal rights. Women before the 1960’s were known as housewives and mothers and nothing but those two things. This aggravated many women and made them feel the need to reform this stereotype. The 1960’s was the time to do this.

Women burned their bras because they felt that it proved a statement or made a stand for Women’s Rights. Another reason they burned their bras was because it was a symbol that showed independence of men at the time. The women that didn’t burn their bras often walked around wearing no bra at all. This was also meant to show independence of men.” (source)

The truth is that these women were not trying to show their independence from men by burning their bras and fighting against the concept of being housewives and mothers. They were fighting and rebelling against God’s will for them since He greatly values wives, mothers, homemakers, and modesty. He is the One who made women the weaker vessel, thus depending upon men for many things. Women were not created to be independent from men. They were created to be their husband’s help meet if they are married.

One woman in the chat room wrote about openly breastfeeding in public. “Covering up used to be the norm. No God-fearing woman would have ever even thought of revealing herself because she was exemplifying modesty, dignity and shamefacedness. I asked my grandmother some time back about women breastfeeding in public and she said no one would even do it in the presence of men; they would excuse themselves and go to a private place. That’s the respectful thing to do…for yourself, baby and others.”

Her grandmother was raised in America before the 60s when women were taught to be wives, mothers, homemakers, discreet, chaste, modest, and shamefaced (not drawing attention to themselves). I nursed four babies for a year each and never once did a man who wasn’t my husband see my breasts. I knew that would be wrong and embarrassing for both of us. Too many younger women today have no sense of shame and decency when it comes to nakedness.

Has our culture somehow “sexualized” breasts as some believe? No! God is the One who sexualized them. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:19). No matter how much women falsely believe they should be able to openly show their breasts and not have men lust after them, it’s NOT going to happen just because they want it to happen. God created men to be attracted to the female body. “If a woman wants to understand male sexuality, the first thing she needs to understand is the power of the visual” (Dennis Prager).

One woman responded on one of my handwritten posts about thong bathing suits and breastfeeding openly, “You are equating breastfeeding with wearing thongs?” No, I am equating bare breasts with bare bottoms. The Women’s Rights Movement was and is against God and His will for women. It is against being godly wives, motherhood, modesty, and everything feminine that defines a woman. No, feminists weren’t and aren’t fighting men. They were and are fighting God. Try to remember this the next time you find yourself supporting something that feminists or our culture supports.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:9

Nudity on Our Beaches

Nudity on Our Beaches

Unfortunately, nudity has come to the beaches, lakes, and pools of America and we shouldn’t be surprised. Many women don’t seem to have any problem with men of all ages lusting after them and seeing them as objects. God commands that we be modest and shamefaced, not drawing attention to ourselves, but as we, as a culture, grow farther away from God’s principles, we can see that women have no shame with being naked.

On our walks on the beach, I have seen a troubling trend; more and more women are wearing thong bathing suits and when they are laying on a towel or are seen from the backside, they look naked. Is there NO concern for children these days??? Where has common human decency gone? Do all these women care about is themselves, their ego, and what they want to wear?

Yes, these women are absolutely 100% being stumbling blocks to all of the men around them. I read what others write against me for saying this as if women are completely innocent concerning men’s lust but they aren’t! We are called to love others and be unselfish but when women are wearing thongs they are only loving themselves and being selfish. They aren’t thinking at all of the effect they are having on the young to old men around them and the children who are seeing their nakedness.

Aren’t their laws against nudity in our land? Shouldn’t there be beaches that are “family friendly” and we don’t have to see naked women all around us? Yes, I know that bikinis have been around a long time but at least they covered up the most private parts of the female body even though they are still extremely immodest. When women are actually showing off their entire backside, they have become naked which is continually associated with shame all throughout the Bible.

The majority of women desire men and their attention. I remember when I was 16 or 17 years old and deeply wanting a young man in my life. I wanted the strength, love, affection, protection, and attention of a man. I believe it’s a normal desire that God has given to us after puberty. Our culture uses this desire in a twisted way called serial dating. We want the attention and love of a man so we try different men out since we’re “way too young” to be married even though our bodies tell us otherwise. We show off our bodies in hopes of attracting men to us to fulfill the longing we have for a man then do things that should only be saved for the marriage bed unless we’ve been taught otherwise. We pretend marriage.

Many young people get into a lot of sexual trouble during these years because of this trend of putting off marriage for so many years after puberty. Most parents aren’t teaching their children about modesty, waiting for a godly man in God’s timing, purity, abstinence, and all the things that God requires from us who want to live lives pleasing to Him. It’s imperative, mothers, to teach your children from a young age the goodness of God and His ways!

I have also noticed a good trend lately among godly women for modest bathing suits that are actually very cute. The great thing about these types of bathing suits are they are more comfortable (it’s much more comfortable when dressed modestly), and protection from the sun (since most sunscreens are unhealthy and cause skin cancer). As godly women who want to live our lives pleasing to the Lord, the only man that we should want “lusting” after us is our husbands. Outside of being in the privacy with them, we must make sure that our clothing isn’t causing other men to stumble and doesn’t draw attention to ourselves.

For young unmarried women, you should not be using your bodies to attract men since this has nothing whatsoever to do with having a good, strong married. Clothe yourself with modesty, humility, gentleness, purity, kindness, meekness, and love. These are the ingredients for a strong marriage, not immodesty and nakedness in public places. If you are married, adorn yourself with submission as the holy women of old did; for this will be beautiful to your husband.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:9

The Permanent Adorning of the Heart

The Permanent Adorning of the Heart

As godly women, we are not called to spend a lot of time and money adorning our outward appearance, but to adorn ourselves with a meek and quiet spirit, along with being in subjection unto our own husbands (1 Peter 3:4, 5). Have you seen a woman who doesn’t spend much time on her outward appearance but lives in subjection to her husband? I have and it’s a beautiful thing to watch. She is beautiful to her husband. She has learned to control her lusts and selfish ambitions and beautifies herself with something that has eternal value.

I was eager again to learn what commentaries had to say about adorning ourselves with a meek and quiet spirit since it should deeply motivate all of us to be this type of woman. Yes, I have done posts about this topic before but it’s good to be reminded over and over again about the splendid truths that are in God’s Word.

“Let it not be with you a matter of external ornamentation—elaborate processes, and costly, but perishable, decorations—but let it be a matter of the heart, the character, the true self, manifesting itself in a constant tone of unassuming and imperturbable sweetness—an imperishable attraction.”

How do we work on our heart and our character? We must spend time at Jesus’ feet in His Word; for we are told that we are transformed by renewing our minds with truth. This is how it happens, women! It won’t happen if all you do is listen to other women speaking/teaching. It won’t happen by reading any and all marriage books you can get your hands on. It won’t happen by trying harder. You must be in God’s Word daily; for it is living and active and will transform you!

“Of a calm temper; a contented mind; a heart free from passion, pride, envy, and irritability; a soul not subject to the agitations and vexations of those who live for fashion, and who seek to be distinguished for external adorning…and, in order to this, he recommends them, instead of seeking external ornaments, to seek those of the mind and of the heart, as more agreeable to their husbands.”

Most of us like to dress fashionable and look pretty. This consumes a lot of women’s time, money, and energy, especially in our culture but it’s not what has true value. People see our outward appearance for a moment but it’s our inward beauty and joy that they remember. Choose to be joyful and thankful; for a cheerful heart is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22)!

You may just learn to enjoy life’s many blessings as this 92 year old women did by living these five principles:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less and enjoy every moment.

“The decoration of the body is not all, nor is it the principal thing which husband desires. He desires primarily in his wife the more permanent adorning which pertains to the heart.” Yes, men do like their wives to look pretty since they are visual. Eating healthy and exercising actually makes a woman more beautiful than the makeup, hairstyle, and clothes she wears, in my opinion. I’m not sure men notice clothing as much as women think they do. Work on becoming as healthy and as fit as you can be, put on a bit of makeup and make sure your hair looks good, but then make sure you are feeding your soul daily since a meek and quiet spirit is always more beautiful to men than anything we can do for our outward appearance which fades quickly.

“A wife, therefore, if she would permanently please her husband, should seek the adorning of the soul rather than the body; the ornament of the heart rather than gold and jewels. The one can never be a substitute for the other; and whatever outward decorations she may have, unless she have a gentleness of spirit, a calmness of temper, a benevolence and purity of soul, and a cultivation of mind that her husband can love, she cannot calculate on his permanent affection.”

Do you want your husband to have a strong attraction to you? It’s not going to come from your outward appearance since an ugly attitude makes the outward beauty unattractive quickly. We must train and discipline ourselves for the purposes of godliness and remind ourselves that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!

“Women who are more apt to be overmuch pleased with external dresses, and bodily ornaments, are exhorted rather to enrich and beautify their souls with Divine graces, than their bodies with gaudy clothes…by meekness may be meant gentleness, easiness and sweetness of spirit, in opposition to moroseness, frowardness, pride, passion, and by quietness, a peaceable, still, modest temper, in opposition to pragmaticalness, talkativeness, clamorousness.”

Gentleness. Easiness. Sweetness of spirit. What man wouldn’t want to live with a woman who had these beautiful qualities? All of our clothing, jewelry, perfume, shoes, purses, and everything else we decorate ourselves will one day burn but the impression we make on others , especially our husbands, will last forever!

“This grace of meekness, humility, and quietness, is a fruit of the Spirit, and so a part of the hidden woman, and is what is very ornamental to a believer; it is her clothing, her inward adorning, and what makes her lovely in the sight of God, and of her people.”

Let’s become hidden, godly women in our homes with our husbands. This is what the Lord has called us to do and this is what makes us lovely. Nothing this world has to offer makes us beautiful since beauty is only skin deep. True and lasting beauty comes from the spirit of a woman who loves the Lord and seeks to please Him in all that she does.

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:4

Women Shall Not Wear Men’s Clothing and Vice Versa

Women Shall Not Wear Men’s Clothing and Vice Versa

Women have used this verse to try to convince me that women are not to wear pants.

The woman shall not wear that which pertains to a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination to the LORD your God.
Deuteronomy 22:5

The problem with this argument is that men didn’t wear pants in biblical times either, therefore, it doesn’t seem to apply specifically to pants. Men wore long, flowing robes back then. This verse is from the Law, which we are no longer under, but we can still learn from the entire Bible about the Lord and what He thinks about different issues. I haven’t been able to find anything, even in the Law, that gives specifications about what exactly women are supposed to wear, except that it be modest, not expensive, and not look like men’s clothing. I believe there were no specific details given since cultures change and what each sex wears is usually easy to identify.

Let’s look at what the commentaries had to say about this verse.

The distinction between the sexes is natural and divinely established, and cannot be neglected without indecorum and consequent danger to purity” (Barnes’ Notes). We can see the blurring of sexes happening in our culture with homosexuals and transgenders advancing their cause. Women are dressing like men and men like women. Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell the sex of a person and this should not be for us.

Ken wears pants and so do I once in a while but everyone can still easily see that I am a woman and he is a man by the different style of pants and shirts we wear, by the differences in our hairstyle and cut, and I wear makeup, paint my toenails and wear earrings and he never does. He is masculine and I am feminine.

For the adoption of the habiliments (garments) of the one sex by the other is an outrage on decency, obliterates the distinctions of nature by fostering softness and effeminacy in the man, impudence and boldness in the woman as well as levity and hypocrisy in both; and, in short, it opens the door to an influx of so many evils that all who wear the dress of another sex are pronounced ‘an abomination unto the Lord’ (Jamieson-Fausset Commentary).

Men are not supposed to look soft and feminine in their clothing and women are not to look impudent and bold in theirs. Effeminacy means “the softness, delicacy and weakness in men, which are characteristic of the female sex, but which in males are deemed a reproach…and an abomination unto the Lord.” No wonder we’re repulsed whenever we see a man dressed and acting like a woman, yet many today are being entertained by it! Disgusting. Whatever disgusts the Lord should disgust us.

Women are the ones who are to look soft and delicate and are not to look impudent and bold. Impudence means “shamelessness; effrontery (transgressing the bounds of modesty and decorum).” As godly women, we need to be known for our modesty and femininity and it becomes even more important as our culture falls farther from these standards. Children are growing up so confused about gender issues so we need to be salt and light to them. Show them what true femininity looks and acts like.

This is a battle in our culture right now, women. It began with the feminist movement and as these commentaries point out, when women want to become men and vice versa, it leads to all types of evils. Train your daughters to enjoy being feminine. Dress them like girls and train them to act feminine and train your sons to be masculine and act like males. If you don’t, the culture around them will tell them that they get to decide what gender they want to be and this is evil. 

It being very unseemly and impudent, and contrary to the modesty of her sex; or there shall not be upon her any ‘instrument of a man’, any utensil of his which he makes use of in his trade and business; as if she was employed in it, when her business was not to do the work of men, but to take care of her house and family; and so this law may be opposed to the customs of the Egyptians, as is thought, from whom the Israelites were lately come; whose women used to trade and merchandise abroad, while the men kept at home; and the word also signifies armour; and so here forbids women putting on a military habit and going with men to war, as was usual with the eastern women …and since in nature a difference of sexes is made, it is proper and necessary that this should be known by difference of dress, or otherwise many evils might follow” (Gill’s Commentary).

Women were not created to do the “work of men.” No, women are not to be in the military. They aren’t to be policemen or firemen. These are men’s jobs and among believers, we need to honor and respect men’s positions in society instead of try to infiltrate them. Women’s work is to take “care of the home and family,” as this commentary states. It’s clear all throughout the Word of God and nothing our culture does should ever change this for godly women. We are to set the examples to our society, not follow them.

The Egyptians must have had women who had left their homes and taken over men’s positions and some men stayed at home but the Iraelites, God’s chosen people, were not to follow their culture. They were to follow God’s ways. In the same way when Paul wrote his epistles, women were most likely not being keepers at home but were following in the footsteps of the men around them and joining them in their jobs. Maybe some of the women were smarter than the men so the men went home to take care of the home and the children but Paul exhorted the believers that this was not the case among Christians. Women who profess Christ are to be the keepers at home and the men are to be the providers. This is God’s perfect will for us.

Whatever tends to obliterate the distinction between the sexes tends to licentiousness; and that the one sex should assume the dress of the other has always been regarded as unnatural and indecent (Pulpit Commentary) Licentiousness means “excessive indulgence of liberty; contempt of the just restraints of law, morality and decorum.” In Christ, we do not have excessive indulgence of liberty. No, we are to discipline our flesh and make it our slave. We are not to live as we please and satisfy our fleshly desires but to obey the governing authorities and more importantly God’s Word.

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
Romans 6:1, 2

Dress femininely, women. Ask your husbands what is modest and feminine since they are the God-ordained head over you and you are to live in submission to their leadership in everything. God makes this very clear in His Word and gives you the specifics of what submission looks like unlike modesty. Your husbands are to be who you dress to please but make sure that all who see you can easily tell you are a woman by what you wear, how you act, and what you do. Rejoice in being women and the role the Lord has given you!

Jinger Duggar is Now “Freed” From Wearing Dresses

Jinger Duggar is Now “Freed” From Wearing Dresses

We were discussing in the chat room the fact that Jinger Duggar is now wearing pants since she got married and some women outside of the chat room are clearly excited about it. This sentiment bothered me since it made it seem as if she was in “bondage” in her parent’s home but now she’s “free.” I have heard those who hate Christianity state the same sentiment and as believers in Christ, we should support other believers in their convictions.

If Jim Bob and Michelle have the convictions that females should only wear skirts and dresses just below the knee, we should applaud them for having convictions and sticking to them instead of rejoicing when one of their daughters walks away from that conviction when she marries. In saying this, I have no problem with Jinger wearing pants now since it must be okay with her husband who is her head now and not her father. It’s no big deal but not something to celebrate since she wasn’t in bondage in her parent’s home!

Christianity is never bondage but freedom in Christ. We have freedom to decide what is modest and what isn’t modest by asking our dads when we live under their roof and our husbands once married and then dressing accordingly. Men know what causes men to stumble and what does not.

In the discussion in the chat room, some women felt that women should only wear skirts and dresses and they should be“long and flowing” since this is what modest “apparel” means in the Greek, so I decided to see what the commentaries of old had to say about it. (If you have a question about anything in the Bible, I encourage you to go to the commentaries of old and learn from these men and their interpretations of the Word. Many of them are convicting and challenging and this study sure was for me!).

Many women today love clothing and fashion, especially in America. Our closets are packed full and it’s easy to be looking for new clothes to spend money on even though we have plenty. Dressing fashionable has never been a big deal to me. I just mostly want to be comfortable and look nice, not fashionable or own a bunch of expensive clothing but these commentaries still very much convicted and challenged me.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with modesty and sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:9

Ellicott’s Commentary about this phrase: “Adorn themselves in modest apparel.”—This direction to Christian women was not intended to apply to their ordinary dress in the world, but simply explained to the sisters of the Ephesian flock that their place in public worship was one of quiet attention—that their reverence and adoration must be shown not by thrusting themselves forward with a view to public teaching or public praying, but by being present and taking part silently—avoiding especially in these services anything like a conspicuous dress or showy ornaments—anything, in fact, which would be likely to arouse attention, or distract the thoughts of others.”

Part of being modest is not wanting to speak in the church which I have written a lot about. Since the Apostle made a big deal about women being silent so should we. Also, our clothing should not be showy and trying to get others to notice us, especially members of the opposite sex; for we are called to be shamefaced, not wanting to draw others’ attention.

Benson Commentary: “The word καταστολη, rendered apparel, according to Theophylact and Œcumenius, was a long upper garment which covered the body every way. What the apostle especially forbids is that immodest manner of dressing which is calculated to excite impure desires in the spectators, or a vain admiration of the beauty of those that use it: also that gaudiness or showiness of dress which proceeds from vanity, and nourishes vanity, wastes time and money, and so prevents many good works.”

Our clothing should cover the body, which is pretty much a given. We also need to be careful to not waste time shopping for clothes or spending a lot of money on it, but instead, we need to care a lot more about serving and helping others. We are called to be known for our good works, NOT for how we dress.

Matthew Henry’s Commentary: “Women who profess the Christian religion, must be modest in apparel, not affecting gaudiness, gaiety, or costliness. Good works are the best ornament; these are, in the sight of God, of great price. Modesty and neatness are more to be consulted in garments than elegance and fashion. And it would be well if the professors of serious godliness were wholly free from vanity in dress. They should spend more time and money in relieving the sick and distressed, than in decorating themselves and their children.”

This is the sentence that is very convicting: “It would be well if the professors of serious godliness were wholly free from vanity in dress.” Vanity means emptiness; want of substance to satisfy desire; fruitless desire or endeavor. Are you serious about godliness? Do you want to please the Lord in everything? If so, then you should want to be free from vanity in dress.

This statement reminded me of Debi Pearl. I have seen her in some YouTubes and she always dresses fairly plain and modest. I spent a week with them years ago and she dressed the same way. She doesn’t wear makeup and wears her hair long but every time I saw her, she was smiling and joyful. One can easily see that she cares more about inner beauty than outward beauty.

This is very appealing to me, especially as I grow older and don’t care as much about how I look since my looks are definitely fading but it seems it should be important to all women who are serious about godliness. We need to care more about helping the hurting and suffering than spending time and money on vain pursuits and decorating ourselves.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:20

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible: “The apostle does not positively specify what this would be, but he mentions somethings which are to be excluded from it, and which, in his view, are inconsistent with the true adorning of Christian females – ‘broidered hair, gold, pearls, costly array.’ The sense here is, that the apparel of females should be such as becomes them, or is appropriate to them. The word here used (κόσμιος kosmios), shows that there should be due attention that it may be truly neat, fit, decorous. There is no religion in a negligent mode of apparel, or in inattention to personal appearance – anymore than there is in wearing gold and pearls; and a female may as truly violate the precepts of her religion by neglecting her personal appearance as by excessive attention to it.

The true idea here is, that her attention to her appearance should be such that she will be offensive to no class of persons; such as to show that her mind is supremely fixed on higher and more important things, and such as to interfere with no duty which she owes, and no good which she can do, either by spending her time needlessly in personal adorning, or by lavishing that money for dress which might do good to others, or by neglecting the proprieties of her station, and making herself offensive to others.”

This is the bottom line: Paul doesn’t positively say what modest apparel is and we need to be careful about becoming legalistic about this by trying to find how priests in the Old Testament were supposed to dress or how the Greek may have interpreted the word “apparel” since opinions and commentaries vary on this. We need to make sure we are clean, neat, and modest but not waste time, energy, or money on our looks, nor waste time when a female Duggar wears pants.

This is not easy in our fashion and youth-driven culture but we are not of this world. This isn’t our home, and as we dress modestly without spending a lot of money, we need to be paying a lot more attention to our inner man. Our concern should be to be salt and light to a decaying culture, not keeping up with its fashions and vanity. Let’s learn to spend the money, energy, and time on others instead. If you are a mother of young children, this means your time will mostly be spent in your home with them but as they get older, you will have time to minister to those in your community.

Modest and Pure in Heart and Dress

Modest and Pure in Heart and Dress

A godly, pastor’s wife lent me her book Modesty: More Think a Change of Clothes by Martha Peace and Pastor Kent Keller. I love that it has a godly man chime in since it’s good to know men’s opinions about these things. They state that the purpose of this book is “about repenting from immodesty and becoming modest and pure in your heart and outward dress.”

We should not dress or act in any way that would cause another person to be tempted to sin. The Bible tells us we are not to be a ‘stumbling block to the weak'( 1 Corinthians 8:9). Since men are weaker in this area, we females should try to make it as easy as possible for them to remain pure…A woman could show love to the men in her life, whether she personally knows them or not, by not dressing in a way that would entice them to think of her in an unrighteous manner.

Another vivid picture of how difficult it is for a man not to lust after an immodestly dressed woman comes to us from one of the sermons of a seventeenth-century pastor, Richard Baxter. This part of the sermon was to help women understand the man’s struggle. Baxter suggested that you think of yourself as a candle in a room filled with gunpowder. Gunpowder is harmless in a room filled with gunpowder. When exposed to a flame, it immediately blows the entire building to bits. You cannot take it back once the explosion happens.

Therefore, protect your flame (be modest) so that you do not ignite explosive, sinful passion in guys who are quickly and easily inflamed by immodesty…You don’t have to hide, but you do have to cover those God-given gifts that are meant to be revealed only to your husband. Exposing those gifts outside the context of marriage cries out for the lustful attention of guys.”

Recently, I read a popular post that was going around Facebook that stated that the word ‘modest’ is only mentioned one time in the Bible and the Church makes too big of a deal about it, thus shaming women and placing all of the blame upon them for men lusting. I don’t know what church he goes to but in the 58 years that I’ve been attending church, I have never heard modesty taught from older women in the church or preached from the pulpit.

The concept of modesty isn’t mentioned only once in the Bible as he claimed. Nakedness and shame go together throughout the Word. The word ‘shamefaced’ is also mentioned referring to how women should behave which means to not draw attention to themselves. Women are also instructed to be discreet (prudent) and chaste (purity) which includes being modest. We are told to have meek and quiet spirits and our apparel, actions, and words either prove this to be true of us or false.

I also disagree that any of God’s principles can be made too big a deal about, especially in our overly immodest and highly-sexualized culture and yes, women need to know what their immodest dressing does to men. We are to be wise as serpents and not be children in our thinking or actions anymore.

What we wear IS important! It’s the first thing people notice about us when they see us. Are we bringing glory to the Lord in the way we dress or are we bringing glory to ourselves? We are to deny ourselves and think more highly of others than we do ourselves. We are to love other as ourselves. Do you love the men around you enough to cover up and not to be a stumbling block for them?

If you are married to a godly man, he should be your barometer on what is modest and immodest, not other women’s convictions or their husband’s convictions, but your husband’s convictions since he is head over you and you are called to submit to him. Since he is a man, he will easily know what men lust after today and what is modest. Modesty standards do change with the culture and times or we’d all be wearing dresses down to our feet and sleeves down to our wrists. Thankfully, the Lord didn’t define modesty for us so we do have freedom in Him to figure out our convictions individually, although there are some things that are definitely immodest which even ungodly men will admit.

Finally, your modesty should come from a place of love and devotion to your Heavenly Father. Your heart’s desire should be to please Him in everything by living in obedience to all of His ways. When you love Him deeply, dressing and acting modestly will come easily for you since you represent Jesus on this earth and you will want to adorn the Gospel of Christ. Ultimately, modesty is a heart issue and the way you dress shows if your heart has been transformed by the power of the Word or not.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19, 20

Making It Easy For Your Husband to Not Lust

Making It Easy For Your Husband to Not Lust

Written by Trey 

It is possible for a Christian man to train himself and his eyes to not look at and lust after another woman but I will tell you the best way that a wife can help her husband to win in this never ending battle. By being obedient to scripture, she actually can make it easy for him to not be tempted to look at and lust after other women. If she is disobedient to the scripture, she makes it much more difficult for him to win this battle. Wives, you were created to be a helper suitable for your husband. Here is one of the primary ways that you were created to help him.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 – The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:18-19 – May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

A wife should absolutely make it one of her highest priorities to keep her husband 100% sexually satisfied at all times. She should do this by visually pleasing him (your husband takes pleasure in seeing you in various states from all the way clothed to completely naked and every way in between), physically satisfying him (sex in all of its lawful forms), and emotionally nourishing him (your arousal, participation and response). All of these are critical. Your husband should sexually want for absolutely NOTHING…. ever, as long as you are not Providentially deterred (injury, sickness, etc.).

By doing this, you will make winning this battle (against lust) for your husband infinitely easier (almost effortless in most cases). Failing to do your “duty,” will make your husband’s life much more difficult (miserable) and he will be unnecessarily forced to (wastefully) expend energy to win the (never ending) battle against lust that he could be (gainfully) spending on other things, like serving the Lord, ministering to others and loving, caring for and nourishing you and your children.

Wives, you hold the keys to so many of the riches and blessings that can come from a Godly marriage if you will just choose to be obedient and do it.

Ken’s additional comments on this subject:

Trey is speaking of an important Biblical truth that has been lost in many Christian marriages. Regular intimacy two to three times a week is God’s prescription to vaccinate a marriage against infidelity and porn. The gift of a sex drive that God has been given to create closeness between husband and wife is often trampled upon by long hours at work, stress, and the challenges of every day life. For this reason, the spouse who wants sex needs to say so, and the other spouse oblige in as timely a manner as possible, just as God has proscribed.

If a spouse is withholding regular sex, they are living in sin and selfishness; barring injury, sickness or extraordinary circumstance. I am not talking about the occasional headache or “not now honey,” but the regular denial of sex that violates one’s wedding vows to love and serve the other. It’s easy to mistake that such sins only affect the bedroom when in reality they affect all of a marriage and family life. It is true that each spouse must own their own sin, and withholding of sex can never be justification for the sins of fornication by the offended spouse.

But when Christian couples are not doing things God’s ways, Satan can take the stronghold and wreak havoc on a marriage and in turn the entire family. How many children are gravely harmed by a mother who refused to love dad the way she promised she would on her wedding day, or dad who felt betrayed seeking sex elsewhere, only to find that the fleeting moments of sex has destroyed his family?

Thank you, Lord, that even in the midst of our disobedience to the Word, you beckon us to quickly return to your will and ways, and from the ashes of our sins you can and will redeem us! Wife or husband, if you are withholding sex, or into porn, don’t walk, but run to the one you have harmed and beg their forgiveness. Find joy in serving your Lord and in turn honoring Him at His Word. He will then honor you, and not turn his back on you in the day of judgment.

Do not be one of those “christians” who go to church every Sunday arms in the air and singing His praises all the while carrying hidden rebellion in your heart. For sin and Christ are not compatible, and God’s blessings are not derived from sin but from living out righteousness from our love for God.

 Choose you this day whom ye will serve; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Joshua 24:15

No, I am Not Ultra-Conservative

No, I am Not Ultra-Conservative

Some of you are ultra-conservative but I am not. I wear dresses and skirts just above my knees because this is where Ken likes me to wear them. I would wear them to the floor, if this is what he wanted from me. I even wear shorts once in a while around my home and some of my thigh shows. (One woman told me there is a verse about the thigh not showing so I asked her for it but she never responded.) I watch some TV (Hallmark, Fox News, The Duggars and The Bates Shows, and a few others) and go to the movie theater (but am careful about what I see – no nudity, sex scenes, vulgar language, etc.).

Recently, someone grabbed a picture that my daughter-in-law posted on her Instagram story of me with a skirt on with shorts underneath and some of my thigh showing. It was the Fourth of July and I was with my sons and their families and Ken. My legs were up on a footstool so more of my thigh shows than normal. (I have posted a picture of the jean skirt I was wearing that almost comes down to my knees when standing and I always wear shorts underneath it.)

If I knew my daughter-in-law was filming me and even if another man besides my sons or husband were around, I would have put my feet down on the ground but I didn’t know and had no clue that some woman would use it against me but this is what they do. They search and scour everything I write and every picture they can find about me (even from my children and their spouses) to try to destroy my ministry and make me into a hypocrite.

My family knows about it and they think it’s silly because they all know that I dress modestly. I never wear leggings unless I have a dress over it. I never wear low-cut tops, bikinis, short shorts, or a short skirt or dress. My modesty standards may not be the same as yours (some women were upset with a comment Ken made about some thigh showing) but that doesn’t mean we are wrong. I listen to godly men and what they consider immodest and dress accordingly. I don’t believe we need to wear burkas (as some women have told us) and cover our hair, faces, shoulders, and ankles. This isn’t what the typical man lusts after.

I have heard that some men have foot fetishes but this doesn’t mean we can never go barefoot. This is a problem with the men and yes, there are men who are perverts and will lust no matter what women wear but this isn’t our problem. It’s theirs. As godly women, we need to know how the typical man thinks and dress to not be a stumbling block to them.

No, I am not Amish and I’m not Mennonite or ultra-conservative, I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I love His ways. My greatest desire is to walk in obedience to Him. It’s the least that I can do for all He’s done for me. I am careful with what I see, what I wear, and what I do but my standards may not be the same as yours and this is okay. This is where our freedom in Christ comes; not to walk in sin, but to walk in obedience according to His Word, not legalism.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.
Galatians 5:1